Divine Gift
By Lewen AKA Stonewar
PG
Spoilers Narrative begins during S7, Same Time, Same Place
Summary: Willow makes a plea
A/N: In a "looking for a fic" requests in one of my yahoo!groups I found a premise that sounded
interesting so I waited until response was posted so I could read it too. It turned out the "original concept"
that I was attracted to was an excuse to write a Buffy-bashing Giles-Dom S/W fic. Yuck. So I decided to redo it.
I haven't decided on ships. There might not be any.
(bare with me the prologue is just internal dialogue. the real action in chapter 1)
***
Pray without ceasing.
That was a lesson taught at the vacation bible school Jesse had dragged Xander and
I to when we were younger. He didn't care whether we were Protestant Jewish or Catholic.
All he cared about was the pizza party that the teacher promised if they reached an attendance goal.
I had asked my Rabbi about it later since the concept didn't make sense couched in all the
evangelical stuff that I was unfamiliar with. He explained that it means to have a running dialogue
with God. To give thanks for every blessing as you encounter it, to ask for guidance during your day
and to ask forgiveness as you falter instead of saving it all up for bedtime.
My question was answered so I did not contemplate it again. The Rosenburgs were not the most observant
of households. Is there a Jewish equivalent for CAPE Catholic?
When you have an addiction, you join a twelve-step program. So when we decided I was addicted to magic,
something I later learned was a bit of a fallacy, I read all the literature about recovery programs. These are the steps:
1. I admit I am powerless over my addiction-that my life has become unmanageable.
2. I have come to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him.
4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.
5. Admit to God, to myself and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.
6. I am entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly ask Him to remove my shortcomings.
8. Make a list of all persons I have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.
9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as I understand Him,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Have a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps; try to carry this message to others and to
practice these principles in all my affairs.
Despite its attempts to be religion-neutral it still smacks of Christianity. Something even after all these years
of relying nightly on crosses and holy water is still alien to me.
I quit cold turkey and joined a group. Being able to talk was nice but I don't think any of them were able to
touch the extreme I had reached or to even understand that it was possible. I had highs and I had lows.
Boy did I ever have a low.
Giles brought me to England, to separate me from the dark taint of the hellmouth, to give the friends I hurt so
much space, to be among other witches. I had been a solo practitioner for too long and it was partly to blame
for my troubles. In that peaceful place I remembered the 12 steps again and realized though I claimed proudly
to be wiccan, I truly was only a magician (not to be confused with illusionist.)
I knew the Wiccan Rede: "Bide the Wiccan Law ye must, In perfect love and perfect trust. Eight Words the
Wiccan Rede fulfill; An 'ye harm none, do what ye will'. What ye send forth comes back to thee, So ever mind
the law of three. Follow this with mind and heart, Merry meet, and merry ye part."
But did I follow it? Did I worship? No. I took and took from the goddess and did not give back. So I took the
opportunity to learn from women who dedicated themselves to the craft and to the earth.
In my meditations I came across that phrase again. Pray without ceasing. Not kneel by your bed before you
go to sleep, or only in a church or at sunset. Always have the object of your prayer in the back of your mind.
But that doesn't mean you can't dedicate an hour or two solely to meditation. Especially when you have skin to
grow and your best friend loves you enough to lend a little of her life-force to help.
By Lewen AKA Stonewar
PG
Spoilers Narrative begins during S7, Same Time, Same Place
Summary: Willow makes a plea
A/N: In a "looking for a fic" requests in one of my yahoo!groups I found a premise that sounded
interesting so I waited until response was posted so I could read it too. It turned out the "original concept"
that I was attracted to was an excuse to write a Buffy-bashing Giles-Dom S/W fic. Yuck. So I decided to redo it.
I haven't decided on ships. There might not be any.
(bare with me the prologue is just internal dialogue. the real action in chapter 1)
***
Pray without ceasing.
That was a lesson taught at the vacation bible school Jesse had dragged Xander and
I to when we were younger. He didn't care whether we were Protestant Jewish or Catholic.
All he cared about was the pizza party that the teacher promised if they reached an attendance goal.
I had asked my Rabbi about it later since the concept didn't make sense couched in all the
evangelical stuff that I was unfamiliar with. He explained that it means to have a running dialogue
with God. To give thanks for every blessing as you encounter it, to ask for guidance during your day
and to ask forgiveness as you falter instead of saving it all up for bedtime.
My question was answered so I did not contemplate it again. The Rosenburgs were not the most observant
of households. Is there a Jewish equivalent for CAPE Catholic?
When you have an addiction, you join a twelve-step program. So when we decided I was addicted to magic,
something I later learned was a bit of a fallacy, I read all the literature about recovery programs. These are the steps:
1. I admit I am powerless over my addiction-that my life has become unmanageable.
2. I have come to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God, as I understand Him.
4. Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.
5. Admit to God, to myself and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.
6. I am entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly ask Him to remove my shortcomings.
8. Make a list of all persons I have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.
9. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Seek through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as I understand Him,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Have a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps; try to carry this message to others and to
practice these principles in all my affairs.
Despite its attempts to be religion-neutral it still smacks of Christianity. Something even after all these years
of relying nightly on crosses and holy water is still alien to me.
I quit cold turkey and joined a group. Being able to talk was nice but I don't think any of them were able to
touch the extreme I had reached or to even understand that it was possible. I had highs and I had lows.
Boy did I ever have a low.
Giles brought me to England, to separate me from the dark taint of the hellmouth, to give the friends I hurt so
much space, to be among other witches. I had been a solo practitioner for too long and it was partly to blame
for my troubles. In that peaceful place I remembered the 12 steps again and realized though I claimed proudly
to be wiccan, I truly was only a magician (not to be confused with illusionist.)
I knew the Wiccan Rede: "Bide the Wiccan Law ye must, In perfect love and perfect trust. Eight Words the
Wiccan Rede fulfill; An 'ye harm none, do what ye will'. What ye send forth comes back to thee, So ever mind
the law of three. Follow this with mind and heart, Merry meet, and merry ye part."
But did I follow it? Did I worship? No. I took and took from the goddess and did not give back. So I took the
opportunity to learn from women who dedicated themselves to the craft and to the earth.
In my meditations I came across that phrase again. Pray without ceasing. Not kneel by your bed before you
go to sleep, or only in a church or at sunset. Always have the object of your prayer in the back of your mind.
But that doesn't mean you can't dedicate an hour or two solely to meditation. Especially when you have skin to
grow and your best friend loves you enough to lend a little of her life-force to help.