Title: Deck the Malls
Author: Evidence
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: A parody including CSI and WaT. Maple Streeters can look for a reference to themselves- I tried to put as many people as I could. Thanks to D.
There was snow in the air but enough to cause deadly car crashes. All the sun's rays had gone away. Carolers went door-to-door singing Christmas songs. Kids were running up fawn on the midnight blue. There was a sense of joy and love all around on - well all around expect at the made-up Maplebridge House. Maplebridge was home to an assortment of characters who even though they worked in locations 3,000 miles away, still lived in New York City. Many of the Maplebridge residents had gathered all together to celebrate the upcoming holidays.
"That's a great tree you cut down," Samantha whispered into Jack's ear.
"Oh thanks but I had help, Nick and Warrick used some power tools that were part of a triple homicide investigation." Jack smiled back at her.
"Hey, you two want some eggnog?" Catherine bellowed from the bar area. Already her words were slurring.
"Um, thanks but we're fine," Jack said lifting his eyebrows at Sam.
"Are you sure? It's spiked," she said with a laugh.
Just then Grissom walked in. Catherine shoved a glass of eggnog under his noise. "Want some?"
"What is it?"
"What are you going blind now," she laughed, "It's eggnog. Spiked eggnog."
"No, I don't want to get drunk, a case may come up. This is the time of slaying and making everyone sprout red," Grissom's eyes shone at the unnatural deaths the CSI crew experienced at the holiday season.
He moved on, Sara just entering the room.
"Hey, you want eggnog?" Catherine asked. "At least give one to Grissom, he needs to remove that stick from his ass."
"He won't drink alcohol," Sara said with a sigh.
"Tell him it's not spiked," Catherine grinned.
"I can't lie!"
"Think back to when he refused dinner..."
"Okay, give me the drink." Sara grabbed the eggnog and went off after Grissom.
"Eggnog?" Catherine asked Danny and Vivian who just had come from their apartments.
"I don't know; have we decided if I'm a recovering alcoholic or not?" Danny asked Vivian.
"That has yet to be determined," Vivian responded.
"I better wait until I can ask Uncle Hank." Danny sighed and moved on.
"Have you seen Uncle Hank?" Jack asked, "I need that tricycle to be thrown into the garbage- fast!"
"I think he's handling that Jack," Vivian said.
"Last I knew Uncle Hank was upstairs with that girl with the initials, RC, CR, MC, something like that," Danny said trying to recall the right initials.
"Great, he'll never make it here." Jack shook his head.
"Oh there's Sara, I have to give her, her Christmas present," Sam said, leaving the group but squeezing Jack's arm first, as she departed.
"Sara."
Sara turned around. She was standing over Grissom trying to convince him to have a taste. He kept repeating "No" in that annoying tone of his.
"Everything okay?" Sam asked.
Sara moved closer to her so Grissom couldn't hear- damn why wasn't his hearing still bothering him! "The eggnog is spiked; I want him to drink it but he refuses."
Sam laughed. "No problem, I'll handle this." She grabbed Grissom's mouth and opened it wide as he struggled to get away from her.
"What is she doing?" Danny asked from across the room.
"That's my girl," Jack said with a huge smile.
Samantha quickly poured the drink down his mouth.
Grissom smiled at her, "That was...great. Can you do that again, maybe next time with a chain or something."
"No you sicko," Sam said quickly moving away.
Sara started to cry, "He likes everyone but me."
"That's not true. You just have to tie him to a chair and he'll love you."
"I can't do that!" Sara said.
"Well then you got a problem but I have something that may help," she grabbed the present labeled Sara from under the tree. "Open it."
"Oh my!' Sara said when she saw the mistletoe hat.
"See the mistletoe hangs in front of your face so that he has to kiss you."
"Thanks Samantha! I'm going to try it now," and with that she went to Grissom's side. Of course he was more interested in telling her the story of the discovery of the mistletoe leaf.
Sam began walking back to where Jack stood when a snowball came out of nowhere striking her arm. "Who the..."
"Sorry, I needed to get your attention," said the man outside the open window.
"Why is the window open?" Sam asked.
"Oh I opened it," Martin replied appearing on the scene, always the last kid picked. "I was trying to throw up the eggnog but I seem not even able to do that right."
"Oh..." Sam responded and watched Martin walk away. She turned back to the dazzling handsome man outside. "Can I help you?"
"Hopefully, my name is Doug wait now it's David, I'm hoping that foreshadows my permanency on the show. Anyways I was exchanging barbs with a judge when suddenly this feeling came over me. Like someone staring at me so intensely that I felt overwhelmed so now I'm searching for my Zen."
"Oh," Sam said, "Well I hope you find it."
"Not an it but thank you. Have you seen her?"
"No, if you have her picture I can tact it to the window and use dry erase markers to plot a timeline of the events surrounding her disappearance."
Doug/David/or just hot guy scrunched his eyebrows. "Okay...thanks. I think I'll just go searching for her myself."
Just then Jack came, noticed the discussion and slammed the window on smoldering Doug/David.
"Jack, he was still talking to me!"
"Hey, I can't be jealous of Martin because it's like comparing a peasant to a Greek God, so I have to act wildly jealous once in a while."
Samantha smirked, "You're a Greek God?"
"Yes, with only one weakness."
"Me," she smiled.
"Ah, no I went a weakness for jelly donuts but...you're great too," he grinned.
"Very funny," she said.
"Anyone want eggnog?" Catherine yelled again, sloshing the drink around.
A loud bang interrupted anyone answering.
"What was that?" Vivian asked.
Grissom, slightly intoxication so now he at least was smiling at Sara, jumped up knocking Sara to the ground and stepping on her. "Yes! An explosion! We have work to do!"
"Ouch Grissom!" Sara yelled.
"It's not an explosion," Jack said rolling his eyes.
Warrick appeared and said, "Who's upstairs anyways?" and then quickly disappeared for he wasn't scheduled for another appearance for two more weeks.
Martin stuffing his mouth with eggnog and fake snow that he thought was marshmallows, spoke, "Hk upestirs."
"What?" Nick asked not sure he had heard that accent before.
Martin swallowed. "Hank is upstairs."
"Uncle Hank!" Danny's eyes grew wide. "We have to save him! If something happens to him I'll have to pretend my girlfriend is pregnant with another man's child."
"Are you sure you have a girlfriend?" Vivian looked at him.
"For now I do, but there is some noticeable subtext indicating otherwise," he paused, "I must go save him!"
"Danny, he doesn't need to be saved," Jack responded.
"Are you sure?"
Jack winked at Sam. "Yes, I'm sure. Let Uncle Hank be."
Danny turned his attention to Martin. "You look ill man."
"This marshmallow is good but hard to swallow," he said.
Sara threw off her mistletoe hat and stomped to where Nick was reading. "What are you reading?"
"A story called Fear, it's very scary and some guy named Nick may die."
"Sounds cool. Any forensic text books on that book shelf?"
"Nope," Nick responded "but there is an adorable stuffed sheep."
Sara sighed loudly. "I don't know what to do. I feel slightly off this year."
"Well if I get something that you should get, we'll both have an odd year. Better than last year though."
"Oh yes, that was the year of hell."
"Hell!" Grissom yelled from his chair. "The room is spinning."
Sara jumped with joy. "I got to go- this is my chance!"
"Good luck," Nick responded turning back to the book.
A heavenly glow surrounded the residents of Maplebridge. A chorus appeared in the corner singing.
"Oh shut up!" Catherine yelled.
Martin moved on to eating ribbon typed to a gift for E. Olivet.
Danny worried about Hank.
Grissom fell to sleep just as he was about to kiss Sara, to which Sara said, "Silent sucky night!"
And Jack and Sam put their arms around each other after opening Hank's gift to them- a M-less ship world.
"Merry Christmas, Samantha."
"Merry Christmas Jack."
The end. Merry Christmas Maple Street