Chapter Three: The Dead Beside the Living

I'm drifting.

Where am I?

Space.

I'm drifting in space.

A memory surfaces.

That explosion. It knocked me out cold. Where the hell are the others?

The controls in the A.G.W.S. won't respond. I can't sense anything in front of me. As far as I can tell, the darkness stretches on forever. It sends a shiver down my spine. Where are the stars? I try to move but I've received too much damage. The only thing working is life support. I suppose I should be lucky.

Damn, but this stinks.

I can feel slight tremors and the sound of scraping metal reaches my ears. More explosions. For a moment I think I'm moving, but it's not me. The shadows are shifting. Suddenly a light appears at the edges. It spreads across the darkness to reveal the shredded belly of the wreckage I was inspecting. My jaw drops in awe.

I should be dead.

The ship is a mangled mess.

But my eyes are strangely drawn to the stars beyond the gaping hole. The sight is simply... amazing. For a split second, time completely stops and I am free to savour this moment.

Alone.

Is there anyone left?

Only static over the line.

Do they think I'm dead?

Another explosion. This one is even closer than the others. Tremors ripple through the wreckage. Mary, where are you? Please be safe.

A memory of a long forgotten conversation quietly enters my thoughts. At first, I can't remember who is speaking or even when this conversation took place. The memory feels like a dream, except the words are so clear...

You can't live in the past, Jr.

You don't know me, then, do you. I live in the past every day. I am the past.

Does it make you feel better?

That's not the point.

Because there is no point.

Yes, there is. It's a very important point. You couldn't understand.

What it means to lose something? Don't you think I know how that feels?

It's not the same.

Yes it is.

You didn't kill them.

Didn't I? They died because I existed.

It's not the same. Albedo killed them.

It is the same. Albedo killed those U.R.T.V.s.

It was me.

It was you who survived.

They all fell because I was scared... I severed the link...

And if you didn't, you'd be dead, too. And who would have saved Nigredo?

Momo.

I remember now. It was shortly after we defeated Proto Merkabah, the place of her birth. She had her own demons to slay, yet she came and sat with me and tried to cheer me up. Me, the one who vowed to save her from that madman and failed. Miserably.

Momo.

You're too kind for your own good. I tried to hide the truth from you. I knew it was useless when I looked into your eyes. You'd seen into that lunatic's mind. You saw what I did. And still, you chose to believe in the goodness. You don't see the monster behind this face. To you, I am innocent. Pure. I don't deserve such faith, but I am grateful.

My eye lids feel heavy and there is now a chill in the air. I waver between consciousness and sleep, losing all sense of time. How long have I been trapped like this? A nagging voice inside me wonders how much longer before panic sets in.

Coward.

No.

I refuse to listen.

I grit my teeth and concentrate on my breathing. In the emptiness of space, the sound is loud to my ears, but it's strangely comforting. It helps my mind separate the living from the dead. The present from the past. I'm still here, I tell myself, as the stars lose their shape and become nothing but a blur in front of me.

The faces of those I left behind flash before my eyes. They are as they were before madness took them. Innocent children. Beautiful and powerful. We lived in perfect balance with each other. We were complete. A race unto ourselves. There was nothing in the universe like us and there never will be again. Somewhere in the back of my mind I hear laughter and cringe inwardly. Damn this waiting. It can't end like this. I have a score to settle.

Buzzing.

The communication line suddenly comes back to life with a few high-pitched squeals.

Little master!

I open my eyes as a shadow blocks my view.

Mary.

Little master! Are you all right? Her voice is shaking. I must look worse than I thought. Hold on, we're bringing the ship around.

I'm not going anywhere, I tell her, my perverse sense of humour kicking in. As she comes closer, I notice that her own A.G.W.S. is badly damaged as well, yet, she's by my side, fussing over me without a second thought to her own safety. Silly girl. You're that worried about me? You don't even notice that you're about to fall apart.

When you didn't respond after that explosion hit... I thought the worst, she says, quickly inspecting my A.G.W.S. for damage. Her tone as she speaks is one of great relief, but there is panic in her blue eyes. She avoids looking directly at me and for a moment I wonder if she is capable of crying.

I wanted to come right away, but we had to deal with those thieving pirates. You know desperate times are here when you're fighting a bunch of mangy scavengers. They might have had a crude weapons system, but they sure were persistent. Still nothing we couldn't handle, mind you. We found the stolen shipment and chased them off. I'm sorry we took so long. I really was scared for you, little master.

I listen to her ramble on, amused by her concern. She always talked when she was worried or nervous. It was one of her many charms. Who would have guessed that she wasn't human, but she was real enough to me.

Little master? Please say something. You're making me nervous.

Sorry, Mary. I was just thinking, I like the sound of your voice.

She is suddenly very still. I start to laugh.

What a time to be making compliments, honestly! she snaps. Will I ever hear another nice thing from you once you're out of danger, I wonder?

I chuckle as she grabs hold of my shoulders and heaves me out of the wreckage. Our ship looms silently above, like a whale in a calm sea. I survey the aftermath of the storm as we drift towards the opening bay doors. Fires here and there, quietly burning themselves out. Scraps of twisted metal floating all around and larger chunks of what was formally another vessel. By a shred of luck, I was not part of the wreck. It seems I have been spared again. This time, I accepted my reprieve without hesitation. There were too many things left unfinished. I remembered a promise I made to a little girl. I've been such a selfish bastard, thinking only of my revenge. Where is she now, I wonder. The one who tried so hard to show me forgiveness.

Momo.

Do you still think of me?


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the ship they are using is not the Durandal. I'm assuming they used a smaller ship since this is was supposed to be a simple retrieval operation. That's why it wasn't that easy fighting off the bad guys.
Mary is a Realian, but it's not clear what her original function was before she was rescued by Gaignun, or even what her physical make up is, so I just decided to make her the synthetic type, hence the crying statement. Jr.'s feelings for Mary is a nice contrast to his feelings for Momo, as will be seen later
MOMO is simply written as Momo, because it looks annoying to see MOMO all the time and also, Momo is more human which is how Jr. thinks of her