**Flashback:
I couldn't lie there anymore.
Every time I closed my eyes, it replayed.
Sometimes all of it, sometimes only parts.
Every time.
It replayed.
The last time I bit my lip hard as I chocked back my screams. I couldn't wake him again.
I didn't want to see that look in his eyes. I didn't want him to see the look in my eyes.
I tried to steady my breathing, but as I failed I settled for quieting it.
He stirred briefly, but didn't open his eyes.
I crept quietly from under the covers and then out of the bed.
I looked back again, making sure he wasn't secretly watching me. I didn't really believe he'd do that; or I guess, yes I did.
He was still asleep, so I left the room.
I found myself in the kitchen. I wasn't really looking for anything. I was just looking at everything.
Now I know that doesn't make sense.
It was like looking through a new perspective. Yet, at the same time I wanted so desperately to just be me.
Who was I?
I was sick of the tears. It seemed like I'd cried an endless amount already, and for what?
Nevermind.
I listened as my own footsteps on the tile floor resounded in the air. The tiles felt cold against my bare feet, but it was a welcomed feeling.
I gave in.
I searched.
I searched for something, anything that could take it all away.
I didn't want to feel anymore.
There was nothing.
I'm sure Carter made sure of that. I'll probably be grateful one day, but not today.
Today I'm hateful.
I sat on one of the kitchen chairs for some time before restlessness over came me and forced me to move on.
Being drawn to the front door, I checked the locks once again. Turning each one carefully as if it hadn't been locked.
The air held a disturbing silence as if the world was holding its breath.
I shivered.
A blanket on the sofa drew me to itself and I huddled under it for a few long minutes.
A book lying on the coffee table before me caught my attention.
It was a photo album.
I pushed it away, and allowed it to fall onto the floor.
The sound of it falling to the ground was muffled as it hit the soft carpet. I hoped it wasn't too loud.
As quietness once again filled the air, I stood up pulling the blanket around myself tightly.
I mistakenly looked down and was greeted by a picture I didn't want to see. Smiling faces mocked me.
I ripped the picture out of the album angrily and grabbed the phone that sat next to it on the floor.
**Present:
"What about you!" Abby said excitedly, "You have two kids."
"Yeah," Susan said excitedly.
The two smiled at each other as if Abby had never left.
"And what are their names?" Abby asked as Susan failed to offer amidst all the excitement.
"Aason William, who so kindly stole your daughter's toys," Susan said.
"Don't worry about it," Abby replied, "Miss Cara here needs a nap."
"Still I'm so sorry," Susan said, "Aason apologize."
"I don't wanna!" he whined.
"Aason!"
"I'm sorry," he finally offered.
"And this is Lacie Abigail," Susan said cheerily.
"Susan," Abby said elated, "thank you."
"I missed you Abs," she said as she came over and gave Abby a hug.
"I missed you too Susan."
"Well I have to go find Gallant," Susan said moving back towards the door.
"No Susan let Carter look at her," Abby said.
"No Gallant's probably the better doctor anyways," Susan said. "Come on Aason," she called.
"Mommy."
"No more 'I don't want toos'," she said sternly.
Abby looked on grateful that Cara hadn't been as much of a handful so far.
"Now we'll have to make plans to get together," Susan said, "now that you're back."
"I'm not. ." Abby started but was cut off as the door closed behind Susan.
**Flashback:
I walked into our bedroom and picked up the phone.
I wasn't sure who the best person to call would be.
I didn't know what to do.
Who would know?
I closed my eyes in frustration and was tempted to throw the phone across the room.
Something stopped me.
None of this was about me. There shouldn't be an easy way for me.
This was about Abby.
Still unsure as to whom to call I picked the phone up and was about to dial when I heard, "I can only help you sweetheart if you tell me what's wrong."
"I can't," came her small reply, I could hear the tears in her voice.
"Abby, what happened?"
"Mom. . ." I placed the phone back down.
She had turned to Maggie.
I wasn't sure what to think about that.
**Present:
"You're not what?" Carter asked as the door closed behind Susan.
She bit her lip and looked away in contemplation. She would avoid for now, "I have to go find a hotel room."
"I kept it," Carter said allowing the change of subject.
"Kept what?" she asked.
"The apartment."
New tears shinned in her eyes, but she forced them away and whispered, "why?"
"Because I promised."
"That was 5 years ago."
"You came back didn't you?"
"Carter. . ."
"I know, we'll talk about it, but Abby I hope you plan on staying."
"Do you live there?" she asked.
"No," he admitted, "I couldn't without you."
"But you still kept it," she said in disbelief.
"I would have kept it forever."
Abby realized that Cara's quietness was due to the fact that she had fallen asleep, and she said, "well I think we should go," while motioning to the sleeping child.
"Okay," he said.
Together they walked out the doors to the trauma room.
"Aren't you working right now?" she asked him as they moved toward the exit.
"Don't worry about it," he said. He knew Susan would find someone to cover.
~~
A/N: you know I love leaving these. . .
Can you believe it? that was chapter 20; I never thought this story would make it this far. THANK YOU so much to everyone who reviewed! You guys are so inspiring. Thanks so much!
Happy Halloween!
I couldn't lie there anymore.
Every time I closed my eyes, it replayed.
Sometimes all of it, sometimes only parts.
Every time.
It replayed.
The last time I bit my lip hard as I chocked back my screams. I couldn't wake him again.
I didn't want to see that look in his eyes. I didn't want him to see the look in my eyes.
I tried to steady my breathing, but as I failed I settled for quieting it.
He stirred briefly, but didn't open his eyes.
I crept quietly from under the covers and then out of the bed.
I looked back again, making sure he wasn't secretly watching me. I didn't really believe he'd do that; or I guess, yes I did.
He was still asleep, so I left the room.
I found myself in the kitchen. I wasn't really looking for anything. I was just looking at everything.
Now I know that doesn't make sense.
It was like looking through a new perspective. Yet, at the same time I wanted so desperately to just be me.
Who was I?
I was sick of the tears. It seemed like I'd cried an endless amount already, and for what?
Nevermind.
I listened as my own footsteps on the tile floor resounded in the air. The tiles felt cold against my bare feet, but it was a welcomed feeling.
I gave in.
I searched.
I searched for something, anything that could take it all away.
I didn't want to feel anymore.
There was nothing.
I'm sure Carter made sure of that. I'll probably be grateful one day, but not today.
Today I'm hateful.
I sat on one of the kitchen chairs for some time before restlessness over came me and forced me to move on.
Being drawn to the front door, I checked the locks once again. Turning each one carefully as if it hadn't been locked.
The air held a disturbing silence as if the world was holding its breath.
I shivered.
A blanket on the sofa drew me to itself and I huddled under it for a few long minutes.
A book lying on the coffee table before me caught my attention.
It was a photo album.
I pushed it away, and allowed it to fall onto the floor.
The sound of it falling to the ground was muffled as it hit the soft carpet. I hoped it wasn't too loud.
As quietness once again filled the air, I stood up pulling the blanket around myself tightly.
I mistakenly looked down and was greeted by a picture I didn't want to see. Smiling faces mocked me.
I ripped the picture out of the album angrily and grabbed the phone that sat next to it on the floor.
**Present:
"What about you!" Abby said excitedly, "You have two kids."
"Yeah," Susan said excitedly.
The two smiled at each other as if Abby had never left.
"And what are their names?" Abby asked as Susan failed to offer amidst all the excitement.
"Aason William, who so kindly stole your daughter's toys," Susan said.
"Don't worry about it," Abby replied, "Miss Cara here needs a nap."
"Still I'm so sorry," Susan said, "Aason apologize."
"I don't wanna!" he whined.
"Aason!"
"I'm sorry," he finally offered.
"And this is Lacie Abigail," Susan said cheerily.
"Susan," Abby said elated, "thank you."
"I missed you Abs," she said as she came over and gave Abby a hug.
"I missed you too Susan."
"Well I have to go find Gallant," Susan said moving back towards the door.
"No Susan let Carter look at her," Abby said.
"No Gallant's probably the better doctor anyways," Susan said. "Come on Aason," she called.
"Mommy."
"No more 'I don't want toos'," she said sternly.
Abby looked on grateful that Cara hadn't been as much of a handful so far.
"Now we'll have to make plans to get together," Susan said, "now that you're back."
"I'm not. ." Abby started but was cut off as the door closed behind Susan.
**Flashback:
I walked into our bedroom and picked up the phone.
I wasn't sure who the best person to call would be.
I didn't know what to do.
Who would know?
I closed my eyes in frustration and was tempted to throw the phone across the room.
Something stopped me.
None of this was about me. There shouldn't be an easy way for me.
This was about Abby.
Still unsure as to whom to call I picked the phone up and was about to dial when I heard, "I can only help you sweetheart if you tell me what's wrong."
"I can't," came her small reply, I could hear the tears in her voice.
"Abby, what happened?"
"Mom. . ." I placed the phone back down.
She had turned to Maggie.
I wasn't sure what to think about that.
**Present:
"You're not what?" Carter asked as the door closed behind Susan.
She bit her lip and looked away in contemplation. She would avoid for now, "I have to go find a hotel room."
"I kept it," Carter said allowing the change of subject.
"Kept what?" she asked.
"The apartment."
New tears shinned in her eyes, but she forced them away and whispered, "why?"
"Because I promised."
"That was 5 years ago."
"You came back didn't you?"
"Carter. . ."
"I know, we'll talk about it, but Abby I hope you plan on staying."
"Do you live there?" she asked.
"No," he admitted, "I couldn't without you."
"But you still kept it," she said in disbelief.
"I would have kept it forever."
Abby realized that Cara's quietness was due to the fact that she had fallen asleep, and she said, "well I think we should go," while motioning to the sleeping child.
"Okay," he said.
Together they walked out the doors to the trauma room.
"Aren't you working right now?" she asked him as they moved toward the exit.
"Don't worry about it," he said. He knew Susan would find someone to cover.
~~
A/N: you know I love leaving these. . .
Can you believe it? that was chapter 20; I never thought this story would make it this far. THANK YOU so much to everyone who reviewed! You guys are so inspiring. Thanks so much!
Happy Halloween!