Resident Evil

*Enter the mansion*

*Jill, Barry and Wesker all walk through the mansion doors and look around the mansion hall*

Barry "What is this?"

Jill "Its a freakin Mansion Barry, whats it look like?"

*Barry looks down at floor embaressed, while Wesker smirks amusingly*

Wesker "Wow what a mansion!"

Barry "Yeah, woulda made a great whore house in the 30s"

*Jill inspects the rest of the hall and runs back to Wesker and Barry*

Jill "Captain Wesker, wheres Chris? He had our picnic basket for God sakes!"

*Wesker and Barry stare at Jill. Jill then runs towards the mansion entrance*

Jill "Screw this, im goin to 7eleven. You guys want anything?"

Barry "Well, i wouldnt mind a Twinkie or two..."

*Wesker stops Jill from opening the Mansion door*

Wesker "Stop it, dont open that door! Your all supposed to die.....errr dine here! Forget 7eleven Jill, we can all have a home cooked meal right here!"

Jill "Ahh ok (Jill scowls down at the floor before getting over it). Anywhere where was I..... oh yeah....but Chris is..."

*Their thoughts are interupted by gunfire*

Barry "What is it?"

Wesker "Maybe its the doorbell?"

*Barry gives Wesker a confused look and Jill shakes her head in dismay*

Wesker (sigh) "Alright... Maybe its......Chris....."

*Barry and Jill nod approvingly*

Wesker "Now Jill, can you go?"

Barry "Im going with. Chris is our old partner you know..."

Wesker "Oh i know whatcha mean Barry (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)hehehehe"

*Wesker chuckles softly. Jill gives him an evil look and Wesker stops, while Barry blushes and looks down at the floor*

Wesker "Ok, let me handle this"

*Wesker points to the mud stains on the floor, and pulls out a toothbrush and some polish from his pocket. Barry and Jill give Wesker another weird look. Then they start to head towards the doors on the left side of the hall*

Wesker "Stay alert, and remember, look both ways when your crossing a hallway!"

*Jill nods obediantly, and follows Barry through the door*

Wesker "Hehe, ive got them in the mansion. Now all i need to do is stop them from getting out of the mansion, then the world will be mine!"

*Wesker laughs out loud maniacally*

Jill (From the other room) "HEY! KEEP IT DOWN IN THERE!"

Wesker "Sorry. (Wispers under his breath) Whiney little b!tch"

Jill and Barry investigate the dining room

*Jill and Barry enter the dining room. Barry walks on ahead*

Barry"...The dining room"

Jill"Well were dya make that astute observation genius?"

*Jill gestures towards the huge table and cutlery. Barry ignores her and continues investigating the room*

Jill"Hmm wonder if they got any left over auderves here?"

*Jill starts searching the table but is interupted by Barry*

Barry"What! What is this?"

*Jill quickly stuffs a shrimp in her mouth and dashs over to Barry*

Jill*with a full mouth* "Whaff iss ith?"

*Jill sprays chunks of shrimp all over Barrys discovery*

Barry"Awww Jill look what ya done now! Its ruined the colour and pattern of the blood!"

Jill"Barry, its tomato soup you numbnut..."

*Barry looks sad and looks down at the floor as Jill pities him*

Jill*sigh* Ok, ok.....what is it?"

*Barry smiles happily*

Barry"Blood...."

*Jill mock applauds Barry*

Barry"Jill, see if you can find any other clues, ill be examining this"

Jill"Ok... hey wait a minute, why do i have to go?"

Barry"Because im looking at this blood puddle, and plus im a retard who will just keep asking questions all the time"

*Barry chuckles away whilst Jill scowls and moves towards the door*

Barry"I hope this is not Chris's blood..."

Jill"The hell would you know smarta$$?"

*Barrys continues to move his head side to side whilst checking his reflection in the blood puddle whilst Jill goes through the door into a corridor*

Jill"Jeez, wheres the bathroom round here, i gotta p!ss like a dog"

*Jill walks round a nearby corner, where a human is eating something*

Jill"Man, if i was a guy i could use that plant in the corner! Oh wait theres someone, excuse me Sir?"

*The human stops eating and a head drops to the floor, with half its face eaten away*

Jill"Hey wait a minute! Thats Tupac Shakur! YOU B@ST@RD, you killed Tupac!"

*The human turns its head to reveal its rotting white bloodstained face*

Jill"Umm hey did i call you a b@st@rd? Hehe, my mistake..i mean its not a bad thing... Pac probably woulda been wasted by some East Siders anyway if it wasnt for you...hehe"

*The human creature rises to its feet and shuffles towards Jill. Jill reacts quickly and makes a huge rocket launcher appear magically in her hands.*

Jill"Swweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!"

*Jill fires a rocket at the creature and it explodes into pieces*

Jill"Hehe thats was for you Pac"

*Jill walks upto Tupacs corpse and says a little prayer, whilst looting some ammo from his body*

Jill"Yoink!"

*Jill runs back to Barry*

Jill"I just hope that idiot hasnt burned anything"

*Jill steps through the door and runs towards Barry, still staring at the blood pool dumbfounded*

Jill"Barry... i dont know how to tell you this...but Tupac Shakur is..."

*Jill is interupted by a door opening and closing.*

Barry"What is it!"

Jill"FOR GODS SAKES STOP ASKIN FREAKING QUESTIONS AND SHOOT THAT MOTHER F**KIN MONSTER!... hey didnt i just pop that guy?"

Barry*in a macho voice*"Let me handle this"

*Barry fires one shot a minute at the creature who stands still giving Barry a confused look, whilst Jill stands hands on hips tapping her rocket launcher against her thigh looking at her watch. Barry finally finishes the creature off with his 3rd shot.*

Jill"Looks like someone bought a cheapo Magnum..."

*Barry investigates the corpse*

Barry"What is it?"

*Jill screams in anger at Barrys retardedness*

Jill"STOP ASKIN THOSE DUMB QUESTIONS!*sigh* Remember what the shrink said, deep breaths and count to ten...."

*Jill takes 10 deep breaths as Barry stays silent and still so as not to annoy Jill*

Jill*sigh*"Lets report this to Wesker. I better damn well be able to see my face in that floor..."

*Jill and Barry run towards the dining room doors*