TTITLE: Car Ride
AUTHOR: Anansay
SUMMARY: A short car ride brings about an interesting conversation.
RATING: PG
SPOILER: None
DISCLAIMER: All characters are not mine. They belong to CBS, Zuiker and company.
~*~
Car Ride
By Anansay
December 18, 2003
~*~
It wasn't snowing, but it ought to have been. The temperature had dropped five degrees since she walked into the building a half-hour ago. And now she hugged the coat tighter around her shivering body, as she took tight steps toward her car. The rain that had been falling all day was quickly turning to ice on the ground and she found herself walking like a penguin in her tread-less city boots. Her keys wouldn't listen as she tried to fish them out of her pockets, her fingers stiff from the cold. With one last violent shudder, she finally reached her car and finally got her keys out of her pocket. Her hand shook too much to get the keys into the lock and with a surge of energy she let out of a growling howl into the darkness of the night and slammed her hand atop the hood. There was little pain in her frozen hand.
"Something wrong?" a voice came from behind her and she spun around, nearly losing her footing, her keys dropping to the ground.
"Huh? Wha-? Jeez, Grissom! Don't you make any noise?"
He cocked his head in silent apology. "Sorry. Too cold for you?"
Her body shivered at the mention of the cold and she bit down on her teeth to keep them from clattering. "I went to school at Harvard, remember? They have winters there that would make this look like summer. I'm fine."
"Really?"
"Yes."
Grissom stared at her a moment, weighing options before deciding on one, smiled and turned away to his own vehicle. Sara watched him turn around with a small pang in her heart. Holding back a sigh, she turned to get into her car and only then realized she didn't have her keys. A quick look at the dark and frozen ground around her and she realized her keys were gone. She'd dropped them and now they were no where to be found. With a groan she crouched down and placed her fingertips on the ground and began searching in earnest.
And this is how Grissom found her a few minutes later when he noticed her car was still there but she wasn't. He'd come back to make sure that she was really okay and found her in the awkward position of butt in the air and head to the ground, swaying from side to side in her zest to find her keys.
His eyes fell to her upturned butt, the material of her coat pulled taut over the muscles and he felt an involuntary jerk in his groin at the sudden lascivious thoughts that sprang to mind. He cleared his throat.
"Something, uh wrong Sara?"
Her head cranked around on her neck and she peered up at him with wide eyes. For a moment she was caught and unable to move. Grissom was standing behind her, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his face in shadow matching his black attire and she had the oddest notion of some quasi-deviant sexual act in mind. She blinked once and the spell was broken but she was still in an awkward position so she straightened herself and stood up, coming face to face with a stone-faced Grissom, his eyes following her every movement like a prowler.
"Grissom?" she called his name when he didn't speak or a make move but only continued staring at her, his mouth open as though he wanted to speak.
He blinked, shook his head and once again his focus seemed to come back.
Sara looked at the ground and then back at Grissom. "I, uh, lost my keys. They fell out of my hand when you scared me. And now I can't seem to find them. So, uh…" There wasn't much else to say, he'd asked a relatively innocent question and she'd answered and now there was nothing more to say. So she waited.
Grissom's eyes scanned the ground a moment. "Nope. No keys. They're gone."
"Bravo Grissom. Such astute observations. I'm impressed," Sara said a grin pulling on her pursed lips.
"So… you need a ride home then…?"
Those not-so-innocent thoughts came flooding back into her mind and she took a deep breath. "Um, yeah. I guess I do." She shrugged her shoulders. "I'll just take a cab," and she turned to leave.
"Sara, wait! Don't do that, it's ridiculous. I'm right here. I'll drive you home. Come on."
She turned to look at him walking off, as though of course she'd follow him. But he was right, it really was ridiculous. But a cab would have prevented them being alone in a confined space. Her shoulders prickling with tension, she followed him to his vehicle, like a puppy dog following a trail of food.
~*~
Sara sat stiffly in the passenger side, the belt sitting uncomfortably against her tense shoulder, her hands clasped tightly in her lap holding her purse to her. It was something to do, hold her purse, as conversation seemed almost non-existent. Few words had been spoken and none more seemed to be forthcoming. Sara watched the lights flash by as Grissom drove toward her place.
"You know where I live?" she asked, suddenly aware she hadn't given him any directions.
"Yes," he said simply.
"Oh." And then she chided herself on her school girlish thoughts that he actually knew her address for other than purely professional reasons. Of course he knew where she lived, he was her supervisor, it was in her file. But… how many times did he actually look into his employees' files to find out such innocuous information? And then to actually remember it to the point where his driving was flawless, each turn made with no hesitation whatsoever, almost like he'd taken this route many times before…
She closed her eyes and willed those thoughts from her head. It was pure fantasy anyway; maybe Grissom was just a really good driver and knew Las Vegas streets really well. Yeah, that was it. Like a taxi driver knows the roads. It had to be it, right? It couldn't be anything else…
"You seem to know you're way around Vegas pretty well," she said, keeping her voice as light as she could. She didn't want to arouse any suspicions.
"I guess," was the only thing he offered, never taking his eyes off the road. Another turn, the right one and they were closer to her place.
Sara risked a glance his way, noting his steady gaze on the road and the firm grip on the steering wheel. Her gaze traveled down his body to where the seat belt held him firmly against the seat and how his legs rested against the fabric, his foot dancing from pedal to pedal as he maneuvered the stops and gos. The familiar fluttery feeling came over her again and she looked away, out her side of the window. "Alright, really now Grissom. How is it you know the way to my place. You've never been there. Spill it."
"Easy Sara, it's in your file."
"And what, you have a photographic memory, or you like to look in my file a lot?"
Sara noticed how his hands seemed to tighten around the steering wheel a moment before loosening. And then he spoke, "I just know, okay? I'm supposed to know these things." His voice was no longer the nice gentle voice of before, it had taken on an icy tone.
"So tell me then, where does Nick live?"
A muscle jumped in Grissom's jaw and his foot shifted pedals, pressing a bit too hard on the break and sending Sara jerking against the seat belt. "Sorry," he mumbled.
Sara sat back and stared at Grissom. "Well, so where does Nicky live?"
"Sara… it doesn't matter how I know. I just do."
"Not good enough, Griss. Too pat for my liking. Now tell me the real reason," she leaned closer to him, bringing her face a mere inches away from his and spoke in low tone, "Or are you too afraid?"
"Sara, I'm not afraid. What is so important that you need to know how I know where you live anyway?"
"Just curious."
"Too curious," he mumbled.
"That's what makes me such a good CSI."
"Too good."
"Damn right," she grinned.
The car jerked as he pulled it around a corner sharply and then into the parking lot of her building. "We're here."
"Very good. You found it. And without one wrong turn. Amazing isn't it? Almost like you'd done it before…"
Grissom dropped his hands from the steering wheel and stared straight ahead, saying nothing. The muscle still jumped in his jaw. Sara unbuckled her seat belt, her hand resting on the door handle. She stared at him a moment. "You, uh, wanna come up for some coffee or something, seeing as you're actually here for once?"
Grissom cocked his head in thought. "I, uh, don't think so, Sara."
"Why not? It's just coffee, Grissom. I'm not gonna bite you or anything."
"Sara," he choked out and then dropped his head. "It's, just not a good idea. You're welcome for the ride."
Sara stared at him for a long moment, unable to believe her ears. Not even a coffee? "What is wrong, Grissom? For crying out loud, a year ago a coffee would have been just a coffee, now you make it to sound like some lewd invitation."
"It wouldn't be just coffee."
"What would it be?"
Grissom sighed.
"Grissom, what would it be?"
"It would be so much more, Sara," he said in such a low voice she leaned in a bit to hear it.
"I don't understand. It's just coffee--"
Grissom spun around and fixed her with a stare so intense Sara's breath caught in her throat. "Sara, it wouldn't be just coffee. It would be me, and you, in your apartment… alone. I…" he bit his lip, "I just can't do that right now. I… just can't. I'm sorry."
Sara's breath let out with a whoosh. She stared at Grissom's flushed face, his eyes beseeching her not to go down that route. But much like the curious cat, once introduced to an idea, had to follow it to some sort of ending. Ideas and thoughts began to take shape and form, hypotheses to germinate and grow, possibilities to present themselves. And she saw Grissom in a new light, one tinged with hope and newfound sight and knowledge. "Why not?" she asked him, pursuing that route with fervor and impatience.
"What?!"
"You heard me, why not?"
Grissom stared at Sara as though she'd just sprouted her own beard. "Sara! I—"
"Why not? Why can't you do that? What is so wrong about it?" At Grissom's incredulous look, Sara pursued, "Look, I know there's something here. You can't deny it, Grissom. All I'm asking for is coffee for crying out loud. I'm not asking for commitment or something. Its – just – coffee!"
There was such a look of intense probing in Grissom's eyes, he looked for all he was worth like a man trying desperately to communicate in a language absolutely foreign to him, in a strange land with strange customs. The desperation in his eyes pulled at Sara and she longed to just go to him, help him over this hurdle. But there was also this tiny voice telling her that this was something he needed to do on his own, that if he didn't do it on his own, he'd never be able to do it on his own. This was his battle. She was his prize and she had to remain on the other side waiting for him. But she'd waited for so long and had seen countless opportunities disregarded haphazardly as though they were nothing and still she'd remained waiting. But now there appeared some break in his pattern, some sort of hint that he was seeing a possibility he'd forever dismissed as fantastical.
"Yes."
At once the world shifted and Sara was left wobbling on its newfound axis. "What?"
Grissom sighed, such a lost and forlorn sound. "Yes Sara, there is something here. There was always something I just… it was so… confusing. I didn't know… I still don't know," he shrugged his shoulders and stared at her, asking her to just please let him be, please don't make him say it, the words simply weren't there. Only the feelings that were so evident in his eyes as they pleaded with hers. Sara knew Grissom wasn't a man for talking much, he spoke in riddles, offering some archaic insight through meddled words. But she needed to hear them, she needed that verbal affirmation. She touched his arm, a contact through the haze that had only grown thicker between them for the past year. She needed to touch him, to feel him, to make that connection that was so essential for her survival.
He glanced down at her hand on his arm, her fingers gently combing the skin through his shirt. And it was like a torch to his frigid soul as it began to crack painfully.
"It isn't rocket science Grissom. You already know what to do," she spoke in gentle tones, soft and lulling. "Please, don't do this to us. Don't let some fear of the unknown keep us from being together."
"It isn't unknown Sara. I know what will happen. Our jobs--"
"It's a road bump, it won't completely derail us."
He met her eyes, his bottom lip beginning to tremble slightly. Sara brought her hand up and brushed her fingers along his lips, to shush the growing fear and to try and show him that she was there with him. He took her wrist in his hand and she had the momentary fear that he would push her away, indeed his grip stopped her movement but her fingers still touched him, still felt the softness of his lips. He held her hand there in front of him, neither pushing her away nor allowing her to go any further.
And then his hand relaxed and she pushed forward, wrapping her palm around his cheek as his thumb began lazy circles on her wrist. The small touch, so simple and yet so full of possibilities sent shivers down her arm and along her body. She was touching him, and he was letting her.
"Coffee Grissom. Just a small cup of coffee. Just one. I promise you. I won't offer seconds."
"Coffee," he whispered.
"Come upstairs. Come with me." She pulled her hand from his face but he didn't let her go. Instead, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. Just a small, lingering touch of his lips to her fingers but it quickly exploded into something so much more in her mind. This was so much more than just a touch, this was an affirmation, the very one she'd been looking for. He was willingly touching her, bringing parts of her body into contact with his and keeping them there. She watched as his lips puckered and then flattened against the tips, as his eyes closed and he allowed himself this small moment of uninterrupted bliss.
And then he opened his eyes and let her hand go, released her wrist to her but she didn't move, didn't pull away. Instead she once again took the liberty of brushing her fingertips along his lips, feeling their softness against her skin. It was an act she'd so longed to do and now that she could, nothing was going to keep her from doing just that. But that was all she'd do, no pushing too fast.
Bringing her hand back to her lap she smiled and opened her car door and got out. Together they climbed the steps to her building and disappeared inside the darkness, leaving the bright morning sun to shine its rays on the waking citizens of Las Vegas.
~*~
…the end…
Copyright © 2003 Anansay