Adhere's the Problem
Alarun
Chapter 4, In Which The Oompa Loompas Are Deemed Hypocritical, Miniature Rabbits Are Abound (abounding down the hallway, that is …), And Sirius Black's Green And Silver Hair Falls Out. (Just kidding. I like it green and silver.)
Kyra Invictus Black, this chapter is dedicated to you, because I kinda forgot that this story existed … ::coughs into hand:: Plus, you've got some really great ideas! Whoda thunk the quill would get stuck to Black? ::slaps forehead::
p.s. I don't own Harry Potter or anything creative like that. If it's well thought out and in-character, I definitely didn't do it. A'duh!
"Yeah, well...as soon as I think of something snappy to say, you'll be sorry!"
"You won't, Black. You're a Gryffindor. Snappy is not high on your list of priorities. Well, neither is reading, writing… or walking, for that matter." Snape snapped.
"You …you … gregarious gregarine!" Black sputtered, not exactly pronouncing the words right. He'd heard Remus muttering the word "gregarine" while studying for Care of Magical Creatures.
Snape blinked at that. "Er …if you knew what 'gregarious' meant, you obviously wouldn't use it to describe me. I am not a social butterfly!" He began squeezing again.
"Mr. Snape! Seeing as we're all lying piled on top of one another on the ground, I'd say that it was rather stupid of you to be killing your school-mate!" Madame Pomfrey shrieked. Very shrilly. In Severus's ear.
"But raw stupidity hasn't stopped anyone yet!" Snape ceased his strangling only because Madame Pomfrey was pulling on his hair. The beetle seemed to have stilled in fright.
Sirius Black yelled into the chaos.
"I CAN'T LET GO OF MY QUILL!"
***
"…But then again the Loompas seem to lack perspective throughout: they keep saying that if you follow their little moral ditties then you'll be happy like them, which sounds pretty good until you realize they're a bunch of orange midgets in a labor camp… "
"Remus?"
"Yes?"
"Shut up."
"Just because you don't like Muggle movies, don't ruin it for the rest of us."
"You are ruining it for the rest of us! Quiet! The Slytherins are on the move again."
James Potter was leaning against the overturned Gryffindor table among the debris of food and broken plates. Pumpkin juice covered the Marauders like blood in the war zone known previously as mealtime.
Potter raised himself slightly to look over the edge of the table in the direction of the Slytherins. He could swear that he heard movement on the right side of the hall, which would mean that the enemy was flanking them for an ambush.
"We'll show 'em." James whispered, motioning for his friends to huddle around him.
"What are they doing over there?" Crabbe mumbled, frustrated, as Lucius Malfoy began directing orders around the Slytherins.
"Why don't you go over and look, Crabbe?" Lucius didn't spare a glance in the direction of his henchman.
Crabbe, in a wavering moment of intelligence, balanced a soup bowl on the tip of his wand and raised it over the level of the table.
It was immediately pelted with chicken legs, apples, and one bowl of rice pudding.
"They're still over there."
"You think!?" Lucius snarled, "The only exits available are on opposite sides of the Great Hall, front and back. Unfortunately, our tables are perpendicular to these exits. Therefore, of course, one would be forced to walk to the front of one's …barricade…in order to leave. And with the enemy watching, you would be destroyed before you ran that far!"
Crabbe and Goyle were staring at Malfoy, eyes wide with fear.
Goyle was struck with a thought. He stood up quickly and pointed his wand at the Gryffindor table.
"Sylvilagus*!"
"Goyle, no!"
Several Holland Lop bunnies emerged from Goyle's wand. Frightened as …well, rabbits …the floppy-eared bunnies swarmed around the Great Hall, seeking shelter. More food was thrown from the Gryffindor table.
***
"Well, Gryffindors are natural heroes! We're definitely better than a bunch of sneaky …Dark Wizards!"
"Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed?"
Snape's use of the word "creamed" made Albus Dumbledore suddenly remember that he had not eaten, and his stomach growled loudly. He was becoming very irritated with this bickering. And the fact that he was lying on the bottom, supporting not only the two third years, but also Madame Pomfrey.
"I wish you two would stop bickering for two minutes!" Madame Pomfrey, exasperated, said in the pause between more arguments.
"And if wishes were horses, we'd be knee-deep in crap."
"Mr. Black!"
"Not bad, Black. Not bad."
*Sylvilagus; the genus of which rabbits are of. So what, I'm not creative like some people who know Latin …Neither is Goyle.
:o)