Disclaimer: I own nothing. JKR owns everything. She is the Queen of the Potter world and I am but a jester in her court.
A/N: I know this has been done before. I was bored and thought I would give it a shot.
The library (Don't laugh, I was drug here by Hermione)
September 10th, Year of our lord 1996
Dear Ginny,
It has come to my attention that you are not currently dating a member of the sixth year boy's dormitory. I may say that is a dirty trick you have played on your darling older brother Ronald. He is currently still under the guise that you are with one, Dean Thomas. I only found out by accident when I arrived at my room quite tired last evening.
Dean and Seamus were discussing the plan to drive Ron crazy that you came up with. I am sure that this stems from the statement you made on the train last year. I am sure that Ron's reaction to your statement is what started this little joke. The fact that you were able to talk Dean and Seamus into the action makes you a formidable foe.
I would like to help. I have years of experience in the art of stealth. Since my arrival to Hogwarts, I have been in possession of an invisibility cloak. I also have a map created by Sirius, Remus, my father and Wormtail. The Marauders map shows you were everyone is in the castle.
Lately, I have been using it to find out where your brother and my other best friend are hiding during certain "prefect" meetings. Let's just say that they have finally taken a step in their relationship and have decided against telling you or I for the time being. I for one am happy for them. Let us hope they quit arguing like a couple of pack wolves.
If you would like my assistance, please alert me by owl. We can begin planning ways to drive Ron crazy.
Your Co-Conspirator,
HP
Sixth Floor Broom Closet
September 10th, Year of our Lord 1996
Dear Harry,
Remind me to hex Dean and Seamus later. I thought that we had made it quite clear that we would not discuss our plans in the general public. It seems that my partners in crime didn't learn this fact. Since this is the case, I might need to change the plan all together.
As for your offer of assistance, I do accept. You have certain items that would make pranking my brother easier. The twins have sent me some things to test on dear Ron. They have told me that my life is my own and Ron needs to learn this. I wholeheartedly agree.
Also, we need to find you a girlfriend. Since two parts of the dream team are currently indisposed, you should become the same at times. It could be a stress reliever for you in time. You know, a snog in darkened closet could be the trick to help you forget a certain prophesy. Just need to find a girl that would be willing to chance dating or even just snogging you. The list is pretty long, but we wouldn't want you to get into another messy predicament like Cho.
Tell me your thoughts on this plan.
Your Co-Conspirator,
GW
The Boys Quidditch Locker Room
September 10th, year of our lord 1996
Dear Red,
So, you believe that I need a girlfriend. Are you applying to the job yourself or have you been taking applications? Either way let me know.
As for taking care of Ron and the pranks, we should speak sometime this evening about a plan of action. I hate to think what Fred and George have sent you to help. I am a little scared, but I think that you could protect me from the wrath of Hermione.
As for living your own life, I agree. You have proven that you are strong enough to take care of yourself in any situation.
Why was that last letter written from the broom closet?
Your Co-Conspirator,
Black
In the Gryffindor stands after Practice
September 10th, Year of Our Lord 1996
Dear Black,
The last letter was written from the broom closet because Dean and I were "snogging". We weren't but we had run into Ron coming from the Tower. It was only to drive him crazy. Dean was writing his girlfriend as I was writing you. Parvati has been most kind during this venture. She and Lavender had actually kept this under wraps because they think that Ron is a Git.
Am I applying to be your snog buddy? I don't know currently. I seem to have many things on my schedule. Maybe I can fit you in between my supposed "snogging" of Dean and sleep. As for taking applications, I can do that as well. If you want to find a girl just to snog, it won't take much. Though, if you want a real girlfriend, then we need to get together and find out what you're looking for.
I must say that was one hell of a practice you just put us through. As soon as this letter is done, I am off to the showers for a bit of relaxation. My shoulders ache from tossing the quaffle back and forth with Katie and Colin. You had us doing that for two long hours.
I do like the little names you have come up with. They make sense due to our hair color.
Your Co-Conspirator,
Red
The Common Room
September 10th, Year of Our Lord 1996
Dear Red,
I really don't know what I want to be honest. I am not the type to have a snog buddy, though the idea is a bit appealing. A girlfriend would be nice, but it is not on my list of priorities. Currently my list of priorities consist of making it through potions alive, surviving Old Voldie and the Death Eaters, and playing a bit of Quidditch with the best team at Hogwarts. I am a bit simple in my pursuit of life.
As for the kind of girl I would like to have for a girlfriend, she should be brave, intelligent, willing to have fun and enjoy playing Quidditch. I would also like someone who is willing to pull me out my bouts of anger, depression and general teen angst. Should you know such a girl, send her to me. I would like to meet her.
I am glad you like the nicknames. They are simple for the most part and I won't forget them.
Your Co-Conspirator,
Black
The Common Room
September 11th, 1996
Dear Black,
I don't believe that Ron has figured out who short sheeted his bed as of yet but the hot spice charm at breakfast was excellent. (Putting it on the fork was brilliant.) Hermione thinks that Ron is losing it. We do need to think what the next prank should be. I will say that once they figure out it is us then we will have to deal with whatever Hermione and Ron come up with. You know that Ron wouldn't work alone in this.
It seems that you need a best friend/girlfriend. Since your current female best friend is wrapped around my brother, we need to look at other options. If you can think of anyone, let me know and I can add her to the potential list of applicants.
Your list of priorities is quite small, but considering what it entails it is a difficult one. Don't worry about the prophecy too much. I have faith in you.
I must dash to Binns. I need a nap before practice tonight anyway.
Your Co-Conspirator,
Red
The Common Room
September 11th, 1996
Dear Red,
Thank you for your faith in me. It does mean a lot. With the hell I went through this time last year, it's always good to know that your best friends believe in you. Yes, I count you as one of my best friends.
Sleeping in Binns is something I had done since first year. Your brother snores at times and Hermione would kick him. It was only because of her notes that we made it through alive. I still don't understand why Hermione is taking that class. I dropped it as soon as the OWLs were over.
Speaking of the OWLs, how are you holding up? I know this is a tough year but you will make it through fine. Just think when this year is over you can drop any classes that you don't need for your NEWTs. It gave me something to look forward to. Also, Hermione should still have her notes from last year should you need them.
I must leave to go to Occlumency with Dumbledore. See you at practice.
Your Co-Conspirator,
Black