Praeter

Chapter 10: Final

This sets my heart

To fluttering in my breast,

For when I look on you a moment,

Then can I speak no more,

But my tongue falls silent,

And at once a delicate flame

Courses beneath my skin,

          And with my eyes I see nothing,

And my ears hum,

And a cold sweat bathes me,

And trembling seizes me all over,

And I feel near to death.

                             ― Sappho (6th century B.C.E.)

                                      "Fragment 2"

          Shifting in her lightening sleep, Diana instinctively snuggled closer to the warmth beside her and sighed deeply.  She didn't want to wake up nor did she want to move away from this rather nice heat source; it felt chilly about her.  Wait… what?  Why was it so cold, was there not a fire going earlier?  And what was she lying on?

          O merciful Hera, it's J'onn!

          She shot quickly into a sitting position in order to look down at him.  He appeared to be sleeping peacefully but she worried if perhaps she had inadvertently injured him further.  How could she have forgotten herself so badly that she had curled next to him in slumber?

          Gently so as not to wake him or hurt him, the immortal Amazon carefully lifted the bandages off his chest and could not hold back the grimace at the sight his wound presented.  It was still a nasty-looking wound, a scabbed mess of congealed, rust-coloured blood that dominated his broad chest, but it was no longer bleeding and not as raw looking as just yesterday.  She hoped he continued so well.

          Will he heal completely?  How long could it be until he was?  She wished she held the answers, her peace of mind might find it useful.  All she could do was pray for his safe return to the waking world.

          Waking.  She hoped he awoke soon.  This was not a place she wanted to spend a great deal of time in.

          So many questions for which she lacked answers, so many hopes and dreams for both of them that had never beheld light or were never known that could either find fertile soil between them or lie fallow and untilled forever.  And it all depended upon his waking so they could talk.  They needed to talk.  About many things, about what had happened and what could happen.  So many truths had been revealed and so many still hidden that needed discussion but would those truths yet learned prove jubilant or would they cause misery?

          Funny how she of all people had no idea how these particular truths would affect them.  Alas but she did not.  She wanted to know how this all would work out but for that he would have to wake up and she would not rush him.

          Rebinding his chest wrappings, Diana began inspecting the rest of his injuries and what progress his swift metabolism had made in healing.  Minor bruises― of which there had been many― had already faded to almost non-existence while gashes and more intensive bruises appeared lighter and much better than the previous day. 

          His fast healing was probably the only thing that saved his life.  How she was thankful for it. 

          Moving along his long body in her inspections and gentle prodding, she came to the gash that sliced down his side to his leg.  That one had been difficult to bandage simply because of its odd location.  She had had to completely unclothe him to accomplish it and was at the time thankful he was unconscious.  It would have undoubtedly embarrassed the poor man were he awake.  It certainly made her face heat up in embarrassment.

          This gash looked far better as well.  He was healing very nicely.

          Replacing the bandages, she breathed a prayer of thanks to the goddesses for his having survived the night.  He was definitely going to survive.  Thank Hera.

          "I don't believe you've ever looked so relieved before," came a weak voice that pulled her from her reverie with a start.  J'onn was looking up at her in a somewhat dazed way she took to mean he was in a great deal of pain.  "Are you injured?"

          "No," she answered, breaking out of her surprise and relief quickly when he attempted to sit up.  The Amazon pushed him back down with a scowl, "but you most assuredly are and I don't think you should be moving only a day after what happened." She could not bring herself to actually utter the events, that he was nearly killed. "Just rest for now, please."

          J'onn relented without argument or grumble. She smiled and pulled the covering back up to his chest.  That had been easier than she expected. 

          For a time they lapsed into a strangely awkward silence as Diana scattered the embers of last nights fire and simply tried to keep her hands occupied and her mind off the talk the two of them were going to have to have soon.  It was not going to be an easy subject to broach, deep feelings often were.  She just had to have faith they would work it out.

          "What's wrong?" The Martian asked after several minutes, "You've been standing in the same spot staring out the window for the past fifteen minutes.  Is something troubling you?"

          Looking over to him, she smiled.  She should have realized he would pick up on her emotions.  "Sort of… We need to talk."  Moving to the bed, she sat beside him inwardly steeling herself for whatever may come.  True, she might be overreacting on how this conversation might go but she wanted to be prepared for anything.  "I, ah, read your letters…"

          Silence met her words; he looked overly uncomfortable now as he slowly sat up, no longer meeting her eyes.  An expression of pain and a strange sadness settled over his features, if she did not know better, she would swear he looked guilty as well.  What would he feel guilt over? 

          He looked so vulnerable.

          "I forgot about that thing," he finally mumbled under his breath.  "I'm sorry, Diana."

          Her eyebrows shot upwards at his apology. "For what?  You've done nothing wrong."

          Eyes never reaching hers, his gaze settled instead on his tightly fisted hands, his voice a low murmur, "For everything.  For giving you the letter.  For allowing you to follow me when you could have been seriously injured.  For falling in love with you.  I'm sorry because it should not have happened."

          She felt her own eyes narrow at him.  "You have nothing to apologize for.  I'm glad you gave me the letters; I just wish you felt you could have told me in person.  We've always shared a special relationship, J'onn, love can only add depth to what we already have."

          Waiting for his response, she was pleased when the look he held her with was surprised and a flash of something flared high and bright in the crimson depths of his eyes. 

          "Do you…" he did not finish his question for her smile hopefully answered it for him.  "Wow," he said after a pause and she nearly laughed out loud, the snort of amusement that managed to escape her only served to confuse him.  "What?"

          Shaking her head and fighting a new bout of giggles, she held up a hand to still any further questions or comments while she got herself under control.  "Nothing, sorry, that just wasn't exactly the reaction I was expecting."

          The look he gave her was one of such bemusement that he barely seemed able to find his voice.  "Um…what were you expecting, if you don't mind me asking?"

          She paused for a moment, "more difficulty," she answered finally.  "Well, more awkwardness I suppose would be closer to what I was really expecting, and… I don't really know.  I've never thought of having an encounter quite like this before."  It was an honest answer, because she could rarely have pictured she and J'onn like this before the letters.  Before this mess began― if not for this mess, while being horrible in itself, she might never have received those letters, might never have taken the time to analyse her feelings towards him.

          Propping her chin on her hand, she grinned lightly at him, "We could almost thank the Reaper for this.  It seems the only good that's come from it."

          In response, J'onn smiled, "Yes, it is."  His smile vanished quickly as a sigh was dredged from deep in his chest, eliciting a wince from him, "Did you read all the letters?"

          Looking at him now, her brow furrowed in remembrance, Diana scowled at him.  "I've been meaning to talk to you about those.  The will I can almost understand seeing as how you didn't think you'd survive, but I want to know why in the cosmos you've written a suicide letter." 

          He winced at the last words and shifted uncomfortably.  "That one was written several months ago, it was after the white Martians fiasco.  I blamed myself for it and wrote that letter one night when I'd been drinking―"

          "You drink?"

          "No, but that night I did.  It seemed the right thing to do at the time," he smiled ruefully, "Gods, I was an idiot."

          She agreed wholeheartedly. "At least you didn't go through with it.  Getting drunk does usually mean one becomes an idiot.  So what happened?"

          "I passed out, woke up the next afternoon with a hangover I was completely deserving of and forgot about the letter or that I had placed it in that envelope." The Manhunter gave her a lopsided smile, "Can you forgive me for my stupidity?"

          "I suppose," she answered with a grin.

          "Could you give me my clothes back as well?  Please?"

          The princess nodded, a slight blush creeping over her cheeks as she stood and went to the chair she had occupied last eve and over the back of which she had laid his breeches before going to bed.  They were torn, bloodied, and pretty far gone from their original colour but she could do nothing to them to either repair or clean them.  At least they were in more or less one piece.

          Upon giving the breeches back to him, she retreated to the outside so he could have privacy while he dressed.  She did not venture far however, staying in sight of the small, stone building just in case he had need of her and mulled over their conversation.

          They seemed to have both agreed to give the relationship a chance and personally, she was looking forward to it.  She did love him, though as yet she had not expressed it in so many words― that would be remedied soon― she wanted to be with him.  She knew he loved her, but he seemed hesitant about showing his feelings.  Hopefully that would pass as they grew closer.  She wanted them to grow closer.

          He was so lonely in life; she saw it every time she looked into his eyes.  His eyes were the most expressive eyes she had ever seen.  In them she saw sadness, pain, more pain than she could imagine, the loneliness he was trapped with… when had she ever seen some happy emotion light his eyes?  Never as far as she could remember.  She found it difficult to picture him without some pain in his eyes and hoped one day she would see happiness one day in those depths. 

          "Diana?" His voice intruded upon her thoughts and caused her to look up at him, startled that he was standing just a sword's length away and she had never heard him.  With the light from the sun shining down on him, he was beautiful, she realized.  Strength and a potent masculinity radiated from him even injured as he was.

          His injuries… she stood quickly, closing the distance that separated them and touching his arm in concern, "Is something wrong?"

          He gave her an odd look, making her vaguely wonder if he had picked up on any of those last thoughts. 

          "No.  Everything's fine, it's just time we were going home…"

          Her hands tensed against his skin even as her eyes widened in worry, "Shouldn't you rest?  You were only injured yesterday, I don't want you injuring yourself further―"

          "I'll be fine.  The others still need our assistance in our world.  We've been gone probably too long already, they're undoubtedly worried by now."  It was obvious he would not be swayed in this.  He smiled down at her, "I'm flattered that you're so concerned for me but I'm fine.  I've had worse happen to me…"

          A thin black brow was arched high at this.  "Worse than getting run through?  I didn't think there was a worse than that."

          "Getting set on fire comes to mind," he replied with a sardonic grin.  "We need to go."

          "How?"

          He paused then; from his expression it was obvious he was unsure.  "I suppose the way we came, if the doorway's still open."

          "Can you still fly?" Diana asked, eyeing the bandages swathing his chest with concern.

          In answer he showed her, lifting her up with him.  She mock scowled at him and together they left the stone house for the portal that was leagues away.  A comfortable silence descended over them as they flew, hands lightly clasped.

          "I wonder if those castles are inhabited?" Diana mumbled to herself while staring out over the landscape rapidly moving below them.  From the distance they were, the castles looked like little models or images from a faery book, little worlds unto themselves.

          Beside her, J'onn made an 'hm' sound which made her look at him, "It's possible."  He then smiled at her, "Wishing we had time to sightsee, princess?"

          "No… Well, alright, a little.  Don't you?"

          "A little," he conceded.  Something caught his eye, causing him to look ahead and down, "I think that may be the doorway up there… Ready to go home?" He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. 

          She nodded and smiled.  They landed quietly before the glowing portal and hesitated for perhaps the first time. 

          "You don't think we'll forget any of this when we go back, do you?" The Amazon asked, suddenly remembering stories on the Otherworld she had read before.  She did not want to forget any of this, especially their love.

          J'onn looked at the doorway with some trepidation now before turning back to her.  "If we do, I'm saying this now:  Diana, I love you."

          "I love you, too, J'onn," she said just before he bent his head and kissed her.  Gods, Hera, she prayed they forgot nothing, that they would remember this forever, for she did not want to forget this, the feel of his lips against hers or of his arms around her.  She wanted to remember how he felt in her own arms, how he tasted. 

          All too soon they broke apart and stepped through the looking glass with no backward glances, with only hope and love to lead them onward.

The End.