Fanatic: Reno

By: Tifa Gainsborough

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The camera sweeps over the giant Shinra building in Midgar. It then does that cool thing where it zooms in on a window and is suddenly inside. The camera focuses on a poster on a wall.

WANTED

Tifa Gainsborough

Considered armed and crazy

Dead or Alive

Report any sightings to Rufus Shinra

The scene fades to black and opens on a street in the slums of Midgar. Tifa Gainsborough is standing on the sidewalk staring at a Wanted poster somebody just posted.

Tifa G: CRAZY!!!! I'll show you crazy! blows up the poster with a rocket launcher.

Director: TIFA G! That's the third thing you've blown up. Next time we are taking it out of your salary.

Tifa G: What salary? I'm a poor fanfiction writer!

Director: Just do the show.

Tifa G: Welcome to fanatic, which is currently being run by a poor fanfiction writer that is getting NO SALARY!!!! Coughs Now then, on today's episode Lila will be interviewing Reno from the Turks. Lets go get her now.

Tifa G heads over to a large building and cautiously knocks on the door. Her eyes widen at the sign "BEWARE! Insanity on the lose".

Lila: throws door open CHICKEN!

Tifa G: What?

Lila: Hi! hugs Tifa G Are you hear about the chickens?

Tifa G: Uh… not exactly. I'm here to tell you that you have been chosen to interview Reno of the Turks.

Lila: Reno… Do I get a limo?

Tifa G: checks budget Maybe…

Lila break dance's across the street and knocks an old lady over.

~*~*~*~*~*~

The scene is a trendy nightclub called "Dancing Angel". A long line is wrapped around a couple blocks. A big scary looking guy is at the door, throwing people into outer space. A limo pulls up and Tifa G and Lila step out, dressed in the latest fashion. Tifa G has a slight problem and tumbles over, giving everybody a wide view. Jumping to her feet, she gives a special smile.

Tifa G: Is this club owned by Shinra?

Big Scary Looking Guy: grunts

Tifa G: I'll take that as a yes. I'm with fanatic, here to interview Reno.

Big Scary Looking Guy consults a long, long, LONG list. He looks up, looks back to the list, looks at a WANTED poster, then back to the list.

Big Scary Looking Guy: You're not on the list.

Tifa G: What! I'm Tifa Gainsborough! I'm on every Shinra list known to man!

Big Scary Looking Guy: I don't care.

Lila: RENO!!!! punt kicks Big Scary Looking Guy into outer space.

They both watch Big Scary Looking Guy soar across the sky and enter the club. Inside the club, people are everywhere. Casey Crystal is dancing around Rufus on the dance floor. Kat_Aclysm is trying to keep Sephiroth from murdering somebody that spilled his drink over his jacket. Wingeninqita and Zack are harassing a Mog that got into the club. Kinneas is trying to get a spotlight to shine on Vincent but he keeps moving.

Tifa G: Let's go!

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First Impression

Lila: chanting Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, Reno, RENO!

Reno: sitting at a bar This alcohol is really good here. looks at camera Oh right, I can't wait to meet my fan. I just hope she doesn't try to tie me up like Rufus' fan did. I wonder if she will buy me a drink?

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Tifa G: Got your questions?

Lila: YES! RENO!!!!

Tifa G waves her off as Rufus spots her, heading in her direction with his shotgun. Lila races over to Reno and Tifa G races for the door.

Lila: walks over and shoves a woman off a stool and sits next to Reno Hi Reno!

Reno: salutes with his drink Hi.

Lila: I'm Lila and I'm your BIGGEST fan!

Reno: I'm Reno and I'm REALLY drunk!

Lila: Is your hair dyed or natural?

Reno: grabs his hair It's natural, fire red. No matter what the debates say!

Lila: giggles I love your hair. Okay, is there something going on between you and Yuffie? Or is that all a rumor?

Reno: I don't kiss and tell. But there was this one time when Yuffie came over late at night and whoa… did that get hot.

Lila: Um… Damn! What did you mean by "We're still victorious" when you ran away?

Reno: I dunno. Sounded like a cool thing. Come to think of it, I might have been drunk. I usually am drunk. So often in fact, I have forgotten when I'm not drunk.

Lila: What do you like best in a girl?

Reno: Oh tons of things. Nice eyes, pretty smile, good personality, good figure, strong personality… ten minutes later Should have her own place. Good speaker and knows where to buy me the best alcohol.

Lila: Looks up from her notebook from where she was taking notes and smiles Interesting. Boxers or briefs?

Reno: What?

Lila: C'mon, boxers or briefs?

Reno: Grabs his pants and looks down Would you look at that. I put on briefs this morning.

Lila: Very cool. What's your favorite word?

Reno: holds his tenth glass of alcohol up Alcohol… gives dumb grin.

Lila: Why am I not surprised. If you could do anything in the world to Elena, what would you do?

Reno: staring intently at Lila's face You're hot!

Lila: Thanks! But what about the answer?

Reno: I'd give her a… whispers in Lila's ear.

Lila: Whoa! Is Rufus fun to work for?

Reno: Rufus has a rod up his ass, bastard always pushing me… a bottle of beer in front of Reno explodes Damn, exploding beer bottles, I gotta get me some of these.

Lila: Do you like me?

Reno: starts on his twelfth glass You're hot!

Lila: When can we get married?

Reno: I'm already married.

Lila: WHAT!!!

Reno: Oops… I wasn't supposed to say anything.

Lila: Your… stutters M-M-Married?

Yuffie appears at Reno's side looking very scary.

Lila: Yuffie!

Reno: How did you know! I swear I haven't told anybody… gulps loudly She's standing right behind me isn't she.

Lila nods and Yuffie tries to force-feed her fist down Reno's throat.

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Second Impression

Lila: He's married… MARRIED! MARRIED! To Yuffie, I can't believe my man, MY MAN, is married to that ninja! I have a cunning plan to break them up! Or at least to make him pay.

Reno: Listen babe, I'm sorry! She's just a really nice fan, and I think I was drunk and it got all carried away!

Yuffie: Don't you dare babe me buddy! I just found these pictures! You've been telling everybody.

Yuffie shoves pictures under Reno's nose. Reno looks them over.

Reno: Damn, I forget how flexible I can be!

Yuffie: AHHHHH!! kicks Reno out of the room and he sails through the air and lands at Lila's feet.

Lila: RENO!!!! handcuffs Reno to herself and drags him out onto the dance floor.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Tifa G: Listen Rufus let's be reasonable.

Rufus give a manic laugh and fires his shotgun, hitting the wall next to Tifa G's head.

Tifa G: Okay, maybe not! Runs First Sephiroth now Rufus…. I hate this show!

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Authors Note: Here's another one! This time the loveable Reno. Still asking for more people for interviews. Everybody but Sephiroth, Reno, Zack, and Rufus are open. Everything belongs to their respected owner, Lila belongs to Lila.