It was the year that I became sick and Chris brought me home from the hospital. Cathy and he were arguing. He thought that I should stay at the hospital, but Cathy wanted me to come home. I didn't really care. Cory met us at the door and raced inside to our bedroom.
Cory and I shared a bedroom together. He never could get use to sleeping by himself. He often complained about the wind late at night. I smiled at my older brother as he gently laid me on the bed. His hand ran across my face and hair, and I could see the horror in his eyes when some of my hair came off in his hand.
He tried to hide the look on his face as he kissed the top of my head and asked, "You want anything Carrie?" It hurt to shake my head, but I did so. "No, Chris. Thank you for bringing me home." He went to move away and I caught his hand. Concern went over his face. "I meant it Chris. I'm sorry for what I did. Do you think Cathy is okay?" He squeezed my hand and winked. "I'll make sure she is." His eyes glanced behind my head and said, "Eat some soup and I'll see you in a little while."
Cathy was quietly draping scarves across the mirror. Chris whispered something to her and they left. I was alone with my twin.
Cory could not hide the anger and hurt he felt. He held the cup of soup and came to sit next to me. Putting the soup on the table, he crawled into bed with me whispering, "Can I hold you?" I knew since I woke up that I was going to have to answer to him. He was the quietest among us, but he was like my other half.
He opened his arms and I moved over. He bent over me and whispered shakily, "Don't ever scare me again!" I nodded and I whispered, "I'm sorry, Cory, I didn't mean it."
"Yes, you did. Why? Why would you want to feel like that?" I couldn't look at him. I crawled up into a small ball on the bed and closed my eyes. "Cory, you seem to be so far away from me. I wanted to feel what you felt. I wanted … to share in your pain." I felt the bed shift and his weight moved. Opening my eyes, he was at the window with the cold breeze on his face. I slowly got up and went to him. Wrapping my arms around his waist I laid my head on his shoulder. "I know how close we are. I wanted to feel what you felt. You have all of those nightmares….I was crazy to do what I did." He turned around and shakily said, "Carrie, you purposely ate doughnuts that were laced with arsenic. You know exactly how I feel. You were there. I almost died." His blue eyes were clouded over. His hands were on my arms and he was shaking me slightly.
"Carrie!" He cried softly, "I cannot lose you!" I don't know what I was thinking. All I know was that he wanted to go to college and I couldn't stay at Paul's by myself.
Also, I didn't want to tell him who I saw the day that I decided to it. I was going to tell him, but I couldn't. I left him take me into his arms and back to the bed. Maybe I'll tell him another day.
His blue eyes were clear when he turned around and brought the soup over to me. He was content enough to sit with me and feed me.
I don't know if Cory heard Cathy, but I heard her say softly to Chris, "Do you see what I'm seeing?"