Disclaimers: The main characters are not my own, names of places are not my own, half of the jokes aren't even my own. I have just put them to good use. All spelling errors are intentional and any perceived plot holes are imaginary. Please do not steal any of my own (highly clichéd) characters, as they not only belong to me but to about five million other people as well. The world needs originality, people!


Notes (for the entire fic): *gasp!* *shock!* *horror!* I wrote a fan fic! Dedicated to the unlamented hero 'Brennan-pilot' who gets an honourable mention. For those of you who don't know *glares* Christopher Judge plays Teal'c on Stargate SG-1. The Eurovision song contest is a song contest where many countries in Europe submit one group with one song, then each country votes for who to give points to (1-8, then 10 and 12 points). When every country has awarded points, they are totalled, and the country with the most points wins, and they get to host it next year. Every year without fail, the songs are the worst that could possibly have been picked. It is truly horrifying.


Warnings: Not Beta-ed. Not serious. Not for Brennan fans.


Starring: Brennan. Happy Brennan. Sad Brennan. Angry Brennan. Frustrated Brennan. Lots and lots of confused Brennan.
Guest Stars: Season 2 Shalimar. Season 1 Shalimar. Emma the Giggler. Adam the Android. Set...Setesh...Setekh...Seth...whatever. Draco the Dragon feral. Brennan Fans. The Double Helix. Cacti plants. Tables. Conveniently placed cardboard boxes. Conveniently Misplaced Metal Stick. Abandoned Warehouse Mark 2. Brennan Pilot. And…er…what's his name again? ]€$$€.

(Okay, the fic is actually gonna start now)

Grunts echoed through the normally tranquil Sanctuary, puncturing the calm as a sharp stone would a bike tyre. Of course, 'normally tranquil' really means 'those times when Mutant X aren't entertaining house guests be they good or evil, trying to stop the place from blowing up, trying to prevent their new-and-improved powers from damaging expensive pieces of technology, or doing some other noisy activity'. The name 'Sanctuary' didn't really apply either, but neither did 'Safehouses'. Alas, I digress.

Today, Brennan and Shalimar sparring in the dojo were breaking the normally tranquil calm of Sanctuary. In fact, they did this most days. Shalimar looked to have the upper hand but remarkably Brennan developed a speed and strength that allowed him to over-power her and pin her on the floor.

"Oomph." Shalimar said. Something was digging into her back.

"Oh my god, I'm sorry, did I hurt you? Are you okay?" Brennan rolled off of her and got to his feet before offering to take her hand. Her hand. The hand that fitted so well into his own, the hand that could crush his throat without effort…not that she would.

"No, I'm fine." Shalimar took a moment to admire the fine muscle tone and the amazing looks of the man above her. If it were possible, she would say that he was more muscular than before but had somehow also lost weight. This puzzled her slightly, as the part of her brain that has an IQ above room temperature (on the Celsius scale) tended to run screaming whenever Brennan's flesh was exposed. Like now.

She accepted his hand, enjoying the feel of it. He pulled her up but he had misjudged it and she would have fallen over if he hadn't caught her. Suddenly, Brennan and Shalimar were standing in each other's arms and they tilted their heads to gaze deeply into each other's eyes. Oh so slowly their heads moved together, straining against the collective wills of all Brennan/Emma and Jesse/Shalimar fans. Five minutes later, their lips had still not met and they were both beginning to give up. As if the Brennan/Shalimar shippers had finally figured out what was happening and added their own wills to contest that of the others, Shalimar and Brennan's heads lurched forward and they head-butted each other.

Emma, who had been watching all of this and was waiting for the exact right moment to interrupt, decided that it was now.

"Hey you guys? Adam wants to talk to us all, something about a New Mutant needing help and you two being sent into a potentially dangerous situation without the help of me and Jesse. It's probably a set-up." Emma, feeling her timing was getting even better at this, smiled and walked off. Shalimar and Brennan, both rubbing their noses, followed her.

"What's wrong?" Emma asked Adam, noticing a pained expression on his face.

"I've got a pain in all the diodes down my left side." Adam replied. Then blinked. Then looked somewhat like the proverbial deer caught in headlights. I say proverbial because of course, he didn't look much like a deer at all.

"You what?" Shalimar asked. The part of her brain that actually had a reasonably high IQ had returned when she stopped sparring with Brennan and had entered Jesse's presence (Jesse was standing in the corner doing something). It had realised this was an odd thing for Adam to say.

"I…er…was quoting a book…um, I thought that Brennan would appreciate the poetic beauty of the quote." Adam looked at Brennan who helpfully pretended he had any idea what Adam was talking about.

"Oh, yeah, the imagery is just heartbreaking." Brennan winked at Adam. "So, you said you had a mission for me and Shalimar?"

"Oh, yes, right." Adam's expression had resumed its normal unemotional state. "There's a New Mutant, calls himself Setesh. He's a telekinetic and quite possibly working for the GSA but he's asked for our help and it would be wrong of us to refuse. You two will meet him in an abandoned warehouse because that's the most inconspicuous place I could think of. Emma and I will be up in the Double Helix, near enough to monitor what's happening but too far away to help if anything goes wrong. Got it?" Emma, Brennan, and Shalimar nodded and they all filed out the room and headed for the Double Helix.

The other character (whose name cannot be mentioned unless involving a scene with the other characters) stayed in his corner and continued to do something.