Title: Hard Choices
Author: Tgray
Rated: R
Spoilers: Through season 6 'Gone' - before the wedding that never happened. For my purposes, Giles never left.
M/F & M/M pairings
Disclaimer: I own nothing, blah, blah, blah..
Feedback: Please, please, please.... I'll beg if need be!
The Beginning
She ran. Guided by no more than her panic, she ran as fast as her legs would carry her given the situation. Through endless, and thankfully empty cemeteries she made her way to the crypt, to the one person she knew would be able to help. Trying to convince him would be difficult. She already knew it. Her mind begun to stir of the possibilities of what it would take to make him agree. As she pounded on the solid door, her thoughts disappeared, leaving only fear to overwhelm her. By the time Spike opened the door to stand in front of her, Anya was crouched on the ground in a ball, shuddering with desperate tears.
He immediately went down, taking a position to kneel beside her. "Anya. What is it, luv? What's wrong?!"
"Help me, Spike! Please, help me."
He pulled a strand of matted hair, wet from tears, away from her face. "Shh. Tell me what's wrong."
"Please."
"Take a breath. Tell me, from the beginning."
She began shaking her head, trying to stand on weakened legs. "No! C'mon! There's not enough time! We have to go."
"Go where, pet?" he asked, now in a steady pace behind her.
"Xander! In the cemetery."
"Oh bloody hell! What's the git gone and gotten himself into now?"
She didn't answer, instead sped up.
Spike followed, cursing the boy for ruining his evening. If things went according to plan, Buffy would be slamming into his crypt right about now, where they would be engaging in more 'interesting' activities.
Anya stopped suddenly, causing Spike to slam into her. "What the bleedin' hell did you...?" He froze, the smell of fresh human blood overpowering any other scent in the air. He shivered, trying not to let the enticing aroma distract him.
"We were attacked. A demon. Xander tried to fight, tried to help me.....but he was hurt. and then it left. Just like that, it left after it....." She stopped, a steady stream of sobs pouring out instead. Trying to make sense of what happened, Spike slowly stepped around Anya, who had stopped moving and was now frozen in one spot. He followed the blood around a tombstone and finally spotted the body.
"Anya!" Spike called for her as he quickly slid beside Xander. The boy looked up at him, a glassy look in his eyes, and Spike immediately knew the brunette was far too gone to recognize him.
Without another thought, the vampire tore out of his duster, laying it over the trembling human. "Anya! Get your bloody ass over here and help me! We need to get him to a hospital!"
She appeared in front of them, holding her arms tightly around her body. She began to speak slowly and steadily. "It's too late. You know it."
"Not if we go now!"
"Not enough time! Too much blood."
"Anya, what do you want..."
She interrupted. "I can't lose him, Spike. I won't. You have to help him."
"What on bloody earth are you talking about?!"
"Bite him. Turn him. Make him a vampire, whatever. Just save him, please!"
"Anya!"
"No! Please, Spike! I've never asked you for anything! Now I'm not asking, I'm begging...please, don't let him die."
The tone in her voice and the look in her eyes made him want to move mountains for her if he could. Damning Xander to hell seemed a bit more impossible. "You don't understand what you're saying, pet. I do this, he won't be Xander. You'll lose him anyway, but worse."
"I don't care, Spike! He'll still be here! I won't have to watch..." She pushed down the bile making it's way to her throat. "Do this and I'll find a way. Just please, I love him. I can't let him die. Not if..." Tears erupted again, making it impossible for her to finish.
"Even if I wanted to, the chip..." he reminded her, trying to find a way out of the request.
"He's dying! He won't feel it! I don't think at this point you could hurt him."
Spike stared down at the man on the ground. Anya's lover, Buffy's friend. It would kill Buffy to lose him. She'd not been herself since her return, and one more dead body would certainly tip the scales toward a white jacket and a padded cell for his slayer.
"Fuck." The only word he could find in his vocabulary to sum up the situation. "Buffy's going to stake me for this, you realize."
Her eyes found his, a silent thank you passing between them. He nodded, picking the boy up to cradle his head. Xander moaned, still trying to hold onto an ounce of consciousness.
Spike leaned into his ear, and as soft as he could mumble whispered, "Forgive me."
He glanced at Anya one last time before bringing out his demon. The yellow eyes made their way down the arch of the boy's neck, finding just the right spot. He took a deep breath and sank in, fangs tearing through skin, a feeling of nasea hitting Spike as the chip activated. Too late to stop, he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the excruciating pain, realizing it meant the human was also feeling the pain of being drained. Remembering his own turning, Spike ignored those thoughts, knowing the pain Xander was feeling would be over soon enough. The physical pain would cease to exist, leaving an even greater one in its wake.
Spike cursed himself continuously, even as he felt the heart stop beating and the body turning colder under him. He cursed his existence as he slit into his own wrist and held it tightly to the other man's lips. He despised what he was doing as he talked and coaxed the mouth open, pushing the blood onto Xander's tongue to feel the beginning of the suckling.
"That's it, Harris. Drink it. Take as much as you want," he added, when he felt the man's need more forcefully.
He allowed him his blood for what seemed an eternity until the sucking stopped and Xander's body fell into a deep, motionless sleep.
Fighting the tears caused by the chip as well as the realization of what he'd done, he buried the regret as deep down as he could and looked up to find Anya, sitting against a tree, mourning for her fiancé.
"It's done now. No going back. Let's get him home, yeah?"
She nodded, unable to speak for the sobbing and stood up.
He scooped the new vampire into his arms and gave the woman one last glance. "Remember you begged for this."
She turned her eyes away, not wanting to see the pain that was so clear on the vampire's face.
They made their way quickly to the apartment. Spike realized a moment of horror as he stepped through the open door. First time into Xander's apartment and he walked in uninvited by the owner. Trying to ignore how much the scene actually bothered him, he tucked the figure into bed, pulling the shades, leaving him alone in the dark bedroom.
"How long?"
"Don't know. A day or so, I'd reckon. I'll be needing some things. Blood for one. Plenty of it, and not human. Cow, pig, doesn't much matter as long as it's blood. Some bandages for the injuries, he'll heal fast but I still want to tidy him up proper like." His eyes found the floor before he added his last request. "And Anya, you can't be here when he wakes."
Her eyes widened. "What?! I'm not leaving! I'm not going anywhere!"
"Look, pet. Do as I say! When he wakes, he'll be confused. All he'll know is the hunger. You won't be safe, and I won't have time to protect you."
"Protect me?! We're talking about Xander! He wouldn't hurt me!"
"You're not getting it, are you? I'd think a thousand years as a demon yourself Anya, would give you a little insight into the situation. This is not Xander lying in that bed! It's a demon! A demon who is gonna wake up and want nothing more than to take a bite out of you! Now if that doesn't fit into your perfect little plan of happily ever after, I'd suggest you find a place to stay for the time being."
She stood for a long moment letting his words finally sink in. "Oh my god! Spike, what did I do?"
He took her hands. "You didn't do anything, pet. Nothing. You understand? I could have said no. Don't ever blame yourself."
"But..."
"No. Now make yourself comfy out here until tommorow. In the morning, get some blood and supplies and then leave. I'm serious, Anya. Don't be here when he wakes up."
"Okay. Okay. I'll go to the magic shop. I'll stay there. Just call me when..." She gestured toward the closed door.
"I will. Now try to get some sleep."
"What are you gonna do?"
"I have to go out for a bit. He won't be waking anytime soon, you should be okay for now. I've got to try to suss out just what we're gonna do. Figure out a way to keep my head intact when the slayer finds out about all this."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking that far ahead."
"I know, pet. Figure it out when the time comes."
She turned and laid at the end of the couch, curling herself into a ball. "For what it's worth, thank you."
He took in a deep breath, sucked in his cheeks, and nodded. "Night."
He opened the door to the bedroom and stepped in, feeling the need to check on Xander before he left. He looked down at the lifeless figure wrapped in the blankets, looking peaceful and something else.... Human. Xander still looked human, lying comfortably in the security of his own bed. But he wasn't human. Spike had taken that away from him. Never in his years as a vampire had he sired another. Call it fear of responsibility, selfishness in wanting to keep everything for himself, whatever the reason, he'd never even given a notion to the thought of turning a human. Now as he looked down on his childe, he realized just how much he had changed his life by that very act. He wasn't so sure he could handle it.
TBC....
Author: Tgray
Rated: R
Spoilers: Through season 6 'Gone' - before the wedding that never happened. For my purposes, Giles never left.
M/F & M/M pairings
Disclaimer: I own nothing, blah, blah, blah..
Feedback: Please, please, please.... I'll beg if need be!
The Beginning
She ran. Guided by no more than her panic, she ran as fast as her legs would carry her given the situation. Through endless, and thankfully empty cemeteries she made her way to the crypt, to the one person she knew would be able to help. Trying to convince him would be difficult. She already knew it. Her mind begun to stir of the possibilities of what it would take to make him agree. As she pounded on the solid door, her thoughts disappeared, leaving only fear to overwhelm her. By the time Spike opened the door to stand in front of her, Anya was crouched on the ground in a ball, shuddering with desperate tears.
He immediately went down, taking a position to kneel beside her. "Anya. What is it, luv? What's wrong?!"
"Help me, Spike! Please, help me."
He pulled a strand of matted hair, wet from tears, away from her face. "Shh. Tell me what's wrong."
"Please."
"Take a breath. Tell me, from the beginning."
She began shaking her head, trying to stand on weakened legs. "No! C'mon! There's not enough time! We have to go."
"Go where, pet?" he asked, now in a steady pace behind her.
"Xander! In the cemetery."
"Oh bloody hell! What's the git gone and gotten himself into now?"
She didn't answer, instead sped up.
Spike followed, cursing the boy for ruining his evening. If things went according to plan, Buffy would be slamming into his crypt right about now, where they would be engaging in more 'interesting' activities.
Anya stopped suddenly, causing Spike to slam into her. "What the bleedin' hell did you...?" He froze, the smell of fresh human blood overpowering any other scent in the air. He shivered, trying not to let the enticing aroma distract him.
"We were attacked. A demon. Xander tried to fight, tried to help me.....but he was hurt. and then it left. Just like that, it left after it....." She stopped, a steady stream of sobs pouring out instead. Trying to make sense of what happened, Spike slowly stepped around Anya, who had stopped moving and was now frozen in one spot. He followed the blood around a tombstone and finally spotted the body.
"Anya!" Spike called for her as he quickly slid beside Xander. The boy looked up at him, a glassy look in his eyes, and Spike immediately knew the brunette was far too gone to recognize him.
Without another thought, the vampire tore out of his duster, laying it over the trembling human. "Anya! Get your bloody ass over here and help me! We need to get him to a hospital!"
She appeared in front of them, holding her arms tightly around her body. She began to speak slowly and steadily. "It's too late. You know it."
"Not if we go now!"
"Not enough time! Too much blood."
"Anya, what do you want..."
She interrupted. "I can't lose him, Spike. I won't. You have to help him."
"What on bloody earth are you talking about?!"
"Bite him. Turn him. Make him a vampire, whatever. Just save him, please!"
"Anya!"
"No! Please, Spike! I've never asked you for anything! Now I'm not asking, I'm begging...please, don't let him die."
The tone in her voice and the look in her eyes made him want to move mountains for her if he could. Damning Xander to hell seemed a bit more impossible. "You don't understand what you're saying, pet. I do this, he won't be Xander. You'll lose him anyway, but worse."
"I don't care, Spike! He'll still be here! I won't have to watch..." She pushed down the bile making it's way to her throat. "Do this and I'll find a way. Just please, I love him. I can't let him die. Not if..." Tears erupted again, making it impossible for her to finish.
"Even if I wanted to, the chip..." he reminded her, trying to find a way out of the request.
"He's dying! He won't feel it! I don't think at this point you could hurt him."
Spike stared down at the man on the ground. Anya's lover, Buffy's friend. It would kill Buffy to lose him. She'd not been herself since her return, and one more dead body would certainly tip the scales toward a white jacket and a padded cell for his slayer.
"Fuck." The only word he could find in his vocabulary to sum up the situation. "Buffy's going to stake me for this, you realize."
Her eyes found his, a silent thank you passing between them. He nodded, picking the boy up to cradle his head. Xander moaned, still trying to hold onto an ounce of consciousness.
Spike leaned into his ear, and as soft as he could mumble whispered, "Forgive me."
He glanced at Anya one last time before bringing out his demon. The yellow eyes made their way down the arch of the boy's neck, finding just the right spot. He took a deep breath and sank in, fangs tearing through skin, a feeling of nasea hitting Spike as the chip activated. Too late to stop, he closed his eyes and tried to ignore the excruciating pain, realizing it meant the human was also feeling the pain of being drained. Remembering his own turning, Spike ignored those thoughts, knowing the pain Xander was feeling would be over soon enough. The physical pain would cease to exist, leaving an even greater one in its wake.
Spike cursed himself continuously, even as he felt the heart stop beating and the body turning colder under him. He cursed his existence as he slit into his own wrist and held it tightly to the other man's lips. He despised what he was doing as he talked and coaxed the mouth open, pushing the blood onto Xander's tongue to feel the beginning of the suckling.
"That's it, Harris. Drink it. Take as much as you want," he added, when he felt the man's need more forcefully.
He allowed him his blood for what seemed an eternity until the sucking stopped and Xander's body fell into a deep, motionless sleep.
Fighting the tears caused by the chip as well as the realization of what he'd done, he buried the regret as deep down as he could and looked up to find Anya, sitting against a tree, mourning for her fiancé.
"It's done now. No going back. Let's get him home, yeah?"
She nodded, unable to speak for the sobbing and stood up.
He scooped the new vampire into his arms and gave the woman one last glance. "Remember you begged for this."
She turned her eyes away, not wanting to see the pain that was so clear on the vampire's face.
They made their way quickly to the apartment. Spike realized a moment of horror as he stepped through the open door. First time into Xander's apartment and he walked in uninvited by the owner. Trying to ignore how much the scene actually bothered him, he tucked the figure into bed, pulling the shades, leaving him alone in the dark bedroom.
"How long?"
"Don't know. A day or so, I'd reckon. I'll be needing some things. Blood for one. Plenty of it, and not human. Cow, pig, doesn't much matter as long as it's blood. Some bandages for the injuries, he'll heal fast but I still want to tidy him up proper like." His eyes found the floor before he added his last request. "And Anya, you can't be here when he wakes."
Her eyes widened. "What?! I'm not leaving! I'm not going anywhere!"
"Look, pet. Do as I say! When he wakes, he'll be confused. All he'll know is the hunger. You won't be safe, and I won't have time to protect you."
"Protect me?! We're talking about Xander! He wouldn't hurt me!"
"You're not getting it, are you? I'd think a thousand years as a demon yourself Anya, would give you a little insight into the situation. This is not Xander lying in that bed! It's a demon! A demon who is gonna wake up and want nothing more than to take a bite out of you! Now if that doesn't fit into your perfect little plan of happily ever after, I'd suggest you find a place to stay for the time being."
She stood for a long moment letting his words finally sink in. "Oh my god! Spike, what did I do?"
He took her hands. "You didn't do anything, pet. Nothing. You understand? I could have said no. Don't ever blame yourself."
"But..."
"No. Now make yourself comfy out here until tommorow. In the morning, get some blood and supplies and then leave. I'm serious, Anya. Don't be here when he wakes up."
"Okay. Okay. I'll go to the magic shop. I'll stay there. Just call me when..." She gestured toward the closed door.
"I will. Now try to get some sleep."
"What are you gonna do?"
"I have to go out for a bit. He won't be waking anytime soon, you should be okay for now. I've got to try to suss out just what we're gonna do. Figure out a way to keep my head intact when the slayer finds out about all this."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking that far ahead."
"I know, pet. Figure it out when the time comes."
She turned and laid at the end of the couch, curling herself into a ball. "For what it's worth, thank you."
He took in a deep breath, sucked in his cheeks, and nodded. "Night."
He opened the door to the bedroom and stepped in, feeling the need to check on Xander before he left. He looked down at the lifeless figure wrapped in the blankets, looking peaceful and something else.... Human. Xander still looked human, lying comfortably in the security of his own bed. But he wasn't human. Spike had taken that away from him. Never in his years as a vampire had he sired another. Call it fear of responsibility, selfishness in wanting to keep everything for himself, whatever the reason, he'd never even given a notion to the thought of turning a human. Now as he looked down on his childe, he realized just how much he had changed his life by that very act. He wasn't so sure he could handle it.
TBC....