Disclaimer: The characters belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro.
This chapter was beta-ed by Margit Ritzka.
To Look Into Her EyesChapter Five: The Answer
Kaoru sat still on the table, her eyes closed in an attempt to tell a different noise apart from the whisper of the wind and the curtains of rain falling down to the earth. Night had fallen long ago without there being the slightest trace of Kenji yet, and she was already beyond being convinced of his welfare.
"Kaoru-dono…"
Oh, damn him and his cold blood. How could he be just sitting there?
"I´ve had enough!" She stood up abruptly, and clenched her fist. "I´m going to find him now."
"I think you shouldn´t."
"What?" Stopped in her way towards the exit , Kaoru shot her seated husband a glare. "How can you say that? Aren´t you worried about him, or what?"
Kenshin gave a deep sigh.
"Yes, I am. But one of the people I love is enough to be worried about."
This statement provoked a brief but intense struggle inside Kaoru. On the one hand, she felt more than ever the over-consuming need to ignore his words, to leave and get her son wherever he was… while, on the other, she felt terribly guilty of leaving Kenshin like that. She knew very well how he had always been with those things. If by chance something happened to her, the thought that he was useless and unable to protect her would kill him, of that she was sure.
Why did certain men have to be so complicated?
"Okay!" Kicking her sandal away, and making it pass whistling at a hair´s breadth from Kenshin´s right ear –she had to take care of him now, after all- , the woman sat down again. "Old age has made you still worse with that famous issue, hasn´t it?"
"Oro?"
"Never mind", she sighed. "Anyway…can you tell me what we are going to do now, with my son still out there?"
Kenshin sighed, too, and looked at her again, trying to think for the thousandth time what to say to calm her fears. Nearly involuntarily, his eyes sought hers, and he could see all that grief in them, all that disproportioned distress over a matter of simple worry. The truth was there, engraved in them… a painful accusation tearing his insides.
She was venting.
"Don´t worry" he said getting up, his determination fully made. "I will find him."
These words startled Kaoru to the point of giving a jump. For a while, she just sat there in shock, stammering in disbelief and unable to do or say anything; but when he slid the shoji open and the cold wind met her face, she suddenly succeeded in her struggle to recover her voice and her composure.
"Himura Kenshin…. get back inside immediately!!"
* * * * *
As luck would have had it, in the end, Kaoru had to resign herself to get to bed with Kenshin, praying to whoever could hear her that Kenji came back home while she was asleep. In spite of all the reassurances, she could not help it… she was sure that, once she had closed her eyes, she would be afraid to open them again for that reason. But what could she do? Whatever she thought, whatever she feared, everything always came down to one thing: she could not desert him now, under any circumstance.
"Kaoru-dono, you´re shivering…"
"Of course!" she pouted. "You´re already inside!"
Kenshin smiled weakly at this, and rolled to the side to leave more space. As she lay down, though, he regained part of what he had lost, and snuggled close to her.
"You´re shivering too, Kenshin", she noticed.
"Am I? Well… it must be the sudden change of temperature", he ventured awkwardly.
"Do you think that Kenji will be here tonight?"
"Yes, my love. Of course."
"Don´t treat me like a child!"
"Oro?"
"When he comes back..." Kaoru´s eyes gleamed dangerously. "When he comes back he´s going to wish that something had happened to him."
"So that the next time he will take care that it does?"
"Of course not!" she cried. "But I´m seriously angry with him."
"Oh." For a moment, Kenshin had to cringe at the very idea of being in his son´s place. "Anyway…I don´t really think that you should. It´s my fault, after all…"
"Nonsense!" Kaoru wiped away a rebellious tear that had tried to escape her eye. "You were sleeping when everything happened."
"That doesn´t erase the fact that he knows he is going to lose his father, Kaoru", he answered, firmly but gently. That blunt statement took her by surprise, so much that she even closed her mouth that she had begun to open angrily once again. "You say it´s not my fault. If this is true, there isn´t anyone to blame. But as for him, it´s not only that he isn´t to blame; he´s the one who is going to suffer, and as such we should be able to help him when he asks for it and leave him alone when he asks for that, too."
"Maybe", she grumbled, somewhat ashamed at her outburst. "But he´s worrying me nonetheless, he could at least have told me where he went!"
Kenshin nodded, and then encircled her slender waist with his right arm.
"Agreed."
* * * * *
"Atonement?"Her features were a perfect display of astonishment for a while, then suddenly twisted in ourtrage at the very idea. "But…but…this is nonsense! It was you yourself who said that the only possible way of atonement for you was to live on helping those who needed you and, and… never giving up!"
"So I said", he nodded. She could not possibly fathom the reason why his eyes, his countenance, his voice even, which had been so broken and forlorn that same morning, were so peaceful now, but unexpectedly she had found that, instead of making her happy, this was making her angrier. How could he keep that face and talk in that strain, like he never had talked or thought before?
Had he gone mad?
"So I said", he repeated even more calmly, as if getting wind of her thoughts somehow. "And so I say, Kaoru-dono."
"What?"
"Once the Bakumatsu ended, I took my non-killing sword and started to wander through Japan, atoning for my sins by helping the people who needed me, and waiting for my death. This was my path and my state of mind for ten years… until one day, at last, a cumulus of determinate circumstances forced me to question it. Then, I came to the only person who could help me to find my answer, and, by mastering the succession technique of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu and discovering the will of living within myself, I was able to find what was missing. You know all this very well."
"Yes." Kaoru had no idea of where was he getting at, but she nodded.
"Kaoru-dono…" Kenshin took a sharp breath, and looked at her in the eye. "The will of life, the will of atonement, the will of never giving up even…there aren´t any stronger forces in this world. They can always prevail over every other. However…they cannot always work miracles."
Kaoru´s eyes widened.
"By what you have just said, I understand that you think I have given up and resigned myself to die. That´s wrong. I know that I am going to die whatever I do to prevent it, that´s all, for what´s already done is done, and fighting against it would be nothing but a useless waste of time. The resignation I feel comes from a wholly different source, it comes from the will of living itself! From the will of never giving up that I sought so hard to engrave in my heart when I learned the Ama Kakeru Ryu no Hirameki, and that I found within myself in the midst of the Jinchuu nightmare.
"My body has changed, Kaoru. I have lost the Hiten Mitsurugi forever, I gave my sword away, and now I´m infected by the most hideous disease, and I know I´m going to die. To give up would be to think that, just because of this, my work is done, but I can´t give up. Not yet. On the contrary; to continue leading the life I chose to lead to atone for my sins… to continue fighting misery and disease… to appreciate your love and your care and trying to return it whenever I´m back, and while I am in pain and looking at Death face to face…this, I know, would be the way to finish what I have started, and make this scar fade away. That´s why it´s a gift for me, Kaoru… though…"
Suddenly snapped out of his heartfelt peroration by the sight of her tears, Kenshin´s words failed in his mouth, and he gasped. Cutting his speech short, and feeling as if he had just been hurled down from the heights he had reached, he closed his eyes, and embraced her with remorse.
"Though I already supposed you would not think so", he whispered in her ear, willing himself to sound calm and decided. "Ssshhh, my love. I know what you feel, and I won´t, I can´t do anything that might hurt you. I have told you because Tsubame-dono, Yahiko and Megumi-dono were right, you have the right to know everything and choose. You have carried the weight of my sins for far too long while being completely innocent, and now, if I stay with you forever, I won´t regret it for a single second. You deserve that more than anyone"
For a long while after Kenshin had said this, the room stayed completely silent. Kaoru could hear the quick beating of her own heart, the birds singing outside, and even the beating of Kenshin´s heart while he stayed there, waiting for her to say anything. And then, as her eyes were focused on his face…everything came to her mind in a flash.
Years ago, when she had met him, she had been an innocent young girl. In an impulse, without thinking, she had said that she didn´t care for his past as the legendary hitokiri of the Ishin Shishi, just for the peaceful wanderer that was there in front of her eyes. She hadn´t understood why his guilt pushed him to get into conflicts that didn´t concern him anymore, why there was still so much sadness in his glance even when he was smiling. However, after Jinchuu, this had changed. She had been permitted at last to have a glimpse not only inside his own mind and his terrible past, but also inside the mind of the person who had hated him through all those years. She had seen the reasons of that sadness and remorse, and she had understood him better, realizing that, as much as he tried, as much as she or anyone else tried, it was simply impossible to leave his past behind. Shunning it or facing it…that was all he could do. And then it had been when she had made a determination that she had intended to keep more than anything else in the world, and decided to help him whatever the cost. She had accepted it when he had begun leaving her to help the people even without his sword, without a single look of regret in her smiling face. She had understood his motives, smothered her sadness, and, when he suffered for them, she suffered too, for them and for him.
And that was clearly, simply, the reason why she couldn´t give up now.
"You surprise me", she said, swallowing the knot in her throat and raising her head defiantly. "I thought you had just said that you weren´t going to forsake all those people who are suffering. "
"Kaoru…dono?" Astounded, Kenshin lifted his head as well. "But…"
"There´s no reason to argue", she explained. "You are going to do what you have done for all those years, and that´s nothing but what we both agreed to do. You are ready to overlook even the fact of your illness to stay true to your word, so why wouldn´t I? Listen, Kenshin…I love you, but I swear to you that, if you stay here I will be unhappy!"
The red haired man looked more overwhelmed than what he had been in his whole life. Kaoru saw him open his mouth several times, and then close it after trying to stammer something, until finally he took her hand in his and squeezed it very, very tightly, in a gesture that meant far more than any word he could have uttered. Some part of her still regretted the decision she had taken, for Kenji and for herself, but, as she thought then, just to see that look in his eyes, there was absolutely nothing she would not do. And Kenji loved him, she knew…so how could he not understand?
She would make him understand.
"Kaoru-dono", he muttered. "Thank you. Thank you very much."
Kaoru woke up from her restless slumber, and was surprised at finding herself holding Kenshin´s hand again. He looked soundly asleep, as if the scarce things he had done during the day had tired him to the extreme, and in his face she could distinguish clearly the wrinkles left by all his years of living, fighting and suffering. She still couldn´t believe that such a small and frail-looking man had been able to do all the things he had done… that he was going to do in spite of everything, as she corrected remembering their conversation. He was shrunk, but his spirit was not quenched. Such a spirit… it could never be quenched.
And she loved him because of that.
"Kenshin… I…I won´t ever allow mine to be quenched as well. I will fight like you, I promise. As hard as you!" she whispered to the quietly sleeping figure before closing her eyes once more.
I owe it to you, Kenshin.
* * * * *
The wind was blowing harder when Kenshin woke up hours later, roused by a noise that had come from the opposite part of the house. Quickly, he struggled to his feet, though careful at the same time not to awake Kaoru and frighten her in the middle of the night. She was sleeping so soundly…
Kenshin furrowed his brow as he found his sandals in the dark, and tried to orientate himself in that ocean of darkness and feverish nausea. It had not been a hangover, he actually felt nausea now whenever he got up. Be it night or day, he had trouble locating himself.
"Who is there?" he whispered, forcefully shutting his eyelids as the light of a lamp in the kitchen hurt his eyes. "Kenji?"
The sound of something falling to the floor was the only answer to his question. He opened his eyes little by little. and saw his son staring at him horrified, as if he had been caught doing something inconfessable instead of just sneaking food after returning home soaked and hungry.
Or maybe, he corrected himself ruefully, as if he had been caught by him.
"Kenji… You… do you know which hour it is? You have worried your mother very much with your absence, and me, too!" he started, settling for a stern tone as the easiest and less vulnerable one. He couldn´t understand how he could have reached such a brave determination just hours ago, and suddenly feel his spirit shrink to his feet once more at the mere sight of his son. "Don´t do anything like this again!"
"Is this all you have to say?" Kenji replied in a muffled voice. Then, he turned his back to his father again and returned to his task, which, as Kenshin realized now, hadn´t been eating, but throwing food inside a bag.
"Where are you going?" he asked, suddenly alarmed. There was no answer, except for the renoveled sound of Kenji´s endeavours.
"I have asked you a question", he repeated, now with a more severe voice. Silence floated over them for a while still; then, finally, his son´s back stiffened.
"I was leaving for Kyoto. For Hiko-san´s house… you know, to stay for a while. Outa lent me money for the trip", he said in a strangely jumpy tone.
Kenshin was speechless.
"I know you are thinking that I´m hiding like a coward", Kenji kept on, still without turning back. "Maybe you´re right, I don´t know. But I only know one thing, and it´s that if I see your face even once again until I´ve been able to calm myself I…I won´t ever calm myself."
Those words pierced Kenshin´s heart like daggers, and he had to undertake a great effort to keep his composure. Even if he didn't allow him to see his face, the worst of all was that he knew that Kenji´s hurt was even deeper, and that his young heart, in spite of what it could seem, was far more sensitive than his own. He inhaled deeply, and bowed his head as he went away, defeated.
"Though now… well, I suppose that my attempt kinda failed, didn´t it? You… eh?"
Distracted as he was, ki training told Kenji in time that there was nobody behind him anymore. Surprised, he jerked his head back, and there he could see his intuition confirmed by his own eyes. In spite of all the time he had spent putting his feelings in order, alone or with other people, he could not help but curse in a loud voice.
Damn him.
If he kicked the table away now, he knew he would wake up his mother. But… what then? He had been discovered already, hadn´t he? In fact, the only rational thing now would be to take what he already had and run away. But, then again… surprisingly enough, Kenji didn´t even have the urge to go away anymore. All he felt was hurt, and confused. Who had his father gone to get? His mother, so that she would dissuade him from leaving because he didn´t have the guts of doing it himself? Or he had just turned his back on him, leaving him to do as he pleased?
Surprisingly enough, given his feelings of mere moments before, he could not tell right now which would be the worst option for him.
Damn him. Damn him. Damn him!
"Kenji."
"Uh?" Snapping out of his ardent thoughts, the boy retreated violently from the touch of a hand on his shoulder. Here was his father again… all alone. He was holding a bag with his right hand, and maybe it was because of all that sorrow in his gaze, but he looked much older than what he had the other day.
Damn him forever!
"This is for you, if you really want to leave", he said. Kenji stared in disbelief at the set of clothes, and then back to his father. " I leave you constantly, so it wouldn´t be fair of me to prevent you from doing the same, not to mention that I understand your reasons. But, Kenji…" The boy´s disbelief augmented as he spotted nothing short of a… pleading tone in his more-than-stubborn father. "If, pleading special circumstances, I could be able to have you delay your trip just for a week, even if it was just for a day, I…" Kenshin swallowed hard. "…I would be very thankful to you."
If he had been surprised and shocked before, this definitely left Kenji frozen in place. It was painfully and with a great effort that he started to recover from those words, and the first thing he did as soon as he was able to do anything was throw the bag to the floor.
Damn him! He did it on purpose. He had to do it on purpose! Otherwise… why did he always know what to say to shift positions, and make him feel guilty even while agreeing that everything was his damn fault? Why did that small and annoying redhead hold such power over him even when he had just made him feel so miserable?
Why the hell had he felt relieved when he had come back?
"Are you going to try to convince me again of why you should leave us even when mortally ill?" he spat, bitterly.
"No", Kenshin answered, getting on his knees to start picking up the clothes. " It would be useless, by the simple reason that I do not have anything else to add, except that everything will go on exactly as before."
"Oh, great!" Kenji couldn´t suppress a sneer, though it horrified him sounding almost like a sob. "It´s now that I learn that you like to hide the truth away from yourself."
"I do not hide it. I just keep living with it. This illness is a slow process, and I know I have still years to live, so" Kenshin´s voice was heightened in a small but significant degree. "I hold on to what I told you before. I will help those miserable people who need my assistance, I will atone for the hideous things I did, I will come back to your mother and to you, and, as I promised to you two days ago, I´ll be with you when you come of age and you will decide."
Forcefully, he made it to his feet, and handed the bag again to the stunned Kenji. "This is all I can give to the people who need me, Kenji. I´m not a god, I´m not Heaven´s Justice, I´m just a man. A man cannot do everything he wishes... all he can do is keep going until it´s impossible for him to go forward anymore. There was just one time in my life when I really believed I could be a god… and I killed hundreds of people."
In inner pain after the words he had just been forced to utter, Kenshin retreated one step and sighed. To his dismay, the bag Kenji held in his arms fell once more, and the boy covered his face with his hands.
"Kenji…" The fear of being rejected couldn´t compete anymore with his instincts, and Kenshin stepped forward to embrace him. The boy looked so grown up, almost a man... and yet, what could he do to avoid the tears at something that had even made the ex-hitokiri Battousai cry? He had tried to run far away, to Outa´s place, to Kyoto even, to hide those tears, but there was one thing that he still had to learn.
He did not need to hide anything from him.
"Kenji..." he muttered, feeling a wave of cold as his yukata got wet from Kenji´s dampened kimono. "You´re soaked."
"I´ll go change myself", the boy muttered hoarsely.
* * * * *
The next morning, as he had strongly suspected, Kaoru´s mighty yells were the music that awoke Kenshin from his sleep. At first, before he ever regained full consciousness, he did what he could to shield his poor hurting head from the onslaught, but, when he had already resigned himself to get up, dress himself and mediate in the conflict, the noise mockingly disappeared.
Why did he always have to get up so late now, anyway?
Pondering those things ruefully, he slid the shoji open and dragged his feet towards the kitchen. Only his wife and Megumi were there when he entered, though the former looked about to leave for her lessons at the dojo, wooden sword in hand.
Please, let her not have used that sword today yet…he prayed.
"Good morning, Megumi-dono, Kaoru-dono!" he said with the most charming smile he had. Both immediately turned towards him, the first smiling and the second boiling.
"Good morning, Ken…"
"Why didn´t you tell me that Kenji was back?!"
"I… Because you were sleeping soundly, Kaoru-dono", he answered quickly, retreating at a prudential distance just in case. It was just as his Shishou had told him countless times… never get into the sword-range of an armed opponent. "I did not want to disturb you. Besides, we had some kind of private talk we both needed."
"Uh… Oh, yes, he told me about that." Just in a moment, the threatening master swordswoman turned back into his lovely wife in front of his eyes, making him laugh at the people who said that he had had dangerous personality disorders when he was younger. Why, wasn´t it evident that they hadn´t known Kaoru too well…
"Once he managed to make himself be heard by chance", Megumi added thoughtfully, as she started to serve rice for Kenshin.
"Megumi-san!" Kaoru growled in warning… like always, leaving the doctor royally unimpressed.
"Don´t complain! I´m very upset with you for having woken my patient up with your yells", she continued. "He needs sleep, and look at what you do with him! Though, on the other hand… well, I suppose it´s a good thing that you solved it in such a short time. My head wouldn´t have stood for more."
"Solved it?" Kenshin sat in front of the table, surprised. "Solved what?"
"Once she managed to hear that short piece of information, she shut up and left him alone, all at a truly amazing speed", Megumi explained, giving him a wink while she handed him the rice bowl. "Temperamental girl if there ever was one…"
"Okay, okay." Kaoru put her hands on her hips, and threw her a full deathglare. "If you really need to bitch about me, you can do it as much as you want. As for me, though, I have work to do, so I´m very sorry!"
"Kaoru-dono…" Kenshin started, conciliating. The only answer he got was the noise of a shoji being slammed shut, though… as he had imagined since before he started to speak.
"She´s happier today", Megumi commented, turning back to the kitchen pots.
"Yes." Kenshin nodded, and started to eat.
* * * * *
After he had cooked lunch together with Megumi, Kenshin spent some time watching Kenji in silence as he trained, until, at about noon, he decided to make some tea and bring it to the dojo. It was long since he had done it last... and now more than ever, he wished to do something for Kaoru, even something that petty.
"Excuse me…" he said, opening the shoji. At once, the shouts and the yells he had been hearing stopped and, as everybody turned back to look at him, a frightful realization came upon him that he had interrupted a match. Kaoru looked at him murderously, but, as she saw what he brought, her gaze softened and she beckoned him in.
"Kenshin!" Yahiko exclaimed, surprised. "Hey, thank you."
"You shouldn´t have bothered", the master of the dojo protested, handing her sword to Yutaro and taking the tray from his hands. "I´ll just leave it there for when we´ve finished. We were witnessing a combat, do you want to stay?"
Kenshin closed his eyes. Normally, he avoided staying in the dojo, but today, he didn´t know exactly why, to stay watching those happy boys from a corner didn´t look that difficult to him. Maybe…
"I was winning!" a voice protested, immediately countered by another.
"One can never know who is the winner until it´s over", Kaoru´s voice replied. "Kenshin…"
The red haired ex-master swordsman opened his eyes again, and took a look around him. There were some faces he did not recognize, and they were staring at him curiously as only a boy could do, whispering questions into the ears of the others. Suppressing a smile, he nodded, and sat down on a cushion Yahiko put into a corner for him.
"Okay, after this little interruption, we will continue!" Kaoru yelled. "You two, get ready in front of me again and stop hitting each other at once!"
Kenshin sighed, assuming he had been forgotten again, and crossed his arms with a sad smile. Sometimes, he really couldn´t understand himself. It could very well be said that the sword and the sword training had been the cause of all his misfortunes, and yet it was unbelievable how the sound of young boys training with their bamboo weapons and yelling as they engaged in duels and practiced their techniques could rip his heart apart and provoke such a feeling of longing on him. Since he had been eight years old it had been his life, his only life even for many years, his sword…
His Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu…
The ex-swordsman stopped thinking in that strain, ashamed, and quickly waved his nostalgia off. It was good. It was fitting. After such devastating wars, the country was at last in peace, and the people lived happily. To carry swords had been forbidden, and the killing techniques of the Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu were going to be buried too, already out of place in that new world where the pain of the ages couldn´t be relieved by killing anymore. Even he was going to be buried, with all that remained in him of phantom of the old era and symbol of the most terrible period of the country´s history… and was it even allowed to feel regret because of it?
And yet, he thought, while I am still alive, I should be very grateful of being able to sit there, watching the exercises of those careless boys with their bamboo swords. Their playthings…Their games…
"What? Sensei´s husband?" A shocked voice reached his ears, interrupting his thoughts. "You´re kidding!"
Curiously he lifted his head, and saw two boys, of about nine years old, sitting against the wall some five metres away from him.
"Shhh!" the other hissed, embarrassed. "He´ll hear you!"
"He´s much older than her", the first who had talked explained, apparently not caring much at all if he was heard or not. "He´s small and looks like a wimp. I always thought she had to be married to a strong man or something. She´s the strongest woman I know!"
"Quit that lovestruck look, you stupid!" the other boy sneered. "As for him, Hidashi told me he had been a swordsman one day."
"A swordsman?" It was not a cry of surprise, but of outrage. "No way! Which swordsman would serve tea to his wife? I even saw him doing laundry several times!"
"Hmm, I dunno… maybe because his wife is a swordsman too they do not work like a normal couple would? Yeah, I can´t deny she is special…"
"Hey! Who´s the one with the lovestruck look now?"
Kenshin smiled, and shook his head in amusement. Their conversation was so entertaining, so different from his own gloomy musings, that when he saw Yahiko coming towards them he almost regretted it. He would have liked to see how far their deductions carried them.
"What do you think you´re doing?" the young samurai shouted. "Stop slacking off and practice your kata!"
"Yes, Sensei!" both shouted at once, getting up. Yahiko looked at them dissapprovingly, and then turned towards Kenshin.
"Such lack of seriousness…"
"I wouldn´t speak of lack of seriousness there." the red haired man replied meekly. "It just looks as if kendo wasn´t their main interest or their path of life, that´s all. It doesn´t have to be, you know."
"Feh. I pray that Kaoru doesn´t soften up with old age as much as you!"
"Why not?" Kenshin shrugged his shoulders with an innocent smile. "Maybe it could be nice…"
In that moment, the children got into battle stance, and one of them started going through the motions of one of their katas. Both master swordsmen fell silent, watching them perform, and Kenshin could feel nostalgia creeping back inside him once more.
"The right leg", he muttered, half unconsciously.
Both boys turned immediately towards him, and the one who was badly positioned shot him a glare of surprise.
"Uh?"
"Put the right leg forward!", he repeated with a deep sigh that hid years and years of bittersweet resignation, but that only Yahiko was able to spot. "If you lead with the left leg you´ll hurt yourself."
(To be continued in an epilogue)
Hmmm… this chapter was a real pain. Fortunately, is over. Now, there´s only an epilogue left, which will be published next week! Thanks very much to all! ^_^
Now, for the responses:
Finch: Hmmm… A good idea here. Do you think somebody would buy this story to make it into a movie…and do you think I would get something if they did? Hmmm….-ponders-.
Oryo: Thank you very much. About Kenji´s reaction…well, it´s not so horrible, after all. I believe that Kenji wouldn´t have antagonized his father just because of his illness, but because later, being ill, he went away on a long trip of which he would probably never return, leaving his mother alone. That was when he fled to Hiko´s house, at least.
MissBehavin: Well, Kenshin is not so horrible to do. (Whispers) "When in doubt, blame yourself", that´s the true secret. ^_^
Aino Saori: Hmmm… Yes, I agree that his behaviour here, as in Seissou Hen, can be called selfish towards the people he loves. But, contrary to what many people think, I do not see that Seissou Hen selfishness as "out of character", and that´s what I tried to express in this fic. For me, it´s a perfectly natural conclusion of his life as it had been led. (As Hiko said "Well, your selfishness isn´t anything new!") Kenshin´s selfishness springs from generosity, from trying to help as many people as there are within his reach. He realized he couldn´t help certain people if he did not forsake others, and he went for those who needed him the most. He´s trapped in his own reasoning. ^_^
CEEGEE: The OVAs are original animated videos. There are two sets of RK OVAs, Tsuioku Hen or Remembrances (four OVAs) and Seissou Hen or Reflections (two). The first four are about Kenshin and Tomoe, and the others about the lives of the characters, especially Kenshin and Kaoru, from the end of the manga to Kenshin´s death. Even if they are controversial, you should give them a try!
Oh, and thank you very much for your compliments.
AiteanE: Thanks, thanks (bows). It´s not so difficult to get into their heads…their earholes can provide a good entrance… Oh, but I advise you to be extremely thin if you are going to try. ^_^
Crystal Fragments: Thank you very much for the link! It really helped. Usually, people write to me saying that Kenshin´s disease was not syphilis, but nobody tells me about a valid alternative. While you just went and gave me a link! Oh, thank you, really…
Supernatural Love: Yay! A Seissou Hen supporter! They´re so rare nowadays…
You´re right, making Kenshin survive his illness would have agreed with the message the RK story is supposed to give. But it´s also more or less impossible: once syphilis was fairly advanced there was no way to cure it wholly, and much less in a person who had been weakened by the strain put in his body by the Hiten Mitsurugi ougi. Besides…we know that he died from that three years later, don´t we? But I assume that, for him, struggling against an incurable disease was not so important as keeping on living and helping people until the very last moment, as he did in Seissou Hen
Shandy g: Here is the next one. (poses) Thank you!