((Author's Note #1: I thank Laurie R. King for part of her dialogue from "A
Letter of Mary," featuring Holmes and Russell. All of you must read the
Holmes/Russell series starting with "The Beekeeper's Apprentice." It is v.
good if you like humor, adventure, and occasional references to G&S))
((Author's Note #2: School has really been eating into my "writing fanfiction" time.so it will probably be a while before I update next.just so you know))
((Author's Warning: There is a scene with Norrington in here that I really felt dirty writing but still wrote it all the way. It's really only three words, but those three words are really dirty. But they are also part of the conversation that held the inspiration for this fic, so they absolutely must be included. Please do not be offended in any way-I am not going to make sexual jokes a habit))
August, 2003. Either the Nina, the Pinta, or the Santa Maria.
Senator Norrington was questioning Captain Sparrow. "Why the devil did you permit Elizabeth to wear that wretched cap when she was disgusing herself as a barmaid?"
Captain Sparrow coughed. "Merely corroborative detail, sir, intended to give artistic verismilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative."
"Since when do pirates go out for Gilbert and Sullivan?!" demanded Norrington.
"Of all the actions I have been forced to do in my career, trailing a ship whose captain had an addiction to light opera and vaudeville was one of the most depraved. I might ask the same of yourself."
"One of my ex-girlfriend's cousins played Pish Tush and dragged me to see it when I was staying near Oxford," replied the Senator stiffly.
"An American staying at Oxford?" exclaimed Jack in honest amazement. "I never would have thought it possible!"
Norrington sniffed, and said pompously, "I am a Democrat. I am an enlightened intellectual. Oxford is a place for enlightened intellectuals."
Jack dissolved into a dry, hacky cough. "Pardon me, sir, but I could have sworn I heard you say that you were an enlightened intellectual."
"You forget, Sparrow, that in my vernacular, enlightened intellectual and rich, pretentious old goat are one and the same thing. The latter is used for my coworkers across the aisle, the former for my coworkers on the same side of the aisle."
"Oh, yes, the of political correctness. We pirates do not have to deal with it."
"By the way, Sparrow-"
"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow-"
"-I still will have to see to it that you spend at least a short term in prison because you have killed, raped, and plundered many people and villages. But I hope to reform your character."
"That is very unkind of you, Senator. Surely I will be able to get off in the end?"
"Of course you will. Virtue is only triumphant in theatrical performances. This is a fan fiction, not a theatrical performance. Since you are hardly virtuous, you will get off quite easily."
"Oh. Thank you. Now, here is the plan. We follow exactly what they do in the movie."
"What's that?" inquired Norrington.
"You send me, alone and unarmed, into the cave. I will act as double agent and make the pirates come out to you. Then you can capture them and cart them off to prison. I will save Will, and he and Elizabeth can get married. You, after all, refused her on that island a little while back . . ."
"True," muttered Norrington. "But that's fine. I've already found somebody else to satisfy me." He winked. "My right hand."
Somebody in the audience stood up and beaned the author. "I didn't mean it in that way!" the somebody said. "I meant that he could use his hand to drink rum, you sick perverted and twisted FREAK! And I definetly didn't mean it with Norrington, although that makes sense . . . ."
Jack ignored Norrington's remark and stepped into the longboat, preparing to enter the cave.
((okay, I lied when I said it wasn't going to be a habit. Just bear with me, please! I promise it stops after this))
((Author's Note #2: School has really been eating into my "writing fanfiction" time.so it will probably be a while before I update next.just so you know))
((Author's Warning: There is a scene with Norrington in here that I really felt dirty writing but still wrote it all the way. It's really only three words, but those three words are really dirty. But they are also part of the conversation that held the inspiration for this fic, so they absolutely must be included. Please do not be offended in any way-I am not going to make sexual jokes a habit))
August, 2003. Either the Nina, the Pinta, or the Santa Maria.
Senator Norrington was questioning Captain Sparrow. "Why the devil did you permit Elizabeth to wear that wretched cap when she was disgusing herself as a barmaid?"
Captain Sparrow coughed. "Merely corroborative detail, sir, intended to give artistic verismilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative."
"Since when do pirates go out for Gilbert and Sullivan?!" demanded Norrington.
"Of all the actions I have been forced to do in my career, trailing a ship whose captain had an addiction to light opera and vaudeville was one of the most depraved. I might ask the same of yourself."
"One of my ex-girlfriend's cousins played Pish Tush and dragged me to see it when I was staying near Oxford," replied the Senator stiffly.
"An American staying at Oxford?" exclaimed Jack in honest amazement. "I never would have thought it possible!"
Norrington sniffed, and said pompously, "I am a Democrat. I am an enlightened intellectual. Oxford is a place for enlightened intellectuals."
Jack dissolved into a dry, hacky cough. "Pardon me, sir, but I could have sworn I heard you say that you were an enlightened intellectual."
"You forget, Sparrow, that in my vernacular, enlightened intellectual and rich, pretentious old goat are one and the same thing. The latter is used for my coworkers across the aisle, the former for my coworkers on the same side of the aisle."
"Oh, yes, the of political correctness. We pirates do not have to deal with it."
"By the way, Sparrow-"
"CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow-"
"-I still will have to see to it that you spend at least a short term in prison because you have killed, raped, and plundered many people and villages. But I hope to reform your character."
"That is very unkind of you, Senator. Surely I will be able to get off in the end?"
"Of course you will. Virtue is only triumphant in theatrical performances. This is a fan fiction, not a theatrical performance. Since you are hardly virtuous, you will get off quite easily."
"Oh. Thank you. Now, here is the plan. We follow exactly what they do in the movie."
"What's that?" inquired Norrington.
"You send me, alone and unarmed, into the cave. I will act as double agent and make the pirates come out to you. Then you can capture them and cart them off to prison. I will save Will, and he and Elizabeth can get married. You, after all, refused her on that island a little while back . . ."
"True," muttered Norrington. "But that's fine. I've already found somebody else to satisfy me." He winked. "My right hand."
Somebody in the audience stood up and beaned the author. "I didn't mean it in that way!" the somebody said. "I meant that he could use his hand to drink rum, you sick perverted and twisted FREAK! And I definetly didn't mean it with Norrington, although that makes sense . . . ."
Jack ignored Norrington's remark and stepped into the longboat, preparing to enter the cave.
((okay, I lied when I said it wasn't going to be a habit. Just bear with me, please! I promise it stops after this))