August, 2003.
The Black Pearl
Just After We Last Left It, Before Jack Narrowly Escaped Being Hanged.
Dinner With Barbosa.
Shawna, Elizabeth, and Barbosa were sitting around a table laden with delicious goodies and treats.
"These are very delicious," Elizabeth announced.
Shawna glared angrily at Barbosa, and said, "You are a villain."
"Why do you say that?" Barbosa snapped, glaring.
"It is because I, as Mary Sue, realize things that the former heroine, Elizabeth, is too stupid to realize."
Elizabeth buried her face in a bowl of mashed potatoes.
"I have better manners, too," Shawna added primly. "And I will unexpectedly pull the most cliché thing that a self-sufficient damsel in distress could pull. You, of course, will be too stupid to know what I'm about to do until I do it, and you'll only realize that I've done it when you're dead."
Barbosa nodded. "Sounds about right. But what could you do that is both cliché and always unexpected by the villain?"
"THIS!" shrieked Shawna as she slid a dinner knife across Barbosa's throat. "Ew, that's really disgusting," she added as Barbosa's blood slid down his neck. "Next time I'll stab you in the heart. But, of course, now that you're dead, there won't be a next time."
"Think again, girlie," sniggered Barbosa as his throat healed before their very eyes.
"Damn it, I forgot the other silly aspect of these Disney movies. The bad guy doesn't get killed until the very end. There's always magic involved, too."
"Yes. I am cursed. Go outside," he ordered, shoving both Shawna and the still silent Elizabeth out onto the deck, where a pack of evil, laughing skeletons greeted them.
"I don't believe in ghost stories," Shawna announced dully. "This is all an hallucination inspired by not being on dry land for the past eight hours."
"You don't believe in ghosts?" asked Elizabeth in a curious voice.
"No."
"I DO believe in ghosts, I DO believe in ghosts, I DO believe in ghosts, I DO believe in ghosts," said Elizabeth, grabbing her tail and pulling on it frantically.
"You'll believe more than that when I get through with you," cackled Barbosa in a very high and screechy voice. "Wait, wrong ghost story."
"See? The ghosts bumble too much," Shawna sighed. "How pathetic." During this, she had taken the medallion out of her bosom and waved it around subconsciously.
"IT'S THE FINAL PIECE OF GOLD!" roared Barbosa, and he and his crew fell on Shawna, clawing and trying to get the gold. Unfortunately, Shawna grew hysterical at the prospect of seventy skeletons jumping on her at the same time, and flung the piece overboard.
"Damn it! Two of you, jump in the water and find it. Two of you others, lock our guests in the brig. They've worn out their welcome. Besides, we'll need Miss Turner here (indicating Elizabeth) to bleed for us."
"I have to bleed? And die? At the hands of disgustingly unsexy you?" Elizabeth gasped, and fainted into the arms of one of the skeletons. Two others dragged Shawna, kicking and screaming, off to the brig.
Shawna, Elizabeth, and Barbosa were sitting around a table laden with delicious goodies and treats.
"These are very delicious," Elizabeth announced.
Shawna glared angrily at Barbosa, and said, "You are a villain."
"Why do you say that?" Barbosa snapped, glaring.
"It is because I, as Mary Sue, realize things that the former heroine, Elizabeth, is too stupid to realize."
Elizabeth buried her face in a bowl of mashed potatoes.
"I have better manners, too," Shawna added primly. "And I will unexpectedly pull the most cliché thing that a self-sufficient damsel in distress could pull. You, of course, will be too stupid to know what I'm about to do until I do it, and you'll only realize that I've done it when you're dead."
Barbosa nodded. "Sounds about right. But what could you do that is both cliché and always unexpected by the villain?"
"THIS!" shrieked Shawna as she slid a dinner knife across Barbosa's throat. "Ew, that's really disgusting," she added as Barbosa's blood slid down his neck. "Next time I'll stab you in the heart. But, of course, now that you're dead, there won't be a next time."
"Think again, girlie," sniggered Barbosa as his throat healed before their very eyes.
"Damn it, I forgot the other silly aspect of these Disney movies. The bad guy doesn't get killed until the very end. There's always magic involved, too."
"Yes. I am cursed. Go outside," he ordered, shoving both Shawna and the still silent Elizabeth out onto the deck, where a pack of evil, laughing skeletons greeted them.
"I don't believe in ghost stories," Shawna announced dully. "This is all an hallucination inspired by not being on dry land for the past eight hours."
"You don't believe in ghosts?" asked Elizabeth in a curious voice.
"No."
"I DO believe in ghosts, I DO believe in ghosts, I DO believe in ghosts, I DO believe in ghosts," said Elizabeth, grabbing her tail and pulling on it frantically.
"You'll believe more than that when I get through with you," cackled Barbosa in a very high and screechy voice. "Wait, wrong ghost story."
"See? The ghosts bumble too much," Shawna sighed. "How pathetic." During this, she had taken the medallion out of her bosom and waved it around subconsciously.
"IT'S THE FINAL PIECE OF GOLD!" roared Barbosa, and he and his crew fell on Shawna, clawing and trying to get the gold. Unfortunately, Shawna grew hysterical at the prospect of seventy skeletons jumping on her at the same time, and flung the piece overboard.
"Damn it! Two of you, jump in the water and find it. Two of you others, lock our guests in the brig. They've worn out their welcome. Besides, we'll need Miss Turner here (indicating Elizabeth) to bleed for us."
"I have to bleed? And die? At the hands of disgustingly unsexy you?" Elizabeth gasped, and fainted into the arms of one of the skeletons. Two others dragged Shawna, kicking and screaming, off to the brig.