Resident Evil Code: Veronica/X

Claire and Rodrigo

*Claire takes out her lighter*

Claire: "Man im dying for some weed"

*Claire lights her lighter and sees a man standing outside the cell door*

Claire: "YIKES! Oh man, dude you are reeeeeeeeeeeeally ugly"

*The man unlocks the cell and opens the door, motioning at Claire to get out the cell*

Claire: "Uh-oh...*checks pocket for condoms* hope i can slip it on him without him noticin...maybe i can put it on with my mouth like i did with Leon..."

*The man slowly walks over to a chair and sits down. He then takes out a small white bottle*

Rodrigo: "Lets see, heroin, ecstacy, magic mushrooms...ahhh perfect...popped the last hemostatic pill by mistake! No wonder i wasnt amped tonight!"

*Rodrigo angrily throws the bottle to the floor. He then turns to Claire*

Rodrigo: "Go on, get out of here before i decide to screw your a$$. This place is finished. I dont know, probably some angry fisherman p!ssed cos we vandalised their dingy, but in any case this prisons been taken over, our troops have been wiped out"

*Claire steps out of the cell*

Claire: "Ah well, sh!t happens, guess ill be seein ya round then..."

Rodrigo: "Your free to leave the complex, but you may aswell know you have no chance of gettin of this island."

Claire: "Oh yeah?"

Rodrigo: "Yeah"

Claire: "Oh yeah!"

Rodrigo: "Yeah! Try it b!tch"

Claire: "Okay then manwhore! Ill show ya! Come on!"

Rodrigo: "Im stayin here, dont worry about me"

Claire: "Ah, okay then, so in other words you wanna die like a chicken right?"

Rodrigo: "Get out before i do something not nice..."

Claire: "Oh yeh, like what?"

*Rodrigo pulls out a 20 inch metal spiked dildo and smiles whilst staring at Claires a$$*

Claire: "Aieeeeeeeee!"

*Claire runs out of the prison door quickly*

Introduction of Steve to Claire

Claire: "Hmmmm a few dozen zombies and not one of em was good lookin. Why do i always get the ugly f**kers?"

*Suddenly a spotlight comes on and a cannon from somewhere opens fire at Claire, but she reacts quickly and takes cover behind some debris*

Claire: *checks to see if shes come undone* "The hell have i done then!"

*Claire then finds a handgun close to her. She takes it and loads it waiting for the right moment*

Claire: "Well its not a rocket launcher, but it'll do"

*The gunfire stops as a figure checks to see whats wrong. Claire then suddenly fires at the cannon knocking out the spotlight, then she sends another 2 shots in the direction of the shooter*

Shooter: "WAAAH! Dont shoot, im still a virgin!"

*The figure hold his hands up in the air and looks up to see Claire holding the gun at him*

Shooter: "Wait, your not a zombie! Your a chick with tight pants, but sure aint no zombie! Stay there, im comin over!"

Claire: "Ewwwwww! Oh, ya didnt mean THAT kinda come! Hehe, sure!*under her breath* Great, another whiny tag along little kid. Sherry p!ssed me off enough for one day...."

*The shooter jumps down from the tower and moves towards Claire, who responds by keeping her gun trained on the Shooter*

Shooter: "Sorry about the little misunderstanding, i thought you were another one of those monsters!"

*The shooter pushes the guns aim away from his head, but Claire moves away and keeps it pointed at the Shooters head*

Claire: "Hey, i dont look anything like those decaying b@stards! Take one wrong move and i'll shoot"

Shooter: *In his mind* "Hehe, bet shes into domination..." Relax beautiful, i said i was sorry."

Claire: "*blushes* Really? Hehe, well the clothes do show off my figure..."

Shooter: "Well, my names Steve. I was a male prostitu...err prisoner on this island."

*Claire takes her aim away from Steves head*

Claire: *In her mind* "Damn, cant kill him then..."

Steve: "And im guessing your not from Umbrella either."

Claire: "Well duh, boy genius. Im Claire, Claire Redfield, and i'd like a Bacardi, stirred not shaken"

Steve: "Hmmmm, nice. Hey, i heard theres an airport around here. Once i find it, im gonna fly to the North Pole and see Santa Claus, then i can ask him for that Barbie doll set ive always wanted! Well see ya"

*Steve heads for the door*

Claire: "Rrrrrrrrrrrrrright...well i think you need some help, both physically and mentally, so...

*Steve turns and faces Claire and wags his finger at her*

Steve: " i dont want you following me. You might beat me up and take my lunch money..."

Claire: "Oh ok then, you go out on your own, unarmed into a prison full of cannibalistic monsters. Im sure youll be fine..."

Steve: "Ok then, later!"

*Steve goes through the door*

Claire: "Yeh later, *under her breath* ya little gay b@stard! I hope a dog bites your pea sized balls off!"

Claire meets Steve again in the security room

*Steve is looking at something on a computer screen*

Steve: "Chris Redfield...he looks hot! *scribbles down address and phone number on piece of paper and quickly licks photo of Chris on the screen* Now lets see.. hotgaysex.com....

Claire: "What are you doing?"

Steve: " I errr...ummm.... was trying to get this disgusting filth off the computer *points to computer screen* Honestly, some people just blatently use the Internet for porn! Downright disgusting"

Claire: "Hey, thats my brother!"

Steve: *looks in hope of seeing some hot pictures of Chris but notices the webpage hasnt loaded yet and quickly presses Stop button* "Huh? Oh, Chris Redfields your brother huh?

*Steve goes over to a control panel on the wall and plays around with it*

Steve: "Well, its seems your brother is under surveilence by Umbrella.."

Claire: "Ewwwww, damn perverts!"

*Claire rushes over to the computer and smirks as she sees some pictures of Chris in his Barney underwear as she starts to type something*

Claire: "Ive got to contact Leon and tell him that my brothers being monitered, and also that i left my bra and panties round his house...its a good thing i have access to an ouside connection from here..."

*Claire quickly checks to see if Steves looking then she opens up another Internet window*

Claire: "Hmmmmmmm, barely-legal-lesbians.com should be worth a looksee..."

Steve: "That file shows the latitude and longitude of this place, ha, why dont you send your brother the co-ordinates so i can make love to hi....i mean tell him to come help, hehe..."

Claire: "Thanks, ill do that. Hope he gets off his lazy a$$ and comes over here, it'll give him some exercise."

Steve: "Hey, is was just kidding, theres no way he could get here, even if he is sexy...and your brother!..."

Claire: "Yes he can, im sure of it. He'd more reliable than you, you sissy faced pansy!"

*Steve turns to face Claire*

Steve: "No way, he wont come..."

Claire: "Yes he will, ive jacked him off hundreds of times and hes never..."

*Steve gives Claire a funny look*

Claire: "Heh, forget i said that...but still he'll come!"

Steve: "You'll just end up disappointed when you rely on others! My dad told me he'd take me to see Boy George in concert but he never did, so believe me i know!"

*Steve storms out of the room*

Claire: "Man, hes such a damn fruit....hey, my page has loaded...what the? Hot new pictures of Rebecca Chambers gettin wild???"

*Claire clicks on the link to the pictures and looks through them...*

Chris meets Wesker

*Chris hears an evil laugh from behind him.*

Chris "Blofeld?.....wait a minute...."

Wesker "Long time no see Chris."

*Chris turns around to see Wesker*

Chris "Wesker? Did you use my hair gel?"

Wesker "Well of course Chris. Do you think my hair always looks like this when i wake up in the morning? You.... wait a minute, stick to the script dumbass!"

Chris "Oh yeah! Your still alive?"

Wesker "No sh!t Sherlock."

*Wesker laughs evily.*

Chris "Wow, your throat sounds really blocked up. You want some Lockets or something?"

Wesker "Shhhh!"

Chris "Sorry. (Ahem) Whaddaya doin here?"

Wesker "Hey that sounded pretty cool!"

Chris "Thanks."

*Gestures to Wesker to say his lines*

Wesker "Oh well, I was flying over Rockfort Island in my jumpjet, when i decided to bomb the place to hell and grab a vanilla shake from McDonalds"

*Chris looks oddly at Wesker*

Wesker "Huh? Oh i mean...I came for Alexia"

Chris "A Lexia? I think you mean A Lexus? They are quality cars"

Wesker "No fool. Jeez... I said ALEXIA!!!"

Chris "Oww, no need to shout man! Anyway, Alexia, is she single? And another question...who the f**k is Alexia?"

Wesker "(sigh) Youll find out later in the scene where Alexia kicks my a... I mean...An organisation hired me to capture her"

Chris "Wait, wait...I can guess that organisation! UPS right?"

Wesker "No stupid! God damn..."

Chris "Sorry...wait...you attacked the island..."

Wesker "Duh, and your point is...?"

Chris "And my sister!"

Film Crew "OOOOOH!"

Wesker "You mean the chick wearing those jeans that are 5 sizes too small for her? If so then...yeah"

*Chris raises his gun, but Wesker reacts quickly and punches Chris into a wall.*

Wesker "Hehehe, Michael Johnsons got nothin on me!"

Chris "Owww....hey the stiffness in my backs gone... thanks Wesker!"

*Shot of Wesker then Chris, then Weskers props up his shades and smiles evily.*

Wesker "Damn, the nose rests on these shades are uncomfortable"

*Wesker dashes over to Chris quickly and grabs Chris by the throat. Wesker laughs evily again and slowly shakes his head.*

Chris ",Man Wesker, you really oughta see a doctor about your throat an...uh oh you look p!ssed"

*Wesker raises Chris up by his throat against the wall.*

Wesker "Wow, I never knew i was this strong"

Chris "Ok this is really uncomfortable"

Wesker "You have no idea how much i hate you"

Chris "Umm well im guessing you hate me quite alot huh?"

Wesker "Well yeah, quite alot, but anyway you destroyed my plans, now i cant buy that condo i wanted in Delaware! So now ive sold my soul to a new organisation"

Chris "Cool. I sold my soul to the Devil once"

Wesker "Really? I gotta try that sometime... but in the meantime....now die!"

Chris "Uh-oh"

*Chris knocks Weskers shades from his face. Wesker turns to face Chris slowly, revealing his cats eyes. Chris looks shocked.*

Chris "Man, either those are some cool contacts, or you got a baaaaad case of pinkeye"

Wesker "Try none of the above"

Chris "Errr....ok"

Wesker "Heres a little secret Chris"

Chris "Oooh a secret!"

Wesker ".....Im not wearing any underwear"

Chris "Huh!"

Wesker "Err I mean.....I figured out that your sister is now in the Antarctic, with Alexia"

Chris "Uh oh, moms gonna kick her ass for going to the Antarctic without a grown up!"

*Wesker and Chris chuckle.*

Wesker "Wellits too bad you wont be seeing her again"

Chris "Hehehehe..... hey whaddaya mean wont be seeing her aga...oh right"

*Wesker laughs evily, as Chris struggles.*

Chris "Nice.....laugh....."

Wesker "Thanks it took me years to perfect it"

*A screen nearby flickers on and a woman appears cackling away, then it switches off again.*

Wesker "Mom? I mean...Alexia?"

*Wesker looks shocked as he throws Chris into a large container. Chris gasps for breath.*

Chris "Man his breath stinks"

*A bandersnatch steps out of a container, as Chris goes for his gun, and Wesker escapes.*

Chris "Y-yeah you b-better run away! I woulda taken your ass to the cleaners if I had my lucky socks on!"

*Film crew throw hands up in the air. Wesker mumbles in the background*

Wesker "I cant work with that jackass for much longer. I wanted to be in RE3, but nooo!"