Author's brief note:
Hey hey ppl !!! Even though I just have two reviews from Second Chappy I decided to write this one cause I have nothing else to do, so . Enjoy!! kk??
Chapter 3: **Suicidal Thoughts vs. True Love**
My P.O.V.
Okay, this was a really calm week, I have to accept it. Things are nice now that I don't live alone, the Order is going great and Dumbledore is always really kind and nice with me. I'm getting to know this part of me that I didn't, I'm actually making friends, really good friends. Remus and I spend the nights talking about how we used to be and how much things have changed. I never thought this could happen, now I have a best friend.
This seems to be a day just like the others. Molly is with her head inside the fridge looking for something to eat for her children. Arthur and Frank are playing chess, James and Sirius sitting each in front of the other playing who laughs first, Alice and Lily sitting on the living room talking with an eye on Molly's kids. I'm here, sitting on the stairwell not really feeling like talking or playing or cooking . this is the first time in 2 weeks that I really feel myself, sad, mysterious, quiet, always thinking, always wondering . always wanting something else.
I've noticed I'm one of those people that remembers things no one else remembers, or no one else wants to remember .. Like the last dance, not for me really, for the Marauders.
. - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - .
A cold autumn night. Almost black sky, orange trees freezing lake. Everyone in the dorm was like crazy combing, fixing, brushing their hair make up, clothes, shoes everything on the floor. I couldn't even see the carpet. I was sitting on my bed, as always, alone and quiet just waiting for the best moment to leave the room. I was wearing a black long strapless dress with a black sweater. My hair, as always, laying heavily on my shoulders, no make up in my face.
I started walking towards the door and just after leaving I spotted a dirty blonde haired girl sitting on her bed crying of frustration. I don't know why girls act like that, mostly those girls. They are perfect, blonde hair, curves in the exact places, awesome green or blue eyes, what else can they ask for?
I finally step in the Common Room, a bunch of guys turn to look at me, obviously thinking I'm someone else. They turn around again not paying attention to me. I'm getting used to it. Exiting the Common Room through the portrait, that's how I escape of those reject feelings that ignorance puts in me. To be honest, who cares about them? Who wants to be with them? They are all a bunch of horny teens that just want to take a good girl to bed. Well, I'll tell you something I'm not that type of foolish female.
The Great Hall was almost empty when I got there, Prof. McGonagall was talking with Prof. Dumbledore and exactly at the moment when I stepped in they faced me smiling.
"Hi!" Dumbledore said with that sweet smile and glowing friendly eyes. I just nodded smiling back not feeling like starting a chat with them. Some fourth years where there too. Girls standing in one side of the dance floor and boys in the other, I don't now why they don't just get closer and chat. Just chat nothing else they don't have to dance if they don't want to, just like me. To be honest, again, I don't like dancing actually I don't even know how. I'm scared of making a fool of myself but however I think no one will notice me dancing. Not even if I dance naked with a "Loser" advertisement hanging from my forehead.
Now that I look around again, the Hall is full. I recognize every face. James Potter teasing Lily Evans "Miss Perfect", Lucius Malfoy holding Narcissa's hand and whispering something into her ear, Arthur Weasly asking Molly for a dance .. everyone seem to be having fun. Everyone except me, of course. The music was way too loud and it was only half past nine, my head was starting to ache badly when I realized something outside, the grounds had changed. I tried to excuse myself twenty times with the professors, then left and walked upstairs. Planning my arrival to my dorm, I was thinking about continue my reading for my Potions Class homework when something else caught my attention. The door that took to the roof was fully open. It was rare, maybe someone was there, as a prefect my duty was to check no one was. A huge weight landed in my stomach as I started walking upstairs. I stepped outside closing my sweater and started walking around admiring the clear sky with glowing stars.
I don't know how much time I spent there watching the sky when something strange caught my ear. Then I recalled what I was supposed to be doing. It seemed to be someone crying. It seemed to be someone crying really scared. When I turned to my left and gave almost three steps I spotted him. Standing in the corner of the roof, not crying (thing that surprised me) but he looked scared and about to jump and kill himself. I stepped backwards not wanting to interrupt, but it was too late. He faced me with his dark brown deep eyes. It was almost impossible, I didn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it. Sirius Black, he didn't know me but certainly I knew him. James Potter's best friend, classified as the hottest guy at Hogwarts, second in his DADA class and the worst prankster ever.
We stared at each other almost five minutes, then he lowered the stepped backwards. I turned speechless, my heart banging against my chest walls painfully, my lungs tired of breathing and my eyes wide open looking almost black. Everything happened so fast, he ran to the door and went downstairs slamming the door just after leaving. I thought about running behind him, but I was just not that type of rescuer person.
. - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - .
"I still don't know.." I whisper to myself still sitting in the staircase.
"Are you okay?" Molly asks staring at me raising both eyebrows. I just nod and smile.
"Lunch is ready." She says and both of us enter the kitchen. Everyone was there, except Remus. I suppose he's still in that "duty" Dumbledore gave him. Half an hour later everyone leaves the kitchen and some of them the house. Just Lily, James and I left. It is certainly going to be a long afternoon. I'm sitting in the far corner of the table waving my wand while in the other side of the kitchen the dishes are washing themselves and flying to their exact places. In front of me is sitting Lily reading a huge leather black book. James is outside trying to lead with the gnomes.
I know they are in love, I know they really want each other, I even know that is has always been like that, I think everyone knows that. Nothing had changed since they left school, James always runs his fingers through his hair messing it up and plays with that old snitch he stole from the school's equipment. Lily still reads a lot, she spends seventy five percent of her time immersed between letters. I wonder when will they notice they are meant to be together. Some one knocks the front door and I wake from my thought. The loud sound of a broken dish fills the house.
"Reparo!" I say and the dish lays on the other side of the table. My hand reaches the doorknob and opens the door. Remus smiles brightly at me and kisses my cheek.
"I forgot my keys." He says enthusiastically and walks into the kitchen leaving his coat on the floor and looking around.
"Hey Lily." Lily doesn't answer just smiles still looking at the book stands up and goes outside. Remus looks at me and laughs. Im unwrinkling his coat and hanging it on a chair.
"Im starving." He smiles at me and takes his wand out. Waving and flicking it five minutes later a sandwich is on a plate waiting for him.
" So how was your day?" I ask him and sit in front if him forgetting about the dish washing.
"Bit boring .. But I suppose it could be worst. What about yours?"
"Mine was boring too .." He pushes his dish forward and sighs.
"What about you and me going to dance tonight?" He stares at me waiting for a reaction. I'm speechless, nothing to say comes to my mind. I've never been in a date, I just guess this is not a date date hust two friends that hope to have some fun.
"Okay" My voice sounds weak and distant as if someone else is talking. James walks in and looks from Remus to me and back.
"Hey guys" I hear him saying and sitting next to me. "What you doin?"
Remus answers. "Nothing special, you know. We were talking about going to dance, why don't you join us?"
"You could even invite Lily." It was time to do something about them. It was time for them to realize they were meant to be together. James smiles almost evilly and nods then says.
"Okay I will. Just a sec .." Then he exited the kitchen once again and went outside with Lily. Remus and I stared at each other for a while trying to hear what was James telling Lily. Then he laughed weakly and whispered to me.
"That one was nice .. good idea telling him to invite Lily, I didn't want to bother him. You know I've been telling him the same thing since we left school. I remember he was always inviting her out, somehow when we left he stopped it. I'm of that idea of trying as many times as it is possible and necessary." We laughed and then look at the door waiting for something to happen. Then after almost ten minutes both entered the room smiling.
Lily looked at me smirking then I excuse both of us and went with her upstairs. We sat on her bed talking about non sense for a while, then I came up with the thing I was interested in.
"So .. James still fancies you." She smiled and her fair skin turned slightly red.
That's it for this chapter, couldn't think of something else srry . However coming up nxt. does Lily still likes James? What's happening between Remus and this mysterious girl?. The dance floor is a riscky place to be in. hehehe. Byebye and merry xmas to all!!
Hey hey ppl !!! Even though I just have two reviews from Second Chappy I decided to write this one cause I have nothing else to do, so . Enjoy!! kk??
Chapter 3: **Suicidal Thoughts vs. True Love**
My P.O.V.
Okay, this was a really calm week, I have to accept it. Things are nice now that I don't live alone, the Order is going great and Dumbledore is always really kind and nice with me. I'm getting to know this part of me that I didn't, I'm actually making friends, really good friends. Remus and I spend the nights talking about how we used to be and how much things have changed. I never thought this could happen, now I have a best friend.
This seems to be a day just like the others. Molly is with her head inside the fridge looking for something to eat for her children. Arthur and Frank are playing chess, James and Sirius sitting each in front of the other playing who laughs first, Alice and Lily sitting on the living room talking with an eye on Molly's kids. I'm here, sitting on the stairwell not really feeling like talking or playing or cooking . this is the first time in 2 weeks that I really feel myself, sad, mysterious, quiet, always thinking, always wondering . always wanting something else.
I've noticed I'm one of those people that remembers things no one else remembers, or no one else wants to remember .. Like the last dance, not for me really, for the Marauders.
. - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - .
A cold autumn night. Almost black sky, orange trees freezing lake. Everyone in the dorm was like crazy combing, fixing, brushing their hair make up, clothes, shoes everything on the floor. I couldn't even see the carpet. I was sitting on my bed, as always, alone and quiet just waiting for the best moment to leave the room. I was wearing a black long strapless dress with a black sweater. My hair, as always, laying heavily on my shoulders, no make up in my face.
I started walking towards the door and just after leaving I spotted a dirty blonde haired girl sitting on her bed crying of frustration. I don't know why girls act like that, mostly those girls. They are perfect, blonde hair, curves in the exact places, awesome green or blue eyes, what else can they ask for?
I finally step in the Common Room, a bunch of guys turn to look at me, obviously thinking I'm someone else. They turn around again not paying attention to me. I'm getting used to it. Exiting the Common Room through the portrait, that's how I escape of those reject feelings that ignorance puts in me. To be honest, who cares about them? Who wants to be with them? They are all a bunch of horny teens that just want to take a good girl to bed. Well, I'll tell you something I'm not that type of foolish female.
The Great Hall was almost empty when I got there, Prof. McGonagall was talking with Prof. Dumbledore and exactly at the moment when I stepped in they faced me smiling.
"Hi!" Dumbledore said with that sweet smile and glowing friendly eyes. I just nodded smiling back not feeling like starting a chat with them. Some fourth years where there too. Girls standing in one side of the dance floor and boys in the other, I don't now why they don't just get closer and chat. Just chat nothing else they don't have to dance if they don't want to, just like me. To be honest, again, I don't like dancing actually I don't even know how. I'm scared of making a fool of myself but however I think no one will notice me dancing. Not even if I dance naked with a "Loser" advertisement hanging from my forehead.
Now that I look around again, the Hall is full. I recognize every face. James Potter teasing Lily Evans "Miss Perfect", Lucius Malfoy holding Narcissa's hand and whispering something into her ear, Arthur Weasly asking Molly for a dance .. everyone seem to be having fun. Everyone except me, of course. The music was way too loud and it was only half past nine, my head was starting to ache badly when I realized something outside, the grounds had changed. I tried to excuse myself twenty times with the professors, then left and walked upstairs. Planning my arrival to my dorm, I was thinking about continue my reading for my Potions Class homework when something else caught my attention. The door that took to the roof was fully open. It was rare, maybe someone was there, as a prefect my duty was to check no one was. A huge weight landed in my stomach as I started walking upstairs. I stepped outside closing my sweater and started walking around admiring the clear sky with glowing stars.
I don't know how much time I spent there watching the sky when something strange caught my ear. Then I recalled what I was supposed to be doing. It seemed to be someone crying. It seemed to be someone crying really scared. When I turned to my left and gave almost three steps I spotted him. Standing in the corner of the roof, not crying (thing that surprised me) but he looked scared and about to jump and kill himself. I stepped backwards not wanting to interrupt, but it was too late. He faced me with his dark brown deep eyes. It was almost impossible, I didn't believe it, I didn't want to believe it. Sirius Black, he didn't know me but certainly I knew him. James Potter's best friend, classified as the hottest guy at Hogwarts, second in his DADA class and the worst prankster ever.
We stared at each other almost five minutes, then he lowered the stepped backwards. I turned speechless, my heart banging against my chest walls painfully, my lungs tired of breathing and my eyes wide open looking almost black. Everything happened so fast, he ran to the door and went downstairs slamming the door just after leaving. I thought about running behind him, but I was just not that type of rescuer person.
. - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . - * - .
"I still don't know.." I whisper to myself still sitting in the staircase.
"Are you okay?" Molly asks staring at me raising both eyebrows. I just nod and smile.
"Lunch is ready." She says and both of us enter the kitchen. Everyone was there, except Remus. I suppose he's still in that "duty" Dumbledore gave him. Half an hour later everyone leaves the kitchen and some of them the house. Just Lily, James and I left. It is certainly going to be a long afternoon. I'm sitting in the far corner of the table waving my wand while in the other side of the kitchen the dishes are washing themselves and flying to their exact places. In front of me is sitting Lily reading a huge leather black book. James is outside trying to lead with the gnomes.
I know they are in love, I know they really want each other, I even know that is has always been like that, I think everyone knows that. Nothing had changed since they left school, James always runs his fingers through his hair messing it up and plays with that old snitch he stole from the school's equipment. Lily still reads a lot, she spends seventy five percent of her time immersed between letters. I wonder when will they notice they are meant to be together. Some one knocks the front door and I wake from my thought. The loud sound of a broken dish fills the house.
"Reparo!" I say and the dish lays on the other side of the table. My hand reaches the doorknob and opens the door. Remus smiles brightly at me and kisses my cheek.
"I forgot my keys." He says enthusiastically and walks into the kitchen leaving his coat on the floor and looking around.
"Hey Lily." Lily doesn't answer just smiles still looking at the book stands up and goes outside. Remus looks at me and laughs. Im unwrinkling his coat and hanging it on a chair.
"Im starving." He smiles at me and takes his wand out. Waving and flicking it five minutes later a sandwich is on a plate waiting for him.
" So how was your day?" I ask him and sit in front if him forgetting about the dish washing.
"Bit boring .. But I suppose it could be worst. What about yours?"
"Mine was boring too .." He pushes his dish forward and sighs.
"What about you and me going to dance tonight?" He stares at me waiting for a reaction. I'm speechless, nothing to say comes to my mind. I've never been in a date, I just guess this is not a date date hust two friends that hope to have some fun.
"Okay" My voice sounds weak and distant as if someone else is talking. James walks in and looks from Remus to me and back.
"Hey guys" I hear him saying and sitting next to me. "What you doin?"
Remus answers. "Nothing special, you know. We were talking about going to dance, why don't you join us?"
"You could even invite Lily." It was time to do something about them. It was time for them to realize they were meant to be together. James smiles almost evilly and nods then says.
"Okay I will. Just a sec .." Then he exited the kitchen once again and went outside with Lily. Remus and I stared at each other for a while trying to hear what was James telling Lily. Then he laughed weakly and whispered to me.
"That one was nice .. good idea telling him to invite Lily, I didn't want to bother him. You know I've been telling him the same thing since we left school. I remember he was always inviting her out, somehow when we left he stopped it. I'm of that idea of trying as many times as it is possible and necessary." We laughed and then look at the door waiting for something to happen. Then after almost ten minutes both entered the room smiling.
Lily looked at me smirking then I excuse both of us and went with her upstairs. We sat on her bed talking about non sense for a while, then I came up with the thing I was interested in.
"So .. James still fancies you." She smiled and her fair skin turned slightly red.
That's it for this chapter, couldn't think of something else srry . However coming up nxt. does Lily still likes James? What's happening between Remus and this mysterious girl?. The dance floor is a riscky place to be in. hehehe. Byebye and merry xmas to all!!