Fanatic: Don Corneo

By: Tifa Gainsborough

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A camera swoops through the sky and zooms in on a girl standing on a corner street. She's dressed in a black micro mini and a sparkling backless top. Turning to the camera it's Tifa Gainsborough, makeup bordering on street hooker.

Tifa Gainsborough: Welcome to fanatic I'm your host Tifa Gainsborough.

Dude: You're hot!

Tifa G: Kiss my ass!

Dude: Kinky!

Tifa G: Jerk. As I was saying, welcome to fanatic. Today one lucky girl will get to interview their favorite Final Fantasy VII character. On today's show Lara will be interviewing…

Director: Now what!

Tifa G: shudders Don Corneo. Let's go get the lucky girl.

Tifa G walks off nearly falling over from her four-inch stilettos.

Tifa G: How did I ever let them talk me into this outfit?

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Tifa G is standing in front a building that looks very similar to the building that Lila was at. Having dug up her courage and a long black trench coat Tifa G knocks on the door.

Lara: Welcome to my humble domain, now go away!

Tifa G: Lara I'm here with fanatic.

Lara: I made it on the show!

Tifa G: That's right, you are interviewing Don Corneo.

Lara: gasp The Don! I need to get my sexy outfit. Slams the door in Tifa G's face.

Tifa G: This show is going to kill me.

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In Wall Market a brand new strip club is bustling with activity. Tifa G and Lara stand outside. Lara is dancing from one foot to the next; Tifa G is trying to fight off three guys that are getting too close to them.

Lara: It's so awesome!

Tifa G: Lets go inside.

They head inside, only to find it much worse. Hormone crazed men are everywhere and a very familiar looking woman is dancing on the stage.

Lara: Is that Scarlet?

Tifa G: Well I'll be damned… No maybe not, I always knew this was her night job.

Hormone crazed man: Hey you sexy ladies, sugar daddy is waiting.

Lara: Don, where?

Tifa G: I think I'm going to be sick.

Bouncer dude: The Don will see you in a few.

Tifa G: Thank heavens.

Bouncer dude: Not you, just her. A guy at the bar wants to talk to you.

Tifa G: turns to the bar Oh no.

Rufus: gently stroking his shotgun *whaps audience, not that shotgun you sickos!* Long time no see.

Lara: points and laughs Rufus hangs out in a strip club! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Rufus: Grrrrr….

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First Impressions

Lara: The Don is just so sexy! I can't wait to finally get to meet him. I have got all these great questions. He's such a great man, I just can't wait to meet him!

Don: I've got sexy fans. Sexy female fans. Oh, I'm gonna get some sexy lovin tonight. does his hip thrust thing

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Tifa G: You have all your questions?

Lara: Oh yeah.

Tifa G: Good luck, I'm going to be in the bathroom for the remainder of the show.

Lara walks to the door of Don's bedroom and pushes it open. Don is waiting for her, sprawled on the sheets. Lara fans herself and takes a seat.

Lara: Hello Don!

Don: Oh a straight forward woman. I like that!

Lara: Do you choose to be naturally horny?

Don: does his hip thrust thing It's a gift.

Lara: Oh behave Don. Besides… well, YOU know… what else do you do for fun?

Don: I collect woman's lingerie.

Lara: Very interesting. What was the point of falling off that cliff?

Don: It was an accident. Those damn twerps showed up and tried to steal my women.

Lara: Poor Don. Are you really as old as people say you are?

Don: No.

Lara: Really?

Don: Really.

Lara: Really?

Don: Really. You want me to show you what this young man can do. Does hip thrusts again.

Lara: Later. What would you do if Tifa really smashed them off?

Don: I have fingers.

Lara: Uh… that's nice. Which chicky do you like best?

Don: I like you the best.

Lara: I'm flattered. Ok, I have to know. Boxers or briefs?

Don: Sparkling bikinis.

Lara: fans herself again Oh Don the mental images…

Don: I have that way with woman.

Lara: You certainly do. How did you become the "Don" of Wall Market?

Don: Money and my sexy looks.

Lara: Did you ever find a bride?

Don: After this interview I may have found her.

Lara: You really shouldn't flatter me like this. Why do you think I choose to interview you?

You're dead sexy woohoo!! I wanted to see the man behind the pervert. I wanted to ask you a sexual favor.

Don: All of they above! Call me sexy.

Lara: Count on it hot cheeks.

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Second Impressions

Lara: Oh the Don is just so sexy. He just has this way with women. I will defiantly have to call him after the show.

Scarlet: Trying to move in on my man!

Lara: Your man!

A catfight ensues.

Don: does his hip thrust Sexy me and my sexy fans. Spots catfight. Fight over me ladies, I'm simply flattered.

Tifa G: wanders back in How did everything go?

Don: whistles Sexy outfit sweet cheeks. Slaps Tifa G's ass.

Tifa G: … Don't mess with me Don.

Don: You gonna get rough of me. hip thrust Bring it on.

Tifa G: I think I'm going to be sick. This has been another episode of fanatic. Turns to the catfight Ten gil on Lara.

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Authors Note: Oh icky…. Lara, you are insane. I would like to thank Jenny for the Don's line "I have fingers". Yes folks, my sick little mind did not come up with that on its own.

Current taken characters: Sephiroth, Vincent, Rude, Reno, Zack, Tifa, Rufus, and maybe Tseng and Cloud. That person that wanted to interview Hojo, drop me an e-mail. Please, somebody choose to interview one of the girls.