August, 2003.
Las Vegas, Nevada.
Happy Times Brothel.
(Author's Note: I am not in any way trying to write an editorial on the character of Senator Leahy [D-VT], nor am I trying to criticize the character of men in the navy or any branch of the armed services.And this is just a way of getting back to the Caribbean with Leahy-and, yes, Dean is here, but only for the purpose of putting to use a certain book I have.)
Leahy lay happily on a bed, relieved that his latest-er-adventure hadn't been too expensive.
"Get out of here, already," said his-prostitute, lighting up a cigarette. "You've been in here too long."
"But-"
"Fuck off," she snapped.
"I'll f-"
"Not anymore, you won't. Go away."
"Make me!"
"Alright!" With that, she pulled out a 9 mm pistol from under the pillow and chased him into a casino. "And stay there!"
Leahy was, needless to say, miffed-and even more miffed when Howard Dean found him at the blackjack table.
"Just what I wouldn't have expected from a fellow Vermonter," Dean said in a sanctimonious tone of voice.
"Hello to you, too."
Dean smiled dangerously. "Just imagine-somebody with as much importance as yourself in a gambling hall."
"Well, what are you doing in here?"
The candidate looked distressed for a second, then said: "I'm looking for votes, not gambling."
"In Las Vegas?!"
"Yes."
Here, the author decided to introduce a script form, because this dialogue was going to go on for quite some time.
Leahy: "You're desperate!"
Dean: "Quit trying to insult me, you nitwit!"
Leahy: "With just one more brain, what a half-wit you'd be!"
Dean: "Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizen!"
Leahy: "Peace, good tickle-brain! I meant no offense."
Dean: "No offense my ass! Your mother's name is ominous to childrern!"
Leahy: "I am sure, though you know what temperance should be, you know not what it is."
Dean: "You silly sod! You're drunk!"
Leahy: "No, for drink, sir, is a great provoker of only three things: nose- painting, sleep, and urine."
Dean: "Liar, you're drunk. Amend your ways!"
Leahy: "Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life."
Dean: "Reply not to me with a fool-born jest."
Leahy *sneering*: "Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit."
Dean: "Well, at least I can't see my pride peep through each part of me!"
Finally, the casino manager threw the two of them out of the building.
"Wait-wait!" Leahy cried, before Dean could launch into another tirade from Shakespeare. "I have an idea. Will you come along with us, Dean, to capture Jack Sparrow?"
"Jack Sparrow?"
"He is a Republican, or at least acts like one, terrorizing the coast of Hillaria."
"Not Hillaria?!"
"Yes, Hillaria. It'll look really good on your political résumé-"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because it would spoil the plot, and wreck the chances of Norrington and Swann to be really really important characters."
With that, Leahy left Las Vegas and sailed towards Lott, Hillaria.
(Author's Note: I am not in any way trying to write an editorial on the character of Senator Leahy [D-VT], nor am I trying to criticize the character of men in the navy or any branch of the armed services.And this is just a way of getting back to the Caribbean with Leahy-and, yes, Dean is here, but only for the purpose of putting to use a certain book I have.)
Leahy lay happily on a bed, relieved that his latest-er-adventure hadn't been too expensive.
"Get out of here, already," said his-prostitute, lighting up a cigarette. "You've been in here too long."
"But-"
"Fuck off," she snapped.
"I'll f-"
"Not anymore, you won't. Go away."
"Make me!"
"Alright!" With that, she pulled out a 9 mm pistol from under the pillow and chased him into a casino. "And stay there!"
Leahy was, needless to say, miffed-and even more miffed when Howard Dean found him at the blackjack table.
"Just what I wouldn't have expected from a fellow Vermonter," Dean said in a sanctimonious tone of voice.
"Hello to you, too."
Dean smiled dangerously. "Just imagine-somebody with as much importance as yourself in a gambling hall."
"Well, what are you doing in here?"
The candidate looked distressed for a second, then said: "I'm looking for votes, not gambling."
"In Las Vegas?!"
"Yes."
Here, the author decided to introduce a script form, because this dialogue was going to go on for quite some time.
Leahy: "You're desperate!"
Dean: "Quit trying to insult me, you nitwit!"
Leahy: "With just one more brain, what a half-wit you'd be!"
Dean: "Sweep on, you fat and greasy citizen!"
Leahy: "Peace, good tickle-brain! I meant no offense."
Dean: "No offense my ass! Your mother's name is ominous to childrern!"
Leahy: "I am sure, though you know what temperance should be, you know not what it is."
Dean: "You silly sod! You're drunk!"
Leahy: "No, for drink, sir, is a great provoker of only three things: nose- painting, sleep, and urine."
Dean: "Liar, you're drunk. Amend your ways!"
Leahy: "Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life."
Dean: "Reply not to me with a fool-born jest."
Leahy *sneering*: "Thou wilt fall backward when thou hast more wit."
Dean: "Well, at least I can't see my pride peep through each part of me!"
Finally, the casino manager threw the two of them out of the building.
"Wait-wait!" Leahy cried, before Dean could launch into another tirade from Shakespeare. "I have an idea. Will you come along with us, Dean, to capture Jack Sparrow?"
"Jack Sparrow?"
"He is a Republican, or at least acts like one, terrorizing the coast of Hillaria."
"Not Hillaria?!"
"Yes, Hillaria. It'll look really good on your political résumé-"
"No."
"Why?"
"Because it would spoil the plot, and wreck the chances of Norrington and Swann to be really really important characters."
With that, Leahy left Las Vegas and sailed towards Lott, Hillaria.