Sacrificing Happiness
Part two: The Pain in the Mirror
By Angaaldaien
Summary:
Pairing: Aragorn/Legolas
Rating: part 2- R/NC-17
Genre: Angst, drama
Notes: The Aragorn and Arwen romance has disappeared, in fact, Arwen has seemingly
disappeared Does not exactly follow plot in either book or movie canon- if you're
a stickler for either, I suggest you don't read this. This is my first attempt at
LOTR. Elvish is indicated by
' and unspoken conversation with Galadriel by ~~
Email: angaaldaien@hotmail.com
Date of posting: 8/3/02
Date of revision: 11/14/02
Legolas arose, careful not to disturb anyone of his sleeping companions. He slipped between the trees and down the path where he knew Galadriel waited. They both understood the quest was no longer about the ring bearer; it was about the survival of the king. The survival of the king guaranteed the success; the failure of the elf meant the end.
Aragorn arose slightly after, and stealthily followed Legolas to the clearing, where he chose a spot overhead. Galadriel had been waiting for Legolas to arrive; she delicately poured the water into the mirror upon his arrival. What the mirror tells me I cannot entirely interpret; perhaps you will have more luck.'
I will try.'
Again Aragorn caught himself marveling at the levels of beauty Legolas' voice took when speaking Elvish. Aragorn would have the elf speak in Elvish forever. No, he would have much more than that; he would have the elf open his heart to him. The pain that Aragorn felt when Legolas schooled his features had yet to be explained to him; but he was determined to unmask the elf tonight.
Legolas paused at the rim of the mirror. There is one thing I do not understand, my lady. Why must it be I?'
Only you he would allow; only you does he feel love.'
Aragorn's almost instantaneous jealousy was stinted when Legolas paused, as if in pain, and took a step away from the mirror. Aragorn could see a tear slide halfway down his face before it was angrily swiped away. All the regrets of life and all the pain in death focused itself into that single tear, only to be dashed aside as if it didn't exist. Why do you play with me Galadriel?'
I am not playing, Legolas. I am far from it. I felt it within his desire to understand you.'
Then why tell me this?' Legolas whispered, afraid of his interpretation of Galadriel's words.
It is from love that you will sacrifice; it is in love that you will die. I could not see further than that. But,' Galadriel paused, the mirror has shown me the descent of darkness yesterday. What the mirror shows now, I do not know. I was hoping that you would view what it has to reveal.'
Aragorn stared sharply at Legolas, waiting for the explanation to the vague prophecy of love, sacrifice and death. But all Legolas said was Yes.'
He approached the mirror, but what the mirror showed him was not the future. Instead, Legolas gazed back upon himself, with the sadness encroaching upon his features. How could fate have placed him in such a position? Yet Galadriel had warned him before; the mirror had showed her of his failure to himself, Aragorn, and Middle Earth. Legolas reached with his hand towards the image in the mirror when he realized that the scenery had changed. It was he, but no longer was the shimmering path leading into the clearing behind him. The mirror showed Galadriel waiting expectantly, and behind her, hidden in the trees overhead, two blue-gray eyes, staring intently. Legolas could place those eyes anywhere – Aragorn's.
Legolas whipped his head up, too emotionally unstable to hide his distraught nature. What had the man heard? How had he known that Legolas would be here? He looked directly into Aragorn's eyes, which widened and disappeared, and said in elvish, The mirror did not show me the future.'
The future must be too vague for it to decipher,' Galadriel breathed softly, in weighted relief. She had done her part; it was now up to the man and the elf to decide for Middle Earth. ~Go, Legolas~
Awareness softly made itself known. Legolas saw that she had saved them from failure. ~Thank you, my lady~ In a spring of step that had not been felt for years, Legolas turned and ran towards his future.
The Lady wept at the retreating back. By bringing the pair closer to success, she brought Legolas closer to death. There was no other way, there is no other way,' she consoled herself, lamenting her role in the matter.
Legolas paused at the rim of the basin, gazing down at Galadriel. He watched a moment more as the lady looked into the mirror, becoming so entirely entranced she did not notice Legolas' continued presence. Thank you,' Legolas said again, turning to leave. His resolve was strengthened. Aragorn would not find out of the matter.
Aragorn sat at the base of a tree. He knew Legolas would return this way, and waited to intercept the elf. Listening to Legolas and Galadriel had done little to appease the man's uncertainties; instead, many more questions were in need of answers. The man was not dull; he knew that the person whom they spoke of was he. Galadriel had provided him with too many clues for it to be otherwise. And Aragorn would not dance around the subject; it had been far too long that the man desired to understand the elf.
Legolas was silent in his coming, but not blind to the figure on the path. Aragorn's slumped figure contrasted the whiteness of the tree trunk. Aragorn, come let us return, Legolas offered his hand to the man. Perhaps we may talk along the way.
Aragorn grasped Legolas' hand and pulled him down to his height. I have a better idea. Without further warning, Aragorn brought Legolas into a clearing on the other side of the tree. A small stream trickled by, becoming the only sound to the otherwise silent clearing. The trees surrounded the pair, leaving them in privacy. Legolas,' Aragorn breathed his name into the air, marveling at the smooth slide it had upon his tongue. Tell me what business Galadriel has with you.'
Legolas glanced at their still connected hands. When Aragorn noticed, he pulled away, blushing faintly. What you saw was nothing of importance, we should return.' It pained Legolas to lie to the man he loved, but there was no other way; keeping the distance of friendship was the safest way of preventing the man's death.
Why do you lie to me?' Aragorn softly inquired in disappointment.
Legolas stared at the ground, afraid that Aragorn would see his desperation. He wished the man would be angry, even spiteful – anything but sad. Nay, I do nothing of the sort. What does it matter?' Too late Legolas realized he did not want an answer to his question. Galadriel's words of love haunted him; they could not be taken to heart, only failure would result. Wouldn't it?
Aragorn grasped Legolas' chin, gently forcing it up until the elf met his eyes. Why do you hide from me Legolas? I would give you my life.'
Horror glinted in the blue depths, but the slight panic was quickly dispersed. Nay, do not. I will pretend you had never spoken such words.' He wrenched away from the calloused hand and began to leave, too afraid of the response.
Aragorn did not think. Impetuously he grabbed Legolas' retreating shoulder and turned the elf for a desperate kiss. It was a bruising kiss, and Legolas struggled briefly before he melted below the man's insistent tongue. It was not total submission; Legolas sparred with Aragorn until the man had conquered the whole of his mouth. With each victory gained over Legolas' tongue another barrier fell in Legolas' soul. Aragorn tasted the elf, tasted the faint sweetness of honeydew and the musk, which only Legolas could taste of. The kiss turned gentle and massaging, as if apologizing for its earlier invasion. A reluctant acceptance was reciprocated, and Legolas moved to deepen the kiss.
A hint of moisture brushed upon Aragorn's cheek and he broke away. Glimmering streaks shimmered down Legolas' face, long withheld tears finally breaking past the mask. Tell me why you cry,' Aragorn whispered, lovingly brushing the tears away. He had loved Legolas all along; if the man had cared to dwell on the thought, he knew it had been obvious.
Don't stop,' was all Legolas could plead.
It was no answer, but Aragorn did not care. He pushed Legolas up against a tree and plundered the willing mouth. Sensuous heat enveloped Aragorn's tongue, the slickness accommodating. I had no idea,' Aragorn hissed in between kisses, that I could love an elf.'
A fresh wave of tears cascaded down Legolas' face. It was too much for the elf. There were too many conflicting feelings waging their wars within his soul. The happiness Legolas felt at the words should have known no bounds, but were fettered by the knowledge that he would never live to share anything with the man. Or the man would never live to share anything with him. Would it be better to create only to destroy, or to neither create nor destroy?
Legolas?' It hurt when he did not respond immediately; Aragorn had been so sure that the elf reciprocated the sentiments. Perhaps it is better if we returned,' Aragorn said, resignation apparent. He stepped back from Legolas.
Legolas turned his blue orbs upon the man, striking him into stillness. It was a risk, Legolas knew, but it was impossible to deny the desire he felt welling in his body, and heart. What may be made tonight cannot live long; what is never made can never be crushed.'
When this quest is over, I will not abandon you. If that is your fear, it is unjustified.'
Legolas bowed his head. I speak not of that.'
I am mortal. Is that it?'
No.'
Aragorn's brow wrinkled in frustration, and he inadvertently switched to the common tongue. I dislike guessing games. Tell me of your fears and I will do my best to mollify them.
I ask you this: would you experience once, but never more; or never know, but never dream?'
I have been dreaming for months now.'
Legolas blushed beneath his pale complexion, the red tinge giving him a human quality. Then, I can admit my love for you.'
A passion flared deep within Aragorn at the words, soft with vulnerability. It was enough to allow the man to forget the questions that were never answered. Legolas, I may be a man, riddled with the impure blood of my ancestors, but I promise you my life. Just as you promised me yours, all those years ago.
Legolas' pupils dilated in defensiveness. Suddenly the barriers were back, stronger than before, and reinforced by a mysterious will. How did you know?'
The light tones of fear hinted themselves in Legolas' voice, and Aragorn understood. Before my parents passed beyond Middle Earth, they told me something of my infancy. There was once an elf, whose hair was a more brilliant gold than gold itself; but it was his voice that captured my parents, with its quiet, lilting speech, of an elvish accent, that reminded them of birds, for it was clearly the melody to their harmony. And you know what my parents said of this elf? Legolas simply shook his head, too shocked to respond. They said he promised me the hospitality of the elves, and his life.'
Aragorn leaned closer to Legolas, and whispered into his ear, And I told them, I would meet him one day, and thank him.'
A panicking fear rose, garbling itself in the elven throat. How had he let the situation become so uncontrolled? He jerked away from the tickling breath of air at his ear, and the tantalizing warmth fled. The practiced denial of self-appeasement replaced the earlier impulsiveness, effectively barring the words of love earlier professed; Legolas only saw that he threatened Middle Earth with his actions. A soft plea for escape shrouded his voice, We must return.'
Aragorn gazed at the elf's demeanor, hoping that something of what he said had affected Legolas. It was then the man almost gave up hope. The elven exterior was just as cold as it was warm, only moments before.
There was a crack in the almost perfect mask, and that was what saved Aragorn from losing all hope. It shone in the unfocused eyes, hidden behind layers of protecting barriers. A well of sadness was hidden there, but at the core a stabilizing force – that of love. If destroying his heart was the way to save Aragorn, Legolas was prepared to give it.
Not all was lost, and the man continued to hope on the sliver of imperfection in the elf's guarded manner. Not a single of Aragorn's questions had been answered that night, for he had failed to gain any answers. But in failure, Aragorn knew, he had changed the elf so that he might succeed. The hope came unbidden, and Aragorn's attempts began anew. As they were rising to return, Aragorn's voice, gathering strength as it proceeded, ventured ahead. You have not answered any of my questions.
Galadriel stood above the mirror, still and silent as stone. The only interruptions were the soft erratic breaths and lonely tears dripping into the water. She sought to control herself intrinsically, but none of her long years lent her strength, only her exterior composure remained. How she hated the mirror for the burden it gave her.
Suddenly the clear water within the mirror darkened to a deep black. The stifled sobs gave themselves pause, and then broke out filling the woods with a wild cry. Haldir raced to the clearing to see Galadriel collapsed at the edge of the mirror, tremors shaking her entire frame.
Galadriel had seen them teeter at the edge, and their fateful fall. Their future was sealed.