~*~*~*~*~
SHATTERED HEART
CHAPTER 3
~*~*~*~*~
[Song = "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down]
It has seemed like forever that I've been now sitting inside of this cursed well. I've been laying on this dirty ground for almost a week now. I've refused to abandon it. I remember something that Miroku said a while back after you left...
"Kagome's gone, Inuyasha. Why don't you just give up and stay with Kikyou? This entire thing was your fault, you know."
Yes. That lecherous dared to even say such a thing to me. I didn't understand how I could've acted so foolishly. I didn't understand why I didn't choose you instead of her... I never expected for us to break up like this. No, definitely not like this, especially after my heart has undergone through so many days of incontrollable culpability.
I was useless...
How could you ever love me? I've made you go through so much danger and so much pain. How dare you love me? How could you? You know as well as I that I'm not worth a rat's ass. You know me better than anyone else...You know how I always used to make all those idiotic complaints I always grumbled at you about. But still...
You've been behind my back for so long... You've been there throughout all this time supporting me, accompanying me for so long...You've been my light when I couldn't see, when I was lost. And it's been so long...
Perhaps too long indeed...
~*~*~*~*~
A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face...
~*~*~*~*~
I closed the door to my room and sat on my bed as I watched the autumn leaves tumble down. I felt the afternoon breeze enter my window and blow my face gently. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply as I collapsed on my bed.
I look at the calendar across from me as I notice that I've been gone for almost a whole month now. Well, not exactly; more like 29 days, 10 hours, 35 minutes, and 19 seconds...
But...
Oh no!
Curse my foolish life! Curse it! Curse it! Curse it! Why in the name of Kami am I still thinking of you? Why can't you just go away? Why can't I just move on with my life for once? Why do I have still hold such a grudge over you?
I couldn't understand why I still loved you...
I breathed some cool air and sighed as I then bit my lip and tried with all my heart to not shed a single tear for you. I was trying so hard... You couldn't understand how pressuring a single pillow could be...
Every time that I looked at it, I just felt so tempted to just snatch it, dunk it in my face, and to sob, cry, and weep like the little infant that I was. I wanted to just let all the heavy load of sadness just escape out of my throat and out of my mind...
But I haven't wept... and I won't, no matter how much my heart is throbbing for you. No matter how much I miss you and want you so. No matter how much I desire to do so, all I can say is to mark my words:
I will not cry...
~*~*~*~*~
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same...
~*~*~*~*~
"Inuyasha...?"
Shippou jumped inside as I lay on the same place as before, his emerald eyes glowing sadly as the rays of the setting sun reflected its shine. He has never seen me like this before. It must be so hard on him... but he must know I can't help it...
There's nothing I can do...
"Inuyasha please come out... it's been so long since you left this well! Please come out! I beg of you!"
The poor kitsune sprang towards me, his small arms hugging my head.
"Don't you think I miss Kagome?" Shippou sniffed, "don't you think I want her to come back too?" I heard the poor thing sob lightly as his fingers gripped my hair with might. Now I know why he hasn't bothered me for so long...
"Shippou..." I said softly, "don't..."
"You have got to stop acting like this! Get out of this well! We need you!"
"Who do you mean 'we'?" I scoffed. I felt Shippou let go of my head ever so slowly and sat in front of me, my chest supporting his back and tears streaming out of his eyes. I looked at him... and I couldn't help it but feel bad for him. It was my fault that I've made him cry like this... I've never intended to make him feel so sad as he was now...
"Inuyasha..." He left his words hanging in silence as he let out yet one sob after another. His tears were so painful and pitying to see, as they strolled down his cheek and unto the ground.
He looked just like me back when mother died...
I picked up the kitsune by the waist, as I sat up and placed him on my knee, his eyes red from crying and his nose stuffy.
"Look, Shippou. I really am sorry... you really don't know how sorry I am..." I felt his eyes gaze at me.
"Why can't you just go get her, Inuyasha?" he asked with hopes of a way to bring you back. I scoffed mentally at him, making such hard things sound so easy. But Kaede blocked it with her stupid spells. Curse her...
I patted his head gently, and cleared my throat.
"Because I don't want to..." I said. Shippou's eyes widened.
"What do you mean you don't want to? I thought you said you loved her!"
"And I do!" I shouted.
"Then why are you saying this to me?" he asked angrily. Why was I saying this to him? What am I thinking? Why do I keep on denying this feeling? It's like something is pulling me towards you, but at the same time it's pulling me away. I want to see you, but I shouldn't. Something is keeping me away from you. Maybe it was right to stay away; that way we can both not argue as much as we used to. We are, after all, from different eras.
You belong in your world and I belong here...But no, wait...you belong here...with me...but then...
I slapped my hand on my forehead, as a knee supported my elbow and the kitsune sat on the other knee. How could I explain this to him? He's only a child...
"Because it's the best thing...for both of us..." I answered. Shippou stayed quiet for a few moments. I felt his eyes gaze hopelessly towards me, as I bit my lip and sighed deeply. I didn't dare want to look at him. I didn't want to see him crying again. It was just too much for me...
What can I do if I can't go through the well? Only you can...
As silence was flooding the small area, the kitsune seemed to be thinking of you as well as I was, for I think I heard the little guy sniffing again...
~*~*~*~*~
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face...
~*~*~*~*~
SHATTERED HEART
CHAPTER 3
~*~*~*~*~
[Song = "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down]
It has seemed like forever that I've been now sitting inside of this cursed well. I've been laying on this dirty ground for almost a week now. I've refused to abandon it. I remember something that Miroku said a while back after you left...
"Kagome's gone, Inuyasha. Why don't you just give up and stay with Kikyou? This entire thing was your fault, you know."
Yes. That lecherous dared to even say such a thing to me. I didn't understand how I could've acted so foolishly. I didn't understand why I didn't choose you instead of her... I never expected for us to break up like this. No, definitely not like this, especially after my heart has undergone through so many days of incontrollable culpability.
I was useless...
How could you ever love me? I've made you go through so much danger and so much pain. How dare you love me? How could you? You know as well as I that I'm not worth a rat's ass. You know me better than anyone else...You know how I always used to make all those idiotic complaints I always grumbled at you about. But still...
You've been behind my back for so long... You've been there throughout all this time supporting me, accompanying me for so long...You've been my light when I couldn't see, when I was lost. And it's been so long...
Perhaps too long indeed...
~*~*~*~*~
A hundred days had made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face...
~*~*~*~*~
I closed the door to my room and sat on my bed as I watched the autumn leaves tumble down. I felt the afternoon breeze enter my window and blow my face gently. I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply as I collapsed on my bed.
I look at the calendar across from me as I notice that I've been gone for almost a whole month now. Well, not exactly; more like 29 days, 10 hours, 35 minutes, and 19 seconds...
But...
Oh no!
Curse my foolish life! Curse it! Curse it! Curse it! Why in the name of Kami am I still thinking of you? Why can't you just go away? Why can't I just move on with my life for once? Why do I have still hold such a grudge over you?
I couldn't understand why I still loved you...
I breathed some cool air and sighed as I then bit my lip and tried with all my heart to not shed a single tear for you. I was trying so hard... You couldn't understand how pressuring a single pillow could be...
Every time that I looked at it, I just felt so tempted to just snatch it, dunk it in my face, and to sob, cry, and weep like the little infant that I was. I wanted to just let all the heavy load of sadness just escape out of my throat and out of my mind...
But I haven't wept... and I won't, no matter how much my heart is throbbing for you. No matter how much I miss you and want you so. No matter how much I desire to do so, all I can say is to mark my words:
I will not cry...
~*~*~*~*~
A thousand lights had made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same...
~*~*~*~*~
"Inuyasha...?"
Shippou jumped inside as I lay on the same place as before, his emerald eyes glowing sadly as the rays of the setting sun reflected its shine. He has never seen me like this before. It must be so hard on him... but he must know I can't help it...
There's nothing I can do...
"Inuyasha please come out... it's been so long since you left this well! Please come out! I beg of you!"
The poor kitsune sprang towards me, his small arms hugging my head.
"Don't you think I miss Kagome?" Shippou sniffed, "don't you think I want her to come back too?" I heard the poor thing sob lightly as his fingers gripped my hair with might. Now I know why he hasn't bothered me for so long...
"Shippou..." I said softly, "don't..."
"You have got to stop acting like this! Get out of this well! We need you!"
"Who do you mean 'we'?" I scoffed. I felt Shippou let go of my head ever so slowly and sat in front of me, my chest supporting his back and tears streaming out of his eyes. I looked at him... and I couldn't help it but feel bad for him. It was my fault that I've made him cry like this... I've never intended to make him feel so sad as he was now...
"Inuyasha..." He left his words hanging in silence as he let out yet one sob after another. His tears were so painful and pitying to see, as they strolled down his cheek and unto the ground.
He looked just like me back when mother died...
I picked up the kitsune by the waist, as I sat up and placed him on my knee, his eyes red from crying and his nose stuffy.
"Look, Shippou. I really am sorry... you really don't know how sorry I am..." I felt his eyes gaze at me.
"Why can't you just go get her, Inuyasha?" he asked with hopes of a way to bring you back. I scoffed mentally at him, making such hard things sound so easy. But Kaede blocked it with her stupid spells. Curse her...
I patted his head gently, and cleared my throat.
"Because I don't want to..." I said. Shippou's eyes widened.
"What do you mean you don't want to? I thought you said you loved her!"
"And I do!" I shouted.
"Then why are you saying this to me?" he asked angrily. Why was I saying this to him? What am I thinking? Why do I keep on denying this feeling? It's like something is pulling me towards you, but at the same time it's pulling me away. I want to see you, but I shouldn't. Something is keeping me away from you. Maybe it was right to stay away; that way we can both not argue as much as we used to. We are, after all, from different eras.
You belong in your world and I belong here...But no, wait...you belong here...with me...but then...
I slapped my hand on my forehead, as a knee supported my elbow and the kitsune sat on the other knee. How could I explain this to him? He's only a child...
"Because it's the best thing...for both of us..." I answered. Shippou stayed quiet for a few moments. I felt his eyes gaze hopelessly towards me, as I bit my lip and sighed deeply. I didn't dare want to look at him. I didn't want to see him crying again. It was just too much for me...
What can I do if I can't go through the well? Only you can...
As silence was flooding the small area, the kitsune seemed to be thinking of you as well as I was, for I think I heard the little guy sniffing again...
~*~*~*~*~
But all the miles had separate
They disappeared now when I'm dreaming of your face...
~*~*~*~*~