Title: It's So Easy
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail/Feedback: Greatly appreciated and encouraged at cassandra_mulder@yahoo.com, or whatever review system you may currently encounter. ;)
Rated: PG-13 (Adult situations)
Classification: Alias; Syd/Vaughn; angst; Vaughn POV
Spoilers: Season 3
Disclaimer: "Alias" and the characters within are the property of JJ Abrams, Bad Robot Productions, Touchstone Pictures, and ABC. Seriously, do you think if they were mine either Syd or Lauren would have Vaughn? HA! Ahahahahahaha! Good one. Lauren would be dead, and Syd would just be a really good friend who had no attraction to Vaughn whatsoever. ;) Um... Yeah, so no infringement intended at all. I'm just borrowing the two lead lovelies to bend them to my will for a sec. I'll give them back relatively unharmed. Also, the song "It's So Easy" belongs to Sheryl Crow, I assume, and no violation is meant in its use.
Written: November 13 - 19, 2003
Summary: Vaughn reviews his situation, and the two women he's caught between. Companion piece to "Dirty Little Secret".
Distribution: Allies: Syd/Vaughn archive, Cover Me, and my personal archive, Bound. Anywhere else as long as permission is asked and given first.
A/N: Well, some might say I have just committed the ultimate in character assassination, but that was not my intention at all. While I hightly doubt Vaughn would ever cheat on his wife (or his taxes, or a review, or even a junior high test...) on the show, I have my own fic world for a reason. To me, it would be perfectly... understandable (for lack of a better word) if Syd and Vaughn just up and lost it on assignment. I ain't blind, I can see the looks, thanks. I have probably been overly fair to Lauren here, but this is Vaughn's POV, and adultery is a serious thing, with life altering consequences, and I won't make light of that. As much as I want Syd and Vaughn to be together, I know they shouldn't do it this way, but these things happen. And now that that little PSA is over, and the headers are as long as the fic... Enjoy, I hope. :)
Dedication: This is to Cate, who left a very nice review on fanfiction.net and suggested another piece from Vaughn's point of view. I hadn't really considered a sequel/companion piece before, but she got the plot bunnies going, and this is the (hopefully good) result. :)
*************************************
It's so easy holding you near
I could melt in your arms, and disappear
Loving you, baby, is breaking my heart tonight
'Cause it's so easy, but it isn't right
- "It's So Easy" Sheryl Crow f. Don Henley
*************************************
Vaughn felt the mattress dip beneath him and rise again as Sydney got out of bed. He watched through heavy-lidded eyes as she walked across the room and sat in one of the large chairs, her head in her hands.
He wanted nothing more than to follow and try to comfort her, but he knew he couldn't since it was probably he that had put her in this distress to start with. Just the thought pained him more than she could possibly know.
He watched her till she silently made her way to the bathroom and gently shut the door behind her. Vaughn sighed. They really were in trouble now. At least, he was. Sydney wasn't married, though he was sure she was less than ecstatic at the circumstances they found themselves in.
They weren't supposed to be here, falling into each other's arms. By doing so, he'd only confirmed Lauren's suspicions, betrayed her trust in him, compromised his integrity. None of which he'd set out to do when he'd set foot in this hotel room.
But one touch had started a chain reaction he couldn't control, and that's where everything had fallen apart. For all of his denials and reassurances to the contrary, he still loved Sydney Bristow more than any woman in the world.
Including his wife.
He rolled over, rubbing his eyes as he thought about the last three hours. If he'd been aware before of how easily he would break, he was sure he'd have never touched her. Or so he wanted to believe.
Vaughn didn't pride himself on being honest or trustworthy, it was simply the way he'd always been. He didn't know any other way to be, at least outside the parameters of his job. Except this wasn't his job, it was his life.
The weight of what he'd done settled on him, a heaviness he knew wouldn't soon disappear. As easy as it had been to give into his desire for Sydney, the repercussions would bring about disaster.
He could tell Lauren, or lie to her, and the hell of it was that neither choice would be simple. There would be no reward in honesty, as he knew what her reaction would be, and to lie would only be compounding the problem.
The worst part of it all was that as much as he should've wished this night had never happened, he didn't. If he could've taken back the way he'd kissed her, the feel of her skin against his, the look in her eyes, or the way she said his name, he wouldn't. He knew he should've, but he couldn't.
For the two years he'd believed she was dead, it was all he'd dreamed of. *She* was all he'd dreamed of, before Lauren, after Lauren, and every moment inbetween.
His life had never been the same once Sydney was gone, and he hadn't lied to her about being so in love with her that it had almost killed him. And the thought that scared him more than anything was losing her again. He knew if things remained as they were he would lose her. Maybe not to death again anytime soon, but if they left Milan and tried to go back to the way things had been, there would eventually be someone else.
He didn't know if he could deal with that. But he also couldn't ask her to wait for him to decide what he was going to do, because he didn't know himself.
What he'd done wasn't fair to Lauren, and leaving her or making her live with the knowledge that she was second to Sydney wasn't either. He was stuck any way he looked at it.
There was no way to justify his actions, no way he could ever make it up to his wife, and he found himself wishing, maybe more than ever, that he'd been there the night Sydney had "died". Maybe he could've found a way to prevent all of this.
But maybes didn't solve his problems or the way things were. He'd simply have to take things as they came when he got back home. It wouldn't be simple, but it was the way things had to be.
He heard the bathroom door open, and quietly rolled back over, feigning sleep, trying to prolong the moments till he'd have to look her in the eye. But as she sat back down on the bed, one leg tucked beneath her, facing him, she reached out to caress his face and he opened his eyes. What met him was her beautiful smile, even though he knew she had to be as worried as he was.
For the moment, none of that mattered, as he slightly turned his head and kissed her wrist, watching as her eyes fluttered shut. She sighed, and he wanted so much to be able to give her what she deserved, to give her everything.
As she sank back down into the bed, he took her in his arms, holding her, memorizing the feel of her, her scent, the sound of her voice so soft in the darkness. They talked about nothing and everything, but he recorded it all in his mind because he didn't know how long he would have to survive on the memory of her. Maybe for a little while, maybe forever, but he'd always have this moment to relive in the darkness to follow. A way to remember what he was living for, and what he hoped one day they would have again.
Finis
Author: Cassandra Mulder
E-mail/Feedback: Greatly appreciated and encouraged at cassandra_mulder@yahoo.com, or whatever review system you may currently encounter. ;)
Rated: PG-13 (Adult situations)
Classification: Alias; Syd/Vaughn; angst; Vaughn POV
Spoilers: Season 3
Disclaimer: "Alias" and the characters within are the property of JJ Abrams, Bad Robot Productions, Touchstone Pictures, and ABC. Seriously, do you think if they were mine either Syd or Lauren would have Vaughn? HA! Ahahahahahaha! Good one. Lauren would be dead, and Syd would just be a really good friend who had no attraction to Vaughn whatsoever. ;) Um... Yeah, so no infringement intended at all. I'm just borrowing the two lead lovelies to bend them to my will for a sec. I'll give them back relatively unharmed. Also, the song "It's So Easy" belongs to Sheryl Crow, I assume, and no violation is meant in its use.
Written: November 13 - 19, 2003
Summary: Vaughn reviews his situation, and the two women he's caught between. Companion piece to "Dirty Little Secret".
Distribution: Allies: Syd/Vaughn archive, Cover Me, and my personal archive, Bound. Anywhere else as long as permission is asked and given first.
A/N: Well, some might say I have just committed the ultimate in character assassination, but that was not my intention at all. While I hightly doubt Vaughn would ever cheat on his wife (or his taxes, or a review, or even a junior high test...) on the show, I have my own fic world for a reason. To me, it would be perfectly... understandable (for lack of a better word) if Syd and Vaughn just up and lost it on assignment. I ain't blind, I can see the looks, thanks. I have probably been overly fair to Lauren here, but this is Vaughn's POV, and adultery is a serious thing, with life altering consequences, and I won't make light of that. As much as I want Syd and Vaughn to be together, I know they shouldn't do it this way, but these things happen. And now that that little PSA is over, and the headers are as long as the fic... Enjoy, I hope. :)
Dedication: This is to Cate, who left a very nice review on fanfiction.net and suggested another piece from Vaughn's point of view. I hadn't really considered a sequel/companion piece before, but she got the plot bunnies going, and this is the (hopefully good) result. :)
*************************************
It's so easy holding you near
I could melt in your arms, and disappear
Loving you, baby, is breaking my heart tonight
'Cause it's so easy, but it isn't right
- "It's So Easy" Sheryl Crow f. Don Henley
*************************************
Vaughn felt the mattress dip beneath him and rise again as Sydney got out of bed. He watched through heavy-lidded eyes as she walked across the room and sat in one of the large chairs, her head in her hands.
He wanted nothing more than to follow and try to comfort her, but he knew he couldn't since it was probably he that had put her in this distress to start with. Just the thought pained him more than she could possibly know.
He watched her till she silently made her way to the bathroom and gently shut the door behind her. Vaughn sighed. They really were in trouble now. At least, he was. Sydney wasn't married, though he was sure she was less than ecstatic at the circumstances they found themselves in.
They weren't supposed to be here, falling into each other's arms. By doing so, he'd only confirmed Lauren's suspicions, betrayed her trust in him, compromised his integrity. None of which he'd set out to do when he'd set foot in this hotel room.
But one touch had started a chain reaction he couldn't control, and that's where everything had fallen apart. For all of his denials and reassurances to the contrary, he still loved Sydney Bristow more than any woman in the world.
Including his wife.
He rolled over, rubbing his eyes as he thought about the last three hours. If he'd been aware before of how easily he would break, he was sure he'd have never touched her. Or so he wanted to believe.
Vaughn didn't pride himself on being honest or trustworthy, it was simply the way he'd always been. He didn't know any other way to be, at least outside the parameters of his job. Except this wasn't his job, it was his life.
The weight of what he'd done settled on him, a heaviness he knew wouldn't soon disappear. As easy as it had been to give into his desire for Sydney, the repercussions would bring about disaster.
He could tell Lauren, or lie to her, and the hell of it was that neither choice would be simple. There would be no reward in honesty, as he knew what her reaction would be, and to lie would only be compounding the problem.
The worst part of it all was that as much as he should've wished this night had never happened, he didn't. If he could've taken back the way he'd kissed her, the feel of her skin against his, the look in her eyes, or the way she said his name, he wouldn't. He knew he should've, but he couldn't.
For the two years he'd believed she was dead, it was all he'd dreamed of. *She* was all he'd dreamed of, before Lauren, after Lauren, and every moment inbetween.
His life had never been the same once Sydney was gone, and he hadn't lied to her about being so in love with her that it had almost killed him. And the thought that scared him more than anything was losing her again. He knew if things remained as they were he would lose her. Maybe not to death again anytime soon, but if they left Milan and tried to go back to the way things had been, there would eventually be someone else.
He didn't know if he could deal with that. But he also couldn't ask her to wait for him to decide what he was going to do, because he didn't know himself.
What he'd done wasn't fair to Lauren, and leaving her or making her live with the knowledge that she was second to Sydney wasn't either. He was stuck any way he looked at it.
There was no way to justify his actions, no way he could ever make it up to his wife, and he found himself wishing, maybe more than ever, that he'd been there the night Sydney had "died". Maybe he could've found a way to prevent all of this.
But maybes didn't solve his problems or the way things were. He'd simply have to take things as they came when he got back home. It wouldn't be simple, but it was the way things had to be.
He heard the bathroom door open, and quietly rolled back over, feigning sleep, trying to prolong the moments till he'd have to look her in the eye. But as she sat back down on the bed, one leg tucked beneath her, facing him, she reached out to caress his face and he opened his eyes. What met him was her beautiful smile, even though he knew she had to be as worried as he was.
For the moment, none of that mattered, as he slightly turned his head and kissed her wrist, watching as her eyes fluttered shut. She sighed, and he wanted so much to be able to give her what she deserved, to give her everything.
As she sank back down into the bed, he took her in his arms, holding her, memorizing the feel of her, her scent, the sound of her voice so soft in the darkness. They talked about nothing and everything, but he recorded it all in his mind because he didn't know how long he would have to survive on the memory of her. Maybe for a little while, maybe forever, but he'd always have this moment to relive in the darkness to follow. A way to remember what he was living for, and what he hoped one day they would have again.
Finis