~*~*~*~*~
SHATTERED HEART
CHAPTER 5
~*~*~*~*~
I landed gently on the hard ground of black-inked darkness, as I looked upon the jewel shard in my palm and let it shine freely and light up my face with awe. Eventually purple lights began to go to and fro around me as they lifted me up from the ground and proceeded me on to your era... But as I held it and let my hair gravitate in midair, those doubts bounced back from the graves I thought I buried them in. Those cursed thoughts began to come to me as they swirled into my nostrils and into my heart and entire being.
I didn't want to go back. I could already picture it: your scorching eyes whipping me with such a malevolent hatred, such a stinging and agonizing pain. I know you would regret ever loving me. Who wouldn't? I abandoned you... I have let you go...
I have set you free...
You were free from that heavy bag of burden known as myself. You should be glad... You should be gay... I shouldn't be doing this... Why was I here? Why in the seven hells was I floating around here for? I mean you don't want to see me... who could ever blame you? I surely couldn't. It was to be expected of a person: to hate others if they deceive you... to love those who respect you...
It was to be expected...
As I looked at the jewel shard in my hand again, I began to feel as though my heart started to beat ever so slowly, like each of the veins in my body needed all the strength of human kind to keep on its flowing activity. I began to feel weak; weak as the dying flowers in my garden. They drooped on all day as their petals wrinkle and dry out under the autumn sun. Not even the bees dared to buzz near such an unsupplied mass of death.
I was that flower in the garden, that rose that wilted every day and crawled closer to the gates of those fiery pits of hell. And I'd wilt more and more, as a pair of fingers grabbed me and pulled me out of my roots which broke and shattered my connection between my sanity and life.
You would be looking at me with bitter distaste, a very sullen disgust as you'd breathe in my scent of death and choke up its reeking odor. You would go into the river, and throw me down. Your saffron eyes would gleam coldly as I flow down the river's current and fall down that deep waterfall which guides me to my lonely fate...
Even if it's rather long to explain such deep emotions, that's how I feel right now... like a dying flower thrown away into nothing... as nothing... But you love Kikyou...
And I love you...
~*~*~*~*~
Thanks to the Gods above, that sobbing kitsune left me be. It was about time I had some time to myself, as I saw the last streaks of the sun slowly fade away through the pink sky. Well at least I don't turn human tonight... So that's something to be happy about...
Right...?
Feh. Yeah... real joy...
You're still not here with me... and there's nothing I could do to prevent my heart from burning with anguish and desperation. It was so hard... these long, aching, sorrowful days of seclusion have been engraved in my mind so deeply... For that stupid monk was right again...
"Kagome's not coming back, Inuyasha... give it up already!"
I remembered the enraging way he said those words, the way his eyes were burning with the thought that I was insane or naïve, just like Kaede-baba said. He even dared to punch me, that horny houshi. He was just jealous... of the fact that I can sit here all day until you'd come back and he can't... I know I'm right. It was all their fault! Every single thing they've said have been anything but inspiring.
Not a single word of encouragement, of support, not even of concern. I've been bashed for so long, and even the villagers found out about me and so I heard that they're now gambling about whether or not you're coming. My cursed ability to hear things from afar make my veins boil with disgruntlement as I hear their cheery voices speak of me...
"That stupid hanyou," they say, "does he really think she's coming back for him? Ha! All I can say if good riddance for that lousy bastard!"
"Yeah, thank the Gods we don't have to wait in a well and starve to death like that filthy dog," I hear women say, "everyone knows he's done this more than a dozen times. It's about time that young dear moved on with her life. And plus, he's a hanyou! What does she have to come back for? A lump of nothing is what I think!"
Curse them all... Why would everyone turn their back on me like this, after all I've done for their people and this land? I've saved their lives! I've sealed their fates and let them on continuing in the land of the living! How could they even dare betray me and guilt me on like this!
I shouldn't have bothered giving the stupid jewel to that old hag... I should've taken it and let them all die... I felt tears stream out of my eyes, and I tried to control my anger from escaping my hands. I gripped on my knees, as I sat on this useless well and looked at the starry night shimmer above. And I think I can't take this anymore... I have to admit I'm rather tired of waiting for you...
Maybe they are right...
Maybe you aren't coming back...
I should just give up...
~*~*~*~*~
As I finally felt gravity take its position in my body, I landed gently on the ground and sighed. I looked around...
And there was no one in here. I put the jewel shard back in my pocket, as I made sure my sneakers were tied, my sweater was neat, and my jeans weren't wrinkly. I had to look my best for him... this was my only chance to make everything right again. But as I looked up, I saw smoke rising up in the sky. I hurried up and looked around. Kaede's village was on fire!
And you must've been there too! You could've been hurt or wounded!
I hurried on as fast as my legs could carry me, not caring now if my hair was filled with rippled leaves or my shoes were dirty with mud and mucus. I just wanted to see you again so bad...
As I stopped and dodge over a flame, I looked on ahead.
As I abruptly stopped with my eyes wide and my soul bewildered, I looked at all the chaos encircling around the village. Everything was in flames; homes, crops, and even animals. Flames staggered up into the sky and reached their apex of destruction. I saw so many people evacuating from there, mothers holding their children with their own lives at risk. I saw men dragging their sick elders with mighty courage, and sometimes I saw children darting inside their homes and rescuing their pets from the bloody infernos.
But how could such a fire commence so abruptly? What could've happened? As I began helping people with their belongings, Kaede-baba called for me, her face shocked with fear. It was as if something ironic happened. The poor lady's hand was shaking as she held mine with such feeble strength. I asked the old woman what happened and her answer was something that tore me apart then and there...
"Inuyasha has stolen the Shikon no Tama, Kagome..." she panted, "he attacked the village again...I tried to stop him but...I was not strong enough to do so..." I never wanted this to ever happen. This wasn't to be jotted down in time! Why would the gods allow and permit such hideous consequences? But I asked her where you went nonetheless; and all I got was a shrug and a shake in the head.
What was I to do now? Where could you be, Inuyasha? Where?!
As possibilities stacked up in my mind, the shard in my pocket shined brightly, and the first thing I concluded was the Sacred Tree. I left Kaede- baba and promised her I'd return soon. You wouldn't believe how many things I was thinking while I headed towards that tree. So many worries, so many questions, so many doubts. It was so much! I thought my head was going to explode by how much I was vexed.
And as I tripped a few times and stumbled upon tree roots, I reached the tree. the place where I first met you...
You weren't there, though...
And as I looked at it, my legs began to feel weak, my head was getting heavy and my arms were now numb. I looked at it for what seemed like hours, as I felt those cursed tears come down again. I was so tired of this pain, so tired of crying so much. I was tired of missing you and loving you so much. I wanted to hold you so badly, just to look into your sunny eyes and let them mend my wounds.
I asked for nothing more except your love... But I guess it was too much to ask for, wasn't it? It was just too hard for you to say those three simple words I've wanted you to say for so long... 'I love you' is all I've wanted for these years. And I wished you'd meant those words the last time you spoke them.
But it's too late now... nothing I do could reverse the hands of time... and now I finally sulk under this tree like the baby that I was...
~*~*~*~*~
I finally avenged those stupid villagers for making fun of me... all I could keep saying to them is 'Good fucking riddance, bastards!' I smirked at myself, as I looked from high up in a cliff the satisfying sight of the heavenly infernos which was my success. That stupid monk and the youkai exterminator managed to escape with the kitsune and the newly revived Kohaku. I guess I should let some live to tell the tale of my comeback. It actually felt kind of good returning to my old self again.
I didn't have to care anymore...
But...
As I held the Shikon no Tama in my grasp, I brought it towards me and sniffed it. I could swear it had a slight scent of your cursed fragrance... Why is it that no matter how hard I want to put this behind me, I just end up back where I started? How could this be possible? The bright radiance of the jewel reminded me so much of your eyes... It was so incredible... I looked at the stars and they reminded me of that night when you and I first confessed...
That night was as starry as tonight, and you and I were as merry as two lovebirds in the midst of spring time. The wind blew around us, and I embraced you as you shivered with cold. I actually enjoyed hugging you like that. It was like I was contracting away those pains in my system and in my heart. I sniffed the scent of you hair as you giggled sweetly in my arms. As I lowered my head to level your eyes, I couldn't handle but to confess everything.
I confessed my love for you, and how I would never love any other woman but you; not even Kikyou... As you smiled at me, you touched my face and whispered those words I wanted to hear you say after so long...
"I love you so much, you puppy..."
I replied with a nudge in the neck as we then continued looking at the stars relaxingly... well, up until Shippou came and interrupted as always...
Whoa, what the fuck am I talking about?! All that crap's a lump of jelly now! There's no way that's ever going to happen again! You're gone for crying out loud! There's no way in hell you're coming back... It would be pure insanity for anyone to think such a thing... You? Come back? For what?
I gripped that stupid jewel so hard I thought for sure I was going to break it again. But I couldn't handle feeling this way. I couldn't handle being angry; not only at you but at myself as well, for everyone knows how gullible and idiotic of a fool I am. You even know that. And if you didn't, you would've probably figured it out by now. I didn't want to be here anymore...
I didn't want to believe the fact that everyone in this world hated me. I knew Shippou hated me now. I could see it in the way he looked at me and slowly lost his wide admiration for his idol which was my former self. Miroku hated me, as well as Sango and that old hag. The villagers hated me, and now I know Sesshoumaru must be pretty delighted to discover my unfortunate spiritual demise. He'd probably be chuckling in his throne sipping his tea and hitting that imp servant of his with constant and mere joy.
This whole world really hated me, didn't it? Even Myouga hasn't been talking to me at all. His fucking loyalty has vanished quicker than his speed. That bastard was a lousy talker anyway. Who needs him?
This stupid world was becoming meaningless to me, as I gritted my teeth and noticed I was crying this entire time... Why the hell was this happening to me so much? I didn't get it! What do the Gods want from me?! Do they want my life?!
I pause... and look at the Shikon jewel in my hand. Perhaps I didn't need this stupid jewel after all... All I needed was my sword, right?
And with one swing, I could take my own life and end all these stupid thoughts and ambiguous anxieties. It could all end here and now. As I take out Tessaiga out of its sheath, I pointed the blade towards my torso, right into the stomach...
This was the moment... the moment where you would be gone forever, Kagome Higurashi...
It was time...
~*~*~*~*~
SHATTERED HEART
CHAPTER 5
~*~*~*~*~
I landed gently on the hard ground of black-inked darkness, as I looked upon the jewel shard in my palm and let it shine freely and light up my face with awe. Eventually purple lights began to go to and fro around me as they lifted me up from the ground and proceeded me on to your era... But as I held it and let my hair gravitate in midair, those doubts bounced back from the graves I thought I buried them in. Those cursed thoughts began to come to me as they swirled into my nostrils and into my heart and entire being.
I didn't want to go back. I could already picture it: your scorching eyes whipping me with such a malevolent hatred, such a stinging and agonizing pain. I know you would regret ever loving me. Who wouldn't? I abandoned you... I have let you go...
I have set you free...
You were free from that heavy bag of burden known as myself. You should be glad... You should be gay... I shouldn't be doing this... Why was I here? Why in the seven hells was I floating around here for? I mean you don't want to see me... who could ever blame you? I surely couldn't. It was to be expected of a person: to hate others if they deceive you... to love those who respect you...
It was to be expected...
As I looked at the jewel shard in my hand again, I began to feel as though my heart started to beat ever so slowly, like each of the veins in my body needed all the strength of human kind to keep on its flowing activity. I began to feel weak; weak as the dying flowers in my garden. They drooped on all day as their petals wrinkle and dry out under the autumn sun. Not even the bees dared to buzz near such an unsupplied mass of death.
I was that flower in the garden, that rose that wilted every day and crawled closer to the gates of those fiery pits of hell. And I'd wilt more and more, as a pair of fingers grabbed me and pulled me out of my roots which broke and shattered my connection between my sanity and life.
You would be looking at me with bitter distaste, a very sullen disgust as you'd breathe in my scent of death and choke up its reeking odor. You would go into the river, and throw me down. Your saffron eyes would gleam coldly as I flow down the river's current and fall down that deep waterfall which guides me to my lonely fate...
Even if it's rather long to explain such deep emotions, that's how I feel right now... like a dying flower thrown away into nothing... as nothing... But you love Kikyou...
And I love you...
~*~*~*~*~
Thanks to the Gods above, that sobbing kitsune left me be. It was about time I had some time to myself, as I saw the last streaks of the sun slowly fade away through the pink sky. Well at least I don't turn human tonight... So that's something to be happy about...
Right...?
Feh. Yeah... real joy...
You're still not here with me... and there's nothing I could do to prevent my heart from burning with anguish and desperation. It was so hard... these long, aching, sorrowful days of seclusion have been engraved in my mind so deeply... For that stupid monk was right again...
"Kagome's not coming back, Inuyasha... give it up already!"
I remembered the enraging way he said those words, the way his eyes were burning with the thought that I was insane or naïve, just like Kaede-baba said. He even dared to punch me, that horny houshi. He was just jealous... of the fact that I can sit here all day until you'd come back and he can't... I know I'm right. It was all their fault! Every single thing they've said have been anything but inspiring.
Not a single word of encouragement, of support, not even of concern. I've been bashed for so long, and even the villagers found out about me and so I heard that they're now gambling about whether or not you're coming. My cursed ability to hear things from afar make my veins boil with disgruntlement as I hear their cheery voices speak of me...
"That stupid hanyou," they say, "does he really think she's coming back for him? Ha! All I can say if good riddance for that lousy bastard!"
"Yeah, thank the Gods we don't have to wait in a well and starve to death like that filthy dog," I hear women say, "everyone knows he's done this more than a dozen times. It's about time that young dear moved on with her life. And plus, he's a hanyou! What does she have to come back for? A lump of nothing is what I think!"
Curse them all... Why would everyone turn their back on me like this, after all I've done for their people and this land? I've saved their lives! I've sealed their fates and let them on continuing in the land of the living! How could they even dare betray me and guilt me on like this!
I shouldn't have bothered giving the stupid jewel to that old hag... I should've taken it and let them all die... I felt tears stream out of my eyes, and I tried to control my anger from escaping my hands. I gripped on my knees, as I sat on this useless well and looked at the starry night shimmer above. And I think I can't take this anymore... I have to admit I'm rather tired of waiting for you...
Maybe they are right...
Maybe you aren't coming back...
I should just give up...
~*~*~*~*~
As I finally felt gravity take its position in my body, I landed gently on the ground and sighed. I looked around...
And there was no one in here. I put the jewel shard back in my pocket, as I made sure my sneakers were tied, my sweater was neat, and my jeans weren't wrinkly. I had to look my best for him... this was my only chance to make everything right again. But as I looked up, I saw smoke rising up in the sky. I hurried up and looked around. Kaede's village was on fire!
And you must've been there too! You could've been hurt or wounded!
I hurried on as fast as my legs could carry me, not caring now if my hair was filled with rippled leaves or my shoes were dirty with mud and mucus. I just wanted to see you again so bad...
As I stopped and dodge over a flame, I looked on ahead.
As I abruptly stopped with my eyes wide and my soul bewildered, I looked at all the chaos encircling around the village. Everything was in flames; homes, crops, and even animals. Flames staggered up into the sky and reached their apex of destruction. I saw so many people evacuating from there, mothers holding their children with their own lives at risk. I saw men dragging their sick elders with mighty courage, and sometimes I saw children darting inside their homes and rescuing their pets from the bloody infernos.
But how could such a fire commence so abruptly? What could've happened? As I began helping people with their belongings, Kaede-baba called for me, her face shocked with fear. It was as if something ironic happened. The poor lady's hand was shaking as she held mine with such feeble strength. I asked the old woman what happened and her answer was something that tore me apart then and there...
"Inuyasha has stolen the Shikon no Tama, Kagome..." she panted, "he attacked the village again...I tried to stop him but...I was not strong enough to do so..." I never wanted this to ever happen. This wasn't to be jotted down in time! Why would the gods allow and permit such hideous consequences? But I asked her where you went nonetheless; and all I got was a shrug and a shake in the head.
What was I to do now? Where could you be, Inuyasha? Where?!
As possibilities stacked up in my mind, the shard in my pocket shined brightly, and the first thing I concluded was the Sacred Tree. I left Kaede- baba and promised her I'd return soon. You wouldn't believe how many things I was thinking while I headed towards that tree. So many worries, so many questions, so many doubts. It was so much! I thought my head was going to explode by how much I was vexed.
And as I tripped a few times and stumbled upon tree roots, I reached the tree. the place where I first met you...
You weren't there, though...
And as I looked at it, my legs began to feel weak, my head was getting heavy and my arms were now numb. I looked at it for what seemed like hours, as I felt those cursed tears come down again. I was so tired of this pain, so tired of crying so much. I was tired of missing you and loving you so much. I wanted to hold you so badly, just to look into your sunny eyes and let them mend my wounds.
I asked for nothing more except your love... But I guess it was too much to ask for, wasn't it? It was just too hard for you to say those three simple words I've wanted you to say for so long... 'I love you' is all I've wanted for these years. And I wished you'd meant those words the last time you spoke them.
But it's too late now... nothing I do could reverse the hands of time... and now I finally sulk under this tree like the baby that I was...
~*~*~*~*~
I finally avenged those stupid villagers for making fun of me... all I could keep saying to them is 'Good fucking riddance, bastards!' I smirked at myself, as I looked from high up in a cliff the satisfying sight of the heavenly infernos which was my success. That stupid monk and the youkai exterminator managed to escape with the kitsune and the newly revived Kohaku. I guess I should let some live to tell the tale of my comeback. It actually felt kind of good returning to my old self again.
I didn't have to care anymore...
But...
As I held the Shikon no Tama in my grasp, I brought it towards me and sniffed it. I could swear it had a slight scent of your cursed fragrance... Why is it that no matter how hard I want to put this behind me, I just end up back where I started? How could this be possible? The bright radiance of the jewel reminded me so much of your eyes... It was so incredible... I looked at the stars and they reminded me of that night when you and I first confessed...
That night was as starry as tonight, and you and I were as merry as two lovebirds in the midst of spring time. The wind blew around us, and I embraced you as you shivered with cold. I actually enjoyed hugging you like that. It was like I was contracting away those pains in my system and in my heart. I sniffed the scent of you hair as you giggled sweetly in my arms. As I lowered my head to level your eyes, I couldn't handle but to confess everything.
I confessed my love for you, and how I would never love any other woman but you; not even Kikyou... As you smiled at me, you touched my face and whispered those words I wanted to hear you say after so long...
"I love you so much, you puppy..."
I replied with a nudge in the neck as we then continued looking at the stars relaxingly... well, up until Shippou came and interrupted as always...
Whoa, what the fuck am I talking about?! All that crap's a lump of jelly now! There's no way that's ever going to happen again! You're gone for crying out loud! There's no way in hell you're coming back... It would be pure insanity for anyone to think such a thing... You? Come back? For what?
I gripped that stupid jewel so hard I thought for sure I was going to break it again. But I couldn't handle feeling this way. I couldn't handle being angry; not only at you but at myself as well, for everyone knows how gullible and idiotic of a fool I am. You even know that. And if you didn't, you would've probably figured it out by now. I didn't want to be here anymore...
I didn't want to believe the fact that everyone in this world hated me. I knew Shippou hated me now. I could see it in the way he looked at me and slowly lost his wide admiration for his idol which was my former self. Miroku hated me, as well as Sango and that old hag. The villagers hated me, and now I know Sesshoumaru must be pretty delighted to discover my unfortunate spiritual demise. He'd probably be chuckling in his throne sipping his tea and hitting that imp servant of his with constant and mere joy.
This whole world really hated me, didn't it? Even Myouga hasn't been talking to me at all. His fucking loyalty has vanished quicker than his speed. That bastard was a lousy talker anyway. Who needs him?
This stupid world was becoming meaningless to me, as I gritted my teeth and noticed I was crying this entire time... Why the hell was this happening to me so much? I didn't get it! What do the Gods want from me?! Do they want my life?!
I pause... and look at the Shikon jewel in my hand. Perhaps I didn't need this stupid jewel after all... All I needed was my sword, right?
And with one swing, I could take my own life and end all these stupid thoughts and ambiguous anxieties. It could all end here and now. As I take out Tessaiga out of its sheath, I pointed the blade towards my torso, right into the stomach...
This was the moment... the moment where you would be gone forever, Kagome Higurashi...
It was time...
~*~*~*~*~