**Flashback:
I don't know what I expected him to do. I don't know if I expected him to do anything, but I know I didn't think he would just walk away.
I stood there for a while just frozen by the realization of all of it. Time, which had always seemed slow and endless to me moved incredibly swiftly.
The motion around me seemed to never stop. People came, people went, it was useless to try to observe my surroundings because as soon as I thought I knew what was going on things would quickly change.
I think I wanted to know what happened, but I could bring myself to ask. I wasn't sure of anything at all except that Chen was dead; and Abby, god I didn't even know what had happened to her. Was she alright? Would she be alright? I didn't know. I don't know.
Someone approached me, at first I believed that Luka had come back, but as my eyes focused I realized it was one of the officers. He stopped in front of me and asked, "Ma'am do you work here?"
I nodded yes and then a few seconds later forced the word, "Yes," from my mouth when he didn't respond.
He looked back towards the trauma room that my gaze was focused on, but as I answered he nodded. Then he looked back at me, his face hard, yet compassionate at the same time. "We need you to identify one of the bodies," he asked.
"I.I can't" I say and I try to walk away.
"Please Ma'am," he asks again.
"Who," I begin stuttering, "who else was shot?"
He looks at me slightly confused and asks, "what?"
I stare back at him in disbelief, I don't know if I can ask the question again, "Abby wasn't," I take a deep breath of relief as the words come out, "so who did he shoot?"
He nods in understanding and says, "himself."
I close my eyes. If he was going to kill himself then why did he have to ruin the lives of others as well? Why here? My friends, my co-workers, we would never be the same again, and he just kills himself. The coward.
**Present:
Susan closed the door to the car after buckling Aason into his car seat. Looking up at the house she found herself smiling. Things were okay. She had two beautiful kids and a wonderful husband. What more could she ask for?
Maybe this would be the last year that she looked back and felt the same pain, the same guilt. If she had one wish she would wish the day away, but then would she be here today? Would she have Aason or Lacie? More unanswerable questions, she thought to herself.
As she got into the car she couldn't help herself from looking into the backseat. A different realization hit her, yes the day brought her here, but it had taken so much from Carter. Yes, if given the chance she would wish the day away, and she'd hope and pray that she still had her happy ending, but she wanted one for her best friend too. Her best friends she amended to herself silently as the whole debate occurred within her mind.
With that she turned on the car allowing 'The Wheels on the Bus' to resound loudly into the car. After turning the volume down, she backed out of the driveway and began towards the hospital, towards the ER.
**Flashback:
I watched her drift far away and I try to bring her back to me. I watch her struggle within herself and the overpowering need to hold her, causes me to encircle her with my arms without thinking.
She screams in panic and my hold loosens, as I feel ashamed of myself. Not loose enough I realize as she brings her hands against my chest and tries to forcefully remove herself from my arms.
I let go, allowing her all the room she wants. Her eyes look up at me and I see something pass over her face, it shines in her eyes. I don't know what it was: Realization? Recognition? I like to believe it was love.
Whatever it was, she nods her head ever so slightly and I take it as an indication to hold her. This time she allows it, and she buries her face against my chest and cries.
I held her close for some time, not wanting her to be hurting alone. Every sob broke my heart every flinch burned me inside.
My fingers slowly moved through her hair as I whispered words of hope, of trust, of love.
I don't know how long I sat there holding her, calming her. Eventually her sobbing stopped and she hesitantly pulled away from me, testing to see what the reaction would be.
My heart stung as I noted that she was even scared of me. Her eyes gave the fear away even if her actions didn't. They scanned me as if looking for a purpose to my presence. I couldn't look into them any longer so I directed my attention to where Kerry last stood, only to find her gone.
"Can we go home?" She asks me again quietly. I am trying to form a response when the realization that she said 'we' hits me. I close my eyes momentarily as I thank whoever is listening for the small hope.
I want to say yes, I want to say I'll go get the car. I want to take the pain the hurt in her eyes away. I want to ease the terror in her voice. But I know I can't say yes, I can't take her home. I can't take away the pain or ease the terror. I can only sit with her for as long as she allows. I can only love her.
"Abby," I say softly sitting down on the chair beside her so that I am eye level with her. "Sweetie, you know that you can't go home yet."
"I don't want any tests," she declares.
I can only bite my lip, trying to stop any new tears from flowing. I have to be strong, for her, I have to be strong. I contemplate saying something, but I know the only thing I will say is her name so I remain quiet.
"Please, John, no tests,"
Her eyes burn holes into me as she says it, and much to my dismay I find myself saying, "okay,"
"Promise," she asks with such hope in her voice that I cannot deny her.
**Present:
Carter still sits alone in the cafeteria. His purpose is long forgotten, his break long over. Still, he sits.
He watches. People move in and out, they sit alone, or in groups. Some smile, others have tears. Some shine of hope, others of grief. That's what life was. Happy or sad, everyone still occupies the same place, the same time, the same space.
There's a large group of people across the room who are smiling as if they had just won the world. He was quite curious as to what they were rejoicing when finally someone came in with lollipops and candy cigars that had the magical phrase 'it's a boy' on them. He smiled despite himself. At least someone was happy today.
Another smaller group held his somber mood. Tears were evident even if they were no longer flowing. Saying goodbye was hard. Saying goodbye forever was even harder. He had done it too many times.
Others sat at various different points in the room, some alone, others in groups. Two teenagers caught his eye. They sat together both eating pie. Their eyes both shined of unshed tears, but they laughed. He watched the boy's lips move and though he didn't know what he had said, the girl's laughter caused him to almost want to laugh himself.
Life he pondered wasn't as simple as some people think; yet it also wasn't as complicated as others argue. It's a mix of hope, of grief, of disappointment and joy. It's a challenge and a blessing. It's life. Yes, maybe it was that simple.
~~
A/N: wow, my third new chapter this week, (sorry a little proud of myself) anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter. let me know PLEASE! Just hit the little old review button, or if you're motivated drop me a line (hailie_jade24@yahoo.com)
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, on site and via e-mail! You guys are awesome, I'm glad you like the story cause I will only continue if someone still likes it.
No new chapters this weekend, sorry I'm going out of town, but maybe next week, with the right motivation lol
Thanx, Hailie
I don't know what I expected him to do. I don't know if I expected him to do anything, but I know I didn't think he would just walk away.
I stood there for a while just frozen by the realization of all of it. Time, which had always seemed slow and endless to me moved incredibly swiftly.
The motion around me seemed to never stop. People came, people went, it was useless to try to observe my surroundings because as soon as I thought I knew what was going on things would quickly change.
I think I wanted to know what happened, but I could bring myself to ask. I wasn't sure of anything at all except that Chen was dead; and Abby, god I didn't even know what had happened to her. Was she alright? Would she be alright? I didn't know. I don't know.
Someone approached me, at first I believed that Luka had come back, but as my eyes focused I realized it was one of the officers. He stopped in front of me and asked, "Ma'am do you work here?"
I nodded yes and then a few seconds later forced the word, "Yes," from my mouth when he didn't respond.
He looked back towards the trauma room that my gaze was focused on, but as I answered he nodded. Then he looked back at me, his face hard, yet compassionate at the same time. "We need you to identify one of the bodies," he asked.
"I.I can't" I say and I try to walk away.
"Please Ma'am," he asks again.
"Who," I begin stuttering, "who else was shot?"
He looks at me slightly confused and asks, "what?"
I stare back at him in disbelief, I don't know if I can ask the question again, "Abby wasn't," I take a deep breath of relief as the words come out, "so who did he shoot?"
He nods in understanding and says, "himself."
I close my eyes. If he was going to kill himself then why did he have to ruin the lives of others as well? Why here? My friends, my co-workers, we would never be the same again, and he just kills himself. The coward.
**Present:
Susan closed the door to the car after buckling Aason into his car seat. Looking up at the house she found herself smiling. Things were okay. She had two beautiful kids and a wonderful husband. What more could she ask for?
Maybe this would be the last year that she looked back and felt the same pain, the same guilt. If she had one wish she would wish the day away, but then would she be here today? Would she have Aason or Lacie? More unanswerable questions, she thought to herself.
As she got into the car she couldn't help herself from looking into the backseat. A different realization hit her, yes the day brought her here, but it had taken so much from Carter. Yes, if given the chance she would wish the day away, and she'd hope and pray that she still had her happy ending, but she wanted one for her best friend too. Her best friends she amended to herself silently as the whole debate occurred within her mind.
With that she turned on the car allowing 'The Wheels on the Bus' to resound loudly into the car. After turning the volume down, she backed out of the driveway and began towards the hospital, towards the ER.
**Flashback:
I watched her drift far away and I try to bring her back to me. I watch her struggle within herself and the overpowering need to hold her, causes me to encircle her with my arms without thinking.
She screams in panic and my hold loosens, as I feel ashamed of myself. Not loose enough I realize as she brings her hands against my chest and tries to forcefully remove herself from my arms.
I let go, allowing her all the room she wants. Her eyes look up at me and I see something pass over her face, it shines in her eyes. I don't know what it was: Realization? Recognition? I like to believe it was love.
Whatever it was, she nods her head ever so slightly and I take it as an indication to hold her. This time she allows it, and she buries her face against my chest and cries.
I held her close for some time, not wanting her to be hurting alone. Every sob broke my heart every flinch burned me inside.
My fingers slowly moved through her hair as I whispered words of hope, of trust, of love.
I don't know how long I sat there holding her, calming her. Eventually her sobbing stopped and she hesitantly pulled away from me, testing to see what the reaction would be.
My heart stung as I noted that she was even scared of me. Her eyes gave the fear away even if her actions didn't. They scanned me as if looking for a purpose to my presence. I couldn't look into them any longer so I directed my attention to where Kerry last stood, only to find her gone.
"Can we go home?" She asks me again quietly. I am trying to form a response when the realization that she said 'we' hits me. I close my eyes momentarily as I thank whoever is listening for the small hope.
I want to say yes, I want to say I'll go get the car. I want to take the pain the hurt in her eyes away. I want to ease the terror in her voice. But I know I can't say yes, I can't take her home. I can't take away the pain or ease the terror. I can only sit with her for as long as she allows. I can only love her.
"Abby," I say softly sitting down on the chair beside her so that I am eye level with her. "Sweetie, you know that you can't go home yet."
"I don't want any tests," she declares.
I can only bite my lip, trying to stop any new tears from flowing. I have to be strong, for her, I have to be strong. I contemplate saying something, but I know the only thing I will say is her name so I remain quiet.
"Please, John, no tests,"
Her eyes burn holes into me as she says it, and much to my dismay I find myself saying, "okay,"
"Promise," she asks with such hope in her voice that I cannot deny her.
**Present:
Carter still sits alone in the cafeteria. His purpose is long forgotten, his break long over. Still, he sits.
He watches. People move in and out, they sit alone, or in groups. Some smile, others have tears. Some shine of hope, others of grief. That's what life was. Happy or sad, everyone still occupies the same place, the same time, the same space.
There's a large group of people across the room who are smiling as if they had just won the world. He was quite curious as to what they were rejoicing when finally someone came in with lollipops and candy cigars that had the magical phrase 'it's a boy' on them. He smiled despite himself. At least someone was happy today.
Another smaller group held his somber mood. Tears were evident even if they were no longer flowing. Saying goodbye was hard. Saying goodbye forever was even harder. He had done it too many times.
Others sat at various different points in the room, some alone, others in groups. Two teenagers caught his eye. They sat together both eating pie. Their eyes both shined of unshed tears, but they laughed. He watched the boy's lips move and though he didn't know what he had said, the girl's laughter caused him to almost want to laugh himself.
Life he pondered wasn't as simple as some people think; yet it also wasn't as complicated as others argue. It's a mix of hope, of grief, of disappointment and joy. It's a challenge and a blessing. It's life. Yes, maybe it was that simple.
~~
A/N: wow, my third new chapter this week, (sorry a little proud of myself) anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter. let me know PLEASE! Just hit the little old review button, or if you're motivated drop me a line (hailie_jade24@yahoo.com)
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, on site and via e-mail! You guys are awesome, I'm glad you like the story cause I will only continue if someone still likes it.
No new chapters this weekend, sorry I'm going out of town, but maybe next week, with the right motivation lol
Thanx, Hailie