Rui lay in my arms like a baby.

It was hard to get him to sleep last night. He was sobbing away helplessly as he told his story. I could only hold him in my arms and comforted him.

I could now understand why he was always so temperamental. He was trying very hard not to be kind to me. But he had always been a good natured person. Hence his pretence couldn't hold for long before he opened himself up to be receptive towards me.

I stroke his hair gently and can't help falling in love with his childlike features. I leaned forward and kissed him lightly on his forehead. He moved a little and fell back into his deep sleep once again. I wonder when the last time he ever had a good sleep was...

It was afternoon when Rui finally woke up. He was the one who was actually shocked at the time now.

"It's afternoon! Tsukasa should be back anytime!" Rui did not wait for my response but helped me got ready my things and sent me to the door.

I looked at him not being able to read his mind. Since he admitted that he loves me, why does he still push me towards Tsukasa? I could only mumble, "Why?" before I turned and walked down the road.

As I walked down the road, all that appear in my mind were tons of questions. Did he not love me the way he claimed he did? Was he merely putting up a show? Should I leave Tsukasa for Rui? I couldn't believe what had become of me over the night. I had always claimed that Tsukasa was the one who could protect me from being reminded of my past once again. But why did I want no one but Rui now?

Who do I really love? I guess I could never know the answer. But right now, I know very well, I wanted to be with Rui. He needs me now.

"Makino." I froze as I recognized the familiar voice. I did not want to turn my head around to confirm his identity.

I pretended not to hear him and walked faster down the road. But he ran and caught up with me. I then came face to face with the man whom I once love more than I loved myself.

"Makino. Why did you walk away from me?" He looked straight into my eyes demanding for an answer as he always did.

I looked away and said, "Yes? What can I do for you, mister?"

"What does that mean? I came all the way to look for you and ended up in this pathetic state. How could you pretend nothing ever happen between us?" Amon seemed angry. I took a deep breath and started walking away from him once again and shouted, "Nothing did happen between us. It is going to be this way now and always." As I stated my stand, I stopped and stared at him, "I do not care why you came in search for me but I do not want to have anything more to do with you again."

Amon stood there with an astonished look. He couldn't believe what he just heard. This was the first time Makino ever stood up for herself. She used to be the one who would wag her tail and followed behind him wherever he went and will never question him in any way. However the confidence she now holds make her even more sophisticated than all the other women he ever had. He was even more determined to get her back.

As expected Tsukasa was standing in front of my room. He was in a business suit and it was obvious that here was the first place he drove to when he got back from town. He seemed disturbed and was continuously playing with his tie.

"Tsukasa. I am sorry; I went out for a walk." Before I could finish my lie, Tsukasa smiled faintly and leaned forward to bring me into his embraces.

There I lay, once again in his arms, however I felt guilty that I no longer yearn for the feeling he once gave me. I realized I wanted to be with Rui now instead. I thought of how Rui had to cope alone.

I could feel Tsukasa sigh deeply. He seemed to have realized the difference in my response.

He took me by the arms and looked tenderly, trying to reframe from asking me the question that had troubled him. Instead, he said, "I hope you can attend the Christmas Party my family held this year."

I looked at him. I could see the frown at the corner of his eyes.

He waited for my answer patiently. I could only nod my head. I really can't bring myself to reject his offer.

I held the evening gown in my hands.

That was what we saw the other day when Tsukasa brought me to the boutique. So he had already been thinking of inviting me to the Christmas Party all along. Does that mean I will be officially introduced to his family?

I tried to picture the scenario. There was no way that his family will accept me. I will definitely not make a fool of myself once again. However, Tsukasa seemed to be able to know what I had been thinking.

He was there on the very day to dress me up. I mean, he had his servants down to dress me up as he supervised them every now and then. He watched my every move and seemed to be afraid that I would run away from him. He seemed to be able to read my mind.

I was thinking of Rui. We met last night at his home. He had decided to move back to his house. He seemed to have gotten over everything that had haunted him.

I remembered him looking into my eyes blushing slightly while he told me that he wouldn't want to be alone on Christmas Eve again. I could only look down and said nothing.

"Makino." Tsukasa touched my hands and whispered. I looked up at him and smiled. I could only smile.

We were warmly welcomed and I could feel the many glances on me. I felt as if I was once again Kunisawa Amon's fiancée. I knew people were making unpleasant remarks as I walked past them. "Tsukasa. can I go to the restroom for a moment?"

As I made my way to the restroom, I saw Amon approaching Tsukasa. I should have guessed that I would be able to see Amon at such occasion. He must have gotten all his valuables and identification cards back. The Kunisawa's family may seemed to be only well-known in some regions. However, a couple of years have passed; I guessed they must have made their name further in the business world.

For once, I wasn't afraid of Amon anymore. I seemed to be unafraid of Tsukasa knowing my past even. I looked towards the door. I started to walk towards it.

This time I am not running away. There was simply nothing for me to run away from anymore. I was actually running forward. . I saw Amon pointing towards me as he spoke to Tsukasa and Tsukasa had this frown in his eyes that made me certain that it was nothing pleasant which he had just heard.

I looked a last look at Tsukasa apologetically and ran out of the door.

I could still remember Rui's unbelievable look as he opened his door.

He was blinking his eyes helplessly; making sure it was not an illusion that was right before his eyes.

I grinned and jumped right into his arms.

He was still trying to make sure it was not an illusion as we had our simple yet decent Christmas Dinner.

"Hey! Stop looking at me with that look! I am flesh and blood!" I pinched his nose.

He laughed and tried to get at me.

I struggled and fought back playful. I had never felt at ease before. All the while, I was holding on tightly to myself. I was too worried to lose what I now owned. However, now I do not have to worry anymore. I could have everything I owned as long and as much as I wanted.

I now understand what dad had done for me. He had already planned his life that way all along, to get the money ready for me so that once he is away, I could still live at ease, not having the need to worry about surviving. He was not cheated in selling the house. He sold the house because he wanted to. Every move was under his plan. How could I not realize that earlier? All he wants from me is to be at ease.

I wrestled with Rui and am now on top of him. I grinned and tried to play with his childlike features. He lay motionless on the floor looking at me and whispered, "Makino. I love you." I smiled and kissed him on the forehead, "I know."

From then on, I hardly see Tsukasa in the school compound.

I heard later that he went to most of the other lessons but seemed to have purposefully skipped mine. There must be something that he was trying to tell me.

One day, I caught him in the maze garden. He was looking blankly and seen to be helpless in his own act.

"Tsukasa." I sat next to him and spoke.

He did not look at me. I continued, "I know you must have hated me. but I am really sorry."

Tsukasa remained quiet. I could hear the familiar deep sigh he gave out. He closed his eyes and stood up. "It had always meant to be this way. doesn't it?"

I looked at his back as he disappeared into the school compound.

It had never been my intention to hurt anyone. Especially when I was very much hurt once before. I can understand how he feels now and I knew all it takes to heal the wound was giving it time.

I now realized that, love is not merely about how much one gives or how much one takes. What it really means is how much two can share among themselves and be themselves when two comes together. In other words, it's about whether or not the couple can love each other for who they truly are.

However, there are always different ways in which couples communicate their love for each other. So there is no point comparing how one boyfriend differ from the other boyfriend, because in the first place, they have different girlfriends!!!

I smiled as I warmly hugged Rui who had now stood beside me.

============================= the end ============================