Severus paused at the infirmary door, unsure of how to proceed. It had been three days since the attack on Hermione. He had not seen her since he had left her in Poppy's capable hands. Well, he had not seen her awake.


The Ministry had immediately dispatched a team to Hogwarts. After the regulation administration of veritaserum to all those involved in the incident, save Hermione, the officials had quickly rendered a decision of life imprisonment in Azkaban for both Malfoy and Goyle. Hermione's testimony would not be needed, as the crimes witnessed by the others were enough to dictate such a harsh sentence.


At the Headmaster's request, Harry and Severus were to accompany the team to Azkaban. Although it seemed an isolated incident, they were still wary that there would be an attempt by other remaining death eaters to free the prisoners. Severus had been reluctant, the unspoken wish to remain near Hermione hanging in the air.


Albus had accompanied him to the hospital wing to check on her. Poppy adamantly refused to leave Severus alone with Hermione until the Headmaster flat-out ordered her to do so. The medi-witch's eyes blazed with accusations leveled at the Potions-Master, but wisely bit her tongue and accompanied the Albus into the corridor.


Hermione was lost in a much-needed, potion-assured slumber. Severus didn't attempt to awaken her, knowing her body, and mind, needed to heal. He sat with her, on the corner of her bed, just watching. The worst of her injuries had been healed, but the side of her face remained a bit swollen, a silent reminder of the beating she had endured. She looked fragile and pale and oh-so-young, lying in her simple white-cotton gown.


Severus sat silently. He was still thankful that she had survived and would come out of this relatively unscathed. Now, as he gazed at her unconscious form, he was burdened with new knowledge. As the head of Slytherin House, it was up to him to be aware of the goings-on within his house. He had not been paying enough attention to his responsibilities. In his lapse, he had failed her.


With a wave of his wand he conjured up a small nosegay of bluebells and slipped them into her hand. His fingers detoured to linger for a moment on her cheek. Even in this deep sleep, she instinctively turned toward him, seeking out his touch.


"I'm sorry." The words were whispered on a heavy sigh. A sad smile and he was gone.


Now, with the trip to Azkaban successful and Hermione's attackers fodder for the dementors, Severus found himself at the infirmary door once again. With a deep breath and a steeled spine, he opened the door and entered the room beyond.


Hermione was the only patient. The leaving feast had taken place without her, and while he and Harry had been away. Hermione and Harry were the only students remaining at the school. With a mental kick he reminded himself that she was no longer a student.


Hermione was sitting up in her bed, a thick tome lying opened in her lap. Her eyes, though, were fixed on the window opposite her. Lost in thought, she didn't hear his approach until he cleared his throat. She smiled at up him, but her eyes held a hint of sadness and pain.


Silence hung in the air between them. Finally, he steeled himself, and plunged forward. "I'm sorry, Hermione."


Confusion replaced sadness, then… clarity. "Severus, you needn't be sorry." She reached for his arm and pulled him down to sit beside her. "Dumbledore explained. Someone had to assure that they arrived at Azkaban."


"No, no, I'm sorry about the attack." He could see the pain creep over her features at the mention of the incident.


"You have no reason to be sorry," Hermione's voice was rough, barely a whisper. "I'm thankful you were there, that you took care of me, that you…" A strangled sob halted her words, as a single tear traced a path down her cheek.


Before he could think, before he could contemplate the movement, he had dropped to sit beside her and pulled her into his arms. The book dropped from her lap to the floor, forgotten. There was no resistance, and she melted into him as sobs began to vibrate through her body. All Severus could do was hold on, dragging his fingers through her hair, and whispering soft words that he hoped were comforting


It was long minutes later (or was it hours?) that Hermione finally pulled herself back from him, just enough to stare into Severus' dark eyes. Faced with her like this, he was overcome with another wave of guilt. "I'm so sorry, Hermione." A shaking finger stilled her protesting lips as he continued on, "I am responsible for Malfoy's actions. I should have stopped him and I didn't."


Now the horror of his words registered in her eyes and she wrenched herself free from his grasp. Horror and confusion were both evident in her raspy voice as she ground out, "What?"


"I am the Slytherin Head of House. It is my responsibility to guide the students in that house. In the event they fail to take my guidance, it is up to me to know of it and to nip any illicit behavior. I fell short in my responsibilities and in doing so, I almost cost you your life." He had drawn himself back and now sat straight and stiff. Unconsciously, his hands clenched and unclenched in the stiff, hospital sheets, belying his internal agony.


A cool touch of her hand stilled the wrenching of the bedding. Another touch, this time to his cheek and the steel in his spine melted. He moved into her touch, his eyes never leaving hers as she spoke. Her voice was pliable now and molded itself to the hard places in his heart. "Oh, Severus. You mustn't think that, you can't. They are full-grown men; adults responsible for their own actions. You can't shoulder the guilt in this. This was not your fault, this was their fault and I refuse to sit here and listen to you continue on like this." Hermione was nervous, afraid of driving him away, but she played the only card she had. "Now, if you are going to insist on spewing this nonsense, than I am afraid I will have to ask you to leave."


It was Severus' turn to be shocked. Was she throwing him out, pushing him away? He turned her words over and over in his head and his legs flexed to rise. He felt her hand on his tighten and for a brief moment panic played across her face. No, she wasn't pushing him away. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth as he relaxed again. Suddenly, Severus' eyes narrowed. "Going to toss me out of here are you, Miss Granger? No one throws me out unless I want to leave." Severus struggled to maintain his strictest demeanor. "And who gave you permission to call me by my given name?"


Now it was her turn to partake in the banter. "Permission, who gave me permission? I don't need your permission. I can call you anything I damn well please. In case you haven't noticed, I, too am an adult." She had brought her face dangerously close to his and he could feel her hot breath on his mouth. To drive home the point, she punctuated her sentence with an airy "Sev."


To his horror, he hardened at her words. Oh, yes he had noticed. His body was noticing right now. He was suddenly aware of so much. Her mouth so close, her eyes so heated, the soft bed beneath them, the peek of smooth tantalizing skin at the neckline of her nightgown. He had to get out of there, before he did something he would regret.


She moved toward him further, as her eyes dropped to his lips and lingered before returning to his own eyes. She was telling him her desires. Her body was asking for his.
He was instantly on his feet and moving toward the door, clumsily knocking over a wheeled tray in his haste. At the loud clatter of metal, he stopped and took a cleansing breath, while hoping the front of his robes weren't tented. "Miss Granger, you need your rest. Perhaps you will be up for a game of backgammon when I return this evening?" He quirked an eyebrow at her questioningly.


He watched her fall back against the pillows and huff in frustration. After a moment, she smiled sweetly (too sweetly) and nodded her head. He dipped his head once and turned to exit. Before he shut the door, though, he turned round once more, and growled, "Oh, and don't call me Sev." Her giggles could be heard even through the wood behind him as he set off down the castle corridor.


True to his word, Severus did return to her that evening. He brought more than just a backgammon board, choosing to bring along a tray of food and share the evening meal with her. The infirmary door was open and he could see Hermione sitting in a chair next to the bed. Poppy was bustling around the room, chattering on about the latest Hogsmeade gossip. Hermione noticed him standing in the doorway and rolled her eyes behind the Mediwitch's back.


Severus cleared his throat to announce his presence. Poppy eyed him suspiciously through narrowed eyes. For a moment Severus thought she was going to order him to leave. Instead, she moved quickly to the doorway and slipped past into the corridor behind. Without a word to either of them she disappeared, leaving them alone.


He soon had conjured up a small table and another chair and the feast he had brought with him was laid out. Hermione picked at her food and ate very little. Severus' attempts at small talk failed miserably and he soon found himself becoming exasperated.
"Well, I have tried my best, used my wittiest repertoire, my politest manners, and my most amusing stories, but alas, it is to no avail. Tell me, Miss Granger, my dear, what had you so preoccupied that you cannot even pretend to laugh with me?"


Hermione raised troubled eyes to him. "The Headmaster was here this afternoon. I have to give him my decision in the morning. Stay here and teach or leave and attend the University in the fall."


Severus paused, set his fork down carefully, and with a wave of his wand, had cleared the table. He couldn't meet her eyes for a long moment, mind churning, turning over possibilities and scenarios. He was panic-stricken and found it hard to breathe. Why? He wanted her to leave; he needed her to live. Why, now when faced with the final decision, was he so torn? Finally, he calmed enough to speak rationally. "You know what I think, Hermione."


Anger flashed in her eyes. "Yes, you have made that quite clear. I was hoping, with the attack and all, that you would have realized."


A wildfire, this discussion always led to an argument that was quick to spark, and full of heat and fury. Severus blazed brightly now, "Realized what exactly? Realized that this castle isn't the place for you? Realized that I have failed horribly in my position here at the school, and in my obligation to keep the students safe? Realized that you will always be better off without me?"


"You pompous, self- deprecating ass. No, I thought you would have realized that you are the only thing that I need. I can see the wizarding world; you can show it to me. I can be useful and have a career and still be with you. Can you never stop blaming yourself for things? Sometimes things just happen, and no matter how hard we want to control them, we can't. Fate rolls the dice and it's up to us to decide how to play them. Sometimes the rolls are bad and there is nothing we can do. Sometimes they're perfect and we can do anything with them. Most often, we just play the best we can and hope to come out winning."


Severus was silent, his mind working wildly, trying to find something, anything that would convince her to get as far away from here as she could. She was so convincing in her arguments, everything she said made perfect sense. But, something, deep within him still argued that she was too young, too innocent, and staying with him would ruin her.

Exasperated and desperate he blurted out, "A game, you want to compare life to a game? Fine, then, so be it." With another wave of his wand, the backgammon board sat on the table before them. "Three point match, no doubling. You win, you stay." The words left his mouth and he silently groaned. Where did such a stupid, asinine idea come from?


He was shocked to see her look at him curiously, cocking her head a bit, considering. Finally, after some deliberation, she asked quietly, "And if I lose, I leave?"


Dumbfounded that she was actually considering it, he could only nod.


"And if I win, I can stay and you will give us a fair chance?"


Severus closed his eyes, briefly picturing her sleeping in his arms, the two of them tucked away safely in the depths of the dungeons. Again, he nodded.


"I can come back to you, after University, if I want?"


"You won't." His response was fast and definite.


"But, if I do, I can come back to you? You will be here?" Tears were shining in Hermione's eyes as she struggled to make sure their agreement was clear in both their minds.


Severus' voice was gentle, "I will be here, if you wish to return after you finish your studies. I can't promise more than that, not now." It was an easy thing for him to say. Hogwarts was his home and he never pictured himself leaving. He also never pictured Hermione returning to him, not once she had gone out and experienced what life had to offer.


Hermione brushed away her tears and sat up closer to the table, intent written all over her face. "Fine, then we play. Three points, no doubling."


Half an hour later and Hermione was almost in tears. She was down two points to none and Severus was working his way to his side of the board. Fate was giving the Potions Master the perfect rolls and Hermione had only two pips remaining on a single space deep in Severus' home territory. They were face to face with two of his own pips, the last two within striking distance. Once those pips passed hers, it would take a miracle to beat him.


Severus rolled the dark dice and Hermione felt a glimmer of hope. A six and a one smiled up at her. One pip removed from in front of her, and one pip removed from behind her. She needed a two. Shaking hands clenched the white dice furiously and Severus couldn't help but notice her hand tremble as she poured them from her hand to the table. He also couldn't help but see the first tear drip to the game board as she viewed her roll, a three and a one.


Dark dice thrown again revealed a six and a three and the countdown began. With every roll of the white Hermione prayed for doubles, high doubles, and with every roll more tears fell to the felt. She didn't even make it home before Severus had cleared the board of his dark pips. She had lost; she had lost everything.


Without a word, she stood and walked to the window. Severus could see her body trembling as Hermione struggled to stay on her feet. The urge to throw herself on the floor and cry was overwhelming. From somewhere deep inside she dredged up the courage to face what the fates had thrown her. Ignoring the salty wetness still leaking from her eyes, she turned and faced Severus. "I'll inform Albus of my decision and will be leaving on the morning train."


Severus slowly got to his feet and walked to her. The room was quiet, the world was silent, and all disappeared but the two of them and the pain. "You don't have to leave tomorrow, stay a few more days, heal more, rest…"


Her shaking head halted him in mid-sentence. Her voice was rough with the effort to swallow down her sobs, "No, no, tomorrow, it has to be tomorrow. Please, just go, just…" she could hold it back no longer and her voice was lost, drowned by the sound of her world collapsing into an agonizing pile of despair. She staggered a bit as the sense of loss shook through her body and threw out a hand to catch herself, heedless of where it landed. The feel of wool under her fingers was her final undoing as her knees buckled and she completely surrendered herself to the sobs and the tears.


He had her in his arms before she could hit the floor, pressed to him, against him, his body seemingly trying to completely envelop hers. He hated himself, for once again causing her such pain. He could only hope that someday she would understand and forgive him for this.


Her hands found his face as she pulled herself back a bit, holding him steady, forcing him to see her. His breath was gone from his body as she raised herself on tiptoe, pulled his face to hers and kissed him. This was not a schoolgirl's tentative kiss. This was the kiss of a woman, the lips of his love. The feeling of her against him, the smell, the taste, he was drowning in her and he didn't want to let go, ever. His body made its mind up and just as he was about to lift her into his arms and remove her back to his rooms, she wrenched her mouth free of his.


Panting, gasping for air, she rested her cheek against his. After a minute, she pulled herself back and again, forced his eyes to hers. "I'm leaving, Severus. But, I will be back. I will come back to you."


Hermione extricated herself from his arms and walked to the door, head high. With the infirmary door shut safely behind her, she stumbled once and then she ran, through the castle corridors and into Gryffindor Tower. In the now empty girl's dormitory, she finally allowed the pain to vocalize as she fell to the floor and poured out her despair into the cold stone.


The night was long and lonely for Severus and Hermione. Both remained locked in their rooms until an hour before the train was to arrive.


Harry had been with Dumbledore when a message arrived via a House Elf. It was a message from Hermione, turning down the teaching position. He had spent the night outside her door, listening to her crying. He thought it best to let her purge herself. He could hear her clearly through the door and if she had called for him one time, he would have been through the door in a heartbeat. But, the only name she called was Severus, over and over again.


Now, he walked with her into Hogsmeade. He held her hand, not knowing quite what else to do to help. As he stood on the platform looking into her swollen, red eyes, he felt the need to say something. "I hope he's worth it, Hermione. I hope he's worth all of this suffering."


Hermione blinked quickly, trying not to break down on the train platform in front of everyone. She couldn't speak; she couldn't say a word or the torrent would start all over again. She simply kissed Harry's cheek and turned to board the train for home.


This time Hermione didn't choose the last car. She didn't even choose to sit near a window. She found an empty compartment, pulled the shades and let the tears fall all over again.


As the train pulled out of the station, Harry walked to the far edge of the platform. He waved his wand once, "Reveal," and Severus Snape shimmered into view.


"How did you know, Potter?"


Harry looked at the taller wizard with undisguised disgust. "Had Hermione not been so 'preoccupied' she would have sensed your presence when we walked by as well. It truly was a poorly cast spell. I'm glad she didn't know you were here. You've hurt her enough." Harry turned toward Hogwarts without another word, leaving Snape alone, watching the train chug out of sight, taking her out of his life.

A note:
Bluebells symbolize: Fidelity; Loyalty; Humility; Constancy; Sorrowful; Regret