I used to think that if you understood how the mind worked that you would
go crazy. I'm not sure why I thought that, I just did. So I stopped caring,
I lived my life one night after the next getting fucked up. During the day,
I'd write. I'd write all about my life and my thoughts and put it into a
book someday. I wanted to show people what happens in orphanages when you
do something wrong. You don't get yelled at, you don't get sent to your
room without dinner; you get beat, brutally so you won't forget and you'll
go without dinner for a week.
I should know.
I wasn't ever a really good kid. I fooled around a lot, messing with people, cracking jokes. No matter how hard they hit me, I still kept on. Then I was sent to a wizarding school and my entire life changed. I met people that were like me and I made friends, one in particular; Ginger. Ginger and I were inseparable, always causing some kind of trouble. We were like sisters at school, and then summer holiday came around and we barely talked, but once school started, it was as if we weren't apart. I never told her about the orphanage and I sometimes think that maybe it was partly my fault. Maybe she would have understood me in a way and saw me for who I really was and then this would have never happened. But it did and I met Scott. Shit, was he gorgeous and he thought I was beautiful. It was almost too good to be true. I started to get suspicious over nothing and when I let my guard down, then it fell apart.
It was then my fucked up days began. I drank, I smoked, and I even snorted a few things, but believe me that didn't last long. I was offered a job as a Chaser for Ballycastle Bats and I accepted. My life started to straighten out and I vowed never to even think about relationships ever again.
But then George Weasley had to walk into that coffee shop I worked at and he just had to apologize before I left and make me melt into nothing. I wanted to kiss him, but most of the time I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure how he felt and he usually acted like he didn't care.
His brother Fred threw a party on Christmas Eve and I was invited. I must admit I remember I drank a few beers and took a few shots, but I was just buzzed. I probably fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, my head ached. It felt like a million nails had been hammered in.
I walked out of whoever's bedroom I was asleep in completely unaware to fact I was wearing small panties and a small red shirt. George was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal and Fred was sitting next to a sleeping Ginger on the couch with a beer. Fred whistled, I waved a hand at him as if swatting a fly as I sat down at the table.
"How are you?" George asked. There was a smile in his eyes as if he knew a joke and wasn't sharing. I loved that look.
"My head hurts," I said.
He laughed. "With all you drank last night, I'd imagine so."
I put my hands to my mouth, "I drank a lot?"
"Hell yeah," Fred said. "You and Ginger both drank our entire stash. Not to mention you threw up."
I looked at George horrified. What a great impression that makes. "I'm so sorry."
But he didn't seem bothered at all, not even fazed. "No problem, happens to the best of us."
I loved that about him, I loved everything about him. From the way he smiles to when he gets that whiney sound in his throat when he doesn't want something. When was at the coffee shop every day and sat there with me when I got off work, to when he nearly ran to see if I was okay when I fell of my broomstick. He was gorgeous inside and out and it killed me that I couldn't touch him.
It's not that I couldn't, it's more that I wouldn't. I told myself that I wouldn't get involved with someone. Last time was hard enough; I didn't want to screw up again.
"So, are you coming to out parent's house tonight?" Fred said.
"Why?" I asked.
"A Christmas party. My mum asked you, not that I wouldn't mind if you came. I asked you last night, but I figured you wouldn't remember," George said. He was speaking a little fast for my head to comprehend, so I sat there trying to figure it out. "Of course, if you don't that's fine too, I know how our family is."
"No, it's not that," I said. "It's just that you were going too fast for me to keep up with right now."
I looked up at him and he had a huge grin on his face. I frowned and let my head hit the table. I felt like a drunken ass. Fred and George found all of this hilarious though.
Later that night, when I was well rested, I found myself at the Weasley's front door. Molly greeted her sons with one big hug and then one for me. I could feel my face go extremely pink; I'd never really gotten this sort of attention from a mother type figure before. Judging by the smile she gave me, I think she figured as much. I followed them into the crowded living room. Ron, Harry and Hermione were spread on the floor with a ginger cat I learned was named Crookshanks and a chessboard. Bill was talking with his father on the couch while Ginny was sitting on the other couch with her boyfriend holding her sixth month unborn child. Fred, George and I all sat down on the floor by Ginny and her boyfriend.
"Hey, don't fall," George laughed as I sat down.
I shoved him a bit as I nearly fell over on him. We laughed for a bit as Fred and George ganged up on me trying to tickle me, which I must admit worked too well. I was on the floor, nearly screaming while two red heads were poking me all over. I finally had the since to get up and run into the kitchen.
"You're lucky I'm pregnant George, I'd get you pretty good," I heard Ginny said.
"Well, too bad for you I'm not," George said, and Ginny screamed a giggle.
I wished I came from a family like this. Sure, everyone has their differences and their problems, but despite it all, they can still get together like this. I never had anything like this and I still think I never will. I leaned against the counter drinking a glass of water when George came in.
"Sure you don't want any wine?" George said.
I laughed and shook my head. He poured himself a glass of eggnog and stood opposite of me. I felt like a fool standing there drinking water not saying anything. He downed the glass and set it down on the counter by me. He was nearly leaning over me and I could smell him, he smelled of petuli and spice incense. He looked up and then back down at me and started leaning forward. I froze as he came closer and closer to me face. He was going to kiss me, it was what I wanted but for some reason I was freaking out.
He pecked me on the cheek and smiled, "Mistletoe."
He backed away and I watched as he walked out of the kitchen. Thank god, because I feel my face was deep red. I'm not sure whether it was disappointment or relief, but I had a tight knot in my stomach.
"Are you okay dear?"
I turned and Molly was walking in. I smiled and tried to clear my face of its redness, but without any luck.
"You look flushed," she said again.
"Just a bit hot I guess," I said, sounding like an idiot. Call me strange, but I had the distinct feeling she could see right through me.
I took a drink from my glass. "You like George don't you?" She said smiling.
I nearly choked on my water. I put the glass down to prevent any further coughing and looked at her, "What?"
"I said that you like George, don't you?" she repeated.
"Um," I had no idea what to say so I started mumbling off a bunch of crap. "As a friend yes, but if you're talking romantically, I haven't done anything I swear, I wouldn't do anything to your son." God I sounded like an idiot.
She laughed and I wasn't sure if it was good or bad. "It's alright, I can tell you like him. More than a friend, I mean. I was just wondering is all. I have no problem with you dating him. In fact, I think you two would look cute together."
If my face had returned back to its normal color it was once again a deep shade of red again. I nodded slowly, unsure what to say. I felt like an ass.
I went back home by myself that night and stared at my apartment. Why didn't I do anything when he took me home, why didn't I say anything and why didn't he? I told myself that he didn't like me, but now, I'm not sure. I stared at the dead rose by the windowsill. I hated it so much, but I couldn't get rid of it. It was much a part of someone's heart, regardless if they didn't love me anymore.
I hated it here by myself. Too many memories good and bad. It was just too much of everything. I come here and I'd cry, just thinking of the way things are and what they could have been. But what if I was still with Scott? I wouldn't have met George and somewhere inside of me I liked thinking that. I lost Scott, true, but I wonder sometimes which is the better one. It would probably take me longer to figure that out, but I was willing to wait.
There was a knock at my door and I turned startled. I slowly got up and walked up to the door. I had my wand ready in pocket but when I opened the door it was a familiar red headed boy I knew.
"Hey," George said.
I smiled, "Ey, what brings you back here?"
"Fred has got the apartment tied up. I couldn't even find a place to sleep, and he's got plenty. Says he needs to spread Christmas cheer," he laughed quietly.
"Well you can stay here if you like," I said, opening the door.
"Thanks," he came in.
I sat down on the couch by the flower and looked at it. Sometimes I could see life in it again, but just barely and only for a few minuets.
"That's pretty rose, though I'm sure it was better when it was alive," he said, breaking the silence.
I smiled sadly, "Yeah it was. Someone gave it to me a long time ago and I just can't get rid of it."
"Scott?" he said.
I looked over at him surprised, "How do you know?"
"Ginger. She came in when I brought you to bed last night and started babbling about what happened and how it wasn't her fault," he said, looking at the floor. He knew and he didn't want to look me in the eye. I felt like a fool.
"Yeah well, Ginger's a bitch," I said bluntly. He looked at me and smiled. "You can sit down, it's okay. My furniture doesn't bite."
I expected him to sit down on the other chair but he sat down next to me. I could feel pink in my face and I forced it away.
"Enid?"
"Yeah," I said.
"I lied earlier about Fred kicking me out. I was trying to think of an excuse to come here and that's all I could think of," he said. I looked over at him, he was staring at the floor.
"It's alright," I said and it was. It was almost kind of sweet. I sat there for another minuet before I got up. This was getting frustrating and I was tired of playing games. I was tired and getting irritable. So I walked into my bedroom and took off my pants and shirt and crawled into bed. I could hear walking when I finally went to sleep and I wondered if he was leaving or just walking around.
I should know.
I wasn't ever a really good kid. I fooled around a lot, messing with people, cracking jokes. No matter how hard they hit me, I still kept on. Then I was sent to a wizarding school and my entire life changed. I met people that were like me and I made friends, one in particular; Ginger. Ginger and I were inseparable, always causing some kind of trouble. We were like sisters at school, and then summer holiday came around and we barely talked, but once school started, it was as if we weren't apart. I never told her about the orphanage and I sometimes think that maybe it was partly my fault. Maybe she would have understood me in a way and saw me for who I really was and then this would have never happened. But it did and I met Scott. Shit, was he gorgeous and he thought I was beautiful. It was almost too good to be true. I started to get suspicious over nothing and when I let my guard down, then it fell apart.
It was then my fucked up days began. I drank, I smoked, and I even snorted a few things, but believe me that didn't last long. I was offered a job as a Chaser for Ballycastle Bats and I accepted. My life started to straighten out and I vowed never to even think about relationships ever again.
But then George Weasley had to walk into that coffee shop I worked at and he just had to apologize before I left and make me melt into nothing. I wanted to kiss him, but most of the time I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure how he felt and he usually acted like he didn't care.
His brother Fred threw a party on Christmas Eve and I was invited. I must admit I remember I drank a few beers and took a few shots, but I was just buzzed. I probably fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning, my head ached. It felt like a million nails had been hammered in.
I walked out of whoever's bedroom I was asleep in completely unaware to fact I was wearing small panties and a small red shirt. George was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal and Fred was sitting next to a sleeping Ginger on the couch with a beer. Fred whistled, I waved a hand at him as if swatting a fly as I sat down at the table.
"How are you?" George asked. There was a smile in his eyes as if he knew a joke and wasn't sharing. I loved that look.
"My head hurts," I said.
He laughed. "With all you drank last night, I'd imagine so."
I put my hands to my mouth, "I drank a lot?"
"Hell yeah," Fred said. "You and Ginger both drank our entire stash. Not to mention you threw up."
I looked at George horrified. What a great impression that makes. "I'm so sorry."
But he didn't seem bothered at all, not even fazed. "No problem, happens to the best of us."
I loved that about him, I loved everything about him. From the way he smiles to when he gets that whiney sound in his throat when he doesn't want something. When was at the coffee shop every day and sat there with me when I got off work, to when he nearly ran to see if I was okay when I fell of my broomstick. He was gorgeous inside and out and it killed me that I couldn't touch him.
It's not that I couldn't, it's more that I wouldn't. I told myself that I wouldn't get involved with someone. Last time was hard enough; I didn't want to screw up again.
"So, are you coming to out parent's house tonight?" Fred said.
"Why?" I asked.
"A Christmas party. My mum asked you, not that I wouldn't mind if you came. I asked you last night, but I figured you wouldn't remember," George said. He was speaking a little fast for my head to comprehend, so I sat there trying to figure it out. "Of course, if you don't that's fine too, I know how our family is."
"No, it's not that," I said. "It's just that you were going too fast for me to keep up with right now."
I looked up at him and he had a huge grin on his face. I frowned and let my head hit the table. I felt like a drunken ass. Fred and George found all of this hilarious though.
Later that night, when I was well rested, I found myself at the Weasley's front door. Molly greeted her sons with one big hug and then one for me. I could feel my face go extremely pink; I'd never really gotten this sort of attention from a mother type figure before. Judging by the smile she gave me, I think she figured as much. I followed them into the crowded living room. Ron, Harry and Hermione were spread on the floor with a ginger cat I learned was named Crookshanks and a chessboard. Bill was talking with his father on the couch while Ginny was sitting on the other couch with her boyfriend holding her sixth month unborn child. Fred, George and I all sat down on the floor by Ginny and her boyfriend.
"Hey, don't fall," George laughed as I sat down.
I shoved him a bit as I nearly fell over on him. We laughed for a bit as Fred and George ganged up on me trying to tickle me, which I must admit worked too well. I was on the floor, nearly screaming while two red heads were poking me all over. I finally had the since to get up and run into the kitchen.
"You're lucky I'm pregnant George, I'd get you pretty good," I heard Ginny said.
"Well, too bad for you I'm not," George said, and Ginny screamed a giggle.
I wished I came from a family like this. Sure, everyone has their differences and their problems, but despite it all, they can still get together like this. I never had anything like this and I still think I never will. I leaned against the counter drinking a glass of water when George came in.
"Sure you don't want any wine?" George said.
I laughed and shook my head. He poured himself a glass of eggnog and stood opposite of me. I felt like a fool standing there drinking water not saying anything. He downed the glass and set it down on the counter by me. He was nearly leaning over me and I could smell him, he smelled of petuli and spice incense. He looked up and then back down at me and started leaning forward. I froze as he came closer and closer to me face. He was going to kiss me, it was what I wanted but for some reason I was freaking out.
He pecked me on the cheek and smiled, "Mistletoe."
He backed away and I watched as he walked out of the kitchen. Thank god, because I feel my face was deep red. I'm not sure whether it was disappointment or relief, but I had a tight knot in my stomach.
"Are you okay dear?"
I turned and Molly was walking in. I smiled and tried to clear my face of its redness, but without any luck.
"You look flushed," she said again.
"Just a bit hot I guess," I said, sounding like an idiot. Call me strange, but I had the distinct feeling she could see right through me.
I took a drink from my glass. "You like George don't you?" She said smiling.
I nearly choked on my water. I put the glass down to prevent any further coughing and looked at her, "What?"
"I said that you like George, don't you?" she repeated.
"Um," I had no idea what to say so I started mumbling off a bunch of crap. "As a friend yes, but if you're talking romantically, I haven't done anything I swear, I wouldn't do anything to your son." God I sounded like an idiot.
She laughed and I wasn't sure if it was good or bad. "It's alright, I can tell you like him. More than a friend, I mean. I was just wondering is all. I have no problem with you dating him. In fact, I think you two would look cute together."
If my face had returned back to its normal color it was once again a deep shade of red again. I nodded slowly, unsure what to say. I felt like an ass.
I went back home by myself that night and stared at my apartment. Why didn't I do anything when he took me home, why didn't I say anything and why didn't he? I told myself that he didn't like me, but now, I'm not sure. I stared at the dead rose by the windowsill. I hated it so much, but I couldn't get rid of it. It was much a part of someone's heart, regardless if they didn't love me anymore.
I hated it here by myself. Too many memories good and bad. It was just too much of everything. I come here and I'd cry, just thinking of the way things are and what they could have been. But what if I was still with Scott? I wouldn't have met George and somewhere inside of me I liked thinking that. I lost Scott, true, but I wonder sometimes which is the better one. It would probably take me longer to figure that out, but I was willing to wait.
There was a knock at my door and I turned startled. I slowly got up and walked up to the door. I had my wand ready in pocket but when I opened the door it was a familiar red headed boy I knew.
"Hey," George said.
I smiled, "Ey, what brings you back here?"
"Fred has got the apartment tied up. I couldn't even find a place to sleep, and he's got plenty. Says he needs to spread Christmas cheer," he laughed quietly.
"Well you can stay here if you like," I said, opening the door.
"Thanks," he came in.
I sat down on the couch by the flower and looked at it. Sometimes I could see life in it again, but just barely and only for a few minuets.
"That's pretty rose, though I'm sure it was better when it was alive," he said, breaking the silence.
I smiled sadly, "Yeah it was. Someone gave it to me a long time ago and I just can't get rid of it."
"Scott?" he said.
I looked over at him surprised, "How do you know?"
"Ginger. She came in when I brought you to bed last night and started babbling about what happened and how it wasn't her fault," he said, looking at the floor. He knew and he didn't want to look me in the eye. I felt like a fool.
"Yeah well, Ginger's a bitch," I said bluntly. He looked at me and smiled. "You can sit down, it's okay. My furniture doesn't bite."
I expected him to sit down on the other chair but he sat down next to me. I could feel pink in my face and I forced it away.
"Enid?"
"Yeah," I said.
"I lied earlier about Fred kicking me out. I was trying to think of an excuse to come here and that's all I could think of," he said. I looked over at him, he was staring at the floor.
"It's alright," I said and it was. It was almost kind of sweet. I sat there for another minuet before I got up. This was getting frustrating and I was tired of playing games. I was tired and getting irritable. So I walked into my bedroom and took off my pants and shirt and crawled into bed. I could hear walking when I finally went to sleep and I wondered if he was leaving or just walking around.