.Hack//SKITS:
The difficulties in writing a .hack//SIGN fanfic

Introduction:

This was my first attempt at writing a .hack//SIGN fanfic.
I guess the first question one would ask when reading this would be: WHY? Well, I had read so many reviews of the various .hack//SIGN stories here at ff.net and they all said the same thing. Henceforth, I figured the time was ripe enough for a satire.
All in all, this was lotsa fun to write and I quite delighted on how well this was received by those who read it (I haven't received any death threats yet, so it must be good!).

But seriously, the comments from this fic was so encouraging that I decided to expand on this idea. So, what began originally as a one shot fic has now evolved into something of a series. So, there shall more to come (watch this space) - If all my readers don't petition to have me locked up (j/k).

Oh and it should be noted that this whole entire fic carries a huge SPOILER stamp on it. You've been warned.

And I do not hold any ownership to. hack//SIGN. Project .hack does

*One cold winter's afternoon, Spike, fanfic writer and alcoholic extraordinaire, sits down in front his computer. Needing liquid inspiration, he grabs a bottle of vodka and chugs it down - in order to get the creative juices pumping. With his fingers now ready to punch out another winner of a story, Spike sits back and contemplates on what to write.*

Spike: Hrmmm......I think I might write a......

*The phone rings. Spike leans over and grabs the receiver.*.

Spike: Hello?

Person on the other end: So tell me - when are you going to finish that Slayers serial?!

Spike: Not right now - I'm busy!

Person at the other end: Enough with the procrastinating already!

Spike: Procrastinating? Who's procrastinating? I'm not procrastinating! Who are you to say I'm procrastinating?

Person at the other end: That's not funny

Spike: I think it is *hangs up* Now where was I....Ah yes! I think I might write a fanfic on........ .hack//SIGN!

*The phone rings again. Spike's brow furrows in annoyance but he answers it anyway.*

Spike: Hello?

A certain friend of Spike's: I KEEP TRYING TO TELL YOU - .HACK//SIGN IS AS BORING AS.....

Spike: *Immediately hangs up* Damn, must he do that every time I mention the damn series?! *cracks knuckles* Now.....In this fic of mine I think I might have....Tsukusa!

*The doorbell rings. Spike curses with frustration at being interrupted again. Nevertheless, he gets to his feet and goes to answer the front door. He opens it to find a bunch of fan-girls grinning eagerly*

Spike: Erm.......yes?

Fangirl 1: We heard you're putting Tuskusa in your fanfic!

Fangirl 2: So we all decided to drop by and tell you, we think you're 733t!

Spike: Er.....thanks......

Fangirl 3: Can you put Sora in as well?

Spike: *uneasy* Ermmmm......I'll think about

*Quickly slams the door in their face - much to surprise of the fangirls*

Spike: *Returns to his computer* Now where was I....ah yes. I was going to write a fic about Tsukusa and how he and Subaru......

*Immediately, a brick comes flying though the window*

Spike: *frustrated* What now?! *goes to the front door* If I keep getting these interruptions I'll never start this fic - let alone finish it!

*He opens the front door and is immediately confronted by an angry mob*

Spike: Ut-oh

Angry Mob: *all speaking in unison* YOU CAN'T WRITE A TSUKUSA + SUBARU FIC!!!! TSUKUSA IS A GIRL!!!!!!

Spike: Only his dub voice....

Angry Mob: YOU KNOW WHAT WE MEAN!!!!!

Spike: Yeah and?

Angry Mob: *getting increasingly mad* WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?!?!?!?

Spike: Is the issue of writing a T+S fic really that important to you?

Angry Mob: YES!!!!!

Spike: Okay....well how about writing a Tsukusa + Mimiru fic?

Not quite as angry as before Mob: Well.....that wouldn't be too bad....

Spike: Ha! Gotcha there! In the real world, both Mimiru and Tsukusa are girls!!!!!

Even more angry than before Mob: *furious that Spike managed to pull a quick one over them* GET HIM!!!!!

*Suddenly, Spike finds himself being swamped by the furious crowd. Within seconds, everything goes black*

*Later, Spike regains consciousness*

Spike: Oh.....what the hell was that.....?

*It is there and then that he realises that he is in a small but unfamiliar room. There is a window.*

Spike: *heads over to the window and looks out* Where am I....

*He looks out and suddenly, in a burst of revelation, he realises where he is: In a situation that could only come from the final scene of The Wickerman, he is trapped in a giant man-shaped structure made out of straw. And all around, the angry mob are holding flaming torches and grinning sadistically*

Spike: Oh.....crap......

The End