SIX
"Like hell you will," Phoebe said, stepping between the doctor and Cole. "He's suffering enough as it is. You're not going to stick that thing in him."
Dr. Stein just laughed and laid the syringe on the countertop.
"Of course not," he said. "Just a little medical humor. To lighten the mood as it were. That's what people expect when they come to see me. Now, aren't you relieved I won't be using that?"
"Your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired," Phoebe said, sitting back down next to Cole.
"And what did you expect from a demonic doctor?" Stein asked. "I deal with demons every day. Most can be rather bothersome. That just helps to break the tension. Now, I'll need a complete medical history of the patient."
"I wouldn't even know where to begin," Phoebe said.
"Not a problem," Stein said, walking over to a filing cabinet.
He opened the top draw and pulled out a folder. Then he closed the drawer and walked back over to the examining table.
"I have it all here," Stein said.
He opened the folder and pulled out a single three by five card.
"That's a medical history?" Phoebe questioned.
"He was a demon for more than a century," Stein said. "What did you expect? Demons don't suffer the same ailments that you do. Now, let me see. Belthazor. Mother demon, father human. Formerly in service to the Triad, which you apparently vanquished. Until recently, hunted by the Source of all Evil for your betrayal. And finally your demonic half vanquished by the Charmed Ones. Well, seems straight forward enough to me."
"How do you know all that?" Phoebe asked. "I didn't tell any of that to your receptionist."
"It's my job," Stein said, walking over to a cabinet filled with bottles of pills.
He opened the cabinet and began removing some of the bottles. After a few minutes he walked back over and began handing the bottles to Cole one at a time.
"This," he said, indicating the first bottle, "should help with the pain and nausea. Take two every three hours. This one will help with the aches, tired feelings, and inability to sleep. Take one of these every four hours. This one will bring your Q cell count back to normal. Take that one twice a day preferably at regular intervals.
"This one will help to keep you hydrated until you're over the flu. Take one of these every hour, skipping every fifth hour and an extra dose every three hours. This one will counter the side effects of the first one. Take one each time you take the first one. This one will prevent delusions and hallucinations often associated with the flu.
"But only take it when you have to. And not more than three in a twenty-four hour period. Except on a lunar eclipse where they won't do you any good unless you take a triple dose every twenty minutes. And this one will clear up any blurred vision or double vision you might have. Take it once every hour, skipping the seventh dose, and tripling the ninth dose during periods of a new moon."
"What's this one for?" Cole asked, indicating a bottle of green pills with pink specks in them.
"I have no idea," Stein said. "We just always prescribe it for demons with the flu."
"This is crazy," Phoebe protested. "How are we to remember all of these instructions?"
"Very simply," Stein said, handing her a small book. "Here are the simple, easy to follow instructions for each pill. Along with possible side effects, cautionary warnings, and suggestions for dietary supplements that may be beneficial to the patient during this illness."
"Are you joking?" Phoebe asked. "We're supposed to read this? Just to take this medication?"
"Would you like the expanded version?" Stein asked.
"Expanded version?" Phoebe asked. "There's more?"
"Phoebe, please," Cole said. "Dr. Stein is just trying to help. Thanks, Dr. Stein. I appreciate all this."
"That's what I'm here for," Stein said. "Now, as to method of payment. You seem like a nice couple. Tell you what. I'll make it reasonable. Your first born male child will be sufficient."
"What?!" Phoebe shrieked.
"Just kidding, just kidding," Stein laughed. "Really, you should get a sense of humor. Things aren't that bad. I'll just take the standard payment for an office call."
"Standard payment?" Phoebe asked. "Just what is 'standard payment'?"
"Trust me," Cole said before the doctor could reply, "you don't want to know."
Phoebe looked at Cole and then at the doctor. She decided Cole was right. She didn't want to know.
"Like hell you will," Phoebe said, stepping between the doctor and Cole. "He's suffering enough as it is. You're not going to stick that thing in him."
Dr. Stein just laughed and laid the syringe on the countertop.
"Of course not," he said. "Just a little medical humor. To lighten the mood as it were. That's what people expect when they come to see me. Now, aren't you relieved I won't be using that?"
"Your bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired," Phoebe said, sitting back down next to Cole.
"And what did you expect from a demonic doctor?" Stein asked. "I deal with demons every day. Most can be rather bothersome. That just helps to break the tension. Now, I'll need a complete medical history of the patient."
"I wouldn't even know where to begin," Phoebe said.
"Not a problem," Stein said, walking over to a filing cabinet.
He opened the top draw and pulled out a folder. Then he closed the drawer and walked back over to the examining table.
"I have it all here," Stein said.
He opened the folder and pulled out a single three by five card.
"That's a medical history?" Phoebe questioned.
"He was a demon for more than a century," Stein said. "What did you expect? Demons don't suffer the same ailments that you do. Now, let me see. Belthazor. Mother demon, father human. Formerly in service to the Triad, which you apparently vanquished. Until recently, hunted by the Source of all Evil for your betrayal. And finally your demonic half vanquished by the Charmed Ones. Well, seems straight forward enough to me."
"How do you know all that?" Phoebe asked. "I didn't tell any of that to your receptionist."
"It's my job," Stein said, walking over to a cabinet filled with bottles of pills.
He opened the cabinet and began removing some of the bottles. After a few minutes he walked back over and began handing the bottles to Cole one at a time.
"This," he said, indicating the first bottle, "should help with the pain and nausea. Take two every three hours. This one will help with the aches, tired feelings, and inability to sleep. Take one of these every four hours. This one will bring your Q cell count back to normal. Take that one twice a day preferably at regular intervals.
"This one will help to keep you hydrated until you're over the flu. Take one of these every hour, skipping every fifth hour and an extra dose every three hours. This one will counter the side effects of the first one. Take one each time you take the first one. This one will prevent delusions and hallucinations often associated with the flu.
"But only take it when you have to. And not more than three in a twenty-four hour period. Except on a lunar eclipse where they won't do you any good unless you take a triple dose every twenty minutes. And this one will clear up any blurred vision or double vision you might have. Take it once every hour, skipping the seventh dose, and tripling the ninth dose during periods of a new moon."
"What's this one for?" Cole asked, indicating a bottle of green pills with pink specks in them.
"I have no idea," Stein said. "We just always prescribe it for demons with the flu."
"This is crazy," Phoebe protested. "How are we to remember all of these instructions?"
"Very simply," Stein said, handing her a small book. "Here are the simple, easy to follow instructions for each pill. Along with possible side effects, cautionary warnings, and suggestions for dietary supplements that may be beneficial to the patient during this illness."
"Are you joking?" Phoebe asked. "We're supposed to read this? Just to take this medication?"
"Would you like the expanded version?" Stein asked.
"Expanded version?" Phoebe asked. "There's more?"
"Phoebe, please," Cole said. "Dr. Stein is just trying to help. Thanks, Dr. Stein. I appreciate all this."
"That's what I'm here for," Stein said. "Now, as to method of payment. You seem like a nice couple. Tell you what. I'll make it reasonable. Your first born male child will be sufficient."
"What?!" Phoebe shrieked.
"Just kidding, just kidding," Stein laughed. "Really, you should get a sense of humor. Things aren't that bad. I'll just take the standard payment for an office call."
"Standard payment?" Phoebe asked. "Just what is 'standard payment'?"
"Trust me," Cole said before the doctor could reply, "you don't want to know."
Phoebe looked at Cole and then at the doctor. She decided Cole was right. She didn't want to know.