I opened my eyes.

There was a soft light filtering through the curtains on my right, yellow and mechanical. Probably a street light, I thought as I tried to sit up. My joints and back hurt from the high that I had just gotten over, evidently.

I breathed deep and looked at my surroundings. I had to be in Tifa's apartment. Lucky that I had gotten here, given the condition that I was in. It had been stupid to take a hit when I had been on the train; I knew what it would do to me. But I had needed it. I couldn't stop myself.

I needed help.

I scratched at an itch on my neck and check for my pulse. Beating fairly now, at least. That was something to be thankful for. Where was Tifa?

I licked my lips. They were split open from the cold and the Mako and had been bleeding. The bleeding had stopped but now they were sore and hurting. Like the rest of me. The Mako wasn't worth the high it caused; not by a long shot.

If I didn't stop soon, it would kill me. It almost had before, when I had fallen into the lifestream, but now, it was my own fault, my own doing. What would Aeris say if she could see me now, like this?

I lay back down; be disgusted, probably. I could never do anything right anymore. I was too paranoid that he was going to come back and take me out. He was out there somewhere; I knew it. I could feel him in the planet, calling out from someplace dark.

He was there; he was always there, waiting and watching.

I got off the bed that I lay on and stood in the darkened room. The door was ahead of me; as I reached for the handle I heard voices and stopped. Instead, I went to the door and put at ear to it, listening.

"-Don't know why you keep putting up with him. All he brings into your life is trouble, Tifa. He shouldn't be here.'

I recognized the voice. I had met him a few months ago at Tifa's birthday party; his name was Trent; her boyfriend.

"He's my friend, Trent, and he needs my help. You saw how he was, you know he needs me."

"It's always something with him."

I leaned back from the door and frowned. I knew that I was a hassle on Tifa, but he didn't need to point it out. I only had come here because there was no one else that could help me. She had dragged me out of the darkest point of my life before; maybe she could do it again.

I had to focus on who I was, so I could find myself again. Where was I? Midgar, well, what remained of it. The third sector, Tifa's apartment. It had taken me over a week of passage to get to Midgar from my previous hideout in Costa del Sol. It had been three weeks since I had run there, and before that, it had been Corel. Before then, Wutai, and there had been other places, too. Anywhere that I could hide, anywhere that I could run and maybe find a way to live.

But the paranoia, it would always catch me and I would run again. I was looking for a way out, and for trouble as well. I needed something more; but since the end, it had been like this. Me, pitiful and useless, just as I used to be. I didn't have a purpose anymore. What did heroes do after they had saved the world? Weren't they supposed to die trying?

I had lived; so what now?

I rubbed at my eyes. For a while, the Mako had helped me get away from everything. I had thought it to be an answer. It had given me a place before, maybe now it could at least give me peace.

It hadn't. It had just made my problems worse, and then, I had an addiction to feed as well. Then, I'd started to steal for what I needed and wanted, and turned to the streets. I was becoming the outlaw punk I had been as a kid once again. Then, when I had been in Costa del Sol, one high that almost killed me had left me scared, and I went to find Tifa.

I had been at her birthday party, and she had written me letters. I knew where she was, I just needed to get to her. Now I had.

And, I was still lost.

I lay back and closed my eyes. I was so tired from running. The last bed that I had felt like this, it had been at least a year. So tired. My eyelids seemed so heavy all of a sudden. I turned on my side, sighing, and went to sleep.

The dreams came again, but at least this night, they did not wake me.

.Sephiroth.