"One more month. One more month and this hell will be over. She will be gone and my life can resume. Or is that when it ends? The edges have become so blurred?"


Severus Snape sat behind his desk and surveyed the bowed heads before him. The only sound in the room came from the scratches of quill to parchment. It wasn't enough to drown out the noise in his head, though.


For two weeks she had worn the necklace he had given her for Christmas. Her robes were left open at the neck so he could see it dangling, teasing him, emeralds winking. Then the day came where his eyes had dropped to her cleavage, searching for the glint of gold and finding none. His eyes rose to her face and were locked on hers. He found eyes that were cold and defiant. She had looked from him then and he knew that she had moved on.

Severus wished it were that easy for him. He wished that the simple act of breaking the Phoenix feather quill would end the longing he felt. But it hadn't and two days later it lay whole again on his desk, repaired by his own wand and a constant, physical reminder of Hermione.


They had spent several months now avoiding each other entirely. Hermione no longer raised her hand in class, anxious to answer a question or volunteer information. Severus no longer called on her out of the blue, hoping to catch her unprepared and in need of an answer to a question. So the winter had passed, cold and lonely for both.


Outside the castle, the world had come alive once again. Spring had come to Hogwarts and with it the excitement of the final exams for the Seventh years and their entrance into adult wizarding society. Soon, Hermione would be leaving the castle and with her, she would unknowingly take a very large piece of his heart. The reality was brought home when his eyes settled on the Gryffindor. As if he had touched her, her head jerked up and their eyes met. This meeting of eyes was all it took. This unexpected connection of souls across the classroom left both of them exposed and the longing hung heavily in the air between them once again. In the depths of each other's eyes, each saw the truth and recognized the feelings still reflected in them. The time apart had changed nothing.


Suddenly short of breath, Severus rose quickly to his feet. "Out, all of you. Finish your essays and have them to me at the start of class tomorrow. Get out now." He didn't wait to assure everyone left. He just turned on his heel and exited into his office with a slam of the door.


Severus wasn't the only one affected by the unspoken communication. Long after the room emptied, she sat at her desk, staring at his office door. For the first time in months she had seen a glimpse of the man she knew existed under the Professor. This was the man she had fallen in love with and it was the same man who took that love and threw it back in her face. She had spent weeks believing that it was all a mistake; that he didn't really mean to hurt her. She had expected to hear him begging for her forgiveness and proclaiming his love to her. When no such proclamations came, her reaction became defensive. It was fine if he didn't want her. But she would waste no more time and energy on tears and desperation. She became cold and aloof, much like the master himself.


Now, in a moment of mutual realization, the ice was thawed and the feeling of emptiness once again permeated every pore of her body. His eyes had told his story to her. She knew he had felt it too, and that he was still drawn to her. Still, he fought her. Still, he ran.


"He can run, but he can't hide." Her jaw set in determination, she made her way to his office door. To knock, to request entrance, would give him the opportunity to deny her. She would not be turned away.


Severus didn't look up as his office door swung wide. He sat at his desk, head bowed and fingers grasping at his scalp. He didn't have to look; the rush of air from the classroom carried her scent with it, gardenias. "May I help you, Miss Granger?"


Hermione didn't respond as she took the hard, wooden chair opposite his desk. Nor did she respond when he repeated the question, his tone high and stressed. It wasn't until he brought his dark eyes up to meet hers that she uttered a sound. It was a moan, not of passion, but of despair and guilt. His black eyes were desperate and filled with pain. It was pain that she had placed there, merely by her forced presence in the room.

Hermione ducked her head, suddenly embarrassed at her boldness. "I'm sorry."


Severus knit his brows in confusion. "What do you have to be sorry about? You've done nothing. It is I who should apologize. I never should have spoken to you the way I did. Things… we…" he was tripping over his words, "this thing felt out of control." Hermione smiled at this acknowledgment that there was something going on, even if neither of them could pin a word to it.


Severus sighed heavily and shook his head. "Don't smile, Hermione. This is not a good thing. Nothing can happen between the two of us. Nothing! I am your teacher and you are my student."


"Only for another month."


"It makes no difference. You will be going on to University…"


"You don't know that. It's not your decision to make."


Severus' faced flushed red with anger and Hermione could see him struggling to control his temper. When he spoke, it was in a soft, measured, and controlled tone, "You are absolutely correct, it's not my decision to make. I only want what is best for you."


"Then let me stay here at the castle. Let me teach. Or, I can go to University and still remain here…" she stopped for a pause and then added quietly, "…with you."


"I don't want you here with me." The words were no sooner said before he regretted them. As Hermione's eyes welled with tears, he was around the desk and before her on one knee. With gentle pressure under her chin, Severus tilted her head up. Soft fingers swept the hair from where it had fallen in front of her eyes. "I don't want you to waste yourself here. There is so much out there for you. I want you to see and do everything, everything that I didn't do. I want to hear about it all. I want you to tell me everything. I want owls from you filled with life, your life."


Hermione's eyes closed and with them, the tears were forced out to run freely down her cheeks. The effort to contain her sobs by biting her lower lip failed miserably. "I don't understand."


Looking at the wetness on her cheeks, Severus forgot how wrong it was. He gave not one thought to consequences. He simply could not turn away from her tears. Hermione found herself enfolded in strong arms while a soft voice attempted to soothe her. "I know you don't understand, dear one. That's part of the problem. Someday, years from now, you will understand."


If Hermione heard him, he never knew. She didn't acknowledge the statement, or argue as to its wrong or rightness. When her tears had spent themselves against his robes, she pulled herself back from him. With a small hand she reached to cup a whisker-rough cheek while she looked him steadily in the eye. "I'm making no decisions now. The Headmaster says I have until the morning after the Leaving Feast to give him my choice. I know you think me a child," she smiled sadly, "But the day will come, Severus Snape, that you will know I'm not." A fleeting touch of her lips to his forehead, and she was gone, leaving Severus to stare at the closed door and murmur, "Of that I have no doubt."


Had Severus followed Hermione from the dungeons that afternoon he would have seen a figure step out of the shadows beneath the stairs and follow her silently through the castle.