Usual Disclaimer.

Chapter Eighteen

Tuppy beamed. Angela grabbed my arm, trying to restrain me. I tried to strangle Tuppy Glossop. The man took instant objection to this, and got back at me by saying;

"Bertie, have you gone mad?"

Well, what could I say? Probably quite a lot of things, but no ideas came at that moment, or at least not any that were suitable for mixed company. I shook Angela off, and re-doubled my efforts at squeezing the life out of my rival in love.

Eventually, my better self prevailed. I stooped trying to strangle him, and explained.

"Tuppy, I forbid you to ask her!"

"Why?"

"Because she is engaged to me."

There was a stony silence.

"Womaniser."

"What?"

"Angela, how can you love this man? He is engaged to both you and Miss Cooper."

Angela got all stuffy at this point until I forced her, with meaningful looks, to tell the truth about her and me. Tuppy took it hard. He swallowed a bit.

"So, you would lie to me?"

"Yes. You told me I was fat. You told me you were in love with someone else."

"Maybe. But I wasn't lying."

I shut my eyes. I wanted to run away very fast. I could hear Angela's breathing getting louder until she was snorting. I could almost imagine the flames rearing forth from her nose and mouth.

"So, you think I'm fat do you?"

There was an awkward silence. Tuppy was mulling over his answer. Eventually, he said;

"Maybe not. But you're a good deal wider than Emily. So I 'shall' ask her to marry me."

My eyes sprung open. But too late, Tuppy saw me, and sprinted for safety. I decided too let him live. After all, Emily would remain true to me, so there was no cause for alarm.

Angela was another thing altogether. She eyed me, with distaste. She drew breath, and marched off to report back to Mother, no doubt.

I too, meandered back into the house. There I met Jeeves.

"Ah, Jeeves. I wanted to tell you something."

"Indeed, sir?"

"Yes. Tuppy has just declared his intention to marry your beautiful niece."

I have known Jeeves a long time. There has been many an occasion when he ought to have been flabbergasted. But he never seemed to react. This time though, I really believed that he would fall backwards, his eye rolling whilst saying; "Good Lord".

"Yes, sir."

I reeled. The man was made of stone, surely.

Then it hit me what he had actually said.

"What?!"

"I said that I already knew, sir."

"How?"

He coughed politely.

"Miss Emily confided in me, sir, that Mr Glossop might express some such intention."

"Well, she could've told me."

"I believe she didn't wish to upset yours and Mr Glossop's friendship, sir, by driving a wedge between you that may not actually exist. Miss Cooper was not sure of Mr Glossop's intentions, so she kept it a secret to avoid unpleasantness."

"Well, it was all very good of her. But there is definitely a wedge between Tuppy and self now. And I can assure you that it is very unpleasant."

"Quite, sir."

I thought for a space. Jeeves just stood there, looking piously at the ceiling.

"He can't work it, Jeeves, surely because Emily is engaged to me."

Jeeves coughed.

"No, sir. She is not."

I stared at the man. Then the thing hit me. In all the excitement, I had quite forgotten that Edward Binsley had butted me out the way.

"Well, fair enough. But the point is she is already promised elsewhere. Therefore Tuppy won't get a look in."

Jeeves coughed again. He had obviously spent hours, re-fining and tuning that cough. It had panache that cough. It was the sort of cough that comes just before a really amazing bit of news in a play.

"Yes, Jeeves?"

"I, well, sir. It is just that, oh. Sorry to trouble you, sir. It was nothing."

I raised an eyebrow. This wasn't the amazing bit of news I'd hoped for. It was very unlike the man, in fact.

"If that is how you feel, Jeeves."

"Thank you, sir."

As I began to patter off, I looked over my shoulder. Jeeves was giving me one of his paternal looks. All sort of fatherly, and worried. I almost stopped. But, at this moment his gaze returned to the ceiling, so off I toddled.