Fanatic: Zack

By: Tifa Gainsborough

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The scene opens to the Gold Saucer; the ride thingy that brings you to the actual park pulls up. People file out and a person in a Chocobo costume comes to greet them. The people run away really fast as the Chocobo beings to yell and shake their fist at them. The Chocobo turns and it is revealed to be Tifa Gainsborough now with short hair.

Tifa G: Hi everybody! Welcome to Fanatic, everybody knows I'm your host Tifa Gainsborough. If you don't know, I worry about you. You know it now right? No? THEN GET OUT! Wait, please don't leave me! I love you all! Please come back… I need friends.

Sniffling, she begins to cry sadly into her feathery sleeves. Daze Riot wanders over, comes up to Tifa G and gives her a hug. Squealing happily, she glomps him right off the ledge. Flushing crimson, she turns to the camera.

Tifa G: He'll be okay. Today we are coming to you from the Gold Saucer.

Little Kid #1: You're stupid looking!

Little Kid #2: Yeah! Ugly old lady.

Tifa G: her face contorts with anger What did you just say?

Little Kid #1: Ugly! kicks Tifa G in the shin.

Tifa G: hoping up and down while the two kids laugh Note to self, throw brat kids off the side of the Gold Saucer. As I was trying to say, today Wingeninqita….

Director: What now?

Tifa G: She's interviewed my Zack!

Director: I think I see Sephiroth!

Tifa G: Eep! On today's show Wingeninqita will be interviewing Zack. runs like hell.

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Large groups of people are gathered around the Mog house game. A girl is madly feeding her Mog one too many nuts hoping to make it explode. Tifa G wanders up having ditched the Chocobo costume, still being followed by the two kids.

Wingeninqita: Die you stupid Mog!

Tifa G: Wingeninqita?

Wingeninqita: turns Yeah?

Tifa G: You have been chosen to interview…. stops at the sound of a small explosion emitting from the game.

Wingeninqita: turns just in time to see Mog's body parts flying across the screen Damn! wades out of the crowd to join Tifa G You were saying?

Tifa G: Right, you have been chosen to interview Zack from Final Fantasy VII.

Wingeninqita stares blankly.

Ten Minutes Later

Wingeninqita: WAAHOO!!!!

Tifa G: Let's go.

Little Kid #1: Tifa G is a fat git!

Little Kid #2 trips Tifa G and she falls flat on her face, everybody laughs.

Tifa G: I hate kids…

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First Impressions

Wingeninqita: I get to meet Zack, the best character in the entire world! I can ask him all my questions, and then tie him up and take him home with me…. stares at the camera Is that thing on?

Camera Man: Yes. gulps remembering the fate of the last camera man.

Wingeninqita: searching through dimensional pocket Now where did I put that thing?

Camera Man runs screaming from the room at top speed.

Wingeninqita: Ah-Ha! pulls out clipboard with questions Hey, where did the camera man go?

Zack: I can't wait to meet my fan. It's about time that I got appreciated. So many new adoring fans are discovering what a wonderfully sexy person I am. sees camera man run by What is his problem?

A few seconds later, Tifa G is seen rushing after him.

Tifa G: I want you to be my friend! Don't run away from me!

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Tifa G and Wingeninqita are waiting in the Gondola section of the Gold Saucer. The two little kids are milling around throwing insults every two minutes. The Gondola pulls to a stop and the door open's to reveal Zack.

Tifa G: Now feel free to ride the ride as many times as you want to get all the questions answered. waves to Zack. Hi Zack!

Zack: Hop on in pretty lady gives a sexy grin.

Wingeninqita happily jumps into the Gondola and Tifa G watches as it slowly pulls away from the station.

Tifa G: Lucky…

Meanwhile in the Gondola Wingeninqita is staring with sappy eyes across the seat at Zack who is still grinning.

Wingeninqita: First question, do you know how cool you are?

Zack: tosses his hair and winks Oh I know.

Wingeninqita: How come you didn't get have more screen time? Not even an FMV!

Zack: You see, they thought the viewers would get Cloud and me mixed up. So they kept my screen time down to a minimum. It sucked in my opinion.

Wingeninqita: Agreed. waves to Tifa G who is getting kicked around my the two kids as they pass the station. What was it like working with Sephiroth in SOLDIER?

Zack: Sephiroth and I were kinda close, but it's hard to get close to the guy. He's a workaholic, but I feel kinda bad for him, considering how he turned out. He was always the fun one to tease. Come to think of it, I still haven't found what he did with those CD's I accidentally threw at him one day.

Wingeninqita: Sounds like he was tough to get along with. Okay, what was your best/worst/most embarrassing experience working for Shinra?

Zack: turns beet red I set fire to Sephiroth's jacket during a mission. Don't ask how, I think he's still angry about it. My best? I suppose getting into SOLDIER was a good experience. Worst? Getting chosen for that stupid Nibelhiem mission. I know Hojo was behind it.

Wingeninqita: What was it like, five years in a jar with only Cloud and Hojo for company?

Zack: I really hated that time of my life. Didn't know if I would live or die. It's not fun having to be stuck with Hojo, he kept talking about his dolls and stuff like that.

Wingeninqita: Hojo had dolls?

Zack: Yeah, he even had mock house one day. He was one cracked loon.

Wingeninqita: How do you feel about Cloud these days. I mean, he did kinda abandon you and steal your life for a while. Are you two okay?

Zack: Yeah, Cloud and I are cool about things. Besides, I guess it kinda kept me alive in spirit. Made me feel happy that Cloud wanted to be like me even after I died.

Wingeninqita: Isn't that at tad… morbid?

Zack: A tad? That ranges in the beyond morbid section. Let's move on shall we. laughs at Tifa G who is running around the station screaming as the two kids chase her on Chocobo's.

Wingeninqita: So, um… You're not still with Aeris, right? Right? Please say no. Cuz if you're not…

Zack: Rissy and I are just friends.

Wingeninqita breaths a sigh of relief.

Wingeninqita: I can't break tradition. Boxers or Briefs?

Zack: Ah… the question. Boxers.

Wingeninqita tries to do a victory dance but hits her head of the roof.

Wingeninqita: Damn roof. So what's next for the great Zack?

Zack: The great Zack? I like the ring of that. I don't really know, probably play a few games, resume being dead.

Wingeninqita: Are you doing anything after the episode?

Zack: winks You'll see.

Ten rides later the Gondola comes to a stop. Wingeninqita steps out with a funny lopsided grin on her face. Zack emerges next a content look on his face. Tifa G jumps up from behind her hiding place.

Tifa G: Second impressions?

Wingeninqita: puts one hand on Tifa G's shoulder and give a hearty smile I love Gondola rides.

Zack: I have wonderful fans. Card games just aren't the same without great people to play them with.

Zack and Wingeninqita head off towards the game area and Tifa G stares at their retreating back.

Tifa G: Just cards right!

Zack: Throws a wicked grin over his shoulder Just cards darlin.

Tifa G: Oh… Can I play cards too?

Little Kid #1: You're still ugly!

Little Kid #2: And still fat!

Tifa G: Now listen up you little punks… Oh hi Sephiroth!

Sephiroth swoops down from the sky.

Sephiroth: I have come to destroy you, prepare to be mutilated by tacks!

Little Kid #1: Who are you mister?

Sephiroth: I am the great Sephiroth!

Little Kid #2: You're ugly.

Sephiroth: Excuse me.

Little Kid #1: Loser, big fat loser!

Sephiroth shows the two kids what Meteor is all about and turns to Tifa G, tack in hand.

Tifa G: What happened to your jacket.

Sephiroth looks at his burnt jacket and Tifa G makes a fast break.

Tifa G: Zack! Wingeninqita! Wait for me!!!! scene fades to black.

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Authors Note: I really do like kids and Mog's. I don't know what Wingeninqita thinks about Mogs. That was just for fun. Hope you enjoyed. Everybody belongs to their respected owners.