August, 2003.
Either the Nina, the Pinta, or the Santa Maria.
At the Same Time as Last Chapter.
Elizabeth pounced on Shawna as she emerged from the restroom. "Were you just gazing at the moon in a romantic way with an UMBRELLA?" she demanded.
"Yes," snapped Shawna. "Do you have a problem with it?"
Elizabeth, who secretly had a crush on the Umbrella, did have a problem with it. "No," she said coolly. "I don't. But it is rather odd all the same. Are you going to get married?"
Actually, Shawna and the Umbrella had just broken up, but Shawna still said that she was going to marry the Umbrella.
"I don't want to think about your relationship after you marry," Elizabeth snorted, clearly thinking of a *physical* relationship.
The audience went "o.O".
"I'm thinking gross thoughts. Eeew."
Shawna gave a strangled sort of gasp as her eyes widened. "DON'T RUIN MY PURE AND VIRGINAL MIND!" she shrieked.
((Warning: Dialogue form approaching))
Elizabeth: "Mwahahaha."
Shawna: "An UMBRELLA? EW!"
Elizabeth: "Yes. LOL LOL. I mean, what happens if the Umbrella wants to stop? It wouldn't be able to tell you because it's otherwise engaged."
Audience: "O.O EW!"
Shawna: "But-Is that . . . part of the umbrella its head?"
Elizabeth: "Or does anything go with umbrellas? Does the umbrella CARE? Would he enjoy it?"
Shawna: "Is the umbrella even male? Do they have a gender? If not, are they asexual?"
Elizabeth: "Are there umbrella breeding stations? Are they an endangered species?"
Shawna: "Was our umbrella an acquatic version?"
Elizabeth *small voice*: "Is umbrella sex satisfying?"
Audience: *burn fanfic*
Shawna: "I've never tried. But-is it possible to have umbrella babies?"
Elizabeth: "If so, what would they look like?"
Shawna: "Would they looks like human babies excpet they could open up and close at command?"
Elizabeth: "How would they open?"
Shawna: "A switch, one would assume."
Elizabeth: "Well, yes, but I mean-HOW would they open and close? Would their bodies remain the same size and their heads open and close, or what?"
Shawna: "And wouldnt their opening up and closing prove to be a concern with the female umbrella babies since men would take advantage?"
Elizabeth: "Would there be any other umbrella babies for them to play with?"
Senators Norrington and Swann: *have been eavesdropping on this conversation for a while and go off and have their own conversation about this*
Norrington: Should one get tax breaks for having umbrella blood in them?
Swann: NO! No tax cuts at all, even for the people who pay 97% of all taxes! No tax breaks! No tax cuts! We can't afford any of them! Speaking of things we can't afford, we could set up special government programs for people with Umbrellan blood.
Norrington: And if we did-how would it affect the voting block?
Swann: Well, if it affected us in a negative way, we could always blame the Republicans, increase taxes, and screw the Constitution, America, and our true friends and allies.
Norrington: That's what we usually do. I mean something special.
Swann: We could increase taxes twice as much as usual.
Norrington: Excellent.
Swann: Back to the Umbrella children. Would they be accepted by the rest of the American community?
Norrington: If not, would they get appointed land to live on or ample protection from said American community?
Swann: Would they be allowed to open casinos?
Norrington: If so, would we be allowed to steal all the money in the name of Social Security?
Swann: Yes . . .
Norrington: Would casinos thrive on said Umbrella reservations?
Swann and Norrington: *walk off thinking about more ways to get even more rich*
Elizabeth pounced on Shawna as she emerged from the restroom. "Were you just gazing at the moon in a romantic way with an UMBRELLA?" she demanded.
"Yes," snapped Shawna. "Do you have a problem with it?"
Elizabeth, who secretly had a crush on the Umbrella, did have a problem with it. "No," she said coolly. "I don't. But it is rather odd all the same. Are you going to get married?"
Actually, Shawna and the Umbrella had just broken up, but Shawna still said that she was going to marry the Umbrella.
"I don't want to think about your relationship after you marry," Elizabeth snorted, clearly thinking of a *physical* relationship.
The audience went "o.O".
"I'm thinking gross thoughts. Eeew."
Shawna gave a strangled sort of gasp as her eyes widened. "DON'T RUIN MY PURE AND VIRGINAL MIND!" she shrieked.
((Warning: Dialogue form approaching))
Elizabeth: "Mwahahaha."
Shawna: "An UMBRELLA? EW!"
Elizabeth: "Yes. LOL LOL. I mean, what happens if the Umbrella wants to stop? It wouldn't be able to tell you because it's otherwise engaged."
Audience: "O.O EW!"
Shawna: "But-Is that . . . part of the umbrella its head?"
Elizabeth: "Or does anything go with umbrellas? Does the umbrella CARE? Would he enjoy it?"
Shawna: "Is the umbrella even male? Do they have a gender? If not, are they asexual?"
Elizabeth: "Are there umbrella breeding stations? Are they an endangered species?"
Shawna: "Was our umbrella an acquatic version?"
Elizabeth *small voice*: "Is umbrella sex satisfying?"
Audience: *burn fanfic*
Shawna: "I've never tried. But-is it possible to have umbrella babies?"
Elizabeth: "If so, what would they look like?"
Shawna: "Would they looks like human babies excpet they could open up and close at command?"
Elizabeth: "How would they open?"
Shawna: "A switch, one would assume."
Elizabeth: "Well, yes, but I mean-HOW would they open and close? Would their bodies remain the same size and their heads open and close, or what?"
Shawna: "And wouldnt their opening up and closing prove to be a concern with the female umbrella babies since men would take advantage?"
Elizabeth: "Would there be any other umbrella babies for them to play with?"
Senators Norrington and Swann: *have been eavesdropping on this conversation for a while and go off and have their own conversation about this*
Norrington: Should one get tax breaks for having umbrella blood in them?
Swann: NO! No tax cuts at all, even for the people who pay 97% of all taxes! No tax breaks! No tax cuts! We can't afford any of them! Speaking of things we can't afford, we could set up special government programs for people with Umbrellan blood.
Norrington: And if we did-how would it affect the voting block?
Swann: Well, if it affected us in a negative way, we could always blame the Republicans, increase taxes, and screw the Constitution, America, and our true friends and allies.
Norrington: That's what we usually do. I mean something special.
Swann: We could increase taxes twice as much as usual.
Norrington: Excellent.
Swann: Back to the Umbrella children. Would they be accepted by the rest of the American community?
Norrington: If not, would they get appointed land to live on or ample protection from said American community?
Swann: Would they be allowed to open casinos?
Norrington: If so, would we be allowed to steal all the money in the name of Social Security?
Swann: Yes . . .
Norrington: Would casinos thrive on said Umbrella reservations?
Swann and Norrington: *walk off thinking about more ways to get even more rich*