You know how it goes. I don't own- all that stuff, blaher blaher blaher. Blah. I have been playing Knights of the Old Republic. I wrote this more for me than anyone else, because I love the love story going on in it with the chickadee! So… yeah. If you have played the game GREAT! This is some scenes I just had in my head when certain things happened. This is the parts you don't see. Please review.
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"Then I suggest we move on."
She seemed like a- well… a snot. At first she was too distant and focused. But the more time I've spent with her the more I realize she just hides behind her Jedi "proper" ness. She is really a very beautiful, passionate, amazing woman. There were several incidents that brought me to this conclusion.
She opened up to me.
"Do you want to talk?"
"About my mother? I am unsure…"
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"Do you want to talk… Miles?"
"Can we just talk about it later, I just want to enjoy your company. I have to go back to the Sith Academy tomorrow."
"I know this must be hard for you, this place has a great evil about it. And lying… doing- well it must be difficult." He looked at Bastila. She was showing great concern for him, sometimes it seemed she was the only one who understood. That was partly because of their force bond of course…
"I missed you. The last months you haven't left my side, but here on Korriban- you aren't aloud outside the ship; I can't stand it." Bastila obviously wasn't reading between the lines.
"I know our force bond has made it difficult for me as well."
Another wasted breathe.
"You know what I really mean." Her life was rules. Determined she was doing what was right, she looked at him sternly and spoke in his mind.
"I do not want to discuss it."
Why do I bother?
I know what you're feeling, I can feel you. It makes me…." She searched for the right word. Something that wouldn't hurt him too much. But she had to be truthful; then again if she was truthful with herself things would be much different. "Uncomfortable."
Uncomfortable.
It was only one word, but it meant so many things. Things he didn't want to hear.
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"You can't do that!" He stopped her with his hand.
"Yes I can."
"You just told me that rooks move like this." Demonstrating by moving his rook across the board.
"No I told you they move in straight lines."
"A diagonal line- IS a straight line." He chuckled. Bastila didn't seem amused. Something was bothering her.
"Do you think that way in every aspect of your life? A diagonal line is straight? It isn't."
"What are you talking about?" Confusion evident in his voice.
"I worry about you. You don't take things seriously enough. And- the biggest thing… you aren't following a straight line. You know what could happen." He gave her his classic inquisitive face, which meant he didn't want to have to say anything, but 'go on'. "Remember that vision we had when on Dantooine."
"You're still dwelling on that?" It had been almost a month.
"You're not!?" Her accent came out more when she was frustrated.
Truth be told he had been dwelling on it. But it was something he did not enjoy talking about.
"You killed everyone. You tortured me, did things worse than killing."
"It was a dream!!" She was suggesting he might actually do something like that. Anger brewed in his voice. What scared him was that, although he didn't think he was capable of doing something like that… what if?
"No. Remember, we don't have dreams Miles."
"Bastila, we may have visions, but that doesn't mean we don't have dreams once in a while."
"It felt real. I felt-" Bastila's voice began to crack. "You. Miles I felt you. It was too real to be a dream. I could feel your disturbance. I was descending."
He remembered the dream. As much as he pushed it out of his mind, it wasn't possible. When he looked upon her face her heard the haunting screams. It ripped his insides; it made him feel sick, he wanted to pull his intestines out just so his stomach wouldn't feel that guilt. How could I do something like that? To… her.
Her.
He looked on her face again. The screams were there. They wouldn't be out of his head until Malak was gone. The vision…
"The worst part about it, the vision, it showed me one path that I could take. One path that could happen. It makes me sick that I even have that in me."
"The other side of our soul. We all have one. Just don't choose that path." He approached her; he hugged her body close to his. She jumped in surprise. This wasn't normal Jedi Conduct. But she squeezed him tight, unable to ignore his comfort.
"I would never hurt you." Is he crying? "I'm sorry." He let her go and sat down. She spoke softly as she sat next to him.
"You don't have to be sorry. You didn't do anything. You just worry me. I'm worried you won't control your emotions. You've already shown signs of… you're too passionate." Miles smiled as he scooted closer to her. She wasn't even looking at him as she spoke. Staring someplace else… Rambling.
"You don't think before you do things, you can be immature and-" And then he kissed her. To his surprise, she kissed him back.
Smiling.
Kissing.
When it ended, they said nothing else to each other the rest of the night.
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I wake up enveloped in something, a warm body.
Her again.
Last night was- well it wasn't as if something happened. Just a kiss, and she fell asleep on me. I can't help but smile. That meant something was there. What exactly is there I'm not sure. Do I…?
Do I?
I have asked myself this very question, a number of times. On some level I love her very much. In the months we've known each other we have been through much together. We've saved each other lives on more than one occasion. I would give my life for her. We have a bond, more than the force. We have a good friendship. One thing I love is her subtle sense of humor. I'm getting off the subject. I love her. And…I'm in love with her. Yes.
Yes I am.
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Clunk clunk clunk.
Boots and metal.
Only come person would be up this early in the morning, Miles heard Carth coming. He entered the room and gave a knowing smile. Not at all surprised to see Bastila sleeping on Miles.
"I knew she would figure it out eventually. Don't smirk at me Miles, you're happy about it." He sat in a chair across from one happy man, and one "sleeping" woman.
"Who wouldn't be? She's beautiful."
"Are you…?"
"What Carth? In love?"
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"What Carth? In love?" I knew Carth would ask him. Somehow I just knew. At hearing him say this I want to open my eyes and run away. Was he? Oh I don't know what I will do if he is. I have feelings for him. But it just isn't possible for there to be an us. Kissing him was, -I'll say this-, absolutely wonderful. In the comfort of his arms, I… but it just can't happen. And if he says it out loud, I don't know if I can control myself. I keep still, my legs intertwined with his, and my arms wrapped around him. I feel him inhale as he kisses my head.
"She smells good…"
"You don't even have to answer buddy…" Carth said knowingly.
I hear Carth get up and leave. I want to cry. I can't explain exactly why, but I do. I have to control my emotions… or else he will know I'm awake. He will feel me. I hide my presence.