Author's Note: okay so after a very long wait, 4 months as Carbyfan pointed
out, here is chapter 19. To everyone who encouraged me to continue, THANK
YOU. And I'm SORRY to everyone who was left hanging; I just got to a point
where I couldn't write this story anymore. So I hope you aren't too
disappointed with this chapter, and no promises on when the next one will
be up. Enjoy ~Hailie
**Flashback:
Light trickles into my room where I'm not sleeping. I'm not really doing anything; I'm just lying there uselessly.
I'm just lying there alone.
I've counted back from 100 to many times already, in hopes of it helping me to fall asleep. Sometimes I forget that it's backwards that I'm counting and I start to go up again. 100, 99, 98. . .64, 63, 64. . .75 and I give up.
Then I start over 100. . .
It's a never-ending night, and yet I'm not allowed to pray for the morning to come. Hell I doubt I'll ever pray again. Not that I did it much anyways.
Cars honk loudly on the street below, and my neighbor's dog barks louder then I remember him barking before.
But I don't care. Why should I care?
Those things don't matter. They're petty; they're stupid; they're pointless.
I wanna scream.
I have no right to scream.
I wasn't hurt.
I wasn't in there.
I was just a bystander.
I was a watcher.
Instead of doing something I stood outside doing nothing.
I watched other people do nothing too.
We just stood there.
Inches of wall and a stupid door separated us from them. Yet they didn't get in. They didn't help.
Until it was too late.
Three people dead.
Two people alive.
No one okay.
But she's not dead.
My best friend's not dead.
I should thank someone somewhere for that right?
No.
No one deserves thanks for this.
No one.
Blame, now that people deserve.
Carter blames Luka. I could see that much in his eyes.
He should blame me.
"Could I see your ID please?" why didn't I ask? Why didn't I care enough?
It's my fault Jing-Mei's dead.
It's my fault Abby went through whatever hell he put her through.
It's my fault Luka's eyes look empty.
It's my fault.
I don't know if I can live with that.
**Present:
"Aason! Give me those!" Susan yells as she tries to pry the small toys out of Aason's hands.
She had watched as Gallant quickly picked up the little girl and headed down the hallway. She tried to keep a close eye on his path until he disappeared out of view.
First she had to quiet Lacie's cries, and as she felt the baby's forehead she realized that she was already feeling much cooler, perhaps the medication she had given her was working. Still she needed to find Carter.
"Aason, you do not just take things from other people," she scolded him.
When she had finally been able to quite Lacie, she collected most of the toys that Aason had grabbed, along with the ones he had made tumble to the floor.
Before walking away from the desk she made sure that she had heard Taylor right, "Carter's in one of the Trauma rooms?" she questioned.
"Yeah, as far as I know, but that was info from Callie," she warned.
Callie wasn't the most reliable source, but she'd check the trauma rooms anyways.
She began to follow the path that Gallant had taken down the hallway in hopes of finding the right room, so she could return the toys, and find Carter.
It wasn't an easy task, as she had to force an unwilling Aason down the hall with her.
Further down the hall, she observed Gallant leaving a room, door swinging closed behind him.
"Gallant," she called out to him, but he obviously didn't hear her because he didn't pause. He continued his pace down the hallway away from her.
He no longer held the little girl that he had earlier.
Stopping outside the room that she had witnessed Gallant leaving, she conscientiously took no notice of where she was.
Opening the door, she forced Aason in front of her and started saying without really looking around the room, "I'm so sorry Aason grabbed your. . ."
And was met with a scene she never imagined would greet her.
"Abby."
**Flashback:
I awoke for the millionth time and observed the same unchanged darkness that greeted me every time.
I turned to my side wanting to make sure she was okay, and finding nothing but a pile of blankets beside me.
I panicked.
I completely lost it. I had to find her; she had to be okay.
"Abby," I called as I quickly got out of bed.
No response came; the quietness seemed to close in on me a little more.
"Abby," I shouted a little louder, causing resonance through the small apartment.
Still nothing.
I walked down the hall, into the TV room, then through the kitchen.
Nothing.
No one.
"Abby," my voice must have contained my fear, it must have.
Still nothing.
I went to pick up the cordless phone in the kitchen only to find it not on its base.
So I searched for another one.
My search led me back to our bedroom, past the bathroom, with the closed door.
With the closed door?
That's when I realized she must be in there, so I tapped on the door lightly. Why hadn't I checked there earlier?
"Abby, are you in there?"
Nothing.
"Baby are you okay?"
I tried the handle and found it locked.
"Ab, please open the door," I begged.
I was scared, very scared.
"Abby, please let me in," I tried one last time.
No noise came from the locked room so I looked above the doorframe where we usually kept the key, but it was gone.
"Please Abby, just say something," I pleaded with her through the door.
I couldn't force my way through it that would only terrify her, but nothing good could be happening in there.
I walked into our bedroom and picked up the phone.
**Present:
'Hope Carter Wyczenski' Carter had to conscientiously force himself not to whisper the name in awe.
But that didn't stop it from running through his mind on a continual loop.
Abby didn't know what to do. This wasn't the place that she wanted to explain things to Cara, to John. Not here.
Not in this room.
She didn't want her daughter in this room at all; the thought suddenly emerged causing her to shiver involuntarily.
"Car can I put you down?" she asked the little girl quietly.
Cara shook her head and tightened her grip in response to the question. So Abby changed her position in her arms instead of putting her down.
"I have to get her to bed," Abby told Carter.
He nodded his head but before he could say anything the door opened and a voice said, "I'm so sorry Aason grabbed your. . ."
The sentence was never finished as Susan looked up and said, "Abby."
"Hi Uncle Carter!" Aason said cheerfully running over to him.
Cara's head came up quickly from it position on Abby's shoulder.
"Hi Susan," Abby said in as normal a voice as she could accomplish.
"Abby," Susan repeated her name, this time with a huge smile on her face.
That caused Abby to smile too as new tears began to glitter in her eyes.
"I'm so glad you came back," Susan finally said.
Abby bit her lip and said, "I missed you."
"What are you doing back here Susan?" Carter asked.
"Carter I need you to look at Lacie, but I can just get Gallant. . ." she trailed off.
"Mommy," Cara whispered in her ear.
"I know your tired baby, we're going to leave real soon okay?" Abby told her, pushing hair out of her eyes.
"How come she keeps saying my name?" Cara asked still whispering.
"What?" Abby asked momentarily confused, "Oh, John's last name is Carter."
"Your name is Carter too?" Cara said excitedly looking at Carter.
Carter looked equally excited as he looked at Cara and said, "yeah, my name's Carter too."
The smile on his face showed his happiness, but it didn't do it justice.
"You have a daughter!" Susan said causing Abby to panic momentarily before realizing that Susan meant her not Carter.
"Yeah, Susan this is my daughter Cara," Abby introduced.
"Cara Carter," Susan said.
"No," Cara said laughing, "that sounds silly."
That made it impossible for Abby to respond because she found herself laughing too.
"Hope Carter Wyczenski," Carter corrected for them. Loving the fact that he got to say it.
Loving the fact that she was his.
**Flashback:
Light trickles into my room where I'm not sleeping. I'm not really doing anything; I'm just lying there uselessly.
I'm just lying there alone.
I've counted back from 100 to many times already, in hopes of it helping me to fall asleep. Sometimes I forget that it's backwards that I'm counting and I start to go up again. 100, 99, 98. . .64, 63, 64. . .75 and I give up.
Then I start over 100. . .
It's a never-ending night, and yet I'm not allowed to pray for the morning to come. Hell I doubt I'll ever pray again. Not that I did it much anyways.
Cars honk loudly on the street below, and my neighbor's dog barks louder then I remember him barking before.
But I don't care. Why should I care?
Those things don't matter. They're petty; they're stupid; they're pointless.
I wanna scream.
I have no right to scream.
I wasn't hurt.
I wasn't in there.
I was just a bystander.
I was a watcher.
Instead of doing something I stood outside doing nothing.
I watched other people do nothing too.
We just stood there.
Inches of wall and a stupid door separated us from them. Yet they didn't get in. They didn't help.
Until it was too late.
Three people dead.
Two people alive.
No one okay.
But she's not dead.
My best friend's not dead.
I should thank someone somewhere for that right?
No.
No one deserves thanks for this.
No one.
Blame, now that people deserve.
Carter blames Luka. I could see that much in his eyes.
He should blame me.
"Could I see your ID please?" why didn't I ask? Why didn't I care enough?
It's my fault Jing-Mei's dead.
It's my fault Abby went through whatever hell he put her through.
It's my fault Luka's eyes look empty.
It's my fault.
I don't know if I can live with that.
**Present:
"Aason! Give me those!" Susan yells as she tries to pry the small toys out of Aason's hands.
She had watched as Gallant quickly picked up the little girl and headed down the hallway. She tried to keep a close eye on his path until he disappeared out of view.
First she had to quiet Lacie's cries, and as she felt the baby's forehead she realized that she was already feeling much cooler, perhaps the medication she had given her was working. Still she needed to find Carter.
"Aason, you do not just take things from other people," she scolded him.
When she had finally been able to quite Lacie, she collected most of the toys that Aason had grabbed, along with the ones he had made tumble to the floor.
Before walking away from the desk she made sure that she had heard Taylor right, "Carter's in one of the Trauma rooms?" she questioned.
"Yeah, as far as I know, but that was info from Callie," she warned.
Callie wasn't the most reliable source, but she'd check the trauma rooms anyways.
She began to follow the path that Gallant had taken down the hallway in hopes of finding the right room, so she could return the toys, and find Carter.
It wasn't an easy task, as she had to force an unwilling Aason down the hall with her.
Further down the hall, she observed Gallant leaving a room, door swinging closed behind him.
"Gallant," she called out to him, but he obviously didn't hear her because he didn't pause. He continued his pace down the hallway away from her.
He no longer held the little girl that he had earlier.
Stopping outside the room that she had witnessed Gallant leaving, she conscientiously took no notice of where she was.
Opening the door, she forced Aason in front of her and started saying without really looking around the room, "I'm so sorry Aason grabbed your. . ."
And was met with a scene she never imagined would greet her.
"Abby."
**Flashback:
I awoke for the millionth time and observed the same unchanged darkness that greeted me every time.
I turned to my side wanting to make sure she was okay, and finding nothing but a pile of blankets beside me.
I panicked.
I completely lost it. I had to find her; she had to be okay.
"Abby," I called as I quickly got out of bed.
No response came; the quietness seemed to close in on me a little more.
"Abby," I shouted a little louder, causing resonance through the small apartment.
Still nothing.
I walked down the hall, into the TV room, then through the kitchen.
Nothing.
No one.
"Abby," my voice must have contained my fear, it must have.
Still nothing.
I went to pick up the cordless phone in the kitchen only to find it not on its base.
So I searched for another one.
My search led me back to our bedroom, past the bathroom, with the closed door.
With the closed door?
That's when I realized she must be in there, so I tapped on the door lightly. Why hadn't I checked there earlier?
"Abby, are you in there?"
Nothing.
"Baby are you okay?"
I tried the handle and found it locked.
"Ab, please open the door," I begged.
I was scared, very scared.
"Abby, please let me in," I tried one last time.
No noise came from the locked room so I looked above the doorframe where we usually kept the key, but it was gone.
"Please Abby, just say something," I pleaded with her through the door.
I couldn't force my way through it that would only terrify her, but nothing good could be happening in there.
I walked into our bedroom and picked up the phone.
**Present:
'Hope Carter Wyczenski' Carter had to conscientiously force himself not to whisper the name in awe.
But that didn't stop it from running through his mind on a continual loop.
Abby didn't know what to do. This wasn't the place that she wanted to explain things to Cara, to John. Not here.
Not in this room.
She didn't want her daughter in this room at all; the thought suddenly emerged causing her to shiver involuntarily.
"Car can I put you down?" she asked the little girl quietly.
Cara shook her head and tightened her grip in response to the question. So Abby changed her position in her arms instead of putting her down.
"I have to get her to bed," Abby told Carter.
He nodded his head but before he could say anything the door opened and a voice said, "I'm so sorry Aason grabbed your. . ."
The sentence was never finished as Susan looked up and said, "Abby."
"Hi Uncle Carter!" Aason said cheerfully running over to him.
Cara's head came up quickly from it position on Abby's shoulder.
"Hi Susan," Abby said in as normal a voice as she could accomplish.
"Abby," Susan repeated her name, this time with a huge smile on her face.
That caused Abby to smile too as new tears began to glitter in her eyes.
"I'm so glad you came back," Susan finally said.
Abby bit her lip and said, "I missed you."
"What are you doing back here Susan?" Carter asked.
"Carter I need you to look at Lacie, but I can just get Gallant. . ." she trailed off.
"Mommy," Cara whispered in her ear.
"I know your tired baby, we're going to leave real soon okay?" Abby told her, pushing hair out of her eyes.
"How come she keeps saying my name?" Cara asked still whispering.
"What?" Abby asked momentarily confused, "Oh, John's last name is Carter."
"Your name is Carter too?" Cara said excitedly looking at Carter.
Carter looked equally excited as he looked at Cara and said, "yeah, my name's Carter too."
The smile on his face showed his happiness, but it didn't do it justice.
"You have a daughter!" Susan said causing Abby to panic momentarily before realizing that Susan meant her not Carter.
"Yeah, Susan this is my daughter Cara," Abby introduced.
"Cara Carter," Susan said.
"No," Cara said laughing, "that sounds silly."
That made it impossible for Abby to respond because she found herself laughing too.
"Hope Carter Wyczenski," Carter corrected for them. Loving the fact that he got to say it.
Loving the fact that she was his.