"I have to confess something, there was a moment- just a moment- when part of me was hoping you would tell him what he wanted to know. Just to make the horrible pain stop."
Damn him.
"I'm sorry Bastila. Watching you suffer tore me apart."
"I don't think I could be as strong as you, watching you suffer like that would be too much for me to bear."
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Miles watched as Bastila raced to the room ahead where Malak stood.
"No." He thought. She was doing exactly what he thought she was going to do.
"NO!" He screamed outloud.
It still didn't make her hesitate. She kept sprinting strong. Miles started to chase after her, using his will and the force to stop her. He had to stop her.
Please don't do what I think you are doing.
He was catching up to her. But no. He was too late. She got into the room, force pushed Malak against the wall. She used all her force to shut and lock the blaster doors. It seemed like slow motion to Miles as they closed. And as they did- she screamed to him. She screamed for him to go. He could read her lips, but was too stunned to hear more than only the thoughts in his mind.
"Find the Star Forge." He heard her in his head. Right as he reached the doors they slammed completely in his face. He ignited his lightsaber and attempted to cut through it, but she was using the force to protect it. It was as if there was a shield around it. He lunged himself into the door, slamming and kicking. She was gone. He couldn't help her. Carth caught up to him.
"Come on! Miles we have to get to the Ebon Hawk."
"I CAN'T JUST LEAVE HER THERE!!… We have to help her." Miles tried to calm himself. But he wasn't just going to let her die.
"There isn't anyway to open those doors! She sacrificed herself so that we could live! Don't let that sacrifice be in vain!!" Miles knew he was right. He was hurting inside. She was dying right now and there was no way he could save her. He took two steps forward to Carth. He was standing right beside him, towering over him.
Glaring.
Carth was scared. Miles could kill him right then and there. He didn't doubt that. And as angry as Miles was, he just might have. But Carth saw his eyes calm.
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Where is Bastila.
She is gone.
What do you mean gone.
Dead. He means she is dead.
Miles could hear what they were saying. But he wasn't really listening. Everything was unreal. Blurry. Tears.
No he wouldn't kill her.
"Malak will try and turn her to the dark side and use her Battle Meditation against the republic. I'm sure of it."
"Wait, so there is a chance she is still alive?" There was hope for her.
He would find her.
"She is going to be at the Star Forge. If we get to Kashyyyk and find the last Star Map. We can get to her."
He would find her.
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Carth looked at me. There was one more bit of business we needed to discuss.
"Should I tell them, or do you want to?"
"I will…." I looked at everyone. I looked at Mission the longest. A young, sweet girl, who looks up to me. What would she think of me when she finds out the truth? What if they hate me?
"I am…. I use to be Darth Revan."
"Whoa! This is some kind of joke right?" Mission gave a nervous chuckle.
"No. When the Jedi set a trap for Reva-… me, they captured me barely alive. Bastila used to force to heal me, I barely lived. That is why we have a force bond. We will be bonded forever because of that day. The Jedi thought it best to give me a new identity. Only a little of my mind survived that day, that is why sometimes… I have dreams… The point is: I'm not that person anymore. I hope you can all understand."
"I'm sorry Miles, but you destroyed my home. I just don't know if I can trust you anymore. I mean I didn't really ever trust you that much in the first place… and I was just beginning to and now this comes up." Carth. He had always been untrusting. There were certain points in time that I thought that had changed. I thought we were friends.
"Well I don't see what the big deal is, if he doesn't remember, and he isn't Revan anymore. Then he is one of us. Miles is Miles. He is one of us…."
Good old' Mission
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"I don't think I could be as strong as you, watching you suffer like that would be too much for me to bear."
And now you are trying to kill me Bastila. I should have prevented this. I shouldn't have let you go. I should have killed him before you sacrificed yourself for us… but instead of killing you… he has turned you against us. The dark side has consumed you.
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The others were waiting for us outside the Ebon Hawk.
"What happened? Where is Bastila? Did you find her?"
"Bastila has turned to the dark side."
What?
What do you mean?
Bastila?
No it isn't possible.
Those were the comments heard.
"She has joined Malak."
"What are we going to do?" Mission said, very concerned.
"We can try and save her from herself, from the darkness inside her." Juhani said to me. It was more of a question. She was asking me what we were going to do.
"We can try… and we will."
.
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We headed toward the Star Forge; we were heading to destroy it. To destroy Malak. And we might even have to destroy… her. I didn't even want to think about that possibility. There had to be some way to save her! She once saved me from the dark side… twice actually. I don't know what is harder to take in, the fact that I was once Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith, or that Bastila is now a Sith Apprentice.
I don't know if part of Revan is still in me.
"The other side of our soul. We all have one."
That means more now then it did then. And to think, she knew this whole time I was Revan, and yet we still had a wonderful friendship. She must have really believed in my change. How could she ever be in love with him? But I'm not HIM anymore. She was always worrying about me turning to the dark side… when most of the time I'm sure she was worrying about herself. It probably wasn't easy for him to change her; it took a week of endless torture and brain washing.
I should have prevented this! I know I cannot blame this on myself but I know there was something I could have done. Something that would have helped her. I wish I would have seen it in her, her headstrong, impatient tendencies. But there was so many sweet things about her- I just couldn't see her ever betraying me.
I never got to tell her how I feel. And now I may never get to tell her, and even if I do she might not care.
"Miles?" Carth turns to me from his chair. "Talk."
"I don't have anything to say."
"Yes you do! You are in love with her, and she has betrayed us all. It doesn't seem like she cares about us… about any of us. She-…. I know you have something to say. It will make you feel better I promise."
I sat there silent for a long time. I didn't know where to begin.
"She wanted me to join her. It took everything in me not to say yes." Carth looked at me shocked.
"Why would you ever want to be like that? Like them."
"I don't want to be like them! But I love her. I can't help but wanting to be with her. When she asked me to join her, I kept thinking about what she was saying. I was Revan. And Revan was still in me. She said I couldn't help who I was. And maybe she is right, I am what I am."
"No. You are whatever you make yourself. Look we are landing really soon… I wish we could talk about this more. But we need to get ready. It isn't going to be easy in there."
"Alright, I'll tell everyone else." I turned to leave.
"Hey! And Miles?"
"Yeah?"
"Remember, when we find her…try and make her see the light- but if she doesn't, think of all the people who depend on you. Don't be selfish. Do what is best for the republic, not what you want. Just do what is needed to be done."
I just nod and leave the cockpit.
I know what he is asking me to do. If I can't save her, he is asking me to kill her. I must save her from the dark side. But I've made the decision now. I'd like to think I can, but if I can't help her, I will kill her. No matter how hard it will be. I must.
Her.
I'll have to hear her scream. Those haunting screams again.
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"There is too many of them! We can't fight them all. They seem endless!!" Jolee screamed at me while I used to force to push one of them out of my way. "We are all going to die in here!"
We keep fighting these Sith, for what seems like ages. They keep coming and coming. I was running out of Stimulants. None of us knew how much longer we could keep at it.
It was a she. But I couldn't see what she looked like. That's good. It is easier to kill someone when you can't see their face.
Slash.
That is the good thing about lightsabers…. They leave a clean cut. Blood doesn't get all over, until they have already falling to the floor.
Choke.
I can't breath. Someone is choking me. Someone I can't see. Probably behind me. I am going to die. Everyone else is distracted and I don't have enough energy to get out of it.
Choke.
Above the ground, ready to pass out… then that would be it. I kick my legs in the air, trying to hit someone, anyone. Juhani is running towards me. Running fast. Using the force, I see her spit lightning out of her hands, I close my eyes sure that it is going to hit me.
Breathe.
I turn around, and see a dead sith lying on the floor.
Breathe.
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Bastila.
I had finally found her. Looking at her, it was harder to breathe now then it was when I was being choked.
Breathe.