**Flashback:
I'd have to contradict myself in explaining how the rest of the day went.
It was agonizingly slow. The clock never seemed to move. The day never seemed to end.
Yet it was hectic. Traumas, exams, they went so fast that they left my head spinning and a blur in my mind of the events.
Sadly, I'd have to say I wasn't a very good doctor that day.
When you come to a hospital, an ER, you expect the best. You deserve the best. No matter who you are, no matter where you go, because everyone is important.
I failed to provide that.
We were left understaffed, and people complained.
Patients complained, nurses and doctors that were brought in from other departments complained.
No one from the ER complained.
Why were we supposed to care that someone was awoken from bed and forced to come down here to work?
Why were we supposed to care that a patient had to wait 10 extra minutes?
We didn't care.
Our minds weren't here. They shouldn't have been.
Yet they should have been at the same time.
I guess I contradicted myself yet again.
It's almost funny; I was days away from becoming a Doctor, not just a med student, but a Doctor.
And I was ready to quit. Honestly, I was.
**Present:
"Gallant," Susan called as she spotted him down the hall.
"Hey Susan, what are you doing back?" he asked as he approached her.
"Hi Uncle Gallant," Aason said happily.
"Hi Aason," he said lifting the boy.
"Could you look at Lacie for me? She had a fever earlier, and I think its okay now, but I just want to make sure," Susan explained.
"Sure," Gallant said, "exam two should be open."
"Thanks," Susan said.
Susan followed him to exam two, and they found that it was indeed empty.
He set Aason down and began examining Lacie.
"Abby's back," Susan plainly said.
He smiled, "she looks like she's doing good."
"She has a daughter," Susan said.
"Cara."
"Hope Carter Wyczenski," Susan added.
"She's married?" he asked
"I don't know," Susan replied.
"Sounds that way," Gallant said.
"Yeah I know," Susan agreed, "but Carter seemed happy."
"He's waited for her to come back for years, of course he's happy," Gallant said.
"Do you think she's his?" Susan asked.
"Abby wouldn't have named her Carter if she wasn't."
"I know," Susan sighed, "but it's not her last name."
"And Carter knows?" Gallant questioned.
"He was the one who told me her name," Susan explained, "I assumed it was Cara Carter."
Gallant nodded.
"Or even Cara Lockhart," Susan added.
"So her name isn't Cara at all?" Gallant asked.
"No. Hope Carter Wyczenski," Susan repeated.
"Maybe Abby just changed her last name," Gallant suggested.
"Why would she do that?" Susan asked.
"I don't know," Gallant admitted.
"Still, I'm glad she's back," Susan affirmed.
"Me too," Gallant agreed. "Is she back for good?"
"For Carter's sake I hope so," Susan answered.
"Lacie's temperature is normal, and nothing seems to be wrong, but I can do some tests if you want," Gallant offered.
Susan thought about it, but she thought Lacie was okay now too, and she could always bring her back so she said, "No that's okay. I'll just take them home."
"Okay," Gallant replied.
"Oh, I'm sure Carter left, so I have to find someone else to cover," Susan suddenly realized.
"Don't worry Susan, I'll find someone for you," Gallant offered.
"Thanks."
"Now get theses two out of here!" he laughed lifting Aason into the air.
**Flashback:
She crept out of the bathroom quietly.
Perhaps she was hoping that I wouldn't say anything.
Sitting on the far side of the bed I was unable to see it open, but the usual squeak of the door let me in on the fact that she had opened it.
She walked into the room and my eyes turned quickly to her, as much as I tried to stop them.
Her eyes; her face; her stance; it all screamed of fear.
"I'm sorry," she whispered as she turned away from me.
With every part of my will power I prevented myself from walking towards her.
"Abs, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about."
Her eyes moved back and forth though I am unsure of what she was looking at.
We remained still and silent for some time, and I was unsure if that was what she wanted.
"You should go back to sleep," I said gently.
Her fearful eyes looked back at me as she whispered, "I can't."
I nodded my head, not fully understanding.
"I see it," she continued to whisper, but she no longer looked at me. Her eyes were cast far away out the window to my left.
I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't; I hoped.
"Want to tell me what happened?" I asked lovingly.
She shook her head fiercely.
"It might help," I tried convincing.
"No," she said, her voice breaking lightly.
"That's okay," I assured.
"Nothing's okay," she countered.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"You shouldn't be sorry," she whispered.
"Neither should you," I explained.
"But its my fault!" she screamed before breaking down into sobs.
I walked over to her quickly this time and wrapped my arms around her without thinking.
She flinched and I felt horrible again. Then she sank into my embrace.
"Nothing that happened was your fault Abby," I said gently, reassuringly. "None of it is your fault."
"You should hate me," she said.
"I could never hate you baby," I assured her, "especially not for this. This was not your fault."
"She's dead."
"There's nothing you could have done," I assured.
"I could have done something."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"You shouldn't want to touch me, I should disgust you," she screamed and forced herself out of my arms.
As I looked into her eyes, I was mystified as to whether I would ever be able to convince her otherwise.
**Present:
They arrived at the apartment building and as Abby looked around she was thankful that it wasn't their apartment. She didn't think she could have gone there.
Cara lay asleep in the backseat with Carter's jacket across her.
He'd have to buy a car seat for her Carter had realized as they had laid her down earlier.
He'd have to buy her a lot of things.
He kept looking back at her throughout the drive, making sure she was still there; she was still real.
He held Abby's hand in his own, hoping she wouldn't take it away.
As he stopped the car Abby failed to move at all.
"I have a spare bedroom," Carter explained.
"You could have just taken us to a hotel," Abby said quietly.
"I really want you to stay her, with me, but if you don't want to. . ."
"No," she interrupted, "its okay."
"Thank you," he whispered to her.
"Can I?" he asked motioning to Cara.
"Sure," she replied smiling.
His smile widened as he got out of the car.
Abby grabbed their bags.
While Carter opened the back door and lifted Cara into his arms, being careful to wrap his jacket tightly around her.
. . .
As they entered the apartment, Abby looked around carefully.
Carter walked through the living room and into a small hallway, where he entered the first room on the left.
Abby followed quickly.
"Do you want me to just put her down?" Carter asked her.
Abby pulled down the carefully made covers of the bed and said, "Yeah, I just need to take her shoes off."
Carter nodded and laid the little girl down on the bed.
As Abby took off her shoes she asked, "could you look in that green bag over there for a teddy bear?"
"Sure," he said his excitement overflowing.
When Abby finished taking Car's shoes off she pulled the blankets up tightly around her.
Carter still stumbled through the bag unable to find a bear.
Abby walked over and frowned. "It's not in there?" she asked.
"I can't find it," he responded moving so that she could check the bag.
"I hope its in one of the other bags then," she said picking up the bag with her clothes in it.
She motioned for him to do the same with the last bag, so he did.
"Is this it?" he asked holding up a brown tattered bear.
"Yeah," she said smiling.
"I can buy her a new one," Carter suggested.
Abby rolled her eyes as she took the bear from him. "Didn't you ever have a favorite thing that you took everywhere?" she asked.
He nodded in understanding.
She laid the bear under the covers next to Cara and turned to look at Carter.
"She's beautiful," he whispered, still in awe.
"Yes she is," Abby whispered and left the room.
After watching over Cara for a few more moments, Carter followed her.
~~
I have to say thank you again to my wonderful reviewers! You guys make my day. Thanks so much.
Special thank yous to Taz, kla, ER-Carby-Luva, Carbyfan, Abby, Sam, carbyluv, camila, marie, loopylu, (and I know I forgot a lot of you, sorry!!) you guys have been encouraging me for a long time now and I appreciate it so much.
Thanks,
Hailie
I'd have to contradict myself in explaining how the rest of the day went.
It was agonizingly slow. The clock never seemed to move. The day never seemed to end.
Yet it was hectic. Traumas, exams, they went so fast that they left my head spinning and a blur in my mind of the events.
Sadly, I'd have to say I wasn't a very good doctor that day.
When you come to a hospital, an ER, you expect the best. You deserve the best. No matter who you are, no matter where you go, because everyone is important.
I failed to provide that.
We were left understaffed, and people complained.
Patients complained, nurses and doctors that were brought in from other departments complained.
No one from the ER complained.
Why were we supposed to care that someone was awoken from bed and forced to come down here to work?
Why were we supposed to care that a patient had to wait 10 extra minutes?
We didn't care.
Our minds weren't here. They shouldn't have been.
Yet they should have been at the same time.
I guess I contradicted myself yet again.
It's almost funny; I was days away from becoming a Doctor, not just a med student, but a Doctor.
And I was ready to quit. Honestly, I was.
**Present:
"Gallant," Susan called as she spotted him down the hall.
"Hey Susan, what are you doing back?" he asked as he approached her.
"Hi Uncle Gallant," Aason said happily.
"Hi Aason," he said lifting the boy.
"Could you look at Lacie for me? She had a fever earlier, and I think its okay now, but I just want to make sure," Susan explained.
"Sure," Gallant said, "exam two should be open."
"Thanks," Susan said.
Susan followed him to exam two, and they found that it was indeed empty.
He set Aason down and began examining Lacie.
"Abby's back," Susan plainly said.
He smiled, "she looks like she's doing good."
"She has a daughter," Susan said.
"Cara."
"Hope Carter Wyczenski," Susan added.
"She's married?" he asked
"I don't know," Susan replied.
"Sounds that way," Gallant said.
"Yeah I know," Susan agreed, "but Carter seemed happy."
"He's waited for her to come back for years, of course he's happy," Gallant said.
"Do you think she's his?" Susan asked.
"Abby wouldn't have named her Carter if she wasn't."
"I know," Susan sighed, "but it's not her last name."
"And Carter knows?" Gallant questioned.
"He was the one who told me her name," Susan explained, "I assumed it was Cara Carter."
Gallant nodded.
"Or even Cara Lockhart," Susan added.
"So her name isn't Cara at all?" Gallant asked.
"No. Hope Carter Wyczenski," Susan repeated.
"Maybe Abby just changed her last name," Gallant suggested.
"Why would she do that?" Susan asked.
"I don't know," Gallant admitted.
"Still, I'm glad she's back," Susan affirmed.
"Me too," Gallant agreed. "Is she back for good?"
"For Carter's sake I hope so," Susan answered.
"Lacie's temperature is normal, and nothing seems to be wrong, but I can do some tests if you want," Gallant offered.
Susan thought about it, but she thought Lacie was okay now too, and she could always bring her back so she said, "No that's okay. I'll just take them home."
"Okay," Gallant replied.
"Oh, I'm sure Carter left, so I have to find someone else to cover," Susan suddenly realized.
"Don't worry Susan, I'll find someone for you," Gallant offered.
"Thanks."
"Now get theses two out of here!" he laughed lifting Aason into the air.
**Flashback:
She crept out of the bathroom quietly.
Perhaps she was hoping that I wouldn't say anything.
Sitting on the far side of the bed I was unable to see it open, but the usual squeak of the door let me in on the fact that she had opened it.
She walked into the room and my eyes turned quickly to her, as much as I tried to stop them.
Her eyes; her face; her stance; it all screamed of fear.
"I'm sorry," she whispered as she turned away from me.
With every part of my will power I prevented myself from walking towards her.
"Abs, you have absolutely nothing to be sorry about."
Her eyes moved back and forth though I am unsure of what she was looking at.
We remained still and silent for some time, and I was unsure if that was what she wanted.
"You should go back to sleep," I said gently.
Her fearful eyes looked back at me as she whispered, "I can't."
I nodded my head, not fully understanding.
"I see it," she continued to whisper, but she no longer looked at me. Her eyes were cast far away out the window to my left.
I wanted to cry, but I wouldn't; I hoped.
"Want to tell me what happened?" I asked lovingly.
She shook her head fiercely.
"It might help," I tried convincing.
"No," she said, her voice breaking lightly.
"That's okay," I assured.
"Nothing's okay," she countered.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"You shouldn't be sorry," she whispered.
"Neither should you," I explained.
"But its my fault!" she screamed before breaking down into sobs.
I walked over to her quickly this time and wrapped my arms around her without thinking.
She flinched and I felt horrible again. Then she sank into my embrace.
"Nothing that happened was your fault Abby," I said gently, reassuringly. "None of it is your fault."
"You should hate me," she said.
"I could never hate you baby," I assured her, "especially not for this. This was not your fault."
"She's dead."
"There's nothing you could have done," I assured.
"I could have done something."
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"You shouldn't want to touch me, I should disgust you," she screamed and forced herself out of my arms.
As I looked into her eyes, I was mystified as to whether I would ever be able to convince her otherwise.
**Present:
They arrived at the apartment building and as Abby looked around she was thankful that it wasn't their apartment. She didn't think she could have gone there.
Cara lay asleep in the backseat with Carter's jacket across her.
He'd have to buy a car seat for her Carter had realized as they had laid her down earlier.
He'd have to buy her a lot of things.
He kept looking back at her throughout the drive, making sure she was still there; she was still real.
He held Abby's hand in his own, hoping she wouldn't take it away.
As he stopped the car Abby failed to move at all.
"I have a spare bedroom," Carter explained.
"You could have just taken us to a hotel," Abby said quietly.
"I really want you to stay her, with me, but if you don't want to. . ."
"No," she interrupted, "its okay."
"Thank you," he whispered to her.
"Can I?" he asked motioning to Cara.
"Sure," she replied smiling.
His smile widened as he got out of the car.
Abby grabbed their bags.
While Carter opened the back door and lifted Cara into his arms, being careful to wrap his jacket tightly around her.
. . .
As they entered the apartment, Abby looked around carefully.
Carter walked through the living room and into a small hallway, where he entered the first room on the left.
Abby followed quickly.
"Do you want me to just put her down?" Carter asked her.
Abby pulled down the carefully made covers of the bed and said, "Yeah, I just need to take her shoes off."
Carter nodded and laid the little girl down on the bed.
As Abby took off her shoes she asked, "could you look in that green bag over there for a teddy bear?"
"Sure," he said his excitement overflowing.
When Abby finished taking Car's shoes off she pulled the blankets up tightly around her.
Carter still stumbled through the bag unable to find a bear.
Abby walked over and frowned. "It's not in there?" she asked.
"I can't find it," he responded moving so that she could check the bag.
"I hope its in one of the other bags then," she said picking up the bag with her clothes in it.
She motioned for him to do the same with the last bag, so he did.
"Is this it?" he asked holding up a brown tattered bear.
"Yeah," she said smiling.
"I can buy her a new one," Carter suggested.
Abby rolled her eyes as she took the bear from him. "Didn't you ever have a favorite thing that you took everywhere?" she asked.
He nodded in understanding.
She laid the bear under the covers next to Cara and turned to look at Carter.
"She's beautiful," he whispered, still in awe.
"Yes she is," Abby whispered and left the room.
After watching over Cara for a few more moments, Carter followed her.
~~
I have to say thank you again to my wonderful reviewers! You guys make my day. Thanks so much.
Special thank yous to Taz, kla, ER-Carby-Luva, Carbyfan, Abby, Sam, carbyluv, camila, marie, loopylu, (and I know I forgot a lot of you, sorry!!) you guys have been encouraging me for a long time now and I appreciate it so much.
Thanks,
Hailie