A/N: This is a fic that I've been meaning to write since April, but only got around to it now. I hope you all like it. Sorry for all discrepancies, i.e. elves listening to rock music (YAY! We love you AFI!), but yeah, I don't particularly care if it's not EXACTLY correct. Oh, and its set when Estel is like 15…I DON'T care if he didn't know Arwen or Legolas then!
Finally, Elrond sighed as he closed his book. It had taken him all week, but at last he had gotten Rivendell's financial accounts up to date. And now he was completely exhausted. He closed the book and slid into bed, already drifting into a deep sl-
"Don't waste your touch, I won't feel anything, or were you sent to save me?"
Elrond leapt up from his bed. What the hell was that?!
"I've thought too much, you won't find anything worthy of redeeming!"
Elrond realised that the deafening sound was not a massive army of orcs attacking Rivendell; rather it was Estel's music. Which, once again, he was playing full blast. Elrond scrunched up his noise in annoyance and got out of bed, cursing the day he had agreed to look after Estel. Oh sure, he had been cute at first. But now-well, to be honest, Elrond would rather have the hairs plucked on his toes. Not that his toes were hairy.
Elrond stormed down to Estel's room and banged on the door. There was no response.
"Estel?!" Elrond yelled. "Estel, turn that 'music' down!"
To his dismay, the music continued blaring at its usual volume. And had now switched to a song about guys doing things to dogs which Elrond didn't really want to know about. He had had enough. All he wanted to do was go to bed and sleep for the next thousand years or so. Which might explain what he did next.
Elrond lifted
his leg and skilfully kicked the door down.
A wave of smoke floated out of the room and enveloped the elven lord in
the hallway. Coughing and squinting,
Elrond somehow managed to navigate his way into Estel's room. He looked around and saw Estel
Lying smoking on the bed
Next to his topless daughter.
Elrond was enraged. The human child had to be stopped.
Elrond sat in the clearing, playing with his bellybutton whilst he waited for his visitor to arrive. Normally he wouldn't go anywhere within a five kilometre radius of this particular person, but desperate times called for desperate measures. At long last he heard the sound of hooves beating.
"Greetings!" the elf cried, leaping down from his horse. "A star shall shine on the hour of our meeting!"
"Hi Thranduil….." Elrond drifted off.
"I understand you seem to be having a problem with your youngest, uh…what was his name?"
"Estel."
"Yes, yes that's right. Estel. Anyhoo, normally I would be glad that you have come to me for advice on raising children, as I am of course the expert, having once been a child myself, but so it happens, I seem to be in a spot of bother myself. You see," Thranduil looked around the clearing to make sure no one was around to hear and continued in a conspiratorial whisper. "You see, I am having some trouble with Legolas. He has become……unusual. Disobedient even."
Elrond tried to imagine the pretty-boy elfling he had met before being disobedient and failed miserably.
"He even cut his hair! And he has been visiting females! And, the other day, you know what he called me? He called me an 'old man'! Can you believe it?! I'm only 6344!"
"You think that's bad? Elladan and Elrohir went off with Gandalf to smoke weed all day long. I walked in on Estel making out with Arwen. And even Erestor has begun wearing black and cursing profusely!"
Suddenly they were both distracted by the sound of rustling leaves.
"Galadriel!" Elrond yelped.
"Hello boys," she said, grinning in an un-Galadriel-like fashion. "I hear you're both having problems with your children."
"Y-y-yes," Thranduil managed to stammer. Elrond mentally slapped himself. Why the hell had he agreed to meet in Lothlorien?!
"You know, Celebrian was that same at that age."
"CELEBRIAN?!"
Elrond laughed hysterically.
"Don't you remember Elrond? She went through that stage where she got a tattoo…..?"
Thranduil gasped.
"It was all a certain half-elven's influence, if I remember correctly."
"I was never like that!" Elrond cried, appalled.
"Oh really?" Galadriel raised an eyebrow. "Who sang Ana's song?"
"Silverchair-aaaah! I was like that!"
"Don't worry. All human children go through it at that age. Estel will grow out of it. Unfortunately, they tend to pass on these traits to all surrounding elves. And they don't grow out of this behaviour."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Thranduil broke down and began sobbing hysterically, pounding the floor with his fists.
"Don't worry. I have a plan." Galadriel said, cackling evilly.
A/N: What's Galadriel's plan? Will it work? Will Thranduil ever stop crying? Will Arwen ever put her top back on? Tune in next week to find out!