bonjour fan fic readers. This was inspired by OotP. i don't know where I'm going to head with this, i just did it whilst I was bored. please review if you get to the end.
Disclaimer: All belongs to the infamous JK Rowling.
OVER INFLATED JERK
*end of fifth year*
SMACK
"NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN POTTER" shrieked Lily Evans whacking James round the face and pushing him away from her. James grinned in the prick-like way that only the prickiest of people can accomplish as he watched Lily storm from the room, a look of deep disgust clearly prominent on her normally pretty features. She couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't feel this way having just been victim to what Potter called a kiss. The crowd of people who had surrounded the pair applauded then slowly started to drift away smiles all etched on their faces. A show put on by Lily and James should at all costs never be missed. Although many had happened each was just as entertaining as the last. One had to feel slightly sorry for them though. It was painful to see two people so clearly destined for each other at one anothers throats all day every day.
Since fourth year, James had for no apparant reason declared Lily the most spectacular specimin of the female population and also declared himself madly in love with her. This would be a dream come true for most girls in the school but Lily being perhaps slightly more intelligent had seen not the handsome exterior but the obnoxious, arrogant, stupid, egotistical, and prick-like pervert underneath. (from her point of view anyway.) As far as she was concerned Potter was an over inflated jerk and until he not only realised this but also did something about it there was no way in hell that she would ever go out with him. Having told him this, Lily was happy to know that since it is a truth universally acknowledged that James Potter could never not be a prick, she was 100% safe.
*seventh year*
Now two years on lily was just as sure that James would never 'deflate' however she was less sure that she was going to board the Hogwarts express in time. She had flung her trunks into the bag compartment with all the force she could muster and was for the moment not worried about the rather large crack that she heard from within her case, she was more worried about finding her friends and not bumping into Potter. Tentatively she hurried onto the train. She couldn't smell dungbombs so hopefully Potter wasn't anywhere near. She was just about to start the search for her friends when suddenly she couldn't see.
"Looking for someone?" Lily didn't even need to guess who the annoying voice belonged to. Only one person could be so prickish.
"Not now Potter, I'm in the middle of a search." she said ignoring the tickling of his breath on her neck.
"Claire and Emily are in there." James said pointing helpfully at the compartment behind him. Lily sighed. She had been in this situation before, Potter would be hoping that she'd squeeze past him in order to enter the compartment. Well this was really not the time for him to play games with her. She drew her wand and aimed it at him, ready to curse him out the window if she had to. She blinked, James was not standing between her and the doorway anymore. He was holding the door open and smiling charmingly at her. Suspiciously she edged her way past him and seated herself between Claire and Emily. To her annoyment while she exchanged greetings with her friends Potter did not move. After a few minutes Lily couldn't stand it any longer, "Was there something you wanted Potter?" she asked icily.
James coughed, "well it's just that we're meant to be sitting in the heads carriage together." Lily could have sworn he looked faintly apologetic but then knew she had imagined it when his old grin flickered back on. Then the true meaning of his words dawned on her. Lily had found out that she was head girl over the summer but it had never occured to her that James would become head boy. She'd assumed someone like Amos Diggory would be given the position, but Potter? That was just unthinkable.
"Yeah, I'm head boy" James said grinning as he saw Lily's incredulous look. She could almost feel Claire and Emily swoon behind her.
"Don't be ridiculous. No one in their right mind would make you headboy." She said laughing but James could tell she was worried
"No one apart from Dumbledore." he said flashing sparkly teeth. "I thought we could go and talk about plans for this year in the heads compartment."
Lily examined James shrewdly, "Whats happened to you Potter? You're acting weirdly almost nicely, you havn't even asked me out yet. What's the matter with you?
"Why Lily, I didn't know that you cared so much. If it would please you then it would please me even more to ask you out."
Lily glared at him. "You know I didn't mean that. Besides you still haven't told me why you're acting like this."
James knew this question would pop up at some point. Lily had once said something about him being an over inflated jerk, (where she could have got this idea he had no idea) but she had insinuated that if he stopped being a total prick then she might go out with him. After a year of James's normal skills not working he had decided it was time to change tactics. Unlike most girls Lily hadn't fallen for his charming wit or intense good looks, maybe she actually liked geeky guys. It didn't register in James's brain that you could be cool without being him (ie. a prick) So maybe if he acted the nice-guy and was all serious and polite she would fall for him. However he would never tell her that these were his motives as she would deem them prick-like and that wasn't a good start.
"Lily, my darling," he said amongst another glare, "I think that since we will be working together so much, being the two heads, we ought to start over, forget everything between us and start afresh. If I can't have you as a sex toy I mean girlfriend," he covered hastily, "I would like us very much to be friends." He beamed at her, obviously convinced that he had done something tremendous and honourable. She'll lap it all up he thought to himself, after all, it was the perfect coverup. She wouldn't suspect a thing.
He looked at Lily again under the impression that she would immediatley jump into his arms and say "James I love you, why didn't I realise before that you were so wondefully nice." Far from this, she was gazing at him, her forehead creased wih thought. "Oh, now I get it," she said suddenly smiling. "Well Potter, if you think i'm falling for that little acting display you can think again. There is no way you're tricking me into believing that you could actually be nice. If this is just a long drawn out version of you asking me out then I'd rather you just came out with it quickly so I can say no quickly and then kick you out quickly.
James gaped at her. It seemed she had seen through it at once. Maybe it wasn't so crazy that she was head girl. Well now that his plan had been thrawted, he may aswell just come out with it. "You said if I wasn't an over inflated jerk then you'd go out with me" he said sulkily. Lily rolled her eyes. "Potter, I'm afraid it's one of those life-long curses that will never go away for as long as you live. You're stuck being a prick forever, now get lost. And no, I'm not going to 'plan this years events' in the heads compartment. I'm sure in your perverted head that will mean something quite different." she said when she saw James open his mouth. James sighed and sauntered out the compartment with one final longing glance at Lily. He couldn't help it if he liked her. She had to be the most difficult girl he'd ever met. Why did he always fall for the troublesome ones?
* * * * *
"Well no wonder," said Remus Lupin over a mouth of potatoes "Prongs, you've got to be more subtle, more gradual-"
"How?"
"Well for a start you can't just waltz into her compartment with a totally different personality, she's bound to notice somethings up-"
"So do I keep acting like a prick?"
Remus sighed. "No, just don't be so blatantly obvious. Be yourself but without the pricky comments-"
"Such as?"
"such as, 'Yo lily your ass looks nice in that skirt'"
"But I'd've thought she'd appreciate honesty."
"always works for me!" Sirius added, spraying everyone with gravy.
"Padfoot you wouldn't know tact if it danced in front of you naked. Prongs, you're just too crude. Compliment her but don't be rude. And most importantly take things slowly. In fact I'd advise leaving her alone for a week or two. Let her cool down abit, keep well out of her way, and then keep it small. Just stuff like 'hi Lily' or 'goodmorning lily'. Surprise her-"
"How do you know all this'll work?" asked James a confused expression on his face.
"Because I know Lily. She's not like other girls."
"you've got that right." James muttered under his breath. "She's a dragon in disguise."
Remus ignored this. "do you really like her James?" he asked seriously.
James's expression brightened, "yeah." He said "More than any other girl I've ever known."
"Well this is going to be hard work, but if you're really sure she's worth it then go for it mate."
"Yeah." said Sirius enthusiastically, "and then, if even you can't crack her, let me have a go."
James glared at him. "No. She's mine." He said obstinately
"Yeah yeah, I was only joking." Sirius said hastily, backing away.
James glanced over to where Lily was sitting talking animatedly with her friends. He sighed. "Do you think she really hates me?" he asked.
"Nah," said Sirius, "she just thinks you're a prick."
Down the other end of the table, Lily was sitting with Claire and Emily. They were used to Lily's rants about James Potter but there came a time when all you could do was nod and grunt to show signs of agreement. This time had come for Claire and Emily. They were secretly having a conversation on a piece of parchment under the table. If Lily knew they weren't listening then her rants would undoubtedly double up. Especially if she knew what they were writing, they had in actual fact been writing 'Lily and James a history', ever since first year. They were positive that Lily and James were destined for eachother and that Lily's resistance of James was just a plea for more attention from him. However, they would much rather jump off the top of the astronomy tower than tell Lily this so 'Lily and James a History' had been kept a secret.
"...I mean it's not as if he even likes me, all he's interested in is the sex. I bet if I even did go out with him which I'll never do, he'd shag me then dump me the next day for someone else. He's absoloutly crazy, does he seriously think I'll ever say yes to him, it's a waste of his time, let alone mine, why can't he just leave me alone?"
"Mmm," said Emily distractedly, "Lily, did it ever actually occur to you that he sincerely likes you, look at the way he's looking at you, he probably just doesn't know how to tell his feelings for you properly."
Lily glanced down the table. It was true, James was looking at her mournfully, he saw her looking then looked away hastily, a red tinge on his cheeks. Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't care. Even if he has truly changed his ways I'd never go out with him."
"Why?" asked Claire puzzled. "He's funny, clever - drop dead gorgeous, I'd go out with him if he asked me."
"Yeah, well that's you." said Lily rudely. "I don't like him. It's as simple as that, and I never go out with people who I don't like."
* * *
hey dudes. Congratulations on reaching the end.
Don't forget to review. I don't know if I'll continue this. I just did it whilst it was raining cos i was bored. If I get enough decent reviews then I'll probably continue. It lies in your hands.
Disclaimer: All belongs to the infamous JK Rowling.
OVER INFLATED JERK
*end of fifth year*
SMACK
"NEVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN POTTER" shrieked Lily Evans whacking James round the face and pushing him away from her. James grinned in the prick-like way that only the prickiest of people can accomplish as he watched Lily storm from the room, a look of deep disgust clearly prominent on her normally pretty features. She couldn't understand why anyone wouldn't feel this way having just been victim to what Potter called a kiss. The crowd of people who had surrounded the pair applauded then slowly started to drift away smiles all etched on their faces. A show put on by Lily and James should at all costs never be missed. Although many had happened each was just as entertaining as the last. One had to feel slightly sorry for them though. It was painful to see two people so clearly destined for each other at one anothers throats all day every day.
Since fourth year, James had for no apparant reason declared Lily the most spectacular specimin of the female population and also declared himself madly in love with her. This would be a dream come true for most girls in the school but Lily being perhaps slightly more intelligent had seen not the handsome exterior but the obnoxious, arrogant, stupid, egotistical, and prick-like pervert underneath. (from her point of view anyway.) As far as she was concerned Potter was an over inflated jerk and until he not only realised this but also did something about it there was no way in hell that she would ever go out with him. Having told him this, Lily was happy to know that since it is a truth universally acknowledged that James Potter could never not be a prick, she was 100% safe.
*seventh year*
Now two years on lily was just as sure that James would never 'deflate' however she was less sure that she was going to board the Hogwarts express in time. She had flung her trunks into the bag compartment with all the force she could muster and was for the moment not worried about the rather large crack that she heard from within her case, she was more worried about finding her friends and not bumping into Potter. Tentatively she hurried onto the train. She couldn't smell dungbombs so hopefully Potter wasn't anywhere near. She was just about to start the search for her friends when suddenly she couldn't see.
"Looking for someone?" Lily didn't even need to guess who the annoying voice belonged to. Only one person could be so prickish.
"Not now Potter, I'm in the middle of a search." she said ignoring the tickling of his breath on her neck.
"Claire and Emily are in there." James said pointing helpfully at the compartment behind him. Lily sighed. She had been in this situation before, Potter would be hoping that she'd squeeze past him in order to enter the compartment. Well this was really not the time for him to play games with her. She drew her wand and aimed it at him, ready to curse him out the window if she had to. She blinked, James was not standing between her and the doorway anymore. He was holding the door open and smiling charmingly at her. Suspiciously she edged her way past him and seated herself between Claire and Emily. To her annoyment while she exchanged greetings with her friends Potter did not move. After a few minutes Lily couldn't stand it any longer, "Was there something you wanted Potter?" she asked icily.
James coughed, "well it's just that we're meant to be sitting in the heads carriage together." Lily could have sworn he looked faintly apologetic but then knew she had imagined it when his old grin flickered back on. Then the true meaning of his words dawned on her. Lily had found out that she was head girl over the summer but it had never occured to her that James would become head boy. She'd assumed someone like Amos Diggory would be given the position, but Potter? That was just unthinkable.
"Yeah, I'm head boy" James said grinning as he saw Lily's incredulous look. She could almost feel Claire and Emily swoon behind her.
"Don't be ridiculous. No one in their right mind would make you headboy." She said laughing but James could tell she was worried
"No one apart from Dumbledore." he said flashing sparkly teeth. "I thought we could go and talk about plans for this year in the heads compartment."
Lily examined James shrewdly, "Whats happened to you Potter? You're acting weirdly almost nicely, you havn't even asked me out yet. What's the matter with you?
"Why Lily, I didn't know that you cared so much. If it would please you then it would please me even more to ask you out."
Lily glared at him. "You know I didn't mean that. Besides you still haven't told me why you're acting like this."
James knew this question would pop up at some point. Lily had once said something about him being an over inflated jerk, (where she could have got this idea he had no idea) but she had insinuated that if he stopped being a total prick then she might go out with him. After a year of James's normal skills not working he had decided it was time to change tactics. Unlike most girls Lily hadn't fallen for his charming wit or intense good looks, maybe she actually liked geeky guys. It didn't register in James's brain that you could be cool without being him (ie. a prick) So maybe if he acted the nice-guy and was all serious and polite she would fall for him. However he would never tell her that these were his motives as she would deem them prick-like and that wasn't a good start.
"Lily, my darling," he said amongst another glare, "I think that since we will be working together so much, being the two heads, we ought to start over, forget everything between us and start afresh. If I can't have you as a sex toy I mean girlfriend," he covered hastily, "I would like us very much to be friends." He beamed at her, obviously convinced that he had done something tremendous and honourable. She'll lap it all up he thought to himself, after all, it was the perfect coverup. She wouldn't suspect a thing.
He looked at Lily again under the impression that she would immediatley jump into his arms and say "James I love you, why didn't I realise before that you were so wondefully nice." Far from this, she was gazing at him, her forehead creased wih thought. "Oh, now I get it," she said suddenly smiling. "Well Potter, if you think i'm falling for that little acting display you can think again. There is no way you're tricking me into believing that you could actually be nice. If this is just a long drawn out version of you asking me out then I'd rather you just came out with it quickly so I can say no quickly and then kick you out quickly.
James gaped at her. It seemed she had seen through it at once. Maybe it wasn't so crazy that she was head girl. Well now that his plan had been thrawted, he may aswell just come out with it. "You said if I wasn't an over inflated jerk then you'd go out with me" he said sulkily. Lily rolled her eyes. "Potter, I'm afraid it's one of those life-long curses that will never go away for as long as you live. You're stuck being a prick forever, now get lost. And no, I'm not going to 'plan this years events' in the heads compartment. I'm sure in your perverted head that will mean something quite different." she said when she saw James open his mouth. James sighed and sauntered out the compartment with one final longing glance at Lily. He couldn't help it if he liked her. She had to be the most difficult girl he'd ever met. Why did he always fall for the troublesome ones?
* * * * *
"Well no wonder," said Remus Lupin over a mouth of potatoes "Prongs, you've got to be more subtle, more gradual-"
"How?"
"Well for a start you can't just waltz into her compartment with a totally different personality, she's bound to notice somethings up-"
"So do I keep acting like a prick?"
Remus sighed. "No, just don't be so blatantly obvious. Be yourself but without the pricky comments-"
"Such as?"
"such as, 'Yo lily your ass looks nice in that skirt'"
"But I'd've thought she'd appreciate honesty."
"always works for me!" Sirius added, spraying everyone with gravy.
"Padfoot you wouldn't know tact if it danced in front of you naked. Prongs, you're just too crude. Compliment her but don't be rude. And most importantly take things slowly. In fact I'd advise leaving her alone for a week or two. Let her cool down abit, keep well out of her way, and then keep it small. Just stuff like 'hi Lily' or 'goodmorning lily'. Surprise her-"
"How do you know all this'll work?" asked James a confused expression on his face.
"Because I know Lily. She's not like other girls."
"you've got that right." James muttered under his breath. "She's a dragon in disguise."
Remus ignored this. "do you really like her James?" he asked seriously.
James's expression brightened, "yeah." He said "More than any other girl I've ever known."
"Well this is going to be hard work, but if you're really sure she's worth it then go for it mate."
"Yeah." said Sirius enthusiastically, "and then, if even you can't crack her, let me have a go."
James glared at him. "No. She's mine." He said obstinately
"Yeah yeah, I was only joking." Sirius said hastily, backing away.
James glanced over to where Lily was sitting talking animatedly with her friends. He sighed. "Do you think she really hates me?" he asked.
"Nah," said Sirius, "she just thinks you're a prick."
Down the other end of the table, Lily was sitting with Claire and Emily. They were used to Lily's rants about James Potter but there came a time when all you could do was nod and grunt to show signs of agreement. This time had come for Claire and Emily. They were secretly having a conversation on a piece of parchment under the table. If Lily knew they weren't listening then her rants would undoubtedly double up. Especially if she knew what they were writing, they had in actual fact been writing 'Lily and James a history', ever since first year. They were positive that Lily and James were destined for eachother and that Lily's resistance of James was just a plea for more attention from him. However, they would much rather jump off the top of the astronomy tower than tell Lily this so 'Lily and James a History' had been kept a secret.
"...I mean it's not as if he even likes me, all he's interested in is the sex. I bet if I even did go out with him which I'll never do, he'd shag me then dump me the next day for someone else. He's absoloutly crazy, does he seriously think I'll ever say yes to him, it's a waste of his time, let alone mine, why can't he just leave me alone?"
"Mmm," said Emily distractedly, "Lily, did it ever actually occur to you that he sincerely likes you, look at the way he's looking at you, he probably just doesn't know how to tell his feelings for you properly."
Lily glanced down the table. It was true, James was looking at her mournfully, he saw her looking then looked away hastily, a red tinge on his cheeks. Lily rolled her eyes. "I don't care. Even if he has truly changed his ways I'd never go out with him."
"Why?" asked Claire puzzled. "He's funny, clever - drop dead gorgeous, I'd go out with him if he asked me."
"Yeah, well that's you." said Lily rudely. "I don't like him. It's as simple as that, and I never go out with people who I don't like."
* * *
hey dudes. Congratulations on reaching the end.
Don't forget to review. I don't know if I'll continue this. I just did it whilst it was raining cos i was bored. If I get enough decent reviews then I'll probably continue. It lies in your hands.