***
The fever reared its ugly sneer as it snarled at me at every waking moment. My muscles ached while my heart struggled through the next few days. No amount of blankets could keep the cold sweat emitting from every pore on my body. My throat betrayed me, causing the pain of many needles prickling. And throughout this, I twisted and turned, trying to find a comfortable spot. But alas, there was no such thing as the perfect position. My only hope guiding me through these terrible days was the thought of my beautiful child growing within me.
Through him/her, I could purge my mistakes, the lies, the sins... But even that happiness was temporary. Reality eventually set in. The chance of my baby surviving this was slim to none. But I hoped that he/she was strong. My baby had to be.
Shivering, I hugged the edge of the blanket towards me. I liked to pretend that it was my baby I was hugging. My own flesh and blood. I could teach it to talk. I could imagine myself being a prideful mother bragging about her child. The images were so clear yet so unreachable. My brain refused to focus and felt like putty.
However, I did fall asleep a lot. Dreams were the place where I evaded the pain and reality. I could no longer recall what I dreamt about. Everything seemed like a whirlwind of moving pictures.
I longed for visitors during my waking hours. Sylvia with her timid movements towards my bed. Her curious eyes struggling to comprehend why I hadn't played with her. Arden with his hands constantly combing through his head of disarrayed hair. His hands gripping mine every once in while. His mouth reassuring me and telling me of what having a child would mean to him while his eyes moved around the room cautiously. And papa. He never stayed long. Sometimes, I thought he came in just to make sure I hadn't died. Without the new fear of what would happen to me, he probably blamed me on his relationship with Clarria. True to his word, he had ended his engagement.
I still remember the visit with Clarria.
"Oh, how is papa's favorite daughter doing?," she had smirked, trying to attempt a facade of caring.
I had not been fooled. "Fine," I managed to croak out.
There had been an awkward silence. But Clarria's feeling just couldn't be bottled.
"You look like me. That's a fact that can't be avoided," she had stated coldly, her eyes a deadly glare. "But you've ruined a relationship that was wonderful on both sides. I supported him. I think you know how your dad needs a woman in his life. And he supported me. I wanted a family and he offered that with love." She lifted her eyebrows at my blank face.
"Why couldn't you go beyond what I looked like? If I had a different appearance, would you have acted the way you have?," she asked, her eyes looking straight through me.
I felt awful. She had managed to make me feel guilty. My fingers twitched nervously underneath the blanket. "Then why did you get married so soon? Couldn't you have waited it out so I had time to accept it?" My voice sounded like I had just hit puberty. Combined with the fact that my throat ached, my voice had screeched near the end.
"You father is not getting any younger," she murmured. "You should think of your papa once in a while instead of thinking about yourself all the time."
When she had left, I had wanted to laugh. She didn't know anything about my past or present and she had believed that she had the right to judge me. My life had revolved around his lies, his wants. I had stayed with him through his many mistakes. I may not have been perfect like the first Audrina... I trailed off after that. After all, I was the original Audrina. Would Papa's lies ever filter through me and become a pure thought instead of an envious regret? I doubted it.
***
Then came the day I could get out of bed. My head cleared and I could focus again. I lifted my head and the dizziness overwhelmed me. However, I had handled worse and I soon lifted my face again. The nauseousness slowly disappeared as I eased myself up on the pillow. I had never felt more alone in my life. The quiet eeriness spooked me while I studied the room around me. I was in a spare guest room.
The wallpaper had wines entwined with a variety of tacky flowers. Near the edges, the wallpaper was yellow. Some edges were drooped and no longer had the new appeal it once had. There was a bed headstand with a lamp and a box of tissues. It was maple wood and it looked majestic as it curved to suit the bed. Right beside the bed stood the bed stand. On it was a medium container of a water. A white fuzzy face towel lounged on the edge. But most ordinary of all was my bed. It was white. It wasn't a pure snow white, or a glistening fresh white. It was just white. Plain and bare. Just like this room.
My family had no money for the extravagances of decorating. And of course, guest rooms were the last on one's mind. The spare money would go into a luxury steak or lobster. And that happened rarely with the addition of Sylvia's governess. I pushed aside the nagging thought of whether of not we would have enough savings for the care of another small child.
I gently slid the blanket off my body. My leg swung over the side as I blinked rapidly. I could see little spots dancing in my field of view. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to relieve myself of them. Alas, to no prevail. The tiny rainbow of spots flashed in the inside of my eyelid. With my fists clenched, I sat in that position for a few minutes. The spots suddenly turned into a minor headache.
I hated being so vulnerable. Shouldn't I be strong enough for two? I shakily stood up. Finally, I opened my eyes and moved cautiously towards the door. I gripped the doorknob and propelled it open. Even though my legs felt like lead, I continued on until I reached the stairs. It was there that the doorbell rang.
The quiet house suddenly came alive with sounds.
"I'll get it," I heard someone shout. Something banged while footsteps grew echoed louder and louder on the hardwood floors. I stayed rooted on the spot. I felt like an intruder in my own home. After all, life had gone on without me for the last week or so.
Arden appeared in the foyer and mechanically unlocked the door to open it. It seemed strange to me that he didn't hear my brain throbbing as well as I did.
"Hey Michael."
My boss stood politely on the door mat. His dark wind-blown hair seemed seductive instead of messy. His hands were casually slipped in his blue business suit. His stance made him look at ease. The twinkling, charming eyes immediately found their way towards my glazed ones. Or at least, I thought they did. They moved back too quickly towards Arden to be noticeable.
"Good afternoon. I was here to inquire about Audrina. But... I guess you two weren't just trying to get a vacation, eh?" His concerned eyes moved up again to study me carefully.
Arden followed Michael's direction. His eyes grew wide in shock. "Audrina! You should be back in bed!"
It just hit me how strange this must look. A statue of a woman standing gravely at the top of the stairs while two men were curious of what she was doing. Both of them waiting expectantly for her reply.
I laughed. How strange I must look. Both of them looked curiously at me. Eventually, the giggle led way into a weary smile. "My bed was getting tiresome." Oh, how child-like I sounded!
"Yes, I must imagine." Michael looked amused at my answer. Who wouldn't?
"Oh Audrina! At least think of the baby!," Arden exclaimed.
I watched as the dark haired man's expression froze, seemingly fake now. He blinked rapidly while I glanced on, curious. "Baby, huh?," he finally said. "Well, congratulations." Was it just me or did he seem bitter?
"Thank you."
"Doctor told us that you should remain in bed for at least two weeks. You've just barely passed the critical stage. Our baby is still in danger. You understand, my darling, don't you."
My hand unconsciously found their way towards my abdomen. I stroked it cautiously. "Yes, I suppose."
Feeling like a naughty child with a headache, I watched the two men discussing me. Quietly, I descended the stairs. The guest room was just too depressing. I wouldn't be harming the child, I reasoned. I'd lie on the sofa or something.
"Christ, Audrina." Arden murmured, finally taking notice of me. He quickly ran up to help guide me down.
Like a maiden in need of her knight, I graced my husband with a smile for his deed. "We wouldn't want our child to be lazy. It needs exercise... a better environment."
His cool eyes appraised the carpet, murmuring, "You're not gonna get that in this household."
I ignored his comment, not wanting to make a scene with Michael standing in front of us. Waiting for Arden's eyes to flicker back to me, I gave him a strict glance. No wonder people said that they were the portals to the soul. They seemed tired, as if he had been suppressing the worry that had been constantly been in his thoughts this last week. If anyone needed some rest, it was him. The bags under his eyes were surely a sign, if there was no other.
Linking our arms together, we slowly made our way down. "So Michael, why didn't your wife come too?"
He waved his hand in the air. "Who knows? You know wives, they have a mind of their own," he chuckled. "Isn't my presence enough?"
"Yes... I just thought we could have another dinner today together or something. I wouldn't want your wife to have supper all alone. Perhaps you could call her over."
"Don't worry. She always finds something that will hold her fascination. You should be more concerned about yourself."
I leaned my heavy head on Arden's shoulder. "Yes, I thank you for all the time you've given me off."
Michael followed us into the family room. Its interior wasn't modern, classic, or even welcoming. It was done hastily and there wasn't enough money in the budget to buy new furniture, etc. Even when papa had tricked his customers who trusted him, there wasn't enough. The fraud had brought in extra money to keep up the basic necessities, and sometimes treats. But those were the old days. Arden had stopped Papa from doing that.
"Well, what do you say?" Arden aked Michael. "To dinner."
The dark-haired man twitched nervously from one foot to another. He looked at his watch. "I thought I would just stop by to check on Audrina..."
"If you're busy, we certainly don't want to keep you from keeping your appointments. Perhaps another time then," he shrugged politely.
Suddenly, Michael's attitude changed. He appeared determined to eat with us. "No, it's alright really. I just have to pick up Racheile's dry- cleaning before the place closes. God knows why she can't entrust the help to do it for her. You know women, all they have on mind are clothes, jewelry, money...," he trailed off realizing just how loud he was getting. "I'll just go freshen up. Just point the way where the bathroom is." He grinned, back to his charismatic self.
While Arden directed him, I thought to myself, why did he always seem to reassure everybody how normal his wife was? I wondered just how much trouble the couple was having. From the very start, it was like he was two different people. One who got bitter and frowned whenever his wife was mentioned. Another who was easy-going and couldn't help but attract others to his side like a baby to their mother.
When he got back from the men's room, the silverware, and the best plates were being set. Maria was bending over, helping with the white napkins.
Michael automatically gravitated to Sylvia's side, taking her hand and kissing it gallantly. "And how is the beautiful Sylvia doing this morning?"
Even with her child-like mind, the woman in her couldn't resist his charms. "G-good good. Sylviaa al-always good good when Aud-rrrrrrriiiiin-a is here- ere!"
I smiled with pride while Michael waited patiently for her to finish her statement, his concentration totally focused on her.
"Well then! I guess I'm going to have to share you with the equally gorgeous Audrina!"
Glowing with praise, I sat down with Sylvia on one side and Arden on the other. Deep down, I knew this was a lying game all men played. Complimenting was something even the coldest woman couldn't resist. Yet, Michael played it with an air of sophistication that said, "I know what I'm talking about... and I know I know what I like!" He had the special gift of making a foolish phrase sound not corny. No wonder even the magnificent Racheile had married him. Both of them were destined to attract the opposite sex. Even with the obvious troubles Michael was having with her, I was jealous of their personalities, their splendor.
Racheile; the classic blonde, the trend setter, the one all men lusted after, the one all women made sure their sweethearts WEREN'T paying attention to. And then there was Michael; the dark handsome guy who every woman dreamed about at night. Their knight in shining armour, their Prince Charming. And yet, midnight would always come, the special time in every perfect couple's life where some trouble would hinder their joining and they would split apart.
Perhaps it was that fateful time in Racheile and Michael's lives now? But if this was a fairy tale, would a miracle help Prince Charming regain his 'love' for the beautiful princess? Even when I was teenager, I had doubted that match could ever work out. After all, the only thing attracting them together was appearances. They didn't know each other at all...
***
If I had thought the fever itself took too long, the after-effects were worse. After a day or so, I grew restless from the over-caution from everybody around me. If someone wasn't treating me like a child, someone was reminding me of the baby. As if I could forget! My darling was constantly on my mind! Every morning, I would wake up, imagining who the child would look like. Who would he/she remind me of? What would its personality be like? Who would influence the baby more? Nature or nurture? Something that I would be part of, something where unconditional love was involved.... ah.... I couldn't wait till the 9 months came to an end. The labor did worry me a little. But that was pushed into the back of my mind.
And when the baby wasn't on my mind, I roamed around the house. It was my prison now. But through that, I became more acquainted with it than ever before. I moved more restlessly through one certain wing than the others. The mildew-covered servant quarters. Its small compartments that showed quantity rather than quality. The narrow hallways that made people want to avoid rather than use them. Alas, the environment was nothing of being 'small, humble, welcoming.' The only correct adjective was 'small.'
Whenever I crossed there, both my hands would be placed on my abdomen. It was like an inner part of me sensed the haunting, invisible aura that seemed to pasted on the walls. And oh, I didn't want the baby to be contaminated by this evil force.
Then why didn't I avoid it? Well, the same old scenery gets on one's nerves after a while. And the curious part of every being would press me to go onto other, less-known territory.
That same inner turmoil pressed me to escape from my home. And the baby? Well if I was unhappy, it was also unhappy.
One day, when Maria and Sylvia was gone to the park, Arden and Papa to work, I decided it was time to give in to the urge. I just had to get away from the walls. Now, everything seemed to be suffocating me. My natural instinct for freedom was completely hindered.
I had no idea where I would go. Transportation was limited. All the automobiles were being used and the nearest bus stop a couple miles away. I guess I could just walk through the forest... and do... something.
***
By the time I got back, everyone in the house was worried. Maria was reprimanded for leaving me alone. In truth, it wasn't really her fault. I would have found a way out no matter the circumstance. I felt sorry for her. That wouldn't stop me from doing it again though. There was something about the fresh air and...
The fever reared its ugly sneer as it snarled at me at every waking moment. My muscles ached while my heart struggled through the next few days. No amount of blankets could keep the cold sweat emitting from every pore on my body. My throat betrayed me, causing the pain of many needles prickling. And throughout this, I twisted and turned, trying to find a comfortable spot. But alas, there was no such thing as the perfect position. My only hope guiding me through these terrible days was the thought of my beautiful child growing within me.
Through him/her, I could purge my mistakes, the lies, the sins... But even that happiness was temporary. Reality eventually set in. The chance of my baby surviving this was slim to none. But I hoped that he/she was strong. My baby had to be.
Shivering, I hugged the edge of the blanket towards me. I liked to pretend that it was my baby I was hugging. My own flesh and blood. I could teach it to talk. I could imagine myself being a prideful mother bragging about her child. The images were so clear yet so unreachable. My brain refused to focus and felt like putty.
However, I did fall asleep a lot. Dreams were the place where I evaded the pain and reality. I could no longer recall what I dreamt about. Everything seemed like a whirlwind of moving pictures.
I longed for visitors during my waking hours. Sylvia with her timid movements towards my bed. Her curious eyes struggling to comprehend why I hadn't played with her. Arden with his hands constantly combing through his head of disarrayed hair. His hands gripping mine every once in while. His mouth reassuring me and telling me of what having a child would mean to him while his eyes moved around the room cautiously. And papa. He never stayed long. Sometimes, I thought he came in just to make sure I hadn't died. Without the new fear of what would happen to me, he probably blamed me on his relationship with Clarria. True to his word, he had ended his engagement.
I still remember the visit with Clarria.
"Oh, how is papa's favorite daughter doing?," she had smirked, trying to attempt a facade of caring.
I had not been fooled. "Fine," I managed to croak out.
There had been an awkward silence. But Clarria's feeling just couldn't be bottled.
"You look like me. That's a fact that can't be avoided," she had stated coldly, her eyes a deadly glare. "But you've ruined a relationship that was wonderful on both sides. I supported him. I think you know how your dad needs a woman in his life. And he supported me. I wanted a family and he offered that with love." She lifted her eyebrows at my blank face.
"Why couldn't you go beyond what I looked like? If I had a different appearance, would you have acted the way you have?," she asked, her eyes looking straight through me.
I felt awful. She had managed to make me feel guilty. My fingers twitched nervously underneath the blanket. "Then why did you get married so soon? Couldn't you have waited it out so I had time to accept it?" My voice sounded like I had just hit puberty. Combined with the fact that my throat ached, my voice had screeched near the end.
"You father is not getting any younger," she murmured. "You should think of your papa once in a while instead of thinking about yourself all the time."
When she had left, I had wanted to laugh. She didn't know anything about my past or present and she had believed that she had the right to judge me. My life had revolved around his lies, his wants. I had stayed with him through his many mistakes. I may not have been perfect like the first Audrina... I trailed off after that. After all, I was the original Audrina. Would Papa's lies ever filter through me and become a pure thought instead of an envious regret? I doubted it.
***
Then came the day I could get out of bed. My head cleared and I could focus again. I lifted my head and the dizziness overwhelmed me. However, I had handled worse and I soon lifted my face again. The nauseousness slowly disappeared as I eased myself up on the pillow. I had never felt more alone in my life. The quiet eeriness spooked me while I studied the room around me. I was in a spare guest room.
The wallpaper had wines entwined with a variety of tacky flowers. Near the edges, the wallpaper was yellow. Some edges were drooped and no longer had the new appeal it once had. There was a bed headstand with a lamp and a box of tissues. It was maple wood and it looked majestic as it curved to suit the bed. Right beside the bed stood the bed stand. On it was a medium container of a water. A white fuzzy face towel lounged on the edge. But most ordinary of all was my bed. It was white. It wasn't a pure snow white, or a glistening fresh white. It was just white. Plain and bare. Just like this room.
My family had no money for the extravagances of decorating. And of course, guest rooms were the last on one's mind. The spare money would go into a luxury steak or lobster. And that happened rarely with the addition of Sylvia's governess. I pushed aside the nagging thought of whether of not we would have enough savings for the care of another small child.
I gently slid the blanket off my body. My leg swung over the side as I blinked rapidly. I could see little spots dancing in my field of view. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to relieve myself of them. Alas, to no prevail. The tiny rainbow of spots flashed in the inside of my eyelid. With my fists clenched, I sat in that position for a few minutes. The spots suddenly turned into a minor headache.
I hated being so vulnerable. Shouldn't I be strong enough for two? I shakily stood up. Finally, I opened my eyes and moved cautiously towards the door. I gripped the doorknob and propelled it open. Even though my legs felt like lead, I continued on until I reached the stairs. It was there that the doorbell rang.
The quiet house suddenly came alive with sounds.
"I'll get it," I heard someone shout. Something banged while footsteps grew echoed louder and louder on the hardwood floors. I stayed rooted on the spot. I felt like an intruder in my own home. After all, life had gone on without me for the last week or so.
Arden appeared in the foyer and mechanically unlocked the door to open it. It seemed strange to me that he didn't hear my brain throbbing as well as I did.
"Hey Michael."
My boss stood politely on the door mat. His dark wind-blown hair seemed seductive instead of messy. His hands were casually slipped in his blue business suit. His stance made him look at ease. The twinkling, charming eyes immediately found their way towards my glazed ones. Or at least, I thought they did. They moved back too quickly towards Arden to be noticeable.
"Good afternoon. I was here to inquire about Audrina. But... I guess you two weren't just trying to get a vacation, eh?" His concerned eyes moved up again to study me carefully.
Arden followed Michael's direction. His eyes grew wide in shock. "Audrina! You should be back in bed!"
It just hit me how strange this must look. A statue of a woman standing gravely at the top of the stairs while two men were curious of what she was doing. Both of them waiting expectantly for her reply.
I laughed. How strange I must look. Both of them looked curiously at me. Eventually, the giggle led way into a weary smile. "My bed was getting tiresome." Oh, how child-like I sounded!
"Yes, I must imagine." Michael looked amused at my answer. Who wouldn't?
"Oh Audrina! At least think of the baby!," Arden exclaimed.
I watched as the dark haired man's expression froze, seemingly fake now. He blinked rapidly while I glanced on, curious. "Baby, huh?," he finally said. "Well, congratulations." Was it just me or did he seem bitter?
"Thank you."
"Doctor told us that you should remain in bed for at least two weeks. You've just barely passed the critical stage. Our baby is still in danger. You understand, my darling, don't you."
My hand unconsciously found their way towards my abdomen. I stroked it cautiously. "Yes, I suppose."
Feeling like a naughty child with a headache, I watched the two men discussing me. Quietly, I descended the stairs. The guest room was just too depressing. I wouldn't be harming the child, I reasoned. I'd lie on the sofa or something.
"Christ, Audrina." Arden murmured, finally taking notice of me. He quickly ran up to help guide me down.
Like a maiden in need of her knight, I graced my husband with a smile for his deed. "We wouldn't want our child to be lazy. It needs exercise... a better environment."
His cool eyes appraised the carpet, murmuring, "You're not gonna get that in this household."
I ignored his comment, not wanting to make a scene with Michael standing in front of us. Waiting for Arden's eyes to flicker back to me, I gave him a strict glance. No wonder people said that they were the portals to the soul. They seemed tired, as if he had been suppressing the worry that had been constantly been in his thoughts this last week. If anyone needed some rest, it was him. The bags under his eyes were surely a sign, if there was no other.
Linking our arms together, we slowly made our way down. "So Michael, why didn't your wife come too?"
He waved his hand in the air. "Who knows? You know wives, they have a mind of their own," he chuckled. "Isn't my presence enough?"
"Yes... I just thought we could have another dinner today together or something. I wouldn't want your wife to have supper all alone. Perhaps you could call her over."
"Don't worry. She always finds something that will hold her fascination. You should be more concerned about yourself."
I leaned my heavy head on Arden's shoulder. "Yes, I thank you for all the time you've given me off."
Michael followed us into the family room. Its interior wasn't modern, classic, or even welcoming. It was done hastily and there wasn't enough money in the budget to buy new furniture, etc. Even when papa had tricked his customers who trusted him, there wasn't enough. The fraud had brought in extra money to keep up the basic necessities, and sometimes treats. But those were the old days. Arden had stopped Papa from doing that.
"Well, what do you say?" Arden aked Michael. "To dinner."
The dark-haired man twitched nervously from one foot to another. He looked at his watch. "I thought I would just stop by to check on Audrina..."
"If you're busy, we certainly don't want to keep you from keeping your appointments. Perhaps another time then," he shrugged politely.
Suddenly, Michael's attitude changed. He appeared determined to eat with us. "No, it's alright really. I just have to pick up Racheile's dry- cleaning before the place closes. God knows why she can't entrust the help to do it for her. You know women, all they have on mind are clothes, jewelry, money...," he trailed off realizing just how loud he was getting. "I'll just go freshen up. Just point the way where the bathroom is." He grinned, back to his charismatic self.
While Arden directed him, I thought to myself, why did he always seem to reassure everybody how normal his wife was? I wondered just how much trouble the couple was having. From the very start, it was like he was two different people. One who got bitter and frowned whenever his wife was mentioned. Another who was easy-going and couldn't help but attract others to his side like a baby to their mother.
When he got back from the men's room, the silverware, and the best plates were being set. Maria was bending over, helping with the white napkins.
Michael automatically gravitated to Sylvia's side, taking her hand and kissing it gallantly. "And how is the beautiful Sylvia doing this morning?"
Even with her child-like mind, the woman in her couldn't resist his charms. "G-good good. Sylviaa al-always good good when Aud-rrrrrrriiiiin-a is here- ere!"
I smiled with pride while Michael waited patiently for her to finish her statement, his concentration totally focused on her.
"Well then! I guess I'm going to have to share you with the equally gorgeous Audrina!"
Glowing with praise, I sat down with Sylvia on one side and Arden on the other. Deep down, I knew this was a lying game all men played. Complimenting was something even the coldest woman couldn't resist. Yet, Michael played it with an air of sophistication that said, "I know what I'm talking about... and I know I know what I like!" He had the special gift of making a foolish phrase sound not corny. No wonder even the magnificent Racheile had married him. Both of them were destined to attract the opposite sex. Even with the obvious troubles Michael was having with her, I was jealous of their personalities, their splendor.
Racheile; the classic blonde, the trend setter, the one all men lusted after, the one all women made sure their sweethearts WEREN'T paying attention to. And then there was Michael; the dark handsome guy who every woman dreamed about at night. Their knight in shining armour, their Prince Charming. And yet, midnight would always come, the special time in every perfect couple's life where some trouble would hinder their joining and they would split apart.
Perhaps it was that fateful time in Racheile and Michael's lives now? But if this was a fairy tale, would a miracle help Prince Charming regain his 'love' for the beautiful princess? Even when I was teenager, I had doubted that match could ever work out. After all, the only thing attracting them together was appearances. They didn't know each other at all...
***
If I had thought the fever itself took too long, the after-effects were worse. After a day or so, I grew restless from the over-caution from everybody around me. If someone wasn't treating me like a child, someone was reminding me of the baby. As if I could forget! My darling was constantly on my mind! Every morning, I would wake up, imagining who the child would look like. Who would he/she remind me of? What would its personality be like? Who would influence the baby more? Nature or nurture? Something that I would be part of, something where unconditional love was involved.... ah.... I couldn't wait till the 9 months came to an end. The labor did worry me a little. But that was pushed into the back of my mind.
And when the baby wasn't on my mind, I roamed around the house. It was my prison now. But through that, I became more acquainted with it than ever before. I moved more restlessly through one certain wing than the others. The mildew-covered servant quarters. Its small compartments that showed quantity rather than quality. The narrow hallways that made people want to avoid rather than use them. Alas, the environment was nothing of being 'small, humble, welcoming.' The only correct adjective was 'small.'
Whenever I crossed there, both my hands would be placed on my abdomen. It was like an inner part of me sensed the haunting, invisible aura that seemed to pasted on the walls. And oh, I didn't want the baby to be contaminated by this evil force.
Then why didn't I avoid it? Well, the same old scenery gets on one's nerves after a while. And the curious part of every being would press me to go onto other, less-known territory.
That same inner turmoil pressed me to escape from my home. And the baby? Well if I was unhappy, it was also unhappy.
One day, when Maria and Sylvia was gone to the park, Arden and Papa to work, I decided it was time to give in to the urge. I just had to get away from the walls. Now, everything seemed to be suffocating me. My natural instinct for freedom was completely hindered.
I had no idea where I would go. Transportation was limited. All the automobiles were being used and the nearest bus stop a couple miles away. I guess I could just walk through the forest... and do... something.
***
By the time I got back, everyone in the house was worried. Maria was reprimanded for leaving me alone. In truth, it wasn't really her fault. I would have found a way out no matter the circumstance. I felt sorry for her. That wouldn't stop me from doing it again though. There was something about the fresh air and...