**Flashback:
She sat on the bed covered in blankets. She had layers of clothes on underneath and I willingly turned the heat down to suit her. She didn't ask me too. She hadn't spoken at all since we got home, but I turned it down nonetheless, for her.
I watched her. For too long I realized, as she grew more nervous under my gaze.
"I'm sorry," I said looking away.
No response.
Every part of me wanted to sigh in frustration, but I didn't. "You should lay down and go to sleep," I said. I fear I sounded demanding, I didn't mean to.
Her eyes turned to me, but she remained in her seated, curled up position.
Her mouth moved to speak, but she shut it just as swiftly.
I sat down on the side of the bed, away from her, not wanting to intrude. I examined the wall for a moment as I let thoughts wonder freely through my head.
Bad idea.
I still sat in my scrubs, having been too worried about her to care about things like changing my clothes.
The sound of shifting blankets forced my eyes back to her and I immediately apologized, but when her eyes met mine I didn't turn them away.
I couldn't read past the hurt and terror in them. I couldn't see Abby in them. It scared me.
She looked away first. My unwillingness to do it must have forced her too, just another thing for me to feel guilty about.
"I'm going to go sleep on the couch," I told her, wanting to give her space. Yet at the same time wanting to reassure her that she was safe. I wasn't going anywhere. "You should lay down and try to go to sleep too," I tried convincing her again.
Her lack of response convinced me it was the right time to exit, so I got up.
"Please don't," she whispered barely over the silence.
"Don't what?" I asked afraid that she wouldn't want me to stay at the apartment. I couldn't leave her alone.
I brought my eyes back to hers and this time I registered that tears still shined brightly in them. They hadn't fallen since we got home.
"Don't leave me," she said shakily.
"I'm not going anywhere baby," I said with more finality then I meant to. I hope it didn't sound harsh.
She averted her eyes for a second before bringing them unexpectedly back to meet mine.
I read what she wanted in them and I asked "you want me to stay in here?" surprised.
She became even more unsure as she scanned me once more.
Slowly she nodded slightly.
I remained motionless. She had to know that she had complete control.
She moved her gaze away from me, not giving me the attention I wanted, but now wasn't a time for me to be selfish.
Her fingers began tracing patterns on the comforter and my eyes persisted to follow them.
Finally she looked back up, but her fingers continued to move.
She studied me carefully once more and after a while said, "You," very shakily.
I understood, I'm not exactly sure how, but I understood. So I wouldn't force her to continue.
"I'll keep my scrubs on," I said carefully.
She nodded her head, but I still didn't move.
"Okay," she said. That was enough reassurance for me, but I still moved hesitantly as I approached her.
**Present:
They stood in the moment, in each other's arms, neither daring to move.
They were both too afraid that all would be lost if they were to separate.
So there they stood.
Their minds betrayed them as a reminder that 5 years still separated them was reintroduced simultaneously to them both.
They both stepped back.
Neither allowed their eyes to meet, both too afraid of what they would see.
They stood in a silence that others would have thought was uncomfortable, but it wasn't.
They were content.
They were together.
"Abby," he whispered again, and it made her wonder how many times he would say her name.
She took a deep breath and then she took a risk. She looked up at him, only to find his eyes on her.
She smiled.
He smiled.
They had the same tears in their eyes. The same love, the same hope was mirrored in them both.
"John," she whispered back as much for her benefit as for his.
The space between them wasn't diminished physically, but a step had been taken forward in time.
"Five years," he said his voice betraying him.
"Five years," she repeated before he had time to apologize.
A step back.
The smiles hadn't faded.
"Welcome back," he said sincerely.
Lacking in a response, she looked away.
Her gaze fell upon the door once more.
"I have to go in there," she said.
"I'm here," he answered.
"Thank you," she said extending her hand to him.
He took it willingly.
Still they smiled.
**Flashback:
"You want me to stay in here?" he asked. He sounded shocked.
Why did he sound so shocked? Was it too much to ask?
I nodded, conveying that yes that was what I wanted.
He didn't move and I wondered why. Did I disgust him that much?
I didn't know what to do so I sat there.
He still didn't move.
I needed him to sit down or at least look away, but he persisted to stand there looking down at me. Didn't he understand how much that scared me?
I wasn't scared of him. I was just. . . scared. I was allowed to be scared wasn't I?
I needed him to hold me.
I looked up at him once more, noting that he still held his previous position. "You," I began in as steady a voice as I could manage.
He seemed to understand and I wanted to thank him for not making me say it.
"I'll keep my scrubs on," he said carefully.
I nodded, but he still didn't move.
"Okay," I forced the word out.
He finally began to approach, but he moved slowly.
He sat down next to me mimicking my position against the headboard.
He looked unsure at the blankets that covered me, and I lifted them slightly, welcoming him.
He smiled at me, but all I could do was look away.
"Abby," he whispered again and I felt tears fall down my face again.
I was overwhelmed with an image that would haunt me forever, and I let him in as much as I could.
"Never say goodbye to me Carter," I said.
"What?" he replied confused.
"Just promise you'll never say those words to me."
"Words? Abby I don't understand. I'm not going anywhere," he was still confused but I was unsure if I could elaborate.
"Just never say goodbye," don't ever say 'goodbye Abby' just the thought brings the image of him killing himself to my mind. I never wanted to hear the phrase again. Most of all I didn't want to hear the words from him. I don't know if that makes sense.
"Okay, I promise," he said sincerely.
I brought my eyes to meet his as I slid down the headboard and laid down.
His eyes watched me as if looking for permission.
"Can you just," I began the question then suddenly was unable to continue it.
He waited several minutes before he tried to guess the rest of it, "do you want me to just sit here? Cause I can do that Ab,"
I shook my head and whispered, "Please hold me."
"I can do that," he said with a sad smile.
I wanted to whisper thank you, but the words wouldn't come out.
He laid down next to me with much care and precision.
He watched my eyes carefully, almost too carefully.
I moved a tiny bit closer and that must have been enough reassurance because he slipped his arms around me and I allowed my head to fall upon his chest.
I listened to him breath; I listened to his heartbeat as I allowed another million tears to fall upon his shirt. I didn't know I had that many tears.
I hate crying.
**Present:
Abby placed her free hand upon the door, still holding on tightly to Carter's with the other.
She knew she had to do this; she had to open the door. She had to face her fears, the place that still haunted her at night.
With him by her side she was almost convinced that she could do it.
She took a deep breath and pushed against it. She watched it open, revealing the room.
She would have watched it shut again, but Carter caught it before it swung closed again. She could almost curse him for it.
She looked down at the floor in an attempt to compose herself. He tried giving her support by squeezing her hand, and it helped.
She brought her eyes up from the floor and back to him unexpectedly.
He nodded at her even though she had not spoken.
He stepped into the room first, the door pressed against his back as he held it open beckoning her.
Still holding on tightly to his hand, she took the first step.
He brought her further into the room and shut the door.
She looked around. Too many emotions ran through her to even begin to explain the experience justly.
He watched her stand biting her lip in an attempt not to cry and he cursed the years, and all the unknowns that still stood between them, and took her into his arms.
She cried softly yet forcefully into him. As much as he wanted to comfort her more all he could do is let her cry.
As she was able to calm down she lifted her head from his chest and looked at him carefully.
He gently slid his fingers over her face whipping away the last of her tears. Memorizing her face again.
She smiled as he brought his head down, their lips almost meeting.
No.
She backed away.
She had to tell him first. She knew he would hate her.
Like he said it has been 5 years.
She has had 5 years to tell him.
She registered the hurt in his eyes, but first he had to know.
"John, I have to tell you something,"
She was interrupted, however, before she could begin to explain.
"Mommy!" she heard screamed as Gallant entered into the room with her crying daughter in his arms.
She looked up alarmed.
--
A/N: wow my longest chapter yet! Hope you all liked it.
Thanx for the reviews, you guys have all been really awesome :)
Em: the last name wasn't suppose to be a mystery, in chapter 6 Abby's airline tickets where under the name Abby Wyczenski, so you can safely assume that her daughter's last name is Wyczenski too.
She sat on the bed covered in blankets. She had layers of clothes on underneath and I willingly turned the heat down to suit her. She didn't ask me too. She hadn't spoken at all since we got home, but I turned it down nonetheless, for her.
I watched her. For too long I realized, as she grew more nervous under my gaze.
"I'm sorry," I said looking away.
No response.
Every part of me wanted to sigh in frustration, but I didn't. "You should lay down and go to sleep," I said. I fear I sounded demanding, I didn't mean to.
Her eyes turned to me, but she remained in her seated, curled up position.
Her mouth moved to speak, but she shut it just as swiftly.
I sat down on the side of the bed, away from her, not wanting to intrude. I examined the wall for a moment as I let thoughts wonder freely through my head.
Bad idea.
I still sat in my scrubs, having been too worried about her to care about things like changing my clothes.
The sound of shifting blankets forced my eyes back to her and I immediately apologized, but when her eyes met mine I didn't turn them away.
I couldn't read past the hurt and terror in them. I couldn't see Abby in them. It scared me.
She looked away first. My unwillingness to do it must have forced her too, just another thing for me to feel guilty about.
"I'm going to go sleep on the couch," I told her, wanting to give her space. Yet at the same time wanting to reassure her that she was safe. I wasn't going anywhere. "You should lay down and try to go to sleep too," I tried convincing her again.
Her lack of response convinced me it was the right time to exit, so I got up.
"Please don't," she whispered barely over the silence.
"Don't what?" I asked afraid that she wouldn't want me to stay at the apartment. I couldn't leave her alone.
I brought my eyes back to hers and this time I registered that tears still shined brightly in them. They hadn't fallen since we got home.
"Don't leave me," she said shakily.
"I'm not going anywhere baby," I said with more finality then I meant to. I hope it didn't sound harsh.
She averted her eyes for a second before bringing them unexpectedly back to meet mine.
I read what she wanted in them and I asked "you want me to stay in here?" surprised.
She became even more unsure as she scanned me once more.
Slowly she nodded slightly.
I remained motionless. She had to know that she had complete control.
She moved her gaze away from me, not giving me the attention I wanted, but now wasn't a time for me to be selfish.
Her fingers began tracing patterns on the comforter and my eyes persisted to follow them.
Finally she looked back up, but her fingers continued to move.
She studied me carefully once more and after a while said, "You," very shakily.
I understood, I'm not exactly sure how, but I understood. So I wouldn't force her to continue.
"I'll keep my scrubs on," I said carefully.
She nodded her head, but I still didn't move.
"Okay," she said. That was enough reassurance for me, but I still moved hesitantly as I approached her.
**Present:
They stood in the moment, in each other's arms, neither daring to move.
They were both too afraid that all would be lost if they were to separate.
So there they stood.
Their minds betrayed them as a reminder that 5 years still separated them was reintroduced simultaneously to them both.
They both stepped back.
Neither allowed their eyes to meet, both too afraid of what they would see.
They stood in a silence that others would have thought was uncomfortable, but it wasn't.
They were content.
They were together.
"Abby," he whispered again, and it made her wonder how many times he would say her name.
She took a deep breath and then she took a risk. She looked up at him, only to find his eyes on her.
She smiled.
He smiled.
They had the same tears in their eyes. The same love, the same hope was mirrored in them both.
"John," she whispered back as much for her benefit as for his.
The space between them wasn't diminished physically, but a step had been taken forward in time.
"Five years," he said his voice betraying him.
"Five years," she repeated before he had time to apologize.
A step back.
The smiles hadn't faded.
"Welcome back," he said sincerely.
Lacking in a response, she looked away.
Her gaze fell upon the door once more.
"I have to go in there," she said.
"I'm here," he answered.
"Thank you," she said extending her hand to him.
He took it willingly.
Still they smiled.
**Flashback:
"You want me to stay in here?" he asked. He sounded shocked.
Why did he sound so shocked? Was it too much to ask?
I nodded, conveying that yes that was what I wanted.
He didn't move and I wondered why. Did I disgust him that much?
I didn't know what to do so I sat there.
He still didn't move.
I needed him to sit down or at least look away, but he persisted to stand there looking down at me. Didn't he understand how much that scared me?
I wasn't scared of him. I was just. . . scared. I was allowed to be scared wasn't I?
I needed him to hold me.
I looked up at him once more, noting that he still held his previous position. "You," I began in as steady a voice as I could manage.
He seemed to understand and I wanted to thank him for not making me say it.
"I'll keep my scrubs on," he said carefully.
I nodded, but he still didn't move.
"Okay," I forced the word out.
He finally began to approach, but he moved slowly.
He sat down next to me mimicking my position against the headboard.
He looked unsure at the blankets that covered me, and I lifted them slightly, welcoming him.
He smiled at me, but all I could do was look away.
"Abby," he whispered again and I felt tears fall down my face again.
I was overwhelmed with an image that would haunt me forever, and I let him in as much as I could.
"Never say goodbye to me Carter," I said.
"What?" he replied confused.
"Just promise you'll never say those words to me."
"Words? Abby I don't understand. I'm not going anywhere," he was still confused but I was unsure if I could elaborate.
"Just never say goodbye," don't ever say 'goodbye Abby' just the thought brings the image of him killing himself to my mind. I never wanted to hear the phrase again. Most of all I didn't want to hear the words from him. I don't know if that makes sense.
"Okay, I promise," he said sincerely.
I brought my eyes to meet his as I slid down the headboard and laid down.
His eyes watched me as if looking for permission.
"Can you just," I began the question then suddenly was unable to continue it.
He waited several minutes before he tried to guess the rest of it, "do you want me to just sit here? Cause I can do that Ab,"
I shook my head and whispered, "Please hold me."
"I can do that," he said with a sad smile.
I wanted to whisper thank you, but the words wouldn't come out.
He laid down next to me with much care and precision.
He watched my eyes carefully, almost too carefully.
I moved a tiny bit closer and that must have been enough reassurance because he slipped his arms around me and I allowed my head to fall upon his chest.
I listened to him breath; I listened to his heartbeat as I allowed another million tears to fall upon his shirt. I didn't know I had that many tears.
I hate crying.
**Present:
Abby placed her free hand upon the door, still holding on tightly to Carter's with the other.
She knew she had to do this; she had to open the door. She had to face her fears, the place that still haunted her at night.
With him by her side she was almost convinced that she could do it.
She took a deep breath and pushed against it. She watched it open, revealing the room.
She would have watched it shut again, but Carter caught it before it swung closed again. She could almost curse him for it.
She looked down at the floor in an attempt to compose herself. He tried giving her support by squeezing her hand, and it helped.
She brought her eyes up from the floor and back to him unexpectedly.
He nodded at her even though she had not spoken.
He stepped into the room first, the door pressed against his back as he held it open beckoning her.
Still holding on tightly to his hand, she took the first step.
He brought her further into the room and shut the door.
She looked around. Too many emotions ran through her to even begin to explain the experience justly.
He watched her stand biting her lip in an attempt not to cry and he cursed the years, and all the unknowns that still stood between them, and took her into his arms.
She cried softly yet forcefully into him. As much as he wanted to comfort her more all he could do is let her cry.
As she was able to calm down she lifted her head from his chest and looked at him carefully.
He gently slid his fingers over her face whipping away the last of her tears. Memorizing her face again.
She smiled as he brought his head down, their lips almost meeting.
No.
She backed away.
She had to tell him first. She knew he would hate her.
Like he said it has been 5 years.
She has had 5 years to tell him.
She registered the hurt in his eyes, but first he had to know.
"John, I have to tell you something,"
She was interrupted, however, before she could begin to explain.
"Mommy!" she heard screamed as Gallant entered into the room with her crying daughter in his arms.
She looked up alarmed.
--
A/N: wow my longest chapter yet! Hope you all liked it.
Thanx for the reviews, you guys have all been really awesome :)
Em: the last name wasn't suppose to be a mystery, in chapter 6 Abby's airline tickets where under the name Abby Wyczenski, so you can safely assume that her daughter's last name is Wyczenski too.