Title: Reed-Sato Wedding Planner Author: ZenosParadox Category: Romance, fluff Rating: PG Summary: RS. Malcolm and Hoshi try to find the perfect wedding package. Wedding party varies. Disclaimer: The characters belong to Paramount. This fiction was written solely for personal enjoyment.

REED-SATO WEDDING PLANNER

LORD OF THE RINGS

"Malcolm, I think you need to see this one," said Hoshi over her shoulder. She didn't have to turn her head to predict Malcolm's response as he read her computer screen:

Miss Sato, because you mentioned that you and your fiancee share a love of literature and first began meeting to discuss Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy, I think I have the perfect wedding package for you!

Our Middle Earth fantasy theme is a bargain and includes a free month on New Zealand!

"What exactly does she mean by bargain?" asked Malcolm.

"Read on," said Hoshi.

First, imagine how dashing your groom will look as Aragorn bearing Isildur's sword! Of course you the bride will be dressed as Arwen in her most beautiful Elven gown.

"I suppose that doesn't sound too bad," said Malcolm skeptically.

"Malcolm, the sword is almost as tall as you are."

Next, imagine all the groomsmen dressed not in staid tuxedos, but as your very own Nazgul! Even better, the price is rent one set of Nazgul robes and get EIGHT free! What could be more divine!

"Trip and Travis as Nazgul? Well, I could almost see Phlox, but--"

"I think they'd scare Porthos."

Your bridesmaids won't be left out of the fantasy, however! Each one will be a replica of Galadriel, right down to the pointed Elven ears. Since you mentioned your Maid of Honor is Vulcan, then that is one less prosthetic ear that we will charge you!

"You know, Madeline always did love Galadriel."

"But she hates anything on her ears, remember? She doesn't even have pierced ears. And Liz would want to be dressed like Eowyn, not an elf."

Now, to officiate your wedding, we offer two options: Gandalf the White, complete with his white staff to ensure the groom doesn't try to make a run for it. Or if you like to walk on the dark side, we have our very own Sauron complete with the haunting catseye in the background.

"Which do you think Jon would prefer?" Chuckles are beginning.

"Depends what mood he's in."

Of course with this package come the authentic replications of the One Ring. Imagine exchanging the Ring of Power as a symbol of your troth!

"Well, that certainly beats the titanium washer from Engineering Trip wanted me to use."

"Don't you dare get wedding ideas from Trip! We'd wind up at his Cousin Sally's skating rink for the wedding."

Did we forget the halflings? No, of course not. Your wedding buffet will be served by the citizens of the Shire! And there will be sufficient food to feed a hobbit.

"The food should be good, then."

"Lots of mushrooms."

Finally, for entertainment, you'll dance to the music of Elf and Dwarf, a novo music group dressed as Legolas and Gimli.

"You know, I think I've heard of them."

"Yes, they got arrested for assaulting the bride and groom at a wedding when they didn't like the songs."

"Hm, still, it does come with a free month's stay on New Zealand."

"I think I'll pass, but there's no reason we can't share the idea with our wedding party, is there?"

Hoshi and Malcolm share a wicked smile. There's a reason these two belong together. An appreciation for Tolkien is just one of them. - - - - - - X-MEN UNITED

Malcolm looked at the screen in front of him. It reeked of Trip Tucker and Travis Mayweather's work. He felt Hoshi lean into him and begin nibbling his ear after she asked, "What do you have here?"

"I think Trip is getting back at us for the Middle Earth fiasco."

Because of the groom's enthusiasm for weapons and mayhem, we have the perfect wedding package for you! Throw in the free month in New England and it is a bargain!

"There's that word again."

"I'm beginning to think bargain means that no one ever does it."

What could be more thrilling than seeing your groom standing at the alter with his powerful claws of steel unleashed? Yes, you're getting married to the Wolverine! This includes your choice of black or yellow latex!

"Oh, Malcolm, that sounds so sexy. Definitely yellow spandex."

"I could use the claws to slice off your wedding gown?"

Of course the perfect mate for Wolverine will be Lady Deathstrike! Yes, it's a perfect match and the steel nails are as sharp as daggers. A great way to deal with any ex's that might invade your wedding!

"I think you're dangerous enough without claws, Hoshi."

"I thought our relationship was based on trust, Malcolm?" asked Hoshi as she drew her nails down the back of the t-shirt he was wearing. She certainly had a point.

Your wedding party won't be left out of the fantasy! Imagine your bridesmaids as Storm, Jean Grey and Mystique!

"T'Pol might be quite interesting in blue. We could just spray paint her uniform for the same effect."

"Yes, but Madeline and Liz will fight over who gets to be Storm."

The groomsmen will be just as powerful! Sabertooth, Cyclops and Nightcrawler will make sure the groom doesn't get away!

"Okay, I definitely see Trip as Cyclops, Malcolm."

"I think Phlox might make a good Nightcrawler. I wonder if he already has a tail?"

To officiate the wedding, you can have Doctor Charles Xavier, complete with Cerebro helmet and wheelchair or, if you're feeling rebellious, we have Magneto with Cerebro-proof helmet!

"Jon will kill us."

"It's still better than Gandalf or Sauron. I think I've read enough."

"You know, we can always ask Trip about his Cousin Sally's--"

"No!" - - - - - - - -

STAR WARS

"Who sent this one to us?"

"I think it was Travis. He still sleeps with a stuffed Ewok."

"How do you know that?"

"The catwalk, remember?"

"Oh, yes, right."

Okay space travelers, have we got the ultimate wedding package for you! And with one month free in the Forests of Endor (aka, Hungry Mother State Park), this is a bargain!

"NO! Not that word again!"

"I don't think that word means what they think it does."

Of course the groom will be none other than Han Solo! What a perfect match for a man who's an Armory Officer! He'll love that cool pistol and you'll love how low we sling it! Of course if the groom is reluctant, we can always freeze him for you AT NO EXTRA CHARGE!

"Now that's compelling!"

"Just give me the pistol and I'll be happy."

The only bride for Han is Princess Leia Organa, so of course you can count on the beautiful hairdo (availability pending on what the local bakery has to offer) and your choice of two gowns: the formal white dress OR the Slave Girl attire. And we throw in the chain at NO EXTRA CHARGE!

"Now that's COMPELLING!"

"We need to have a long talk, Malcolm!"

Your attendants will be jubilant at the array of costumes we have available. Dress them all as Jedi Knights! Select from Luke Skywalker, the old Obi Wan Kanobi, or Yoda! The light sabers make the perfect gifts for attendants (please note extra charge).

Want something special for the Best Man and the Maid of Honor? Well, we have Chewbacca for him and an adorable Ewok for her.

"I think Trip would rather be Luke Skywalker, don't you?"

"But would that make T'Pol--"

"Green, pointed ears, she could only be Yoda."

"I see your point."

To officiate at your wedding, you have none other than Darth Vader! No groom could resist his commands!

"Jon isn't quite doom and gloom enough."

"You haven't seen him when he's been up all night because of a belly ache from Porthos."

"I wonder if they have an Ewok costume for Porthos?"

"Would that make Jon a Wookie?"

Finally, your wedding banquet will be served by none other than C3PO and R2D2. What are you waiting for! Contact us now.

"Do you think we'll ever find the right package?"

"If our friends quit being helpful, yes." - - - - - - - -

SHAGADELIC

"We have to--"

"No, Malcolm, you really don't want to see this one!"

"But the Captain suggested--"

"Malcolm, trust me, you don't want to see it!"

"He's our commanding officer and will be officiating our wedding. "

"Fine, just remember I warned you."

Want your wedding to be memorable? Well, the Shagadelic Experience is what you're after! And with a free month stay in Birmingham (Alabama, not England) this is a bargain!

"What! Who the hell would want to honeymoon in Birmingham?"

"Read the fine print. It's Birmingham, Alabama."

"Who the hell besides Trip would want to go there?"

"They said it was a bargain. I warned you, Malcolm."

This is the perfect package for the British groom. He can have his selection of Austin Powers outfits, including ruffled shirts AT NO EXTRA COST plus we throw in the hairy chest FREE!

And what bride could be more distinctive than Foxy Cleopatra! Or if you prefer a different look, you can be Vanessa Kensington, complete with go-go boots!

"No."

"No."

Just imagine your best man as Number Two and you get the eye patch AT NO EXTRA CHARGE! And the Maid of Honor is none other than Felecity Shagwell herself!

"Trip would like the eye patch."

"Can you imagine explaining the name of Felicity Shagwell to T'Pol?"

"Trip could do it."

The unique touch won't end there! Officiating your wedding will be Dr. Evil. Mini-Me costume is extra.

"I see it now. Jon wants to be Dr. Evil. I wonder if he'd shave his head?"

"Does that make Porthos Mini-Me?"

"I wonder if Jon would shave Porthos?"

"All right, we are not looking at any more wedding packages forwarded by our friends, agreed?"

"Agreed. And if you say one word about shagging, I'll--"

"Agree?"

"..." - - - - - - - - - -

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

Don't settle for an ordinary wedding! You want a real swashbuckling event and you'll have it with our Pirates of the Caribbean package! And with one free month on a Caribbean Island, this wedding package is a BARGAIN! (Availability of islands vary. Lodging not included.)

"Who's this one from?"

"My Aunt Sherry. And Uncle Archie. Look, they've been pirate buffs since they were children. Used to horrify my father by jumping out at him shouting, 'Avast, ye landlubber!'"

"Were they in scary outfits?"

"No, it was the landlubber part that horrified him."

"Well, let's continue."

What bridegroom hasn't dreamt of being a pirate, and not just any pirate, he'll be the one and only Captain Jack Sparrow! In no time the hair extensions and beads will be woven into the groom's hair! The dashing outfit includes Captain Jack's hat and his tattoos! Note: capped gold teeth are extra.

"You with long hair and tattoos, Malcolm! I think I like this."

"I think I'm allergic to the eyeliner, though."

"Wait, how would you know?"

"Let's see what the bride looks like, shall we?"

The bride is certain to have fun at her own wedding! No prim English miss here, instead we have the Pirate Anna Maria! Yes, the adventuresome Pirate is the perfect First Mate for Captain Jack. Prostitute costumes are also available if preferred.

"I get to be a pirate!"

"I'll have you as my First Mate anytime, love. Wait. Do I want the prost-- Oof. Yes, Hoshi, you'll make a lovely pirate lass."

Your best man is the heroic blacksmith Will Turner. The extra cost of the sword is worth the fine momento for your best man. Your maid of honor will be the strong-willed Elizabeth Swann. We even throw in the corsette ABSOLUTELY FREE!

"Trip will really like this one. Oh, wait. Malcolm, can we trust an engineer with a sword?"

"As long is it's metal."

"I don't think Madeline will like wearing the corsette."

"I have a feeling Trip will take care of that, too. Well, it was your idea that they begin corresponding, Hoshi!"

Your nuptials can be overseen by either Governor Swann (note extra charge for wig) or for that eerie twist, none other than Captain Barbossa! Monkey is extra; however, if there is a beloved pet in the ceremony, we do have a costume at no extra charge.

"Do you think Jon would look better in a curly gray wig or as a Pirate?"

"I think Jon would definitely be Barbossa, Malcolm. I mean it's so obvious. Porthos can't perch on his shoulder, though. We'll figure something out."

The rest of your wedding party has an assortment of costumes from pirates on the Black Pearl for the men to the prostitutes of Tortuga for the women to select. Imagine the revel at hand when that group gets together!

"I'm imagining and I don't like the outcome."

"You're such a prude, Malcolm."

"Let me see if I can change your mind..." *****

Author Notes: Posted as drabbles in the R/S forum at LD. Written in June, 2003. Now with the movies out on DVD, I decided to post it here.

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