**Flashback:
"Stop! No! Don't!" the screams wake me immediately with a start.
Her breathing was heavy as she continued to scream and as my senses returned I suddenly realized that she pushed hard against me.
I unwrapped my arms from around her as quickly as I could, and I watched her eyes open wide with fear.
"Please don't hurt me," she whispered pleadingly as she backed away from me slowly. I realized that she didn't know that it was me lying next to her. At least I hope she said that without realizing it was me.
Her breathing continued to quicken and I could see her shaking in the dim moonlight.
I leaned over and turned the light on as fast as I could while I said as reassuringly as I could, "Abby, its me, its John, I'm not gonna hurt you." I try to reassure her, I really try.
Her eyes change from fear to shame and I didn't know what to do.
"Carter," she whispered, she sounded almost hopeful. Or maybe that's just how I thought she sounded.
"Yeah, your okay Ab," I said gently. "I promise you, you are safe."
"I'm sorry," she says as tears once again flow down her checks.
"No," I say. "Don't you ever apologize to me for this. None of this is your fault." I want to hold her in my arms again, but I don't want to make a move without her permission.
When her eyes shut tightly I fear I have spoken to hastily.
I lift her face up to meet mine and add, "I don't want you to blame yourself for any of this Abby."
Silence overtakes us for a moment. I am left uncomfortable and confused. I have no idea what to do.
"I should have stopped him," she blurts out with a sudden rush of more tears.
"No, baby, it wasn't your fault," I say and I engulf her in my arms as I find myself no longer able to restrain myself.
She flinches slightly, but doesn't pull away.
I gently rub her back as I hold her. Whispering reassurances.
At some point her breathing evened and I laid us both back down on the bed.
There we stayed, until she awoke again just as terrified an hour later.
**Present:
"What happened?" Abby asked with worry evident in her voice.
"Mommy," the child in Gallant's arms said again as Carter watched her arms stretch out to Abby.
"Aason grabbed some of her toys, and I couldn't calm her down, I'm sorry Abby," Gallant explained.
"Car," Abby said taking her from Gallant's arms. "Cara, hey I'm sure he'll give them back to you. You know your suppose to share anyway."
She wraps her arms around Abby's neck and lays her head down on her shoulder as Abby tries to calm her.
All Carter can do is watch. He's stunned, to afraid to assume that she's his, and yet even more afraid to assume she's not.
"Sweetie, you share your toys all the time, what's wrong?" she asks sweetly, while gently brushing her hair back. Carter is amazed by the scene that he watches.
"Can we go home now?" she asks Abby quietly bringing her head up from Abby's shoulder.
"You tired?" she asks the little girl, which is answered by a nod. "Well Car we're not going home tonight. We're going to stay in Chicago at least for the night, but we can go find a hotel to sleep at. Okay?"
"No," Carter says interfering in the conversation.
Abby looked at him confused and afraid, she had almost forgotten that he was there with her.
**Flashback:
"NO!" I scream. As the scene around me fades and I sit up in a cold sweat and open my eyes realizing that it was just a dream.
Then just as quickly I realize that that isn't really true, It wasn't just a dream.
It was real. It happened.
Before I can do anything, before I can stop the tears or get up, or anything. I notice him.
Carter lies beside me.
Carter. His eyes look at me with such concern, I'm left feeling ashamed under his gaze. I'm forced to whisper I'm sorry as he moves to encircle me in his arms.
"Please stop telling me that Abby, it's not your fault. You need to understand that," that's what he says, but I don't believe him. It is my fault; At least some of it, probably all of it.
"I watched her die," he tries to lift my head up to look at him, but I couldn't. I couldn't look him in the eye. I couldn't tell him that I was the reason one of his friends is dead. "I'm so sorry John."
"Abby there is nothing you could have done," he persists to defend me from myself.
"I could have stopped. All he wanted us to do was stop," why can't I stop talking? Carter doesn't need to hear this.
"It's not your fault baby. Please stop blaming yourself there is nothing that you could have done differently." He holds me tight and tries to convince me, but he doesn't. He can't.
He's wrong.
It was my fault.
**Present:
"No," Carter says interfering in the conversation he observed. The one he was so close to, yet so many years away from.
Abby looked at him, confusion filled her face, while fear filled her heart.
"What do you mean, No?" she asked only allowing confusion to be expressed in her voice.
He didn't answer right away. He was captivated as the child she held in her arms turned towards him.
She looked so much like Abby that it amazed him.
Abby noticed where his attention had shifted. She wondered if he would ask if she waited long enough. But that wasn't fair, he had already waited far to long.
"John," she said quietly, hesitantly, trying to bring his attention to her if only for a second.
"Yeah," he said turning to her like she wanted. His eyes glittered, though the tears were still unsure of why they shinned.
She swallowed hard. She had told him so many times in her head, and out loud. She had told his picture, her own reflection, she had even told her sleeping daughter several times- -practicing, but that didn't help her in this moment. No, it was no help at all.
Her eyes shined as she became even more nervous.
"Mommy," Cara said forcing her attention out of her head and back to reality.
"Sweetie, this is my friend Car. . John." She stuttered, almost slipping, she didn't want to lock him into anything. Not yet.
"Hi," Cara said shyly.
"Hi," he said, he sounded amazed.
"Why don't you tell John your name," Abby told her.
"Cara," she whispered quietly laying her head down on Abby's shoulder.
"Can you tell him your whole name Car?" Abby asked her knowing full well that any attempt she made at telling him, she would fail.
"The whole thing?" Cara whined.
"It's not that long," Abby said smiling.
"Yes it is Mommy," she tried convincing.
"Car."
"Okay," she relented and she told him her name. It was the most beautiful name that he had ever heard, "Hope Carter Wyczenski," she said very precisely.
Carter's eyes turned to Abby. She only nodded her head.
They both understood, but he refrained from exclaiming. It wasn't his place to tell her, but that didn't make the excitement that he felt any less real.
He had a daughter.
He and Abby had a daughter.
Abby had named her Hope, that was what she was, their Hope.
Yet she called her Cara. Was it for him? Or was Hope just to hard?
It didn't matter at the moment.
Here they stood today.
With tears.
With smiles.
With love.
With Hope.
~~
A/N: I realize I took a long time getting this chapter written, but I had some personal problems to deal with. (Don't worry I won't bore you with those)
Anyways, hope you enjoyed, and yes the name was planed from the beginning. Please tell me what you think.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially those of you who kept reviewing and e-mailing me, you know who you are :) the encouragement is very appreciated.
Only a few chapters to go. . .
~Hailie
"Stop! No! Don't!" the screams wake me immediately with a start.
Her breathing was heavy as she continued to scream and as my senses returned I suddenly realized that she pushed hard against me.
I unwrapped my arms from around her as quickly as I could, and I watched her eyes open wide with fear.
"Please don't hurt me," she whispered pleadingly as she backed away from me slowly. I realized that she didn't know that it was me lying next to her. At least I hope she said that without realizing it was me.
Her breathing continued to quicken and I could see her shaking in the dim moonlight.
I leaned over and turned the light on as fast as I could while I said as reassuringly as I could, "Abby, its me, its John, I'm not gonna hurt you." I try to reassure her, I really try.
Her eyes change from fear to shame and I didn't know what to do.
"Carter," she whispered, she sounded almost hopeful. Or maybe that's just how I thought she sounded.
"Yeah, your okay Ab," I said gently. "I promise you, you are safe."
"I'm sorry," she says as tears once again flow down her checks.
"No," I say. "Don't you ever apologize to me for this. None of this is your fault." I want to hold her in my arms again, but I don't want to make a move without her permission.
When her eyes shut tightly I fear I have spoken to hastily.
I lift her face up to meet mine and add, "I don't want you to blame yourself for any of this Abby."
Silence overtakes us for a moment. I am left uncomfortable and confused. I have no idea what to do.
"I should have stopped him," she blurts out with a sudden rush of more tears.
"No, baby, it wasn't your fault," I say and I engulf her in my arms as I find myself no longer able to restrain myself.
She flinches slightly, but doesn't pull away.
I gently rub her back as I hold her. Whispering reassurances.
At some point her breathing evened and I laid us both back down on the bed.
There we stayed, until she awoke again just as terrified an hour later.
**Present:
"What happened?" Abby asked with worry evident in her voice.
"Mommy," the child in Gallant's arms said again as Carter watched her arms stretch out to Abby.
"Aason grabbed some of her toys, and I couldn't calm her down, I'm sorry Abby," Gallant explained.
"Car," Abby said taking her from Gallant's arms. "Cara, hey I'm sure he'll give them back to you. You know your suppose to share anyway."
She wraps her arms around Abby's neck and lays her head down on her shoulder as Abby tries to calm her.
All Carter can do is watch. He's stunned, to afraid to assume that she's his, and yet even more afraid to assume she's not.
"Sweetie, you share your toys all the time, what's wrong?" she asks sweetly, while gently brushing her hair back. Carter is amazed by the scene that he watches.
"Can we go home now?" she asks Abby quietly bringing her head up from Abby's shoulder.
"You tired?" she asks the little girl, which is answered by a nod. "Well Car we're not going home tonight. We're going to stay in Chicago at least for the night, but we can go find a hotel to sleep at. Okay?"
"No," Carter says interfering in the conversation.
Abby looked at him confused and afraid, she had almost forgotten that he was there with her.
**Flashback:
"NO!" I scream. As the scene around me fades and I sit up in a cold sweat and open my eyes realizing that it was just a dream.
Then just as quickly I realize that that isn't really true, It wasn't just a dream.
It was real. It happened.
Before I can do anything, before I can stop the tears or get up, or anything. I notice him.
Carter lies beside me.
Carter. His eyes look at me with such concern, I'm left feeling ashamed under his gaze. I'm forced to whisper I'm sorry as he moves to encircle me in his arms.
"Please stop telling me that Abby, it's not your fault. You need to understand that," that's what he says, but I don't believe him. It is my fault; At least some of it, probably all of it.
"I watched her die," he tries to lift my head up to look at him, but I couldn't. I couldn't look him in the eye. I couldn't tell him that I was the reason one of his friends is dead. "I'm so sorry John."
"Abby there is nothing you could have done," he persists to defend me from myself.
"I could have stopped. All he wanted us to do was stop," why can't I stop talking? Carter doesn't need to hear this.
"It's not your fault baby. Please stop blaming yourself there is nothing that you could have done differently." He holds me tight and tries to convince me, but he doesn't. He can't.
He's wrong.
It was my fault.
**Present:
"No," Carter says interfering in the conversation he observed. The one he was so close to, yet so many years away from.
Abby looked at him, confusion filled her face, while fear filled her heart.
"What do you mean, No?" she asked only allowing confusion to be expressed in her voice.
He didn't answer right away. He was captivated as the child she held in her arms turned towards him.
She looked so much like Abby that it amazed him.
Abby noticed where his attention had shifted. She wondered if he would ask if she waited long enough. But that wasn't fair, he had already waited far to long.
"John," she said quietly, hesitantly, trying to bring his attention to her if only for a second.
"Yeah," he said turning to her like she wanted. His eyes glittered, though the tears were still unsure of why they shinned.
She swallowed hard. She had told him so many times in her head, and out loud. She had told his picture, her own reflection, she had even told her sleeping daughter several times- -practicing, but that didn't help her in this moment. No, it was no help at all.
Her eyes shined as she became even more nervous.
"Mommy," Cara said forcing her attention out of her head and back to reality.
"Sweetie, this is my friend Car. . John." She stuttered, almost slipping, she didn't want to lock him into anything. Not yet.
"Hi," Cara said shyly.
"Hi," he said, he sounded amazed.
"Why don't you tell John your name," Abby told her.
"Cara," she whispered quietly laying her head down on Abby's shoulder.
"Can you tell him your whole name Car?" Abby asked her knowing full well that any attempt she made at telling him, she would fail.
"The whole thing?" Cara whined.
"It's not that long," Abby said smiling.
"Yes it is Mommy," she tried convincing.
"Car."
"Okay," she relented and she told him her name. It was the most beautiful name that he had ever heard, "Hope Carter Wyczenski," she said very precisely.
Carter's eyes turned to Abby. She only nodded her head.
They both understood, but he refrained from exclaiming. It wasn't his place to tell her, but that didn't make the excitement that he felt any less real.
He had a daughter.
He and Abby had a daughter.
Abby had named her Hope, that was what she was, their Hope.
Yet she called her Cara. Was it for him? Or was Hope just to hard?
It didn't matter at the moment.
Here they stood today.
With tears.
With smiles.
With love.
With Hope.
~~
A/N: I realize I took a long time getting this chapter written, but I had some personal problems to deal with. (Don't worry I won't bore you with those)
Anyways, hope you enjoyed, and yes the name was planed from the beginning. Please tell me what you think.
Thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially those of you who kept reviewing and e-mailing me, you know who you are :) the encouragement is very appreciated.
Only a few chapters to go. . .
~Hailie