.hack//SKITS
Paranoia

Introduction:

Seeing as my last skits went over so well, I now present you yet another fic poking fun at .hack//SIGN, it's fanfiction and the general fan attitude towards various issues dealing with the series itself (I really can't tell you how much fun these things are to write):

It all started one summer's morning....

Lenny was a fanfic author. One which specialised in anime fanfiction. With a dishevelled appearance, obvious signs of lacking sleep and a badly needed (but never heeded) requirement to shave, he sat down in front of his computer and switched it on. Seconds later, the monitor showed the usual signs of the startup sequence.
Lenny paused and leant back in his chair. Things weren't going well for him. He had been struck down with a nasty case of writers block - The bane of all writers everywhere. Ironically, this came after spending considerable months working hard on the most epic of serials. So much for early success - Now his creative juices are as barren as the Sahara desert in the Summer.

But now, this was all going to change. He had a great idea for a fic and he couldn't wait to get it written. He had a fiery eagerness for this latest project and the determination to see it through to completion. He had just seen another great anime and was inspired to create this. He would succeed or die trying......
Calling up his version of Word, he cracked his knuckles and readied his fingers for the immense task of typing.

But he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched.....

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Had Lenny looked out the window, he would've noticed a conspicuous black van parked outside his house. The van was not only suspicious by it's colour and size but it had tinted windows, so no one could inside, and a satellite dish on it's roof.

Inside the van, everything was in the grip of a precision operation. Several muscular troopers sat on benches situated on both walls of the van. The troopers were decked out in sophisticated armour and each carried a rifle. Each trooper eyed the others. Perspiration showed on their facial expression. Several fingers were twitching on the trigger of the rifles. All knew what they were here for. All they needed was the command for action.....

But the command would only come from their sergeant. He sat with his men whilst holding a mouthpiece.

"Has anything happened yet?"

"We're staring to see some action!" Came the reply. Immediately, all the troopers looked up. Each one could feel their muscles tighten and a sense of anticipation running through them. This could be....

----------------

Lenny's brow furrowed with both concentration and unease. He was off to a good start with his fic but something was wrong.

Something just didn't feel right.....

Beads of sweat broke out on his scalp and began running down the sides of his face. He had this unmistakable feeling that he was being watched....

He shook his head. What the hell was he thinking? He was just being silly. No one would do something that to him, right?

Regardless, his fingers resumed typing:

T...

S....

U......

But if Lenny wasn't engrossed in his writing, he would've noticed an ominous spider crawling on the ceiling above him.

----------------

Immediately, the sergeant's mouthpiece crackled with action.

"I have a visual on the subject!" the voice from the other end said. "I can see what he's doing?"

"Yes?" the sergeant demanded.

"It all seems relatively normal...."

The troopers exchanged glances. The tension was unbearable. They knew they had a mission to accomplish but from the looks of it, this mission may not be a false alarm....

----------------

Lenny paused and picked up a nearby pen from up off his desk. He leant back from the keyboard and tapped the pen on his lower lip. This story was shaping up brilliantly. It was good, it was practically writing itself.

But nothing could shake the unease that dogged Lenny's mind.

He frowned lifted his hand to nurse the side of his head. Get a hold of yourself! What is wrong with you?! Such thing doesn't normally happen! Why are you so concerned with such nonsense?!

Sighing, he resumed typing....

S......

------------------

"Sir!" shouted the voice from the sergeant's mouthpiece. "It's happened!"

"Right!" the sergeant boomed. "Code Red!"

He then turned to face the troopers under his charge. "Men? We're going in!"

There was no telling them twice: In that moment, the tension fell away as it received what had been waiting for. Immediately, the troopers threw open the rear doors of the van and charged out, rifles at the ready. Falling into formation and looking ready for action, the troopers advanced onto the house.

"Go, go go!"

---------------

Lenny leant back and relaxed the muscles in his fingers. It had been hard work but, ultimately it had been worth it. Despite the pressures that had been dogging him, he had still managed to hammer out a winner of a story. Feeling triumphant, he allowed himself a smile of satisfaction....

Suddenly, the door top the room was flung open with incredible force! Lenny looked over his shoulder and quickly found himself being charged by a group of burly, heavily armoured men, each holding a rile and looking ready to fire. Needless to say, the author got the shock of his life.

"Get down on the ground!" bellowed one of the men.

Not waiting for a response, the man pulled Lenny out of the chair by his shirt. Much to his astonishment, Lenny was thrown onto the floor. Immediately after, the armoured men circled him, with their rifles raised high....

...and then, using the butts of their rifles, they proceeded to club Lenny.

Lenny could feel each blow smash it's way onto his form. They came one after the other, thus leaving no breathing space in between. It was a constant rain of heavy thudding, thus creating incredible damage onto his physique.

Eventually, the thudding stopped. Then, the leading man activated his communicative mouthpiece:

"Sir!" he said. "The target has been met and dealt with."

"Good work men!" came the reply. "Get outta there and return to base!"

"Roger!"

And with that, the troopers evacuated the room, leaving the battered author on the floor in a pool of blood.

Lenny groaned as pain cruised through his body. The Tsukusa+Subaru Coupling Police had got him again....

The End