Title: Dirty Little Secret
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail/Feedback: cassandra_mulder@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13 (Adult situations)
Classification: Alias; Syd/Vaughn; angst
Spoilers: Season 3
Disclaimer: "Alias" and the characters within belong to JJ Abrams, Bad Robot Productions, and ABC. No infringement is intended. The song "Dirty Little Secret" belongs to Sarah McLachlan, and can be found on her latest album "Afterglow".
Distribution: Anywhere, as long as permission is asked and granted first. Allies: Syd/Vaughn Fic, and my site Bound.
Written: November 8 - 11, 2003
Summary: Some feelings run too deep, their pull too strong, till they cannot be denied.
A/N: This scenario had just been bouncing around in my head for a week or so, so I decided to write it. It's been a rough 'shipper year for me all the way around, so I had to do something for my sanity. lol Add to the mix a healthy hatred of one Lauren Reed, and this wasn't as hard to write as you might imagine. I don't condone adultery, but hey, I've been waiting for Syd and Vaughn to jump each other all season, and the Muse must be served. All feedback is appreciated, lovingly fawned over, and replied to. Thanks.
************************************
If I had the chance, love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late
'Cause I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
But I denied my capacity to love
I am willing to give up this fight
- "Dirty Little Secret" Sarah McLachlan
***********************************
Sydney sat up in bed, the covers clutched to her chest against the early November chill. It only took her a moment to recall where she was, and what she was doing there.
She peered around the ornate Milan hotel room, her eyes focusing in the darkness. Shifting a bit, she looked to her right at the man lying beside her. He was almost translucent in the single shaft of moonlight.
That man was Michael Vaughn.
Sydney carefully and quietly slipped out of the bed, and put on her robe as she made her way to the other side of the room. As she sank down into an oversized chair, she put her head in her hands and desperately tried to think.
This wasn't supposed to have happened. They were on a mission, and they were supposed to be back in L.A. the following afternoon.
But it *had* happened. The tension had built up until it had exploded, and even though she knew it was wrong, she had taken what she'd wanted so badly ever since she had laid eyes on him again. Her heart belonged to him, and she felt any hope of getting over him completely slip away as the night's events played through her mind.
She padded to the bathroom, and flipped on the light, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. Looking at herself in the mirror, her appearance was a testament to how quickly things had happened. Her hair was wild, her lips still held faint bruises, and there was brutal evidence on her neck and shoulder that she wasn't sure she'd be able to hide.
They had been posing as a couple, so the one hotel room didn't seem odd to anyone there, and they both thought it would be big enough to share without getting in each other's way.
They had both been wrong.
Thinking back a few hours, the beginning of it seemed like a blur. They had been preparing for the next day; packing, going over the mission. Suddenly Sydney had realized she would have to have him unzip the back of her dress, so she'd put it off as long as possible.
Finally, short of sleeping in the black mini, she knew she'd have to ask for assistance. Vaughn had obliged without too much hesitation, and just when she thought she would escape unscathed, his fingertips brushed the small of her back.
Her sharp intake of breath seemed deafeningly loud in the silence of the room. In the next instant, Vaughn had turned her into his arms, and begun to kiss her exactly as she remembered. Exactly as she had dreamed about for the last few months.
She knew the circumstances, and the consequences, but they all left her as he made swift work of removing her dress.
His kisses, the feel of his skin underneath her hands was her undoing. There'd been no thought, simply feeling. Feelings she'd given up hope of ever having again.
She sat on the edge of the oversized tub, contemplating a shower, as the consequences reared their ugly heads.
What would they do now? How could this stay hidden from Lauren, while it slowly destroyed them both inside?
Sydney didn't know the answers to any of the questions floating through her head. All she knew was she didn't know how she was going to go back out into that room and face Vaughn, or how she was going to go back to L.A. and face anybody. It would be written all over her from head to toe, and she knew her father and Weiss would figure it out, even if Lauren never did.
She didn't want to have to regret having the man she loved, but the fact remained that he belonged to someone else.
Vaughn was the last person to ever want to hurt anyone he cared about in any way, and that was how she knew this thing was bigger than the both of them. She knew he'd regret it all in the morning, but even knowing what she knew, she wasn't sure she could say the same.
Maybe she had to accept things as they were, but it tore at her that she'd had no choice in them. Her life had been taken as surely as if she'd died, and even though she was trying to deal with being thrust back into that life, it hadn't been going as well as she led everyone to believe.
For a couple of hours things had been as they should've been. As they had been before. She had let herself go, lost herself in the feelings and sensations; in Vaughn.
She realized there was a long list of things that she didn't need in her life, but he wasn't on it. What he meant to her couldn't be measured, or explained, or put on a list. But she wondered now how she would last after this turn of events. What she would do when she went back to the cold, lonely emptiness of what she barely called a home.
How she could work with him.
How they would find a way to keep their dirty little secret.
Forgetting about the shower, she went back into the room and slowly sank onto the edge of the bed. She watched the man that had once been her salvation sleeping, knowing that now he was her ultimate downfall.
She had never needed anyone like she needed him. Had never *wanted* to need anyone so deeply, so completely. She was always the girl that could do it on her own, that could take care of herself. She supposed that really she still was that girl, but that everyone had a weakness. He was hers, and she supposed, judging from the night, that she was his.
She reached out to caress his face, enjoying the last of the freedom she had to love him, and managed a smile as his green eyes sleepily drifted open and he turned to kiss her wrist. Her eyes fluttered shut and she sighed, wanting things that could only be phantom dreams, as she slid back down into the bed.
He took her into his embrace, and she sank into his arms gratefully, needing his warmth and comfort if only for a few more precious hours. This secret would not break her, she refused to let it. It would only sustain her through the loneliness that would once again take possession of her, until maybe someday they could find each other again.
Finis
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail/Feedback: cassandra_mulder@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13 (Adult situations)
Classification: Alias; Syd/Vaughn; angst
Spoilers: Season 3
Disclaimer: "Alias" and the characters within belong to JJ Abrams, Bad Robot Productions, and ABC. No infringement is intended. The song "Dirty Little Secret" belongs to Sarah McLachlan, and can be found on her latest album "Afterglow".
Distribution: Anywhere, as long as permission is asked and granted first. Allies: Syd/Vaughn Fic, and my site Bound.
Written: November 8 - 11, 2003
Summary: Some feelings run too deep, their pull too strong, till they cannot be denied.
A/N: This scenario had just been bouncing around in my head for a week or so, so I decided to write it. It's been a rough 'shipper year for me all the way around, so I had to do something for my sanity. lol Add to the mix a healthy hatred of one Lauren Reed, and this wasn't as hard to write as you might imagine. I don't condone adultery, but hey, I've been waiting for Syd and Vaughn to jump each other all season, and the Muse must be served. All feedback is appreciated, lovingly fawned over, and replied to. Thanks.
************************************
If I had the chance, love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all the things I never said before
Don't tell me it's too late
'Cause I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
But I denied my capacity to love
I am willing to give up this fight
- "Dirty Little Secret" Sarah McLachlan
***********************************
Sydney sat up in bed, the covers clutched to her chest against the early November chill. It only took her a moment to recall where she was, and what she was doing there.
She peered around the ornate Milan hotel room, her eyes focusing in the darkness. Shifting a bit, she looked to her right at the man lying beside her. He was almost translucent in the single shaft of moonlight.
That man was Michael Vaughn.
Sydney carefully and quietly slipped out of the bed, and put on her robe as she made her way to the other side of the room. As she sank down into an oversized chair, she put her head in her hands and desperately tried to think.
This wasn't supposed to have happened. They were on a mission, and they were supposed to be back in L.A. the following afternoon.
But it *had* happened. The tension had built up until it had exploded, and even though she knew it was wrong, she had taken what she'd wanted so badly ever since she had laid eyes on him again. Her heart belonged to him, and she felt any hope of getting over him completely slip away as the night's events played through her mind.
She padded to the bathroom, and flipped on the light, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness. Looking at herself in the mirror, her appearance was a testament to how quickly things had happened. Her hair was wild, her lips still held faint bruises, and there was brutal evidence on her neck and shoulder that she wasn't sure she'd be able to hide.
They had been posing as a couple, so the one hotel room didn't seem odd to anyone there, and they both thought it would be big enough to share without getting in each other's way.
They had both been wrong.
Thinking back a few hours, the beginning of it seemed like a blur. They had been preparing for the next day; packing, going over the mission. Suddenly Sydney had realized she would have to have him unzip the back of her dress, so she'd put it off as long as possible.
Finally, short of sleeping in the black mini, she knew she'd have to ask for assistance. Vaughn had obliged without too much hesitation, and just when she thought she would escape unscathed, his fingertips brushed the small of her back.
Her sharp intake of breath seemed deafeningly loud in the silence of the room. In the next instant, Vaughn had turned her into his arms, and begun to kiss her exactly as she remembered. Exactly as she had dreamed about for the last few months.
She knew the circumstances, and the consequences, but they all left her as he made swift work of removing her dress.
His kisses, the feel of his skin underneath her hands was her undoing. There'd been no thought, simply feeling. Feelings she'd given up hope of ever having again.
She sat on the edge of the oversized tub, contemplating a shower, as the consequences reared their ugly heads.
What would they do now? How could this stay hidden from Lauren, while it slowly destroyed them both inside?
Sydney didn't know the answers to any of the questions floating through her head. All she knew was she didn't know how she was going to go back out into that room and face Vaughn, or how she was going to go back to L.A. and face anybody. It would be written all over her from head to toe, and she knew her father and Weiss would figure it out, even if Lauren never did.
She didn't want to have to regret having the man she loved, but the fact remained that he belonged to someone else.
Vaughn was the last person to ever want to hurt anyone he cared about in any way, and that was how she knew this thing was bigger than the both of them. She knew he'd regret it all in the morning, but even knowing what she knew, she wasn't sure she could say the same.
Maybe she had to accept things as they were, but it tore at her that she'd had no choice in them. Her life had been taken as surely as if she'd died, and even though she was trying to deal with being thrust back into that life, it hadn't been going as well as she led everyone to believe.
For a couple of hours things had been as they should've been. As they had been before. She had let herself go, lost herself in the feelings and sensations; in Vaughn.
She realized there was a long list of things that she didn't need in her life, but he wasn't on it. What he meant to her couldn't be measured, or explained, or put on a list. But she wondered now how she would last after this turn of events. What she would do when she went back to the cold, lonely emptiness of what she barely called a home.
How she could work with him.
How they would find a way to keep their dirty little secret.
Forgetting about the shower, she went back into the room and slowly sank onto the edge of the bed. She watched the man that had once been her salvation sleeping, knowing that now he was her ultimate downfall.
She had never needed anyone like she needed him. Had never *wanted* to need anyone so deeply, so completely. She was always the girl that could do it on her own, that could take care of herself. She supposed that really she still was that girl, but that everyone had a weakness. He was hers, and she supposed, judging from the night, that she was his.
She reached out to caress his face, enjoying the last of the freedom she had to love him, and managed a smile as his green eyes sleepily drifted open and he turned to kiss her wrist. Her eyes fluttered shut and she sighed, wanting things that could only be phantom dreams, as she slid back down into the bed.
He took her into his embrace, and she sank into his arms gratefully, needing his warmth and comfort if only for a few more precious hours. This secret would not break her, she refused to let it. It would only sustain her through the loneliness that would once again take possession of her, until maybe someday they could find each other again.
Finis