Impossible Choices
Chapter 7 - A Father's Fight
It was a typical October morning in Malibu. The fog from the night before was still visible on the horizon and the air had a slight chill. Mark stood looking out the window at the lone figure on the deck. He knew he should go out and encourage him to come in to the warmth of the house but one of the few times Steve ever relaxed was when he was in close proximity to the ocean. With a deep sigh he opened the door and walked to stand beside his son. "Good Morning, Son." There was an almost imperceptible nod of Steve's head to acknowledge his presence. "There is certainly a chill in the air this morning." Again the slight head movement. "Steve, I know you are feeling better but you are a long way from recovered won't you please come inside where it's warmer?" Finally Steve turned to look at his father and as their gazes locked Mark almost looked away from the tear stained face. He had never seen his strong stoic son look so devastated. How could he possibly help him?
Mark did break eye contact with his son. He didn't want Steve to view the despair that lived there. Despair that was becoming more difficult to hide. Steve's wounds were healing nicely. Physically be was becoming stronger but Mark knew that his son was far from well. It had been two weeks since the tragic events at the Rayburn house and his son had grown more despondent with each passing day. Mark had utilized all his resources. Jesse and Amanda had been out for dinner with the hope that a little normalcy would help Steve cope. Cheryl had been by as well. Though Steve would never admit it Mark knew that he was experiencing nightmares. He had heard his son cry out on multiple occasions both after he had retired for the night and when he had drifted off to sleep on the couch during the day. The sound of that cry, a tormented sob, almost caused Mark physical pain. He had suggested professional help but Steve had flatly refused. With his options waning and his fear for his son's well being increasing Mark changed tactics. With help from Amanda and Jesse he applied the same tenacity and intelligence that they used to help Steve solve crimes. Mark thoughts strayed to that first meeting. It had been difficult to arrange. He didn't want Steve to overhear their discussions so they had decided to meet at the hospital. It was especially trying for Mark because it was the first time he had left Steve alone. Though he was focused on the discussions his thoughts were never far from his son. He was grateful that Cheryl had been able to join them. Her insights and resources were invaluable.
"Mark, how's he doing?" Amanda questioned compassionately.
With a deep sigh Mark responded. "About the same honey, we have to do something or we are going to lose him."
"Mark, I can't stand to see him this way. I've never had a problem talking with Steve before, but now I don't know what to say to him. I'll help in any way I can," commented an obviously distressed Jesse.
The subdued group had then settled down to discuss the matter at hand. It was during those discussions that Mark had received a call from Kendra's therapist Dr. Logsdon. Mark had been staying in contact with Kendra Rayburn's therapist. It seemed the young girl had been systematically programmed by her mother. She had actually witnessed all the abuse that had been inflicted on Kevin and in a confirmation of Steve's fears she had admitted to witnessing her mother slit her brother's throat. Such was her conditioning she could repeat the occurrences of abuse with a cold detachment that had actually startled the professionals who were working with her. Her therapy sessions had revealed a deeply disturbed child who felt empathy for her brother but felt her mother was justified in her actions. He had informed Mark that Kendra had revealed some horrifying details about the day her father was shot. He had felt that Mark would most definitely be interested. Mark's memories shifted away from the meeting with the group and moved to the session he had observed between Kendra and her doctor.
"Kendra, what can you tell me about what happened to your Daddy?" Dr. Logsdon asked.
"Mommy shot him," she replied tonelessly. "He had to be stopped."
"Did you see her shoot him?"
"Yes," she replied matter of factly. "Mommy said they all had to die."
That simple statement had been the start of a series of revelations that had cemented Mark's decision on what they should do to help Steve. Mark felt compelled to confirm the details of Kendra's story. To do this he would need to talk with Sharon Rayburn and he would also need Amanda's assistance. Much to his horror Sharon Rayburn not only confirmed what Kendra has told them she had done so with a glee that had so discomfited Mark he had become physically ill.
The process was difficult because a member of their team was not involved. They all missed Steve's insights, knowledge and humor. They had come up with a plan that would either allow Steve to come to terms with what had happened or possibly push him over the edge to a complete breakdown. Mark ultimately made the choice on his own. In his mind it was actually an easy decision. He felt that if things continued as they were now his son was likely to suffer a complete breakdown anyway. Another determining factor was the new rather startling information.
Settling both his thoughts and his gaze back on the huddled figure in front of him Mark set his plan in motion. "Do you feel up to a little trip today?" He inquired while intently watching his son.
Steve frowned as he turned to regard his father. "A trip where?"
Mark hesitated slightly then began. "I have been talking with the therapists who are working with Sharon and Kendra Rayburn. During their sessions they have relayed information that has shed further light on the events that took place that morning."
Steve pinned his father with a sharp angry glare. "Why are you bothering the Rayburns, Dad? Haven't they been through enough already? Don't you think we should just leave them alone?"
"Son, I can't leave them alone. I can't stand by and watch you destroy yourself with unwarranted feelings of guilt. If you won't fight for yourself I love you enough to do it for you." Mark's voice broke with the threat of unshed tears.
Steve sighed and the gaze he turned back on his father was again filled with the deep despair that had begun to haunt his father. "Dad, I understand you want to help. Believe me I appreciate all that you, Jesse and Amanda have done but no matter what you do you can't change the fact that I killed that baby."
Mark winced at the pain and torment that were conveyed in his son's voice. For a moment his faith and determination in his plan faltered. This was a game of high stakes poker and the pot was Steve's well being. This was a game that neither Mark nor Steve could afford to lose. "Please, Steve." Mark all but begged.
Steve looked up into the face of the man who he respected above all others. He saw the pain there. Pain he had caused. If making this trip with his dad would help ease that pain it was the least he could do. "Alright, Dad. Just tell me where we are going."
Mark released the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He had made it through the first step. With a reassuring smile he continued on. "We need to go to the hospital. Jesse, Amanda and Cheryl will meet us there."
Steve's questioning look reflected his curiosity. What had his father and friends been up to? He knew them well enough to know that they would not sit by idly while he wallowed in his own self pity. "Why the hospital, Dad?"
Mark had recognized the change in Steve. He could read his son well and knew that he was now curious. Though only a small change it was still enough to make Mark's heart a little lighter. "Just trust me on this one, Steve."
As they pulled into the parking lot of Community General the emotions in the car were distinctly different. Mark was riding a high. He not only had gotten his son to come with him, but he felt confident that with the information they had uncovered he could free his son from his guilt. Steve on the other hand had slipped further into a non communicative state. With a feeling of dread Steve exited the car.