Neo Attempts to Murder Mushroom Kingdom Ambassador
Mario, of the Mario Bros., has narrowly averted a bullet. And it wasn't a Bullet Bill! This new ambassador of the Mushroom Kingdom was holding a speech in the Mushroom Kingdom Council about "The Dangers of Koopas and Toothpicks". It was about 11:00 AM today when an even greater danger loomed in the back of the room. A danger dubbed "The Mate-Ricks"!
Two individuals in black aimed their guns at the ambassador! Everyone gasped, but Mario didn't notice. He was busy talking about "… and we are trapped in an economic plate of lasagna…" Two royal bodyguards ran up to protect him. One tried to move him aside, but the other covered him. Mario was saved, but the bodyguard had a painful and long death of dignity. Well, it was actually very quick and he died before he hit the ground. We express deep sorrow for his family.
They had presumably wasted all of their bullets on the hapless soul, so the two ran off and disappeared. They were captured in NYC the next day. They were being chased by three individuals dressed like some type of agent. "Mamma mia! We have to tighten our spaghetti here, or I'll boil someone's meatballs in oil!" said Mario when he was asked about the incident. Mario's brother, Luigi, refused to comment.
The two individuals are a young man and woman calling themselves Neo and Trinity. They claim that an oracle told them that it wasn't the real Mario, and a Mr. Smith was impersonating him. They realized it wasn't Mr. Smith, and ran away. The next day, they planned to meet the same oracle in Ohio, but were chased by so-called "agents". The police soon arrived and the "agents" told them that the two had broken their windows, and that justice was served when they arrived. It is unknown how they had traveled to the U.S. in one day, but it is certain that the duo will have life imprisonment for life.