Fanatic: Sephiroth

By: Tifa Gainsborough

A/N: All actions are in bold! Hahahahaha! Prepare for the madness!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The scene is of a beautiful beach. The camera pans the beach taking in pictures of scantly clad men and woman. The camera focuses in on Tifa Gainsborough. She is standing by the waters edge wearing a pair of skimpy little shorts and a tight red tank top that reads 'To hot for you' over her ample chest. She has a pair of dark sunglasses on and is sipping a lemonade

Tifa G: Welcome to Fanatic. I'm your host Tifa Gainsborough. Today we are coming to you from the sunny shore of Costa del Sol! On today's show Sephiroth's Angel will be interviewing Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII. Let's go get the lucky girl now.

Tifa G walks slightly into the water and waves madly. A woman swimming notices the madly waving woman and swims over.

Woman: Yes?

Tifa G: Angel?

Woman: Yes.

Tifa G: Angel you have been chosen by MTV to interview Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII!

Angel: WAAHOO!!!! begins to jump up and down erratically, splashing Tifa G

Tifa G: Come on, let's go!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

First Impressions

Angel: This is going to be great! I love Sephiroth, he is just so sexy. I hope he likes the questions I picked out. It took be forever! I wonder if he will let me feel his hair? Oh the joy it would be just to touch him…. Begins to drool

Sephiroth: I am the all mighty Sephiroth. If this fan is unworthy of calling themselves a Sephiroth fan I shall have to dispose of them. No one shall escape the awesome power that is Sephiroth. He pulls out his Masamune and begins to stroke it lovingly

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Sephiroth is sitting in a chair on the beach under a large umbrella. He is dressed in his normal attire even though the temperature is somewhere in the eighties range.

Tifa G: Now remember never make direct eye contact. Also do not attempt to touch his sword at any costs. Tifa G has a large red welt on her shoulder from where Sephiroth hit her after she attempted to touch his sword

Angel: I got it.

Angel strolls out onto the sand and walks up to Sephiroth

Angel: Hi!

Sephiroth merely nods and Angel takes a seat

Angel: So, Sephi, are you a big fan of water? Preferably chlorinated water.

Sephiroth: First never address me in such a childish form as 'Sephi.' My name is Sephiroth and no I do not like water. I have bad memories of water. He shudders visibly

Angel: All right…. Do you have sexy nipples? Tifa G face vaults Cause Gary does.

Sephiroth he is rather puzzled by the question: I do not have as you call it sexy nipples. My nipples are normal. And if you would be so kind as to direct me in the direction of this Gary, he now has a 5 o'clock appointment with Masamune.

Angel: Ok…next question. Do you do butterfly's or breasts?

Sephiroth: I DO NOT HAVE BREASTS!!! He jumps out of the chair swinging Masamune dangerously close to Angel's head

Tifa G: SECURITY!!! Please remove Sephiroth of his Masamune.

Sephiroth: Do and DIE!! He gives an evil laugh

Angel: May I continue?

Tifa G: Yes…. Just make sure he understands the questions.

Angel: Gotcha… What's going through that white, pointy… I mean lovely little head of yours right now?

Sephiroth: Whether I should stab or slice Tifa Gainsborough into little pieces.

Angel: Oh…I like the slicing idea.

Sephiroth: It shall be done.

Angel: Ok…just a few more questions. Do you think there should be a "Sephiroth has sex with Angel" Day?

Sephiroth: Why not. Angel does a little happy dance

Angel: Do you have a life outside of killing and being an ass?

Sephiroth: I do flower arraignments. I have a lovely idea for the grave of Tifa Gainsborough after I slice her to small unrecognizable pieces.

Angel: Did you just say 'lovely'?

Sephiroth growling: Next question!

Angel: Are you really psycho? Or does someone really hate you and said that just to start a rumor?

Sephiroth: You shall not speak of mother that way!

Angel: I never mentioned your mother!

Sephiroth: It's all little soldier boys doing!

Angel: You mean… Tifa G is making wildly slashing motions across her throat Cloud?

Sephiroth: I loathe the name! Evil laugh again I shall kill the one name CLOUD!!!!

Angel: Alrighty then. Do you prefer boxers or briefs? Or are you a commando type of guy?

Sephiroth: Commando. Angel smiles wickedly

Angel: Do you ever trip over your cape when the wind's blowing?

Sephiroth: I have been known to make the occasional trip to the ground every once in awhile.

Angel: Did he just say what I think he said? She turns to look at Tifa G. Only to find the woman is gone Where'd she go?

Angel: Ok…last questions. Did you get into a fight with a bad bleach bottle?

Sephiroth: It is all natural. Are we finished with the questions?

Angel: Yes…may I have a hug?

Sephiroth: Oh I don't see why not. He gives Angel a hug

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Second Impressions

Angel: Sephiroth is such a great man! He's so cool! He goes commando!!! Just like I like-em! He doesn't like water though…that's such a shame. I should probably warn Gary that Sephiroth is after him.

The camera focuses in on Sephiroth's room only to find it empty.

Director: Where did he go?

Tifa G comes running in decked out in fatigues. She has assorted weapons attached to her clothes. Death Penalty hangs from her belt, and Limited Moon in wove into her hair. She's wearing the Premium Heart gloves and the Conformer also hangs from her belt. She holds Venus Gospel in one hand and the Princess Guard in the other. Ultima Weapon is hanging from its sheath on her back

Tifa G: Where is he?

Director: That's a lot of weapons.

Tifa G: He's out there! Angel skips in

Angel: Has anybody seen my Sephi-pooh!

Tifa G: No…thankfully! And here I thought nothing could be worse than last week's episode. Guess I was wrong. Stay tuned for…. the screen goes black

Sephiroth: DIE!!!!

Tifa Gainsborough's shriek can be heard then the sound of crashing furniture and doors slamming shut

Sephiroth: Come back here!

Angel: Tune in next time to see if Tifa Gainsborough survives her encounter with Sephi-poohs sword!

Sephiroth: DON'T CALL ME THAT!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Authors Note: Pure madness I tell you, pure madness. I wrote this fanatic episode for my friend Sephiroth's Angel. If you want to know about the sexy nipples…. its best just not to ask. I didn't ask, so you shouldn't either. If you think I should write another

Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII does not belong to me. If they did I would be a rich little brat, but I'm not. Only done for pure silliness.